Chapter 20 (Part 2)

Strawberries&Cigarettes
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Blue eyes, black jeans

Lighter and candy, I've been a fool

Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you

 

It had been exactly a month since Seulgi left.

Joohyun knew because counting was her best subject. In a mocking way.

Except when she had lessons, she locked herself up in her square room, lying on her square bed, with her legs dangling down and her hair sprawled on the mattress. 

The only sign that she was alive was her heart which always rang her ears with its broken beat.

It was like she went back to the era before she met Seulgi.

She woke up early in the morning for her lessons and aimlessly came back home and read her book until her mother called her for dinner.

She would only fix her eyes at the plate with the atmosphere devoid of conversation and go back to her room to finish her book.

What was once her normal, average life was a misery to her that stirred something inside her as the days went on.

The only difference was her parents' behavior toward her.

Not that it was important, but she 'finally' beat Seungwan making her earn the title of 'The only first-class student'.

But she never felt more alone by that title.

"Our little Joohyun all grown up." Her parents would say and boast to their friends in their gathering but she always remained her blank expression with a fake smile.

And unknown indignation would parch so she would always give a small nod with a fake smile whenever her parents or her friends complimented her.

For nineteen years, she tortured herself with the obsession to earn that title but when she finally reached the summit, she was awakened with the fact the summit was the emptiest part of the mountain.

It became a routine for her to go to the cafe for a strawberry shake.

She would always order coffee she never drank, watching her fingers pick up one sugar cube at a time and dropping it on the liquid with vacant stares.

When she felt astray because of the prodding pain on her chest, she sneaked out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from her father's jacket. She would take a powder to the park to lit them, admiring how its tip slowly turns black and red and she even tried to smoke one to blow out smoke rings. Just like she did.

But she always let out a jagged breath with a cough, failing painfully.

Seulgi made her like this, but she didn't dare admit it.

She missed Seulgi. Yet she never talked about her.

Whenever she tried to call out her name, she felt her lips tremble because she could already feel the sensation that wrapped around her name. And she always ended up tears streaming in her eyes that suddenly grew wistful and vulnerable.

And then she would run away before she could plunge deep into the pit called truth.

Because that's what she always did. Runaway.

Seulgi told her not to blame herself but how could she?

She could never forgive herself for breaking her heart.

It didn't matter if she had family issues because, in the end, she was the one who broke her.

But Joohyun being Joohyun, as Seulgi would say, there were still admirers who were fond of her.

She would often receive notes about how gorgeous she was or even compliment about how she smelled so good (Joy laughed her off so hard she was almost bawling).

Joohyun always absent-mindedly folded the sappy love notes and hide them deep into her backpack, her gaze only fixed on one particular note that was ragged and gray.

When she got tired of waiting, her patience running thin, she rationalized to herself that maybe she was too wrapped on her regrets and longing, and maybe her feelings for Seulgi remain because she was guilty.

She once talked to Seungwan about it, hoping she would help cement her theory but the smart girl shook her head.

"I'm not an expert when it comes to love but," Her best friend handed her a straw which she dipped it in her usual pink drink and took a sip.

It still didn't taste the same.

"I can see guilt and longing whenever you think about Seulgi."

God, even hearing her name aroused a cramping pain inside her.

"But I can still see the same lovesick eyes and the same curving lips you had ever since I asked you about cherry blossoms, sugar, and smoke rings."

Joohyun broke down in tears that day. Seungwan was so surprised she immediately sat next to her and tried to coax her distress friend.

Joohyun still couldn't explain why she cried that day.

She was sad because deep inside, she knew she still loved the girl who may never come back.

But that wasn't all.

She was also relieved because she realized still loved Seulgi.

Yes, after keeping silent for a month, she was relieved to define her complex, suppressed feelings for Seulgi ever since she left.

She still saw Seulgi in her future she imagined the happiest.

She wanted to see her again.

Yes. She still loved Seulgi.

.

When Joseph opened the door, his eyes glinted as if he expected her to come.

"Ah, finally."

It was an odd greeting but Joohyun civilly bowed.

"I hope you don't mind my sudden visit, Mr. Kang."

"Not at all. You're just in time for my chocolate chip cookies!"

She bit her lip as she felt tension creeping into her since one particular girl she was hoping to see may be right behind him.

The man's eyes narrowed playfully when he read the look on her face.

"Seulgi's not here. She went out to buy a new brush."

"Oh. I see." She tried to act calm but her heart betrayed her, a tinge of disappointment bitter in her tone.

"Please come in and make yourself at home." The man said with a good-natured smile as he stretched out his arm gesturing her to come in.

Unlike her home, the house seemed too cozy.

With a large brown sofa in the middle, on its right was a tall bookshelf filled with classics and novels Joohyun recognized.

Some books were sprawled on the floor making a mess but just enough for her to smile in amusement.

And on the table was a pot of flower and apparently, someone attempted to draw it.

A piece of paper with a half-finished drawing of the flower caught her eyes along with a pencil that needed sharpening.

She carefully sat on the sofa while the man was busy with his cookies in the oven.

And she noticed a photo frame on the television in front of her.

She squinted her eyes enough for them to sting and realized it was a photo of little Seulgi.

Maybe seven or six years old? Holding a smudged painting proudly with an innocent smile holding a teddy bear with her other arm.

She felt her lips quirk up into a smile in adoration but her eyes were watery with melancholy.

"Would you like some milk?" Joseph asked as he put down the plate of his chocolate chip cookies and Joohyun shook her head.

"I'm good. Thank you, Mr. Kang."

The man waved his hands as he sat on the chair which was on the opposite side of the sofa, feeling awkward by the girl's graceful manners.

"No need to be so polite. Call me Joseph."

He picked up a cookie and savored it with a delighted "Mmmmm...".

Whether it was feigned or not, Joohyun was tempted to take one because she felt her stomach growling.

She finally picked up a cookie and that was Joseph's cue to initiate their talk.

"Are you here for Seulgi?" Then he chuckled. "What a stupid question to ask. Never mind. What I meant to ask is," He handed her a glass of milk.

"Why are you here to see Seulgi?"

Joohyun had to chug down the whole glass of milk to not choke on the delicious cookie.

Joseph watched the girl, obviously entertained by her nervous actions.

"I... I don't know actually."

"Oh?" The man arched a brow. "You came all the way here but you don't know why?"

She felt her hands getting sweaty and her fingers fiddled with the hem of her shirt.

She reminded herself never to commit a crime because she just realized interceptions frightened her.

"I'm not going to judge you, Joohyun." The man smirked at the agitated girl.

"Seulgi told me everything."

And you're still not going to judge me? She wanted to ask.

She was the one who made his daughter sob in his arms.

"And she misses you too."

Joohyun's eyes widened and met his eyes filled with understanding.

"Did she say that?"

"I don't have to."

He pointed behind her with his finger and when her eyes followed it, there was a drawing of a girl.

She had wavy dark hair that tumbled down her shoulder.

She had intimidating yet soft eyes.

And her lips were curved up into a smile looking at her as if she was the most precious thing that had ever happened to her.

She didn't have to guess who the girl was because she recognized that look.

She saw it whenever she looked into Seulgi's eyes.

The girl was Seulgi's point of view of herself.

"Talented, isn't she?"

"She's a wonder in every single way."

She said as she carefully placed her fingertips on the drawing with her eyes wistful with tenderness.

"You must have been very important to her. But she left because-"

"Because of me." The girl interrupted with a bitter tone as she felt guilt take over her.

"That's not what she said, though."

I know. Joohyun thought to herself and heaved a sigh. Typical Kang Seulgi.

"I guess when two people love each other, they never blame each other."

"She should have blamed me. I was a coward."

The man in front of her frowned in concern, handing her another cookie.

"Don't blame yourself. Seulgi would never want you to blame yourself."

"Didn't she blame me even once?"

Joseph shrugged half-heartedly. "I guess she did sometimes. But in the end, she concluded it wasn't your fault."

"That idiot....." She muttered under her breath, glaring at the drawing behind her.

"Indeed." The man chuckled again but Joohyun couldn't smile back because his smile was too familiar.

"You heard about my divorce from Seulgi, right?"

"Huh?"

"That I was heartbroken from the divorce."

"Ah... Yes." She recalled Seulgi telling her about Joseph with longing for her father and bitterness for his leaving.

"I mourned about it for months. But I'm st

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MeloMera
I don't have a twitter account anymore but thankfully I saw a pleasant surprise today when I went back to my account for the last time :)
Thank you @dinniebur for liking this fic so much! I'm very happy&grateful that you enjoyed it :) your reactions about each chapter made my day haha

Comments

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hollyhunterey
#1
One of the best.. Thank you very much 💕
Kylie_123 #2
Rereading !!! Kasi gusto ko kiligin ulit 💗💗💗
Jensoo4everlove #3
Chapter 59: I LOVED THIS SO SO MUCH 😭❤ And thankyou so so much Author for taking out time to write such a masterpiece!!! I really appreciate it!! But why can't I see the sequel? 🥺
httpsjaerchv
#4
I just want to ask if this is the original version because I read this but it's the Ryeji version on wattpad huhuhu.
AnneTokki 39 streak #5
Chapter 59: 💓💓💓💛💛💛🫶
Revemid12
#6
Reading this masterpiece for the third time, is my comfort fic, let’s goo!
Oct_13_wen_03 35 streak #7
Chapter 49: reread❤❤
serenedipitea
#8
Chapter 20: this chapter made me cry. the angst!!!
Seul_rene14 #9
Chapter 59: Am I the only one who won't get to read the sequel?🥺😭
gcpt21 #10
Chapter 49: This fic is so beautiful thank you so much author ily