*overwhelmed as a girl*

Jay is standing in the corner of Dara’s room. His hands are in his pockets and his gaze glued to the ground. I am sitting on Dara’s bed and looking elsewhere since I feel uneasy about this right now. The whole situation seems so ing stupid… Like, what are we even supposed to do now?

“Well, what is the deal between you guys?”, Dara is cutting the silence.

Jay is looking up and shrugging, not wanting to answer. Dara is putting her hand on my shoulder and waiting for me to say something. But damn, why me? Why am I even put in a room with the girl I have had a crush on my whole life and the boy whom I am having a difficult and confusing relation to? Like, what is this?!

“We had .”, Jay is admitting suddenly and leaning on the door now, looking at me a little bit overstrained.

Umm… Okaaaaay… WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM?! How could he say it like that?! Oh no, what do I do about it? Now that Dara knows, I can never ever become her boyfriend when I turn back into Jiyong. DAMN YOU JAY!

She is smiling all abashed and pulling back her hand from my shoulder.

“Well… What’s the problem? Wasn’t it consensual?”, she is asking further and walking towards Jay.

He is taking a glance back at me, nodding towards me and waiting for me to answer this. But hell no! I am not going to say anything! No way! The truth shall never come out!

Dara is turning around and facing me, tilting her head, and then crossing her arms.

“She is dating TOP.”, he is then saying and turning his head, staring at the wall now.

“TOP?”, Dara is asking and adding, “No way. He is dating my friend Bom. Park Bom.”

Dating Bom? What?! When did this happen? Why don’t I know about this? Since when is he dating her? Ohhh, I see… that’s why they were dancing together in the disco the other night. He finally confessed, huh? Wow…

Jay is straight up facing Dara and tilting his head, looking at her little bit confused. His cut brow is lifted, and his eyes are sparkling.

Dara is nodding confidently: “Seriously, he is dating my friend. And I doubt he’d cheat on her…”

“Huh… okay, well if it’s not TOP, then it’s GDragon.”, he is now mentioning my name.

What the hell is wrong with him?!

Dara seems disappointed now, looking back at me and waiting for me to say something.

“At least, that’s what GDragon’s friend told me before.”, Jay is telling, “First I thought, she had something going on with Taeyang, but then GDragon and then TOP told me on her phone about dating her.”

Ugh… my stomach is turning now. The whole confusion is making me sick. Okay, enough is enough.

“No. I am not dating any of these guys.”, I am finally giving them the reaction they want, “They are just very close friends of mine, that’s all.”

Dara is smiling at me now and taking my hands, making me feel safe. Jay is stepping up and standing still right in front of me.

“I asked you to be my girlfriend the night we had .”, he is saying with a calm voice, “When my mom woke us up the next day… I thought you enjoyed staying with me… I thought… I thought you liked me.”

Dara is letting go of me and then pouting to her best friend’s words. I can sense that she is feeling all “AWWWWWW” about this. Damn it! She is shipping me with him now! AAAAAAAAAH!!

“I am sorry… ‘bout the kiss mark…”, he is apologizing to me once again, “I just wanted to mark, what’s mine…”

His words are making me blush straight away. I am again abruptly covering my neck and staring at the floor, hoping that they won’t notice my red cheeks and sweat pearls.

“And I am sorry ‘bout your lip…”, he is adding, fiddling with his fingers all feeling bad about what he has done to me, “I was wrong…”

I am biting my lower lip, trying to cover the bruise. Damn, why is he apologizing and making it look like I am the bad one here? Like dude, you have ing bitten me.

“So, do you like Jay?”, Dara is asking me, “He is my best friend… I don’t want him to get hurt…”

I am gulping. Am I allowed to like him? I am not the person he thinks I am… Isn’t this fraud? Isn’t this going to hurt both of us?
But… Jay is right, I liked staying by his side the night I had a mental breakdown. And I was the one who kissed him, because I wanted to. Yeah, it was me who started undressing him… I… I like him. But still… I like Dara, don’t I? I am so confused! Ugh…

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