And even if I run away

Give my heart a holiday

Still, strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

Some moments are too strong to be coincidences.

There was a moment when Joohyun would feel this was all meant to be.

And all their moments seemed too miraculous to be coincidences.

She recalled the memory when she waited for Seulgi at the school cafeteria on the first day of school.

How everyone besides them faded into a gray fog when her eyes met hers.

And being drowned with a feeling they will always find their way back to each other.

She had shrugged the unfamiliar feeling off, assuming it was just her emotional side getting carried away.

But now it all seemed so real it felt like a dream.

She still remembered how Seulgi stopped believing everything.

Her pained expression, her teary blue eyes still lingered in her dreams at night, waking her up in the middle of the night as she felt the cold breeze slapping her face as if it was also blaming her.

But with Seulgi's presence right behind her, when she thought she would never hear that voice again, her heart pounding all over again, she knew she couldn't give up.

Her lips parted to call out her name but no words came out leaving her name stuck on , refusing to be let out.

She closed and waited for her to say anything.

Did she know she was right behind her?

"I was supposed to come back the day before summer vacation ends." She spoke up. "But why am I here?"

Another silence continued and Joohyun didn't know if she should answer that or try to call her name again or do both.

Then she heard a soft laugh coming from behind, and it sounded like music to her ears.

"I don't know why I'm talking to myself."

She could hear rustling sounds of grass and she could imagine the younger hugging her knees and leaning her head against the stone statue.

"And I'm so tired from work."

So she did still work there. Joohyun gnawed her lips trying hard not to guess the reason why.

"I feel so drowsy. I want to close my eyes and sleep."

She started to mutter how tired she was and Joohyun let out an inaudible laugh.

But it soon faded when she mumbled,

"I wish she was here with me, Mr. Statue."

She swallowed visibly and opened to try again but she could only exhale her breath slowly through her slightly parted lips.

"I don't know if she feels the same."

 Of course, I do. Joohyun wanted to shout in frustration but her guilt stopped her.

She deserved that anyway.

"It's not that I don't trust her."

She shouldn't.

"This is my first time wanting someone this bad. And I'm a total amateur."

Joohyun couldn't agree more.

"I don't know how to rely on her and not pressure her at the same time."

She remembered the day when Seulgi told her she should tell whenever she crossed the line.

But the truth was, even she didn't know where the line was.

And even if Seulgi could cross that line, she wasn't scared of that.

Because she was sure they can always try to adjust the right distance.

"I thought I should be the person who someone could rely on, or at least be the person who doesn't lean onto others."

And I can't help but fall in love with you all over again for that.

"Because the one-sided relationship never works. And I thought I was the only one who could endure that."

You don't have to. Because I'm right here.

"But maybe I was being too calculative."

Maybe I was too.

She felt just like her parents. Afraid of making mistakes that will break her, not realizing their relationship was much stronger than she thought it was.

"And I assumed that as necessary because I needed to keep the right distance."

And because you didn't want to hurt us. Because you cherished us.

"But what's the use if I want to get closer?"

Why did it take so long for us to realize that?

As she counted the days they could have been together, she felt another scar on her hollowed chest being ripped open.

Should she just leave?

If she followed her instincts, she would have immediately embraced the girl with her arms laced tightly around her, never letting go until all of her doubts dies away.

But she still blamed herself for her scars. And she couldn't help but think maybe Seulgi deserved better.

She debated whether to leave or stay but something deep inside her said in utmost determination, 'Stay.'.

"I almost finished the book she gave me."

The blue book on her desk.

"I didn't reach the end but it was pretty obvious."

Joohyun heard another laugh.

"But it's progress, right?"

Joohyun thought it was right to let her go without a fight, clenching her jaw to withstand the pain she was facing without a sound.

But if she had to let her go in either way, she should have clung to her, aimlessly scavenged because she could never erase the memories she cherished. She should have done her best.

But she was done regretting.

"The man left his love because he didn't believe in forever."

Just like me.

"And then he came back a month later, knocking on her door. But she didn't respond."

Joohyun felt a tight knot form in .

"So he slumps against the door, not knowing the love of his life was wrestling whether to open the door or not."

That was her favorite part of the book. She used to even write down the phrases in her diary as she felt her heart breaking and overflowing with pleasure at the same time even when she didn't know a thing about love and heartbreak.

"And he mutters his regrets about his stupidity."

Just like you right now, Joohyun thought, her lips slightly tugging upward but in a wistful, longing way.

"He tells her that he knew there was no such thing as forever because everything has its end."

What is the value of forever if it doesn't even exist?

Maybe everyone has their definitions of forever.

"So he wanted to live his present with her, and he thought that would be okay."

She remembered how she teared up while reading the man's confession. She always pictured the man, looking down with his back slumped against the door, finally letting out everything he kept in his deepest part with his soothing voice.

"Relationships always have their ups and downs, so it's impossible to not love and hurt each other at the same time."

But I think I hurt you more than I loved you. And I want to change that.

"And he thought because of that, it was okay to be selfish for once. But his promises always vanished in front of her."

Before she met Seulgi, she didn't quite understand the man's point of view that only ached her. But at this moment, she felt the same way.

"He never wanted to hurt her, and yet that was impossible because he loved her."

He loved her too much.

"And because there's no forever, he thought it was right to leave."

And give his heart a holiday, Joohyun inaudibly whispered as she recalled the lines.

"But he confessed he wanted to stay."

I want to stay.

"And the next part is my favorite."

Before Seulgi could continue, Joohyun finally regained her voice to speak out the lines.

"I want to be the one who embraces your darkness you had to overcome alone."

She felt the girl behind her jolt with pure surprise but she continued with quivering lips she finally managed to open.

"Because that way the world you're living won't be infinitely lonely."

The silence was terrifying and she could only hear the sound of cicadas wailing loudly wanting to find their other half.

"And I want to say that over and over again to you to stay."

Neither of them turned around but it was only because they were scared to death they will fail to breathe without breaking into wet sobs.

"...It's nice to hear your voice again." Seulgi finally spoke with a shaky voice.

Joohyun's giggle scattered along with the breeze.

"Sorry for eavesdropping. I almost forgot you were good with words."

Another pause continued.

"I thought if I isolated myself, I could change for the better."

Joohyun leaned her head against the statue and closed her eyes.

I thought if I run away I could forget everything.

"But I still smell the cherry blossoms. And I remember the taste of strawberry shake because you always forced me to take at least one sip."

"Because I would never forgive myself if you don't know the exotic taste of the strawberry shake." Joohyun tried to say playfully.

"And cigarettes still linger in my mouth because I vividly remember how upset you looked when I smoked."

And I vividly remember how broken you looked. Joohyun thought to herself.

"I thought if I push away the memories I could move on."

I thought so too.

"But I realized they were more than just memories."

They're so, so much more, right?

"They still, always taste like you."

And Joohyun didn't have to ask if she felt the same.

"You have to be strong in this world."