Chapter Thirty Eight

Dara POV

Dara was just staring at the lights below. The freshness of almost autumn is in the air. For some reason the fall is always her favorite season. Everyone usually finds fall depressing because a lot of leaves falling on the ground meaning eventually the trees would look bald and sad. But to Dara, she thinks it’s beautiful because no matter how down and depressing things are there would always be something beautiful that happens after that… because spring comes.

But right at this moment she doesn’t really know what she’s feeling… one thing is she needs is to breathe. She had actually stopped crying five minutes ago. Her heart is so heavy with guilt that she can’t think straight. She didn’t even realize that she was grasping at a key in her hands. She hasn’t used this key in about three years. No one really knows what this key is. It was always there along with her other set of house keys and car keys.

Jay had noticed it one time and asked what it opens. She never brought it to herself to tell him what it’s for. She was embarrassed to tell him thatt he one thing of Jiyong’s she kept was something she was bringing with her. How could she say that despite being broken up with Jiyong for a while she can never bring to herself to put it away?

She caressed the key in her hands and closed her eyes. The mess she’s made… if she was able to let this key go would that have meant that she would have found true happiness with Jay? Would she had finally love Jay freely without holding back…

It’s not like she doesn’t love Jay at all because she does. Maybe not the love that Jay is expecting but it’s there. She cares about him so much that she can even feel her heart breaking just thinking about him right now. She can only imagine how much he is hurting right now and it’s her fault.

And she hated herself for it.

She looks at the key in her hand and shakes her head as a memory starts to prickle in her mind. The main reason she can’t give up on this key was because it represented a time when the first time she actually chose someone on her own without being afraid of anything. The first time she decided to risk it despite the fact that there was a rule against her from doing it.

She’d come to the old YGE building sometimes and would just stand at the rooftop reminiscing the moments when love was still new and fresh. The moment she chose to be happy… when she chose to be with Jiyong.

October 13, 2009

I’ll make you a deal Dara. In three days is that party. I’ll give you three days to think about your answer. if you decide to be with me, I'll be waiting on the rooftop until midnight on Saturday. If you don't come, I’ll assume the answer would be the second one and until then I wouldn’t mention anything about this….

And he did held his end of the bargain, he never mentioned it again not even during the party. He was all smiles when obviously she can see his pupils shake nervously when he’d be talking to her, or how he’d slightly had to hold on to something because he would be shaking.

How does she know? Because she was doing the same thing as well. The entire day she still doesn’t know the answer to give him. And she was afraid that when the times comes she might end up regretting her decision. She didn’t even realize it was close to midnight until she saw Jiyong headed to the elevators…

She was standing in front of the door to the rooftop of the building. She knows Jiyong had been waiting here for twenty minutes now, she saw him hop into the elevator then. She could feel her hands shake as she was about to open the door.

It was her turn now… and the thing is her feet just needed to move. She can stand here for a while as midnight would pass by. She doesn't know what the consequences will be once the company knows. Would she get kicked out of the group? And worse what would Jiyong do? He certainly won't let it slide. This is what she fears the most as to why she was frozen to her spot.

She was always a er when it comes to her heart. She tried her best to protect herself and stopped herself from falling. She did really well too, for two years she bottled those feeling away and yet she finally had the understanding as to what those feelings were, she thought it was just a little crush… How confused she felt when she found out that Jiyong had a girlfriend, it didn't help that it was Sohee of Wonder Girls. She thought she was just annoyed that Jiyong didn't tell her he had been dating (a/n Chapter 4) and how she felt relieved somehow when the two broke up too.

Not a few days ago she finally understood what those confusing moments for her were. She has strong feelings for Jiyong. She didn't know when it exactly started that every smile, laugh and his company she cherished the most. She even missed him when he was in Japan, she ended up texting him, and they talked all night until they both fell asleep on each other.

And now… the decision to either stay here or go through the door. So, now here it is, moment of truth. Which is that the thought that she’d walk away would bring her heart to ache…

And that’s her answer. She chooses him. Opens the door and sees a shadow standing.

"Jiyong?" She asked softly.

And he turned, the hopelessness on his face disappeared replaced by a big smile that could reach both his ears. "Dara,"

She smiled back holding back a tear that was about to fall. Her heart leaped in happiness knowing that she chose right. Then that same second something hit her, the first worry she had as to why she didn't want to come here in the first place. She raised a hand gesturing him to stay put, she wasn't sure if she could word out whatever is in her mind if he was close. "Jakkaman, Jiyong,"

He froze a frown crossing his eyebrow, "What?"

She cut him off first, "Before any of we can happen, I have two things I need you to promise."

He raised an eyebrow, curious. "Okay." He said with a smug smile on his face.

She squinted at him, of course he is happy. The fact that she's here it's all that matters to him. "If we get caught. Promise me you won't march up alone and try to protect me by talking to Sajang-nim alone. We deal with it together. We talk to him together. No throwing out the fact your BigBang Leader, G-dragon. And we shall fully accept the consequences..." She swallowed knowing that if YG is going to force them to break up then that is what is going to happen.

He also looked conflicted but he nodded, "Alright."

She continues, "Next, we’re both idols. We just have to face the fact that we are going to be we are going to be working with the opposite . We don't get jealous. Period." She demanded adorably, her nose even wrinkled knowing that Jiyong always works with beautiful and y dancers. She has to not be jealous.

Jiyong just laughs seeing as to how cute she is. He starts taking steps towards her, "I can't promise on that last one."

She stomped her feet. "Jiyong!" She whined.  Then she thought about it, she isn't even sure if she can keep that promise. She’d laughs at Hanbyul when she gets jealous of Se7en's dancers but now thinking of Jiyong or G-dragon dancing with those skinny y dancers made her mentally cringe. "Okay, maybe that last one I won't be able to keep. But to a limit!" She adds quickly when she looks up and sees Jiyong only an inch away from her. Her breath got hitched, being this close to him. She had to remind herself that she needs to stop reacting like this now. If he's going to be... She couldn't say the word without trying to smile. "But I am serious about the first one. Jiyong."

He nods, agreeing as well. He tucks her hair on her ear and takes another step forward, they are so close that they are almost breathing the same air. It was sort of chilly out but being this close to each other is the only warmth they need, "I promise that when and if that happens. We will talk to him together because from now on we are going to do things together as a couple." He plants to kiss her forehead lightly. He rests his forehead on hers, not wanting to close his eyes because he thinks he is imagining things, he snakes his arms on her slender hips pulling her close to him. "But just so you know, if the consequence is not having you, I am not going to let you go that easily."

She smiles and she touches his cheeks too, also wondering if he is real. If this moment is actually real, if being this happy could be possible. "I know." Because in all honesty she isn't sure if she's going to give up that easily either. "That's two promises that we aren't able to keep." She pouts and she wraps her arms around his neck, thankful that she was wearing high heels that they were almost to eye level.

"Well." He breaths as he kisses the wrinkle on her eyebrow, "How about this," His lips touches the sides of her cheeks softly. "That no matter what happens... we will always keep today as a cherished memory…" He kisses the tip of her nose, he smiles when she'd take a small breath every time his lips would touch her skin.  “This moment right now reminding that care about each other. Just you and me nothing else matters,” His moves his arm away from her hips. He traces the length of her arm with his finger tips and stops right at her wrists that is resting on his shoulder. He leans so that their nose are touching, lips a breath away. “Nothing else matters but us.”

She smiles and nods. She bites her lips, anticipating. Every breath on her lips is like euphoria, “Nothing else matters but us.”

With that, they have nothing else to say. He touches her lips on hers softly and she breaths into the kiss. The kiss was slow and electrifying. Like any normal first kisses are except she could feel that this is different. He pulls her towards him closing whatever invisible barrier they had from each other. She tangles her fingers on his smooth hair. As she curves her body to fit his, their body molds each other like a perfect puzzle piece.

A few moments later they both broke apart, just enough that they could breathe but still close to each other. He kisses her forehead again and smiles on her forehead, "I was really worried that you wouldn't come up."

She sighs, and just hugs him not knowing if she should tell him the truth but she knows from now on she has to be truly honest to him, "I thought so too, but I came."

He smiles despite what she had just said, pulls away from her but not before he intertwined his fingers to hers. He turns towards their hands and smiles happily, "It fits perfectly." He commented. He lifts their hands together so he can kiss the inside of her wrist. "I want to show you something." He said excitedly and pulls her towards the edge of the rooftop.

She's been here a few times before so she knows what to find below and out there but today seemed different. Well, tonight is different because they are together. The times she would be up here she'd be alone. Now she knows she wouldn't be alone for a while.

He stands behind her as he wraps her arms around her. The lights of Seoul shining below them. He kisses her shoulder when she leans on him. "I may not be able to give you the world. But I can promise you I’d give you all of me."

She smiled and leans onto his chest. “But I have to share you to the world Jiyong. You’re G-dragon of Bigbang.” She knows that there are going to be times when time together would be their most challenge as a couple but she’s already ready for that and she knows they’ll be alright.

She felt him shake his head behind her. He plants a soft kiss on the nape of her neck and whispers against her skin, “No Dara because I’m yours.” Then he adds, “I’m always yours.” That was his promise.

She breathes and closes her eyes. “As I am.”

She opens her eyes and she could feel her face a bit damp, she didn’t even remember crying.

How pathetic she should be mourning for her relationship with Jay yet at the same time she was also mourning Jiyong’s as well.

Maybe she needs some time alone and some time to think… maybe she jumped in too fast both times without really sorting out her true feelings. She wasn't sure how long it's been until she heard a swoosh of the door behind her open. She was startled at first but she wasn't surprised to see Jiyong standing there with a sign of relief wash over his face.

"How'd—"

She didn't need to finish the sentence because he showed her the dupli