*loved as a boy*

“You are the person I’ve always loved. You are Jiyong”

This were his last words to me. But how? I am Jiyong. Damn it! Did I hear right? He said that I am Jiyong. Since when does he know? Did he like me when I was the boy-me? AAAAAH! My brain is hurting so much!

I was so close to ask him about it, but we were sent to our rooms by Psy, who was on a walk late in the night to check if everyone had returned to their rooms. He had walked in on us and immediately yelled at us for staying together in the washroom. Yuck! He probably had imagined about what 18-year-old boys and girls would do in such a place! EWWWW! Ugh, but… he is right in a way… I nearly did it with Jay there, if he had not stopped because we lacked protection. GEEEEEEEZ!

I am blushing to the thought of it, but then again, his last words appear in my head.

“You are Jiyong.”

! I really need to know how he knows. Should I text him?

I am rolling around in my bed all nervously and clenching my hair tightly. I cannot sleep now.

“CL?”, Taecyeon is suddenly calling out for me and turning on the lights on his nightstand.

Is he no longer asleep?

“Mm?”, is the only thing I respond, while I am sitting up.

I can hear his sheets rustle beneath his body as he is getting up and walking towards my bed. Taecyeon is only wearing sweatpants, his upper body is all . Goddamn, he is hot! Seriously, I am struggling not to drool to this sight right now. AHHH!
The tall boy is glancing at me with an apologetic and sad expression. Yeah, I can tell that he is feeling awful about what he has done to me. , serves you right to feel this way!
He is suddenly dropping on his knees next to my bed and holding my hands tightly.

“CL… I’m really sorry.”, he is apologizing and lowering his head all ashamed.

His face was bruised from earlier, thanks to Jay’s punches. He is putting his head on the mattress and sighing desperately.

“I was a jerk… You mean a lot to me, and I hurt you…”, he is adding with a low voice and sighing again, “I really am sorry… If there is anything I could do for you to forgive me…”

I am raising a brow.

“Anything?”, I am asking him and crossing my arms.

He is immediately looking up and staring right into my face. He is nodding like a little puppy. I am clenching my lips and then leaning towards him, my face is just a breath away from him.

“Did Jay ever mention something about GD? Does he really hate the leader of Big Bang or… is there something I’m not aware of?”, I am trying to lure something out of him.

Taecyeon is suddenly falling back. His eyes have become big. He is getting on his knees and clenching his sweatpants tightly, lowering his head and avoiding my eyes. Huh, his reaction is very sus. I am stepping out of my bed and crouching in front of him, putting my hands on his clenched fists. Taecyeon is finally lifting his head and looking right into my eyes. He is gulping a little stressed about my question.
Yeah, there is definitely something about my question that is bothering him right now.

“So?”, I am drilling and lifting a single brow, “As much as I know, GD and Jay were enemies since day one, am I mistaken?”

Taecyeon is gulping again. He is clenching his lips, not going to say anything mattering this topic. I am getting back up on my feet and putting my hands on my hips. My roommate is staring up and still shaking his head.

“I- I can’t talk about it.”, he is admitting finally with a worried expression, “Jay would kill me if I did… And I don’t think it matters anymore…”

It does not matter anymore…? Okay, wait a minute… Am I getting this right? Holy . No way!
I am taking in a deep breath and tilting my head insecurely.

“Are you telling me, that because Jay likes me now, he no longer is interested in GD?”, I am questioning the boy as this is the only assumption, I am making up in my head due to his reaction.

Taecyeon instantly is looking away, escaping his eyes from me. Hah! Got you! So, I was right! Wait… I was right?
Jay… likes me? As a boy? AS A BOY?!

Without a second thought I am grabbing Taecyeon by his arms and drilling my fingers into them. My nails are pinching him, making him hiss in pain.

“Taec! If this is a joke…”, I am threatening him and trying to pull him up but my strength ain’t enough, “Since when??”

Taecyeon is finally jumping up and shaking his hands with a concerned expression. He seems very stressed about this. I am noticing beads of sweat on his temples. He is nervous.

“So, Jay likes boys?”, I am adding another question and pinching his arm with a frown.

My roommate is flinching and carefully shaking off my hand. He is scratching his occiput and then he gives in. He is finally nodding, taking a deep breath, and sighing.

“Jay fights… fought with Jiyong because he hated the idea of liking a boy…”, Taecyeon is admitting and lowering his gaze sadly, “And then there is Sandara, his best friend… She likes Jiyong too, so Jay always started a fight with the leader of Big Bang to force himself hating Jiyong…”

After what he exposed about Sandara, I am no longer able to listen to his words. She likes me? Dara likes me?! OMG! Is this for real?! My dream girl likes me?? Why am I only now hearing about this? WHYYYYYYYYY?!

“CL? Are you listening?”, he is tearing me out of my thoughts, “Please, promise me that you won’t tell on me! Jay will kill me for real.”

I am gulping and then nodding. I am so happy and so confused that I cannot think right anymore. I am suddenly hugging Taecyeon tightly. He is blushing to my sudden embrace. Then I am quickly pushing him away and he is stumbling back in confusion.

“Ah… sorry…”, I