Chapter 13 (Part2)

Strawberries&Cigarettes
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Like that night in the back of the cab

When your fingers walked in my hand

 

She really needed to work out.

When was the last time she ever ran? Not since elementary school perhaps, when she played tag or hide and seek with Seungwan and Sooyoung.

She couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic by the thoughts of her younger days.

Truthfully, she missed her childhood a lot.

Because she was young, she was naive, and courageously reckless.

She believed she could be someone incredible. Saving the poor, protecting the innocent, working for justice. She was sure she could do it.

She always wrote 'The Most Influential Female President Of All Time' whenever she had to write what she wanted to be in the future. She had to squish all the words into the blank rectangle, leaving no space even for a dot.

It was a challenge all right, but not to the oblivious, confident girl.

But the rectangle slowly became almost blank as time went by.

When Seugwan told her she also wanted to be a female president, they decided to take turns.

Then she changed her dream to become a prime minister because she thought Seungwan would make a better president.

That also faded when she had flunked her midterms in 5th grade.

How could someone like her be a prime minister for the country when she couldn't even get the answers right?

After that, as she slowly distanced herself from her only friends, who once had meant the whole world to her in her childhood, she felt loneliness for the first time in every sense.

Loneliness looked dark, and hollow.

Loneliness was painfully silent yet agonizingly loud because of her thoughts.

Loneliness tasted bitter and dry.

Loneliness smelled like lavender, the diffuser she placed right beside her bed when she locked herself in her room.

Loneliness felt like a paper cut, sharply prodding her chest which is just as sensitive as her fingertips.

With her head ringing 'You're not good enough! You'll never be good enough!'.

She lost everything. She didn't want to be anything anymore.

She just wanted to be happy. And even that was a challenge to her ever since.

She often wondered if that positive, reckless girl still existed deep inside but she never attempted to get her out.

She always assured herself she will do it someday when she's good enough.

Whenever she aced her test, whenever she felt a little good about herself, she knocked on the girl's door and asked, 'Is this good enough?'.

But she never heard an answer, leaving herself still trapped.

Joohyun woke up from her thoughts when her lungs protested she was going to faint if she kept running.

But she couldn't stop since the girl grasping her hand was giving her no choice.

However it didn't annoy her at all. She even laughed out loud, enjoying the speed as her hair flew behind her ears with fresh evening air going through her lungs.

She doubted she would ever feel that if not for today.

She almost felt like she was 10 year old Bae Joohyun again.

Even when Seulgi had to slow down to breathe, she lightly hit her shoulder and shouted "You're it!" and ran.

She giggled when she heard a loud complaining coming from the bear behind her.

But she knew Seulgi was going to come catch her, she will never have the heart to let her run away on her own.

And that strangely comforted her.

Forgetting the game, she stopped and looked ahead. All their surroundings seemed unfamiliar and the sun was slowly setting, making the sky turn brilliant orange, blue, and purple.

She should have been scared. They were completely lost, the sun was setting and Joohyun could sense she was already late for dinner.

But she felt surprisingly calm. She could have ran all the way to the other side if she wanted to.

It was an awkward feeling because all her life she was afraid of failing and getting lost.

She didn't want to blame and torture herself for being wrong.

She couldn't stop being wrong because she had many flaws.

So the best way for her to not be wrong, was to follow her parents' will.

She always followed the schedule her mother made for her.

She always listened to her father's endless speech about life and always silenced her thoughts whenever her doubts screamed it was wrong.

She wanted to be a good person because she couldn't be a perfect person.

She didn't want to offend her parents because they spent half of their lives to raise her.

But she always felt like she was trapped in a glass container. She could breathe, she could see everything, and yet she couldn't get out.

And that made her doubt if this was right.

She realized recently she get to choose what was wrong or right.

Then maybe this was wrong.

Maybe she needed to get out of her glass container.

Then she felt a light tap on her shoulder and when she turned around, the bear smiled back at her.

And Joohyun had to blink a few times because her smile was so radiant, warming her instantly.

Like she had a hard day drenched in the rain and she finally saw the sun the next day, drying her up.

"It's a tie."

 

As for Seulgi, she swore her breath was taken away not because of the running but how striking Joohyun looked right now.

Seulgi was sure she was redder than the dingo's sports car and her hair was a total mess, but when Joohyun truned around as she ran, she looked more beautiful than ever.

Her smile was vibrant enough to light up everything in sight.

And her heart almost ached from realizing again someone else was going to see that smile for eternity.

She had to stop running at the thought of that, her lungs finally not having the will to take it anymore.

She let out a ragged huff as she inhaled and exhaled desperately for air.

Maybe just like that, she should stop running.

She knew she failed multiple times.

She failed when Joohyun came to her house, crying.

She failed when Joohyun said they were fate.

She failed when Joohyun waited until her part time was over and gave her a hug even when she showed her the ugliest part of herself.

Could she ever succeed?

Seulgi breathed heavily, her ears ringing from exhaustion and her head aching from having the same thought over and over again.

She was getting tired of her thoughts eating her up, and yet she couldn't quit because Joohyun was right in front of her, making her hope that maybe, just maybe she could reach her.

She was so desperate she almost wished she was a boy instead. Then things would have been much more simple and easy.

Maybe they could have fallen in love at first sight. Or was she being too cocky?

Still, she was sure she would have done better if she was a man.

She could have tried to make a move on her, hold her hand, and even..

Seulgi felt heart rise up as she imagined her lips meeting hers.

God Joohyun would definitely freak out if she knew what she was thinking.

Her only excuse was she didn't want to feel that way either.

She could lose her best friend. So it was right to keep her feelings to herself and move on.

But taking action was never easy as her logic.

Should she just confess and end all this? It would be a lie if she said she wasn't a little bit tempted.

Sadly, she treasured her relationship too much to even try.

Even if she was tempted and thought about it all over again, her conclusion will never change.

She sighed and laughed at herself, thinking how stupid she was for gladly taking in all those tortures.

Then she felt someone's hand non-painfully hit her back that always made her warm and tense.

"You're it!"

As Joohyun laughed like a child as she ran, Seulgi couldn't stop running.

She failed again. Her thoughts dissipating as if they never occured to her in the first place.

She never knew failure could be this sweet.

 

"Well that was fun."

It was already dark. They ran aimlessly, not even aware where they were going because they were drunk on their freedom.

They were lost. They should be scared but Joohyun managed to keep her head. Feeling comfortable even.

"We can take a cab." Seulgi said reassuringly. She fished out her phone from her pocket and squinted her eyes, trying to see what time it was.

"It's only almost nine o' clock so-"

"Nine? Oh my god." Joohyun frantically searched for her phone and just as she expected, there were 5 missed calls from her mother.

"I'm screwed."

"You could just say you fell asleep in the library."

Joohyun rolled her eyes and snorted.

"I'm not you, Seulgi."

The annoyed bear pouted. "It's better than the truth."

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MeloMera
I don't have a twitter account anymore but thankfully I saw a pleasant surprise today when I went back to my account for the last time :)
Thank you @dinniebur for liking this fic so much! I'm very happy&grateful that you enjoyed it :) your reactions about each chapter made my day haha

Comments

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hollyhunterey
#1
One of the best.. Thank you very much 💕
Kylie_123 #2
Rereading !!! Kasi gusto ko kiligin ulit 💗💗💗
Jensoo4everlove #3
Chapter 59: I LOVED THIS SO SO MUCH 😭❤ And thankyou so so much Author for taking out time to write such a masterpiece!!! I really appreciate it!! But why can't I see the sequel? 🥺
sjaelister
#4
I just want to ask if this is the original version because I read this but it's the Ryeji version on wattpad huhuhu.
AnneTokki 35 streak #5
Chapter 59: 💓💓💓💛💛💛🫶
Revemid12
#6
Reading this masterpiece for the third time, is my comfort fic, let’s goo!
Oct_13_wen_03 26 streak #7
Chapter 49: reread❤❤
serenedipitea
#8
Chapter 20: this chapter made me cry. the angst!!!
Seul_rene14 #9
Chapter 59: Am I the only one who won't get to read the sequel?🥺😭
gcpt21 #10
Chapter 49: This fic is so beautiful thank you so much author ily