*loved as a girl*

We are at Jay’s place. It is really silent in here, the lights are all turned off, the one above the kitchen table is dimmed. I have thrown my oversized jacket over the chair I am sitting on. We are eating instant noodle soup late at this hour. But well, I was hungry and Jay too, as he cooked for both of us. No western-food this time.

“So, what happened?”, he is asking me and slurping his noodles, not looking at me yet.

I wondered if he would ask me sooner or later. I am swallowing, lowering the chopsticks and I can’t hide it. Sadness is written in my face all over again and Jay is probably taking notice of it.

“Never mind”, he is saying gently, “You know what Taecyeon told me?”

Man, he is really good in changing the topic and catching my attention. I am shaking my head.

“He told me, that you wanted to join us at Shinhwa’s, but then you abruptly cut him off, because you were angry and hurt by me…”, he is letting me know and slurping his noodles again.

His gaze is still lowered.

“That’s bull!”, I am declining it, “He told me you were angry.”

I can’t believe Taecyeon did something like this, no wonder Jay was worried.

He is finally looking at me, tilting his head and raising his cut brow.
I gotta admit he looks really cute. My heartbeat is rising, so I am lowering my gaze, staring at the flowers on the table, grabbing my phone and sliding it towards him. Jay is giving me a questionable look, then grabbing my phone and looking at the messages that I have sent back and forth with his best friend. First, he is sighing and then laughing adorably.

“Damn you, Taec!”, he is cursing and continuing to laugh, handing me back my phone, “At least you are ok.”

Am I though? I can’t nod to his words, I better keep eating my noodles. Jay is standing up and putting his dishes into the washer. Doesn’t he have servants? This mansion is so ing empty, feeling like we are off to space or something.

“Jay…Where are you servants?”, can't help asking him, since I really want to know where they are.

He is leaning against the dishwasher and staring at the ceiling.
OK? I asked a simple question, what is this attitude now? He is not answering me. What the hell?
I am done eating my noodles, so I am getting up and taking the dishes from the table to put them into the washer, just like Jay did minutes ago. But there is one problem, he is blocking my way.

“Uhm… Do you mind, if I…?”, I am asking him to move, but he is still staring at the ceiling not moving an inch, so I am putting the dishes into the sink.

I can’t handle this .

“You know, the servants are off Saturdays and Sundays.”, Jay is finally answering and looking at me, “They are humans too, you know. They need their days off.”

Days off? Is he kidding me? I mean, yeah, I get the idea of it, but why are they all gone at once?

“What about your parents?”, I am asking further.

He is smiling at me and looking up again. I am following his glance and that is when I notice that there is a huge window on the ceiling displaying the magnificent starry sky.
WOW! I have to admit, it is purely breathtaking! I am leaning against the kitchen sink next to Jay and looking up too.

“I told you before.”, he is answering me, again delayed a little bit, “They are working overseas and come home very seldom.”

Yeah, he told me before. I am turning my head to his face. I can’t help but feel sad for him. He is just like me. Very lonely. At least I had my servants throughout the whole week. And Mithra always waited for me at home to return from school. But Jay... he is totally alone in this big mansion.
Is it worth it? Being rich but all alone?

“Normally my friends come over on the weekends. They stay at my place.”, he is saying as if he read my mind, “Normally I wouldn’t be home right now. You know, we party out really long, I’d come home with my boys around 5:30 a.m.”

I see, so basically, I ruined his weekend. He is keeping his gaze up to the window. I wonder why, but then again, he has stars tattooed on his neck. He must be really into astronomy.

“You wanna drink?”, he is asking me out of the blue and finally leaving his spot, walking towards a cabinet, “I need a drink.”

Is he sad? Why a drink all of a sudden?
Man, I really can’t read him. He is acting weird.

I am nodding though, I could use a drink.

“Do you have cigarettes?”, I am asking him.

He is pointing to the drawer and telling me to look into the first one.
Lucky me, there is only one left. I am lighting it and daaaaaamn, it feels so ing good. Finally! I am feeling better now, relaxing a little bit.

Jay is opening two bottles of alcohol and handing one over. I am staring at his hand.
Hopefully I won’t regret this decision.
I am putting on my oversized jacket, grabbing the bottle and we are both taking place in front of the entrance, sitting side by side on the cold steps, staring into the dark night sky.

“Thank you”, I am saying and inhaling the smoke.

I don’t know how many times I have been thankful to him now. He has been a great friend. , I really should have become friends with him back when I was Jiyong. But instead, we were rivals. It seems so stupid and childish to me now.
Jay is nodding his head and reaching out for the cigarette between my fingers. Of course, I am sharing. I mean, it is his anyway, right?
He is inhaling deeply and breathing out smoke in circles. Plop, plop, plop. Three of those circles, perfectly formed.
Damn, I wanna do this too!
Jay is noticing me being fa