Noctuary (n.)

The record of a single night's events, thoughts or dreams. 

 

          

 

Chapter 33

 

 

 

This cold winter night Everything felt right Like a reflection of what she really feel

 

Wearing a black hoodie And hands were numb by the coldness Body is shivering Yet she can't stand up and leave

 

Like she was meant to be on this cold winter night. And the warmth of day stings her skin.

 

She don't understand how loneliness Become her only friend. And the coldness of the wind. Become one with her body.

 

Brightness is blinding her eyes and the dark felt more comfortable than it used to be.

 

It's okay. So what if you're alone? So what if you're empty? At least you are surviving And that's what it all matters the most.

 

You don't need to be pitied. You are more than that. She is more than that ...

 

 

 

 

 

Lisa left early at the restaurant, she went inside a convenient store and grabbed a couple bottles of soju. Her phone kept ringing but she ignores it and payed her bill. 

 

Why does it hurt? It can't be this way. 

 

Her mind kept repeating a certain scenario on the restaurant earlier. Where she saw two figures hugged and smiled to each other warmly whilst the girl give her birthday present to him. 

 

It was a limited edition of his favorite brand of acoustic guitar, and Lisa only gave her a cake. A ing cake.

 

She snort a laughed and squeezed the cap of the soju, opening it successfully she take a big gulp of the alcohol.

 

Her feet leads her to a familiar path, and phone still ringing so she irritatedly turned off her phone. Lisa's hazy mind and the unexplainable aching of her heart makes everything very complicated. 

 

Life is getting more toxic, it felt like a poisonous acid that kills her positivity and remaining hope. Why does she need to deserve all of this? Did she do something wrong? Well, she forbiddingly loved.

 

That can be one of the reasons.

 

It's her last bottle of soju and Lisa stared at it like it was the prettiest thing she saw tonight. She definitely knew that she is tipsy by the way she walked and the strange feeling of being drunk, like you were numb of everything yet it hit you like a tons of brick when you sober up, plus the hangover . 

 

She open the bottle and drank the alcohol as if it didn't burnt . 

 

It felt good to be drunk actually, cause you don't feel any emotions, you just experience them, touch them, see them but everything feels okay and the next thing you wake up in the morning? Everything felt so fast and blurry, like it didn't even happen in the first place. 

 

She's almost there, the place where she always goes when life completely turns against her. She's near to the place where she can breathe out the toxic, where she can be herself without anyone's judgement. She's near and it only takes a few more steps away, not until someone held her wrist. 

 

That warm feeling, that familiar breathing, and that soft voice. She hates it. She hates how she'd melt into his arms. His intoxicating smell and sweet tongue. It totally allures her to his spell.

 

"Noona."

 

"Leave me alone, Park."

Lisa swiftly looked at him and their eyes locked for a moment. . That feeling again. She cleared and avoided those dark brown orbs, Jimin loosened his grasp to her wrist as he walked closer to her. 

 

"Noon