Jongin couldn't forget them.

Those big, red eyes staring angrily at him and leaving more and more tears on the pale skin.

With his head down, focusing the puppy on his lap, he drove through the hallways.

His throat was dry like paper and so many thoughts were rushing through his mind.

Headache was upcoming once again.

He didn't know what to think about Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo really seemed to hate him from the depths of his heart and soul.

Somehow Jongin could understand him.

If he was in Kyungsoo's place he would like to scratch his own eyes out of his face and smash them with a hammer.

Jongin nibbled his inner cheek while pushing himself forward with one arm on the wheelchair.

Kyungsoo probably suffered more than Jongin.

The hurt boy suddenly felt so egoistic.

Jongin always thought about himself. About his problems. About his past. He felt so sorry for not thinking about the other people around him.

He wasn't the only person with problems. Stop being selfish.

On the other side he couldn't think of a way of understanding people better. He really hated talking to people (minus his mother and Mr. Lee) for longer than two minutes.

He always started feeling uncomfortable. He couldn't help it.

A long and heavy breath left his injured and burning lungs as he drove into his room again.

Jongin didn't know what to do next. His mind was blank but full at the same.

He placed himself in front of the big window to stare out. When did the sun disappear?

A glance to the clock told him that it was already midnight. Where the hell was this ing time?

Did he lurk around for so long? Or was he just very slow?

He wasn't even tired. But if he didn't get some rest he would look like a panda the next day.

Jongin noticed how difficult it was to get into the damn bed.

Placing his arm one mattress he did his best to push his body a little up.

Of course without success.

“ this. That hurts.”, he whispered angrily and gave up. He couldn't stay the pain anymore.

Jongin sighed and sat back in frustration.

His whole body felt like one big open wound.

With his not-injured arm he pushed himself infront of the window again and tried to get some distraction.

His frustration level grew with every thought which popped up in his crazy mind.

He had an idea.

He rolled to the small table with the school stuff on it and took his unused notebook out.

His psychiatrist always told Jongin to write his thoughts, ideas and wishes down to give his brain some rest.

He stared intensively at the blue book with empty pages and thought about laying it back again.

Jongin never really liked writing. 

Okay, he was lazy as when it came to stuff like writing things down.

He finally grabbed a pen (after discussing with himself) and wanted to start writing messily sentences down but... He didn't knew the date. What would it all be for if there wasn't the date?

That was somehow embarrassing. He took out a math paper he had to solve today and checked it before finally beginning writing.

22.03.2012 – Ehm.. Hi?

Ehm. Hey notebook! Omg how embarrassing.

I don't know how to start?

Eh... I'm Jongin. And I'm a weirdo. I have so much to tell. Where shall I start?

I hope it's okay if I babble ty things around?

Well. I used to live in Daejeon my entire life until now. Yeah. I mean just until now. It would be doubled if I sa- okay. Sorry.

A month ago Mom decided to move to Seoul because of her work.

Well, that's what I tell everybody. You probably ask why? Because they will laugh if they get the real reason to know.

I don't know if you are curious but I hope you are not. Notebook... I don't really now you yet and I don't have a strong relation to you and I don't know if you'd tell everybody... so I'm not telling you yet.

Jongin stopped writing for a moment. Am I talking to a ing book?

He shook his head and changed the page since the first one was already full. How small those pages were...

Yah! Don't judge me. I just don't trust everyone. Is that wrong?

Yeah, probably it is..

However. My life never had been fine.

I lost my dad as a child. It was my fault because I ran ing away without waiting.

Oh. Sorry for dropping tears. I didn't mean to make you wet. Sorry. Oh dammit that sounds really wrong.

I appreciate your listening skills, thanks noddy. Noddy is a cool nickname. 'Notebook' is so long to write. I'm glad my right arm isn't injured so I can write.

Oh why am I injured? Good question.

Actually I had an accident a few days ago and right now I am at hospital telling you everything about my life.

Well. Not everything. Hope you understand. Thx.

There is that boy. Chanyeol.

He was so positive towards me, since the beginning. Okay. Since four weeks. That's not really long.

Even though I act shy and weird he... didn't ignore me. 

I think we are kind of ...friends? That word is odd.

I never had many friend. I had one in the kindergarten. I never saw him again. I wonder what he's doing at the moment? Is he thinking about me? Well. I don't think that he even remembers me. It has been so long. Too long.

I'm losing the point, sry. Where was I?

Chanyeol is really nice to me. I don't really deserve it.

Mr. Lee always told me to stop being so self-conscious. But none of his words worked.

I still hate myself.

Since the day my father died every single day is torture for me.

At least when I'm not dancing.

Dancing? Yes. I used to love dancing. Feel free to call me gay.

But since we moved I never had time. I was too busy avoiding new people and worrying about my appearance. As always.

Now that I'm not able to move my body to the music I miss it even more.

Tao told me that three of my ribs, an arm and a leg are broken.

The accident must have been quite bad.

Oh. Tao is a friend of Chanyeol. He and some others came to visit me. Now that I think about it. Luhan wasn't there.

Luhan is a gentle boy from China who talked to me while lunch time on the first day. He's new here as well. es, Kim Jongin's memory is awesome!

But besides him everyone was there. Even Kyungsoo. Even though he looked like he had been forced.

Oh yeah. Kyungsoo.

I call him the Devil on Earth.

Everything I know about him is that he's allergic towards peaches and he hates me and he is an VERY GOOD actor.

Now that was kind of a summary of my situation at the moment.

This evening I had the opportunity to drive with the wheelchair to get some variety since I had been non-stop lying and peeing (peeing in the restroom, you know. Don't get me wrong here. Oh and once poopin- Why am I such a weirdo?).

And I saw Kyungsoo crying.

That boy who hates me (and I kind of hate him too), who was sadistic and ty... was crying.

You don't know much about him. You won't understand what I mean, Noddy.

Once in history he made the teacher mad on me. Thanks for that.

And he has stolen my mother's attention today. tard. I sound like a baby, don't I?

Well. To come back what I actually wanted to tell:

I saw a file which said that a woman was lying in coma since five years. Poisoned with bleach.

Kyungsoo was screaming 'Mommy, wake up'. He reminded me of myself when I lost Dad years ago. My heart felt weird and I trembled and struggled not to cry (okay, that happens really often; nothing special).

Well. Now I don't know what to think about him. 

Dammit there is so much to tell you about me and my past. Thank you for listening.

I never had the opportunity to talk to someone so intensively. Thank you, Noddy. I like you. You don't need to like me back. Jongin. Stop being weird.

Ehm. I'm tired. Bye.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Yes Jongin loves dancing and yes Jongin talks with his notebook :D. Sorry for no KaiSoo and so less Action this chapters. I had really no more ideas. 

m(_ _)m Forgive me!

You know which quote I love? (*nobody cares*)

Someone told me I was delusional. I almost fell off my unicorn. Sorry Lay lol. 

And sorry for mistakes.

Chaeyo ♥