Chapter 38 (Part 1)

Strawberries&Cigarettes
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Still, strawberries and cigarettes always taste like

 

Joohyun made an excuse she still needed to unpack her stuff which was kind of true. Wendy offered her help but Joohyun refused.

She didn't want to see anyone now. Not when she was in this state.

Wendy and Joy, and even Yerim had called her a few days after their 'break', and Joohyun didn't have a heart to tell everything that happened.

Because it seemed so unreal even now.

It's just a break, she thought over and over again but she felt like she was walking on a circus tightrope, barely holding her balance and ready to fall any minute.

She decided after spending three days in her bed crying her eyes out, she realized nothing was going to change if she stayed in her bed.

So she finally got up, took a shower, and decided to work on unpacking her stuff to take her mind off everything. To stop thinking anything.

She sighed as she opened one of the several boxes and took out her books of organic chemistry, physiology, biochemistry, and so on. Joohyun scowled as she pushed the last book on the bookshelf. Even looking at them drained her but still, she managed to endure all that everytime she recalled Jiyoon's face.

That made her think about her future.

She wanted to be a doctor. She wanted more than anything to find the absolute cure of leukemia. Even if that meant she had to wait for four years to become an official doctor.

Joohyun knew it sounds childish when you say it out loud, but she wanted to be one of the contributors who made a difference in this world.

Not for honor or respect from others, but for someone like Jiyoon. Who deserved everything precious in this world.

But that didn't mean she didn't want to be acknowledged by others.

In high school, she thought acknowledging by many people didn't matter, that being loved by Seulgi was enough.

After she went to college, she realized how important it was to be in part of society.

She needed to maintain her relationship with others no matter how hollow and empty it was because everything could be a chance.

She had spent two years enduring the upperclassmen and actually gained a lot from that.

And if she ever got exposed, Joohyun had to admit she could lose those chances. Which meant her pace toward her dream will get slower.

Seulgi had a point.

Joohyun shook her head furiously. But that didn't mean she was right. At least not in her category.

After unpacking the rest of the boxes, Joohyun was almost ready to pass out from all the work.

She opened the last box with her eyes barely open, but when she saw what was in it her eyes were wide open.

Sketchbooks weren't her kind of thing. She had no idea how it got here.

But Joohyun knew who had a thing for sketchbooks.

 

"You sure you're not going to aim for art school?"

Seulgi glanced up from her sketchbook meeting her girlfriend's playful eyes.

After their weekend afternoon date, Joohyun had to spend the evening doing her assignments so having nothing else to do, Seulgi always sat on her bed with her sketchbook as she silently drew behind the older's desk.

This happened quite often but Seulgi was content enough spending the whole day with Joohyun. Since staying in the same room was enough miracle considering their long-distance relationship.

"I think it's too late for me to prepare for art school." Seulgi shrugged. "And art academy costs a lot of money so.. I'm content with having it as my hobby."

Joohyun scrunched her eyebrows. "That's a shame."

"College isn't everything." Seulgi tried to reassure her. "I could draw any time and anything I want so you don't have to feel sorry for me."

"Still, it's not just a shame for you," Joohyun said as she took off her glasses. "It's a shame this country is going to lose a talented, potential artist."

Seulgi smirked. "You're trying to swoon me, aren't you?"

"What's so bad about that?" Joohyun sarcastically replied as she climbed on her bed, sighing in content as she sat beside the younger.

It was still a mystery to her how peaceful and safe she felt when she rested her head on Seulgi's shoulder with Seulgi's arm protectively wrapped around her waist.

"Are you done with your assignment?" Seulgi asked as she gently peck her forehead and Joohyun scowled. "Not even close." She muttered. "If professors want us to take the test they should at least give us time to study them."

Seulgi flinched when the older suddenly snapped her fingers. "I should definitely install a bomb in this school after I graduate."

Seulgi laughed, amused by how childish her girlfriend could be despite how logical and sober she was most of the time. "Well, I'm not going to defend you so good luck with that."

Seulgi's amused smile didn't fade even when Joohyun was glaring at her with a pout. "Such a supportive girlfriend you are."

"I'm sorry but I have to see Beyonce before I get arrested."

"Fine," Joohyun grunted. "Then show me your sketchbook."

"What?" Seulgi jolted back, quickly hiding the sketchbook behind her when the older girl reached out for it.

"Why are you hiding it?" Joohyun complained. "I've seen your drawing before. And I like it!"

The two girls wrestled for the sketchbook and ended in Seulgi's victory due to the older's petite figure. Seulgi held up the sketchbook so it was impossible for the shorter girl to reach.

"You're mean," Joohyun said with a scowl. "You're a meanie, ninny bear."

"Why do you want to see it so much?"

"Because!" Joohyun protested. "Because you look at your sketchbook more than me."

Seulgi shrugged, still holding up the sketchbook even though her arm was starting to ache. "Well, it goes the same for you with your books."

"That's not true! I always turn to look at you every five minutes!"

Seulgi had to restrain herself from the urge of dropping her sketchbook and kissing the older. "That's flattering. But I would be thrilled if my girlfriend had some respect for privacy."

"Why does a sketchbook need to be so private?" Joohyun exclaimed and Seulgi diverted her gaze. "Because." She simply said. "I'm a very shy person."

Joohyun, still annoyed, put her hands on her hips. "Then what are you going to do to make up for it?"

Seulgi put the sketchbook on the bed and caressed the older's face with both hands. "I will do this," The younger pecked her forehead. "And this," She pecked her eyes and Joohyun shivered how warm and soft her lips were. "And also this," Seulgi pecked her nose and stared deep into her eyes. "Is that enough?"

"Finish when you started," Joohyun said sternly. "That's my motto."

So Seulgi had no choice but to give Joohyun a proper kiss on the lips.

 

Joohyun knew she was going to regret it yet she opened it, but the side of her that missed Seulgi betrayed her.

Her fingers trembled as she opened the sketchbook and turned the pages.

This wasn't just a sketchbook.

It was also a diary. Seulgi's diary.

With every paper filled with drawings.

Drawings of her.

And since Seulgi drew whenever she was busy doing her assignments, every drawing was her looking down at her book on her desk.

But somehow every drawing was different. As if she always looked different in the younger's eyes.

And Joohyun didn't want to guess the reason why.

She didn't actually have to.

 

As she turned the pages, her eyes darted left and right as she read the scribbled words beneath the drawings.

 

I will forever regret drawing her because I can never describe her features with my poor fingers :)

 

 

 

She seemed stressed these days. Even the sound of paper cracking seems to bother her. Guess I have to stay focused to not draw any mistakes.

 

 

 

I think I'm drawing her studying a lot these days.

Well, at least I can see her. And she loves me.

That's all I need.

 

 

 

I can't call out her name so I'm going to write her name instead.

Bae Joohyun. Bae Joohyun. No, that sounds so wrong.

Joohyun Bae. Joohyun Bae.

My Joohyun Bae.

 

 

 

She tried to sneak a peek at the sketchbook last week.

I'm shy about it but I guess I should leave it here so she could take a look.

I can almost imagine her grinning in victory thinking I left there because I forgot :)

 

 

 

Now I can almost draw her with my eyes closed.

I know how her nose crinkles when she can't solve a problem.

I know how her eyes became wide and serious when she studies.

I know how her lips get tightly pursed because of the stress.

I wish I can draw her looking at me with my eyes closed.

That is still hard to draw because we rarely spend together looking at each other these days.

 

 

 

I wonder if Suho knows how to draw.

I hope he doesn't. Because I want to be the only one who loves her and can draw her :)

 

 

 

I'm scared I won't be able to draw her again in the future.

I thought I could be her last.

I thought I could be her forever.

How foolish I am.

 

 

Joohyun regretted opening the sketchbook as she held it tightly in her arms, wishing she was hugging her someone instead.

 

 

After managing to finish her dinner, (she had to because of her father's disapproving look whenever she left her food), she spent the next few hours doing nothing. She usually read her books before going to sleep.

But she wasn't in the mood for her romance novels.

She couldn't even touch her laptop since it was filled with every movie she had seen with the younger.

So she stared at the ceiling for hours and eventually decided to go to sleep.

It was frustrating you became completely helpless at everything in this state, even sleeping.

Joohyun slowly got up and tapped her phone and opened her music playlist, a force of habit whenever she had trouble sleeping, but immediately dropped her phone.

 

"How come you hated romance novels but love romantic songs?"

They were sitting on Seulgi's couch. They had the living room to themselves since Seulgi's mother was out for work and Joongi went on a date with his girlfriend.

And Joohyun learned how Seulgi hated silence.

And ironically, Seulgi always romantic pop songs very loud whenever she was alone at her house.

Seulgi shrugged. "Hate and love are hardly different."

"Answer me before I say I hate you."

"Aw, I hate you too," Seulgi replied with a playful grin and winced in pain when Joohyun pinched her arm. "Ow! Okay, okay. I just.. Like the melody. It makes me upbeat."

Joohyun rolled her eyes at her girlfriend's statement. "Please. I know that's not the only reason."

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MeloMera
I don't have a twitter account anymore but thankfully I saw a pleasant surprise today when I went back to my account for the last time :)
Thank you @dinniebur for liking this fic so much! I'm very happy&grateful that you enjoyed it :) your reactions about each chapter made my day haha

Comments

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hollyhunterey
#1
One of the best.. Thank you very much 💕
Kylie_123 #2
Rereading !!! Kasi gusto ko kiligin ulit 💗💗💗
Jensoo4everlove #3
Chapter 59: I LOVED THIS SO SO MUCH 😭❤ And thankyou so so much Author for taking out time to write such a masterpiece!!! I really appreciate it!! But why can't I see the sequel? 🥺
sjaelister
#4
I just want to ask if this is the original version because I read this but it's the Ryeji version on wattpad huhuhu.
AnneTokki 34 streak #5
Chapter 59: 💓💓💓💛💛💛🫶
Revemid12
#6
Reading this masterpiece for the third time, is my comfort fic, let’s goo!
Oct_13_wen_03 26 streak #7
Chapter 49: reread❤❤
serenedipitea
#8
Chapter 20: this chapter made me cry. the angst!!!
Seul_rene14 #9
Chapter 59: Am I the only one who won't get to read the sequel?🥺😭
gcpt21 #10
Chapter 49: This fic is so beautiful thank you so much author ily