Chapter 19 (Part 1)

Strawberries&Cigarettes
Please Subscribe to read the full chapter

Blue eyes, black jeans 

Lighters and candy, I've been a fool

Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

 

Joseph was getting tired of watching his daughter suffer.

It felt like watching a once-blooming flower slowly wither.

It felt like he time-traveled to the past, the difference was Seulgi was him, depressed and always feeling a searing pain deep inside.

For some reason even though she needs 30 minutes ride to get there, she insisted on continuing her part-time job. And he couldn't object because that was the only way he could make her go out and at least get some fresh air.

She always wore the same clothes. The only difference was her hood which changed color every day. Other than that, she wore black jeans she had to wear for her part-time work.

Joseph suggested her to get a hobby and that day she came back home with lots of paint, brushes, and an easel.

He was thrilled by his daughter's progress but soon regretted it when she sat around all day in front of the wood easel, staring into space with a blank expression.

Her aberrant behavior continued for days. And he was frustrated by the fact he didn't know the reason why his daughter was so blue.

But one day, when he sneaked into her room to quietly place the plate of her favorite chocolate chip cookies on her desk, he almost jumped with delight when he saw her holding a brush.

Her palette was filled with various colors and he smiled when he noticed she was painting the view outside her window.

Quiet as a mouse, he placed the plate of cookies and admired his daughter immersed in painting for a long time, making sure it wasn't his hallucination. Then he closed the door.

 

Meanwhile, Seulgi was absorbed in her painting but by the looks of her glowering expression, she wasn't very happy with it.

Ever since the last time she called Joohyu, she got more anxious. She became more obsessed with tackling her problems so she could come back and finally end this torture that is killing both of them.

But she didn't know how. She craved an answer so she did everything she could.

She read every kind of book about self-esteem and self-development. 

She once even took a train ride to listen to the most famous, inspiring lecture about self-love.

When she was at her limit, she finally watched the most romantic, sappiest movies she could find for the answer to her two biggest fears.

One, she was afraid she might ruin the best thing that had ever happened to her.

Two, she was always afraid of loving more.

She stared at the finished painting and scowled in distaste.

The brush were too thick, making the tree outside look like a rain forest.

The colors of the sky didn't harmonize making the painting look like a scene from a cartoon(and not even a good one) instead of a landscape painting.

As she continued to find more flaws in her painting, she raised her brush and without thinking, frantically painted everything black.

She huffed in distress and she was holding the brush so hard it broke in half with a loud snap, making her throw it away as far as she could, not being able to voice out her anger.

The lump in was almost suffocating her and no matter how hard she breathed, her head pounded at the same time.

Just like that, she could ruin everything.

She could be the cause of their end and she was sure she'll never be able to endure the suffering that came after.

She heard a click of a door opening and she didn't have to turn around to see her father's frown.

"I want to be alone."

"Okay, but I don't want to see my daughter self-destructing herself."

"I'm just having a hard time getting used to drawing. I haven't drawn anything after I graduated from elementary school."

"I haven't seen you for months but that doesn't mean I don't know the fact you'll never be this frustrated unless something terrible happened to you."

She didn't answer. Not that he needed it.

He pulled another chair and sat beside her, keeping eye contact with his daughter.

"Judging by all the books that have the same topic sprawled on the floor, I can guess what happened."

Seulgi shrugged. "I'm a very obvious person."

"You're my daughter, after all." Her father chuckled heartedly. "But still, I want to listen."

"About what?"

"Anything. The first thing that comes to your mind."

Of course, the first thing that came to her mind was Joohyun.

But she hesitated, not sure if her father was going to approve about her relationship with the girl.

So she decided to take the safe route first.

"It always feels like there are more people who hate me than the ones who love me."

It felt strange talking about this with her father. It was supposed to be normal but being apart for several months, he felt more like someone she had just met than her father.

"And that makes me feel like I'm wrong."

She looked at her father, wondering what kind of answer he was going to give her.

The man rubbed his jaw thoughtfully.

"Hating someone is easy, Seulgi. They just need to find one flaw they could find wrong. But loving someone is different."

"How?"

"When you love someone, you become to accept them, even all the flaws."

Hearing his words, she couldn't help but wonder if that's what Joohyun meant when she said 'I love you.'.

"And that's why when you love someone you should never ignore it."

She felt a prick at her conscience but managed to act calm.

Her father's eyes glinted proudly, satisfied with his answer.

"I guess everyone has the same issues."

"How did you solve it?"

"I'm still working on it."

Seulgi laughed under her breath.

"Of course."

"But I'm sure your method is not the best."

"I know I'm lazy but-"

"What I mean is you shouldn't have shut all your friends out like that."

She was so conscience-stricken this time she couldn't keep a straight face.

"How did you know?"

"Joongi called me."

"That moron." Seulgi cursed under her breath.

"And he complained about your friends coming over to your house after he just got back from his trip."

"How was his trip?"

"Don't try to change the subject, Seulgi."

The helpless bear sighed. This was her father. There was no way out.

"This is my problem and I need to solve them myself."

Her father crossed his arms disapprovingly.

"And how's it going so far?"

The girl heaved a sigh and that was all he needed for an answer.

"I understand how you feel, kiddo. I know you don't want to hurt anyone."

"Then why are you saying I'm wrong?"

"Because you can't solve them on your own." He gestured toward the mess of books on the floor.

"Even logic is useless because it can only fill your head. Not your heart."

"Then what is your method?"

"Nothing in particular. But I got a lot better when I met my friends. You know why?"

"Because they started to compliment you more after you told them about your divorce?"

"You're trying to offend me, aren't you?"

Seulgi smiled innocently making him have no choice but to chuckle in amusement.

"No. We just talked about the most random things, like work and golf. Stocks and business. But I felt good about myself whenever I met them. Because I liked who I am when I was with them. And I sometimes realize how good people they are."

Seulgi silently thanked his friends who had been there for her father when she wasn't able to.

"And I felt I was part of them. So I thought, hey, if I was the worst human being I thought I was, then I wouldn't have been able to be one of them."

Seulgi nodded. That made sense.

"Have you ever felt

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter
Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
MeloMera
I don't have a twitter account anymore but thankfully I saw a pleasant surprise today when I went back to my account for the last time :)
Thank you @dinniebur for liking this fic so much! I'm very happy&grateful that you enjoyed it :) your reactions about each chapter made my day haha

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
hollyhunterey
#1
One of the best.. Thank you very much 💕
Kylie_123 #2
Rereading !!! Kasi gusto ko kiligin ulit 💗💗💗
Jensoo4everlove #3
Chapter 59: I LOVED THIS SO SO MUCH 😭❤ And thankyou so so much Author for taking out time to write such a masterpiece!!! I really appreciate it!! But why can't I see the sequel? 🥺
sjaelister
#4
I just want to ask if this is the original version because I read this but it's the Ryeji version on wattpad huhuhu.
AnneTokki 35 streak #5
Chapter 59: 💓💓💓💛💛💛🫶
Revemid12
#6
Reading this masterpiece for the third time, is my comfort fic, let’s goo!
Oct_13_wen_03 26 streak #7
Chapter 49: reread❤❤
serenedipitea
#8
Chapter 20: this chapter made me cry. the angst!!!
Seul_rene14 #9
Chapter 59: Am I the only one who won't get to read the sequel?🥺😭
gcpt21 #10
Chapter 49: This fic is so beautiful thank you so much author ily