my lady

damnationSUruck

Rating: 3.75 out of 5 stars

Overall, this story is psychologically heavy—not your typical AF fic, which is a two-edged sword in that it stands out amongst others; but, at the same time, makes it the kind of story that selects its readers.

The title at first seems clichéd but it is actually an accurate representation of the story. The full understanding of which only comes with the familiarity and a sort of intimacy with the story—sort of like an inside joke. The posters are nice as well and fit with the theme; and the description completes the “cover” package by starting the fic through the POV of the antagonist—which was a very good way to raise readers’ curiosity

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The word use/vocabulary is appropriate for the theme and the mood of the story. Grammar is, for the most part, unremarkable. I understand that the run-ons, especially those in the OC’s chapters, are representative of the characters’ actual thought process, and that details are crucial in mystery and thriller genres. Even so, some of the longer sentences in Luhan’s chapters had me double- and triple-taking. It would have been nice if there had been a few breaks every now and then from wordy sentences. Short sentences can convey powerful messages as well.

That and the vocabulary use are the factors I considered when I said this is the kind of story that chooses its readers—which are, experienced readers who can sit through descriptive passages, and of course, who enjoy reading this genre. (If you think about it, however, in this particular platform (AF) that population isn’t as numerous as you would think. That is exactly why stories like My Lady do not get as much recognition as some other fics that are aren’t as good in terms of quality. What I’m trying to say is, if you are the type of author who cares about things such as views, subscribers, and upvotes, these are factors you also need to consider when writing fiction of this genre in this particular platform. Otherwise, keep writing in your own awesome way. :D)

The plot is highly detailed and apparently carefully organized. The events are paced well and grounded within the constraints of reality; however, they also tend to appear to be too formulaic. Protagonist rents out a cabin in the middle of the woods even though he knows (has a gut feeling) he as an obsessive stalker strange happenings occur protagonist brushes them off some incident happens that confirms MC’s belief that he/she is in imminent danger tries and fails to escape once  and so on and so forth. In other words, had this been an actual novel—which it seems to be written in the tone of one—it would be difficult to find something that would make the plot really stand out among the rest within its genre. Of course, the fact that this was written within thirteen chapters partly justifies that; and that feat in itself is no simple one—I’d really like to say that I find it amazing when authors are able to finish a story within 15 chapters or less without things sounding rushed or incomplete.

Regarding the characters, I really like how you made the OC. In fact, I may have liked her too much that it caused me to become biased as to how I perceived Luhan’s character. I’ll try to explain it by pointing out the some contrasts between the two main characters in this story. M, in her chapters, mostly talks about Luhan; and what little details we know about her, aside from her apparently unhealthy obsession with Luhan, involve seemingly trivial, repetitive bits of information.Luhan, on the other hand, provides detailed accounts of his own experiences: what he sees, does, thinks, and, occasionally, feels. Yet, I felt more attachment to, and had more understanding of M than of Luhan.  Perhaps that’s because Luhan’s narratives sound so technical, while M’s are very personal.

I’d also like to point out some iffy details that were present, such as the characters’ use of savings credit cards (I’m pretty sure savings and current accounts are applicable on debit cards only; but I could be wrong about this and this is pretty negligible), and Luhan being able to drive manual with only one functional foot (this one bothered me a little; normally you need one foot constantly on the clutch and the other for either gas/brake, unless there’s a special mechanism that allows operation of the clutch in order to shift gears via the hand).

I’m going to rate this story a 3.75 on a 5 point scale. Those five points are composed of 1 point for the cover (title, poster description), 1 point for vocabulary and grammar, 2 points for the plot and organization, and 1 point for the characters and development. I deducted 0.5 points each from the portions involving the plot and the characters for the reasons I explained above, and another .25 points for the details.

To end this, I’d like to say that I’m really happy that I had the opportunity to read this story. I consider it one of the hidden gems in this site. It would be nice if you could get more readers and I hope that I somehow helped you with this review. 

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