Thantophobia (n.)

The phobia of losing 

someone you love. 

Chapter 53

She take a deep breath as she struggles to even her breathing because God knows how long she's been running and her feet are getting wobbly. But Lisa never stops. 

This scene are not even foreign to her anymore, because damn Lisa is good at this. She is good at running away when things get difficult. She wipe the tears that roll out to her eyes with the back of her hand as she keep running in a fast speed, wanting to get away far from that place. 

Because she just realized something earlier and it scares the hell out of her. 

Lisa pushes Jimin away before she melts in his arms again, and boy she heard him calling her name but she didn't stop. She was terrified that if she will turn around, she will easily run back to him.

Lisa found herself stopping her tracks on someone's front door, and with a deep breath she rung the door bell. It didn't take a minute and the door opened, but before the person who's beside the door can say something Lisa went to hug her real tight, "Dara, eonnie." She wailed.

次

Lisa never explain anything to Dara she just cried and cried in her arms and the older one just let her, while her back and her hair for the comfort Lisa badly needs. 

The last time she saw her this miserable was when she found out about Jennie. 

Dara made her a cup of hot chocolate later on and a blanket to warm her up from the cold weather outside. She turn on the TV hoping she get distracted from all of the K-dramas she used to love watching. 

But her tears continued rolling down her cheeks as she cuddled closer to her eonnie. 

"I promised to myself, I won't ever feel this way again after Jennie left."

For the past hour she finally talked, her voice hoarse from all the crying, Lisa wasn't looking at her, she was staring at the television without any emotion at all. 

Dara then cooed her as she rub her palms on her arm and gave her a tight hug, which the younger one allows. 

"It's scary, Dara eonnie. It's damn scary. What if—"

The older one didn't let her finish her words as she smiled sadly on her crying dongsaeng, she held her both cheeks up and face her.

"There's no what if's when you love. I know it's scary, everyone is scared of hurting, but when you start to feel it? You don't have any choice but be with the flow. Every risks, every wrong mistakes, or right choices, it won't gonna matter anymore because somehow when you love, everything is worth taking for that person." 

She whispered the words to her like a forbidden lullaby, and the only thing Lisa did was nod her head and cried even more. 

Hours passed Lisa finally calmed down, she was fidgeting some notes on her Jiyong oppa's piano. The guy was busy choosing a new song for her, that's what Dara says earlier when she asked her eonnie about her boyfriend. 

She was humming a familiar tune in her head and she is trying to copy that by playing it same on the piano. 

"Nan ne samsaek goyangi... Neol mannareo on." She dragged the words out of , hesitating if that's the right lyrics of the song that's stuck in her mind for the passed hours.

She halted playing the piano keys as she remembered something that made her heart aches, "Love me now..."

She sang it softly as a fresh bout of tears roll down her cheeks. 

"Touch me." She resumed playing the keys like the notes of the song was engraved to her heart. "now..." 

Lisa take a deep breath as she now remembered what are the next lyrics are.

She started with the tune of the piano then she closed her eyes and finally sang the words that gave her sleepless nights.

"Just let me love you..."

Lisa closed her eyes and images of that person filled her mind. 

Lisa finishes the song with an out of tune key as she stared at nothingness and whispered the last words. 

"Just let me love you."

She got out from her reverie when her phone beeped a notification that marred her forehead into a frown. Lisa wiped out the tears on her cheeks as she swiped her phone open. 

She open the application that made only for her as her frown went deeper. Strange. That's the first word that came out from her mind. She clicked a button to refresh the application but the result didn't change. 

The two tracking device were too far from each other for more than 2 weeks now. And that's where her heart start beating too fast as she quickly stood up and take her things with her, she didn't even had the time to say goodbye to her Dara eonnie who's taking a bath right now. She just texted her that she needed to go and she was thankful of taking care of her. 

Lisa hailed a taxi cab and told the driver the place