Chapter Forty One

Dara POV

September 28, 2015

"Can we talk?" She tried her best to avoid direct eye contact because of how shaky she was.

Jay pursed his lips and nods, "I just finished boiling some water, we can have tea." He opens the door wider to let her in.

"Okay." She says the only words she could reply to. As she had to physically tell her legs to move and how that one step took so much energy.  The more steps she took the easier it gotten but at the same time the closer she was the more she was terrified. She always hated confrontation.

"Anja." He gestured to the chair on the breakfast table. "Green tea's fine? I haven't gotten to shop yet." He was rummaging through his cabinets to see if he had a different type of tea.

"No, green tea is fine," she said quietly.

He grabbed a couple mugs and starts brewing the tea without saying a word.

Dara was just looking around at Jay's house. It made her think about how two weeks made the place feel different when it's really the same since Jay moved here a year ago. The thing about this place is where she can have start something new, it was their own little place of bliss.

Without even thinking about it much she was reminiscing her moments with Jay as if it was a montage. Two weeks ago she didn't welcome them because she was afraid of the end but right now she welcomed them. These memories are of how happy they both were just being with each other, that despite nearing the end these moments will be cherished until eventually they'd seem like a beautiful dream you want to visit once in a while.

Watching Jay in the kitchen brewing tea, brought in the memory of a couple days after they both finally had that talk about what they truly are to each other. And as a celebration, Jay had decided to make a meal for Dara. And emphasis on tried to cook for Dara because turned into a disaster but it was one of those times when she realized how much he tries and despite his playboy appearance, it still shocks her that he is quite the opposite.

March 30, 2015

"No, no, no! That still isn't done!" Jay was too busy trying to set up the table that he didn't even see Dara sneak into the kitchen when he had forbade her to enter since she had tried to help. He runs to the kitchen immediately but was too late.

But Dara was quick enough to open the pot and she had to cough out by how much smoke came out. She immediately dropped back the lid, she was also blinded and bumped into Jay's chest. "I'm sorry to tell you, but that thing was done twenty minutes ago." She looks up at Jay. She was blinking too much and had to wipe off tears that was falling from her eyes.

"What?" He side steps towards the stove and opens the lid. He looks devastated and almost sick to see his burnt food he marinated and even set up for all day today. "What the!" He immediately turns it off and switches to another burner. He was cursing through profanities that Dara doesn't even understand. "It's not supposed to be done for another fifteen minutes at least."

She pursed her lips, "What was it supposed to be set at?"

He scratches his head and points at the medium high. "Medium."

She widens her eyes and shakes her head, "Jay, you put it on High."

He smacks his forehead and started mumbling about how he was rushing too much he didn't even realize what he had done. All that hard work of preparing is now ruined because of that one little mistake. He wanted to make Dara a home cooked meal so he didn't have anything else. "I knew I shouldn't have tried. Simon D hyung told me to have something just in case I’d mess up,"

Dara bit her lip and wraps her arms around his waist. She loves that he isn't that much taller than him that she could rest her forehead between his shoulder blades. "It's okay. You've worked hard. And I'm touched."

He sighs and rests his hands on her arms around him. "What if I mess up on something else?" He mumbles to himself.

If Dara wasn’t hugging on Jay she wouldn't have heard it. Slowly turns him to face her, and she smiles at him beautifully. "It's my turn."

"What?"

She takes his hand and intertwines it with hers. "I'll cook for you." And she pulls him out of the kitchen.

He abruptly stops so she has to pull on him, "I messed it up. I should be the one to fix it."

She shakes her head and grins, "Nope. this time. I'll fix it." And she keeps tugging on him so he'd move but he was too strong and when he used barely of his strength to pull her towards him, she fell onto his chest. She squealed at first but she lost her voice when she looked up to gaze deep into his eyes. Her heart leaped across her chest and there were butterflies in her stomach that immediately disappeared when she could read what his eyes were saying.

"Dara," he breathed.

She lightly touches her lips on his. This was the first time she had initiated a kiss on the lips on her own. She could feel him freeze due to her actions. She smiles onto his lips, and fought the urge to sigh. She doesn't understand why he seems to have this urge to want to fix her when he doesn't need to. Just having him around reminding her that feeling this way is alright, it's enough for her.

"Can I?"

"Seriously, I didn't prepare anything else. I only bought what I needed for the meal." He said.

She clicks her tongue, thinking. "I'm sure there's stuff here. I'm a bit scrappy when it comes to instant food."

Jay widens his eyes trying to hide his fear. He knows what scrappy means. He has had one of these meals from Dara before and never again will he want to try that experiment which purpose was to lose someone's appetite. "I—"

"Yah!" She smacks his arm, all romantic gesture in her mind gone since she knows oh too well what that look meant, she's seen it far too much from her friends that she would just not do it. But her boyfriend should trust that she'll make it edible at least. "You're supposed to have faith on me. I'm not about to kill my boyfriend."

When she said boyfriend, he just beamed up with a smile and said, "You wouldn't want to kill me?"

She raised her eyebrow wondering what his expression was about. "As my boyfriend you should at least trust that I can do this."

"It's nice to hear that," but he isn't happy that she's not going to try and hurt him with her cooking but the fact that she had said my boyfriend gave it a nice ring in his ear.

And she knows it too, so she pursed her lips and tip toes so her nose would touch his. "Yes it does."

"So my girlfriend is going to try to cook for me?" He emphasizes on the word try just to .

She wraps her arms around his neck and she brushes the back of his hair. "Yes boyfriend. Your girlfriend is going to cook for you."

His respond was to snake his arms on her hips, holding her up so she wouldn't stand on her tiptoes. "I'll make it up to you next time." He whispered.

"And I look forward to that, but for now..."

After that day, Jay had gotten so much better at cooking. She was sure that he was secretly taking cooking classes by the amazing improvements. Despite his super busy schedule he always had time to make her happy... And once again she had realized how much she doesn't deserve him at all.

And this decision will be the best for them.

"Dara, did you want honey?" Jay's voice broke her from her thoughts and brought her back to reality.

Dara clears and shakes her head, "It's alright—" but she wasn't able to finish because he had squeezed the bottle on her cup putting the right amount that she always puts.

"I really don't know why I had to ask." He mumbles to himself as he also adds honey to his cup.

"Thank you," She shamefully looks down and takes her cup to blow at it so it'll cool down.

Then the awkward silence that bit between them was so skin crawling that Dara had the urge to fill that silence. "How was your trip?" She knew that Jay had just gotten back from the states for AOMG fan meetings.

"It was fine." He answered simply.

Dara drinks her tea and takes her sweet time to swallow. It was so quiet that the noise is making from drinking was so loud she swears it echoed in the room. It was never this way with Jay, they always had something to talk about or if they didn't it was never a moment where Dara felt that she the urge to say something to fill that awkward air between them.

"How was yours?"

She gulped and smiles but it seemed too forced. "It was great, I got to hang out with Chaerin so that was good." She sounded far too enthusiastic than normal that it sounded funny.

He just nods and says, "That's good. You haven't really seen Chaerin for awhile."

Dara just made a noise to agree since she doesn't know what to say next. She was desperately asking herself if it's always going to be like this. She wasn't ready to lose him yet because she is one of her treasured friends. And she thinks because of her selfish acts he might not want to see her at all anymore after this, and she totally understand.

He clears his throat.

Without even thinking she spoke up, "How was—"

"Not to be an Dara, but we are getting bad at this." He smiles sadly.

She blinks, "Bad at what?" She asks nervously.

"Small talk." He scratches the back of his head and looks up at the ceiling.

She looks back at her cup and mumbles an apology into her tea.

He just breathed out and said. “We might as well just say get it over with. There is not enough small talk to prevent the inevitable."

And she knew he was right. The longer she'd try to fill in the silence the more awkward it becomes and it's really not helping anyone. She started to chew on her inner cheeks not sure how to start, "I—"

"Before you say anything, I just want to let you know that these past few months...." He sighs and shakes his head, "Ani, this past year just being with you will become one of my cherished memories. Being to be call you my girlfriend for the past six months was and will always be one of the happiest of my life. And I tha