Chapter Three

Haru-haru  - Bigbang (Stand Up 2008)

June 1, 2008

Dara POV

Dara had to bite her lower lip to stop herself from crying. She was used to YG-sajangnim’s cruel criticisms and takes it as a way to improve to be better but there are times where the words are too harsh especially when it hits home that it makes one doubt their talents. He seems stricter now because he already has plans to have the girls debut by the end of the year or early next year.

“Dara, I still haven’t seen any improvement from last week’s evaluation. I feel like I’m a broken record repeating the same thing I’ve told you last week.” He rubs the bridge of his nose and straightens up. “If you don’t want to debut then just let us know so we don’t waste our time and energy,” he said coldly. He looks into Dara’s eyes and impatiently waited for her answer when she didn’t he asks again, “Dara? Hmm?”

“I do what to debut, sajanmin.” She swallowed her nerves and answered truthfully.

YG nods, believing her. “Then prove it. If I do not see any obvious changes or improvement, I am not going to hesitate to cut you out.” He said rather calmly for someone who is threatening to end someone’s career before it even starts.

Dara just swallowed her tears that are pooling in her eyes, she had told herself firmly not to cry. She knows it annoys YG more if they start crying in front of him.

He takes his eyes off Dara’s and stares at the other three. “That goes for all of you. I really don’t mind debuting three of you or even just one at the end of the year. So you four better show me you want to make it for the debut. You better start thinking about if this is the path you want to continue because the next few months will get harder” He stands up and exhales deeply. :I am going to head out first.”

“Deh, Gamsamida sajangnim.” The girls said and bowed as the Ceo left with the higher coaches. Then everyone had left leaving all the girls alone in the room.

Bom finally broke down and started crying, having Minzy comforts her.

Chaerin goes over to Dara with a small lined smile on her lips. She knows that if Chaerin will ask if Dara is alright that she might cry and she has no plans of doing that. She puts a hand on Dara’s arm comfortingly, “Unnie, do you want to eat?

She bites her inner cheeks and fought out to sound as normal as possible, "No," she replies with a real smile, then she looks over Bom who is still bawling rather loudly. She would go over there and comfort Bom but she knows how it feels like to have people comfort you when u don't want it. "Just check Bom for me." She touched Chaerin's arm. She could see Chaerin's mind turning but not willing to word out the question, "I'll be fine. I just need some air maybe and practice some more. Bom needs you, as a leader more than me right now."

"Unnie..." Chaerin moaned not knowing what to do. She knows that Dara needs her as a leader too but here are times when a leader needs to decide a hard decision, and this is to go to Bom. She nods and hugs Dara tightly, "It'll be alright Unnie. I shall help you practice and all that. We are going to debut together, the four of us." She whispered and then immediately pulled away before she'd tear up herself.

Dara just pursed her lips together as she fought the urge to cry. And nods as well, "Icecream, or corn on the cob." She whispered back knowing that this is Bom's comfort food.

Chaerin smiles then walks over to Minzy and Bom, who was still crying snottily in fact. "Unnie, lets go get ice cream..." Chaerin said softly as she hugged Bom comfortingly.

"Yeah, Unnie. That sounds like a good plan." Minzy agreed, she was caressing Bom's hair who was slowly calming down at the sound of ice-cream.

"What about our diet." She sounded so desperate that she wanted the ice cream so badly. She looks at their leader with puppy eyes, knowing that the leader is the one who always denies Bom sweets.

Chaerin just laughs glad that Bom is feeling better. "I wont tell anyone if you wont." She winks, then drags Bom towards the door.

Minzy takes a deep breath and turns towards Dara and she looks at her carefully, "Unnie?" She points at the door but somehow she knows that Dara isn't going with them.

"I'll catch up later. I got a couple things to do." She said with a reassuring smile. 'Like cry my eyes out or something,' the girls know that Dara hates crying in front of them, granted she cries a lot but when it comes to the evaluations Dara always wants to be alone especially is shes gotten bad criticisms. Her routine is to get some air, cry her eyes out then practice. She eventually goes back to the girls and cries of exhaustion them but at least it's not as the first time she did it alone.

Minzy bites nods and then follows after Chaerin and Bom.

When Dara was left alone, she waited for the tears to come but they wouldn't fall probably because she knows that there is a CCTV in the practice room and plus it doesn't help that Se7en would probably be back with his dancers so he can practice for his concert later. So she leaves the room.

She has a perfect place to be alone and not to be bothered. There's a room on the third floor that’s none rarely uses, plus the fact that most everyone think the room is haunted....

And in all honesty she's the one that made the room haunted, about six months ago after a really heart wrenching evaluation she found the closest empty room she can find and just bawled her eyes out there, not just your normal cry but like wail as if no one cares that it sounded like a banshee. It didn't help when she had found out that she just heard that her ex-boyfriend in the Philippines is now secretly engaged to the girl he cheated on her with. So she cried out all her frustrations in one night, hardships in life on training, she missed her friends, she missed her home and lastly she just felt heart broken. When she heard someone was about to come in the room, she hid in the tiny closet, she did that in about 3 times every time someone was about to check the room. She certainly didn't want anyone comforting her, seriously what is the point of hiding in here.

The day after there were stories from three different accounts (witnesses) that heard a wailing from an empty room claiming that when they went in there it was empty each time. Even Kwon Jiyong claimed that he swore he saw a girl there. Dara didn't even correct them by saying it was her, instead she was telling horror stories from when she was still in the Philippines egging on the story just to see what would happen. And as she predicted no on would go in that music room at all which was victory for her cause now she can have the room all to herself, and then on she has her own room to cry in.

The closer she got to the room the more she finally felt that she is ready to cry as if her heart knows that her sanctuary is close enough to see her true feelings. She looked around to check if anyone is behind her. she entered the room quickly when peeps that the coast is clear.

She takes a deep breath and leans her forehead on the door. She can feel the tears starting to fall...

"Do you not check the room if someone's in here before you decide to use it for your own?" A cold voice asked irritably.

Dara froze to her spot and her heart dropped to her stomach. She started almost hyperventilating cursing her luck. Of all the people to run into tonight, she has found where the leader of Bigbang, Kwon Jiyong, has been hiding from the world.

There has been word going around the building today that if anyone sees Jiyong as much as possible either ignore him and be sure not to make eye contact because today is one of those days that you don't want to be in his way or he will bite. Everyone knows that Jiyong gets into one of those moods but today was one of the worse. He apparently made one of the staffs cry today just because she asked how he was doing.

And lucky her, she gets to see him on one of the worse nights of her life. She swore the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes got back in, and now she's more nervous than she did when she danced in front of YG and other talent managers for their evaluation.

She turns and bows immediately, making sure she isn't making eye contact. "joesonghamnida" (i am so sorry) She said softly trying to hide the fact that her voice just cracked. As far as she can notice his back is still on her and he was busy writing something on his notebook. "I thought no one uses this room."

He didn't say anything for a second or two. He was just keying notes on the electric piano beside him. It was a soothing yet very sad tune, and it sounded very personal.

Dara felt that she was invading his space and privacy. "I'm going to go ahead--"

"Who do you think, started the story about this room being haunted?" He finally turns to look at her, and his face is so expressionless it scared her a bit.

She just blinked pretending not to know what he is talking about. Now she understands why Jiyong was staring at her funnily and with pride when she was sharing ghosts stories making Jiyong's story about the 'girl' in the room more real. She holds on to the door knob ready to leave if he tells her to get out.

He sighs heavily and turns his back on her. He starts writing on his notebook as he punches keys on the piano again, "I don't mind sharing. As long as you keep quiet and just sit there." He said firmly still not turning to even look at her.

She gulps not knowing what to do. She didn't want to take him up on his offer but she doesn't know what he'd say if she would leave. So she did what he had said and stayed where she was at and slid onto the floor, exhaustingly. She hugs her knees to her chest her mind blank. She was nervous that if she reminded herself of tonights events she might start crying and she didn't want Jiyong to see that. She maybe friends with him but they aren't that close that Jiyong to show her weakness.

She wasn't sure how long they'd been in the room but The only thing that can be heard in the room is the scribbling, scratches on the notebook and their breathing, every once in a while he'd hit the keyboard but not as much as anymore.

She didn't mind the not talking. It helped her think about tonight with a clearer mind as if seeing her performance from a third perspective finally understanding what got YG-sajangnim upset about her evaluation. She may have done well at practice but at the actual thing she messed up quite a bit due to nerves... So at least next time she has to just pretend they aren't there and to do well for her own and not anyone else. And lastly, next time she should just stop crying when she gets a heart wrenching evaluation, she just needs to see herself in the third person so she can understand her short comings as a future performer.

"Damn it!" Jiyong cursed and slammed his hand on the table that it made Dara jump in surprise. He grabbed his hair from and was close to banging his head on the table.

Dara bit her lip so she wouldn't speak and once again did her best as to look anywhere but him.

"Noona, distract me. Please." He sounded so frustrated, sad and desperate.

"Like how?" She stuttered nervously unsure of what he wants.

He rests his head on the table and lets out another growl. "Anything just so i can get out of my own thoughts. I can't handle it anymore!"

She racks her brain for anything, and what came out of surprised her, "YG-sajangnim asked me tonight if i wanted to debut or not."

Jiyong slightly turned so he can look at her, his eyebrows met, "And?" asking merely out of curiosity with no judgement in his eyes.

She shrugged, "Honestly?" She hates sharing her problems but he looks so defeated that she decided his distraction would be her problem. Once in awhile a friend can do that.

He nods, waiting.

She looks up the ceiling and pursed her lips together. "I know, I came to sign on YGE for all the wrong reasons." She finally gave her truth that she didnt even want to admit to herself. She had told herself that this was an amazing opportunity for her (which is mostly true) but there was another reason why she chose to move her entire family to Korea when obv