For junh0nggie

From Secret Santa

Prompt: “IGNITE” by Eir Aoi

Pairing: Gyujong, slight Woogyu

It Seems Unfair to Make Misery Yours

It’s a strange dull sound when Sungjong finally processes what has just been said to him. It’s a dull, aching pain that sweeps through his mind as he stares straight into the dark brown eyes of the other.

“What?” He subconsciously utters. His lips are quivering, his hands are stiff, and his mind is blank. “What did you just say, hyung?”

“I said I like you, Sungjong.” Sunggyu is serious. His expression is hardened and his brows are quirked downward in that comical manner that just doesn’t seem to be so funny in this situation.

“I’m sorry, hyung, but I don’t think—“ Before he can even finish his sentence, his chin is held firmly by the other and in a split second, their lips meet hastily, teeth clashing against each other with only the layers of reddish skin separating them.

It’s a second too long for his sanity, so he pushes the elder away with much force, causing him to stagger on his feet for a few steps. He’s afraid to meet his eyes—to see the disappointment, the sadness, and the regret that swirls underneath.

“You know I don’t like men. I’m sorry,” is all Sungjong can say before Sunggyu apologizes back and walks out of the room—Sungjong’s room. The slamming of the door reverberates in the silent dorm and Sungjong is left alone in the stiffling atmosphere.

He closes his eyes and attempts to piece back together his mind before he’s lost it all. The unnatural three-four beating of his heart isn’t helping to calm his thoughts either. The whole thing was unexpected. Sunggyu being gay was unexpected. Of all people, he never thought that the little sneaks of pictures that the elder liked to take were actually due to real romantic interest. Between the members, the only one who had admitted to being gay was Woohyun—Sungyeol stated that he liked both men and women. No one else has said anything else. He wonders why Sunggyu never said anything about it. Maybe he didn’t know that he was gay until now? Maybe he was afraid of not coming off as straight? It wasn’t like Woohyun and Sungyeol had been doing a great job masking it lately; Sunggyu wouldn’t seem gay to the general public no matter how he acted. His self-control was so great he even had Sungjong fooled.

“What are you thinking?” he sighed to himself. He lifted his head to the corner of the room where the

digital alarm clock laid—20:27. It was going to be a long night until he could fall asleep.

Nothing makes sense, nothing is right. It’s paradoxical, this world.

The sudden silence that swept through the hall snapped Sungjong out of his thoughts. He listened carefully as the director of the event told the idol groups the general plan of what to do. When the director was done and turned around to leave, the room burst back into energetic loud chatters. It’s been a while since Sungjong was last in China, but he couldn’t seem to care about the Chinese fans right now. Only a few days have passed but he still couldn’t get Sunggyu’s confession out of his head and he’s glad that because they no longer share a room together, he didn’t have to face any sort of awkwardness—until now, anyways.

His eyes naturally wandered to the ones dressed in red at his right. Standing there whispering soft words between private ears were Sunggyu and Woohyun. Sungjong’s known Woohyun has been pining for Sunggyu for a while now—hell, all of the members knew. He just didn’t understand why. Did Woohyun know Sunggyu was gay too?

His eyes were blatantly drawn to the red lips that silently reminded him of the night he felt those very same warm lips against his. It was something that felt great and yet, strange. He watched as the two shared small touches between their arms and hands—the way Woohyun was lightly Sunggyu against the sleeve of the red jacket every now and then was starting to become irritating.

“Woah, someone doesn’t look too happy.” Sungjong turned his attention to the playful voice. When he registered who it was, he only glanced away angrily.

“What’s it to you?” he replied spitefully.

“Okay, scratch that. You’re upset over something.” Sungjong internally cursed at how easy it was for Sungyeol to read him sometimes. Of all members, why did the talkative, playful one also have to be the most perceptive one? “Mind telling me your problem?”

“I don’t think it concerns you.” It wasn’t normal for Sungjong to speak so disrespectfully to people, but his mood was extremely sour at the moment and he couldn’t comprehend why. There was also a small inkling inside of him that didn’t really want to know why either.

“If it’s going to affect Infinite, then it does concern me,” he states.

Sungjong takes a deep breath and exhales before he mellows out his voice, “sorry, hyung. I’ll tell you later when I’m ready.”

Just as Sungyeol’s about to say something back, one of the stage managers calls for Infinite to get ready for rehearsal. Sunggyu calls for them all and then they’re out on stage, dancing and singing

lightly to warm up.

“Sungjong,” Sunggyu’s voice is immediate and rough once the playback for ‘Back’ ends. His head shoots up and he meets discontent eyes. “You’ve been off the entire song. Is this how you’re going to perform in front of the fans?”

“No, of course not,” he readily shakes his head. He almost wanted to slap himself for being so out of it; his priorities have been so mixed up as of late, it’s been hard to concentrate on his professional life.

“Then pick up your feet.” The tone in Sunggyu’s voice was cold and Sungjong didn’t need to look at the other members to know that they were staring at him with mixed emotions.

During the rehearsal for ‘The Chaser’, Sungjong made sure to concentrate, not wanting to disappoint his group for any of his slacking or mess ups. And just as he had hoped, there was no scolding leader after the end of the song.

They all walked off to the back of the stage where the rest of the idols were. The entire time they walked, Sungjong kept his eyes on Sunggyu, not knowing what else to do. When he saw the two walk further down into the hallway and turn elsewhere, he had an itching curiosity to follow—if he didn’t, it would possibly kill him inside.

He followed them from afar, watching as the two headed into a small, empty room and shut the door. Sungjong crept closely to the door and placed his ear on the wooden surface of the door. Luckily, it wasn’t very soundproof and it allowed him to hear Woohyun’s voice almost clearly despite it still being muffled.

“Sunggyu, you can’t do this to yourself.” Worry was laced in Woohyun’s voice. “Just forget about him.” For some reason, those words seemed to cause his heart to stop for a moment. “Date me instead.”

“Woohyun-ah,” a soft voice resounded against Sungjong’s ears. “I’ve told you before, I don’t want to date you after I’ve just been rejected.”

“It doesn’t make you pitiful to find a rebound, Gyu.” Gyu. A nickname reserved for just a few; it had never sounded so annoying to Sungjong before until now. “I can help you forget and you can come to love me instead.”

The recognition of an indignant sigh and then the echo of familiar words that once left his own lips from the other side of the door was all it took for Sungjong to smile; at least until he heard the end of Sunggyu’s sentence.

“Okay, fine. We can, um, try this out. But I don’t want to date just yet.” A sharp pain stabbed the center of his heart hearing Sunggyu fall into Woohyun’s hands. He wanted to burst into the room and tell Sunggyu no! But what right did he have? He was the one who rejected the other in the first place.

“I won’t let you regret it, Gyu!” The little noises of happiness Woohyun was emitting were

unbearable. He stalked off back to the crowded hallway with his throat dry and stiff.

“Sungjong.” This time, it was Myungsoo that approached the younger. “Are you crying?”

Sungjong brushed his hands against the bottom of his eyes and felt the moistness slip down his cheeks. Without hesitation, he dropped his head onto Myungsoo’s shoulders and wrapped his arms tightly around his torso. His sniffles grew louder and stronger with each passing second that he thought about Sunggyu and Woohyun’s relationship.

The actions that were out of kindness only seemed to form more tears. It’s paradoxical, this life.

Hours later and Sungjong felt oddly calm. His eyes were glued onto the LCD screen as the ending VCRs played. Various idols that he knew popped up until the very one he had almost forgotten showed up. It was of Sunggyu and him acting cute and cringe-worthy. They had to act according to the script no matter how odd it made them seem and seeing it now in this moment in time made it seem even stranger. On the screen, the two seemed so close to each other, playing along with the instructions given to them. But in the current reality, they seemed so far away—Sunggyu sitting next to Woohyun and clasping hands together when they thought no one was watching.

Earlier, Sungjong had almost told Myungsoo about Sunggyu’s confession and how he had rejected him, but he decided not to considering it was not his place to tell. Sunggyu had not even come out to the group yet. He didn’t want to do that for him.

When it was time, all of the idols came back onto the stage to perform the ending acts. He put on his best smile and waved every now and then to the audience, telling himself I’m doing fine; you’re smiling, you’re happy as the crowd cheered loudly.

It’s noisy; the pain rings with each pulse. It’s paradoxical, this smile.

The next day after they had arrived back in Seoul, the members—sans Myungsoo due to his filming—decided to spend some time together as it felt like forever since the last time they were all together relaxing. Dongwoo decided that he wanted to go eat first and the rest agreed. They entered a small barbeque restaurant nearby their dorm and sat at a corner table to hide away from any potential meeting with fans. Sungyeol thought that it’d be fun to order superfluous amounts of meat for Sunggyu to pay—hyung’s treat—and Woohyun only laughed in response to Sunggyu’s wide-opened eyes.

Sungjong didn’t need to look under the table to know that the two were holding hands. It was so

obvious and he couldn’t understand why Hoya or Sungyeol hadn’t spoken up about it yet. Were they protecting their privacy? Perhaps they all knew but decided not to say anything about it?

The wide smiles and crescent eyes that Woohyun received from Sunggyu were absolutely excruciating to watch. If not for his self-control, he would have snatched Sunggyu’s hands away from the other.

“Hyung!” Sungjong smiled innocently when he caught Sunggyu’s attention. He quickly put some grilled meat onto a leaf of lettuce and maneuvered it towards Sunggyu, “ahhhh.”

Sunggyu eyed Sungjong confusingly for just a split second and allowed the younger to place the food into his mouth. He smiled the best he could with the large pieces of meat in his mouth and nodded in thanks. Being the good maknae he was, Sungjong smiled back cutely and watched as the red lips tightened and loosened with each chew. Small chills ran down his back when he noticed Woohyun subtly glaring at him. For some reason, it felt great. Why?

“Sungjong-ah,” Sungyeol tapped at his shoulder. “Come with me for a minute.” He pointed to the bathroom, signaling that he wanted to talk to him alone. He nodded silently and headed to the bathroom with Sungyeol following behind.

Fortunately, there was no one in the bathroom and Sungyeol took it as an opportunity to continue what he wasn’t able to say back in Beijing.

“There’s something going on between you, Sunggyu-hyung, and Woohyun-hyung.”

“So what if there was?”

“Now’s not the time to be a spoiled brat, so start talking.” Sungyeol’s voice was strong and unwavering. During the times when he was serious, there was no way in getting out the conversation.

“Sunggyu said he liked me,” Sungjong whispered.

“What?”

“I said ‘Sunggyu said he liked me’!” he nearly shouted. The expression of utter surprise on Sungyeol’s face was priceless.

“Sunggyu-hyung said that?” He recited more to himself. “To you?”

“Yeah, but now he’s half-dating Woohyun because I rejected him and I don’t know what to do anymore, hyung.”

Sungyeol was partly stunned. It was extremely rare to hear Sungjong whine in a serious matter. “What do you mean you don’t know what to do? You rejected him? So why does Sunggyu-hyung dating Woohyu—“

“Half-dating,” Sungjong corrected.

“Half-dating Woohyun have to do with you anymore?” Sungyeol observed as Sungjong’s small shoulders slumped in defeat. The younger sighed agonizingly and eyed the floor for a minute. He waited until Sungjong picked his head back up with his bottom lip bitten and red.

“I don’t know. I might like Sunggyu? But I don’t think I like like him. That’s why I rejected him in the first place. I don’t want to hurt him.”

“If you want him to be happy, then shouldn’t it be fine to leave him with Woohyun?”

“That’s the problem, hyung! He doesn’t like Woohyun-hyung,” the younger clarified. “I overheard them when we were in Beijing. That’s why they’re half-dating.”

“That would explain why Woohyun-hyung has been more touchy with Sunggyu-hyung lately,” Sungyeol nodded. “Firstly, figure out if you actually like like Sunggyu-hyung or not and then come talk to me. I’ll help you out.”

“Okay. I’ll do that,” Sungjong nodded in understanding. If he was going to wallow in despair, better have some support so that he doesn’t collapse all by himself.

“Oh, and I’m telling Sunggyu-hyung you’ve been calling him without honorifics,” Sungyeol grinned devilishly and ran out before Sungjong could do anything.

Set off the safety, it’s in your hands now. Aim at this paradoxical world.

Woohyun made his way to where Sunggyu was sitting on the couch in front of the television and laid his head on the leader’s lap. Sunggyu let out a small smile and proceeded to weave his hand through the boy’s soft hair. The dorm was quiet sans the emcees speaking obnoxiously from the television. Sunggyu thought the boy in his lap was falling asleep from the way he had his eyes closed, but a sudden question from him proved Sunggyu wrong.

“Have you noticed how Sungjong’s been trying to get your attention lately?” His eyes were wide open now, directly tracing the leader’s eyes and then his lips—the slightly red, chapped lips that he’s always wanted to taste.

“What do you mean?” The elder kept his eyes on the screen, not wanting to show any of the wavering confusion that swirled in his head.

“He’s been touchy with you, Gyu.” Woohyun pouted his lips in attempt to look cute, but gave up his effort when Sunggyu wasn’t even looking at him. “I get jealous, you know.”

Sunggyu had noticed how Sungjong had been vying for his attention the past week. The way the younger was sending text messages asking about small matters to create small talk itself was strange

and whenever Sunggyu came to visit the dorm, Sungjong would make his way to where Sunggyu was sitting and lean against his arm as if it was natural. Truthfully, Sunggyu loved the attention he was receiving, but he didn’t want to raise any of his hopes up any further. He had already crashed for confessing; he didn’t want to burn anymore.

“Woohyun, we’re not even dating,” Sunggyu outright stated.

“But I really want us to.” His voice was growing smaller and smaller the more the elder seemed to diminish his confidence. His confidence could only bring him so far. The sound of the door beeping and clicking signified one of the maknae’s return. Just to Woohyun’s luck, it was Sungjong.

“Hyung! I didn’t know you came down again,” the younger smiled. Woohyun wanted to scoff. Sunggyu visited very often since there was no tv at the upstairs dorm. The two watched as Sungjong walked straight across Woohyun and plopped to Sunggyu’s left side. Sunggyu chuckled softly at Woohyun’s childish expression.

“So how was filming?” he asked the younger.

“Good as usual. Oh, Myungsoo made it to second on one of the rankings. It was funny.”

“Was it? I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.” Sunggyu then patted Woohyun’s head with the back of his hand and nudged him off of his thigh, wanting to get up. “Well, it’s getting late and I think I’m going to go back to my dorm to shower. See you guys later.”

“Bye, hyung!” Sungjong waved vigorously until Sunggyu was out the door; his smile faded along with the descent of his arm. “Someone’s not happy to see me.”

“Someone’s a boyfriend stealer,” Woohyun remarked.

“I don’t remember the two of you ever dating.” Sungjong stared coldly at the other and then sighed, “Hyung, we can’t do this.”

“Yeah, you can’t be doing this. Sunggyu’s mine.” His expression was stern now, glaring at the younger.

“No, I mean, we can’t do this to the group. Sungyeol and Myungsoo have noticed how we haven’t exactly been getting along.” Sungjong reached for Woohyun’s hand but stopped when the other pulled them out of reach. “Hyung, you know that Sunggyu doesn’t love you, right?”

“What makes you say that?” Woohyun was fuming now. Who was Sungjong to tell him how Sunggyu felt or would feel?

“It’s been years since you’ve came out that you were gay. It’s been two years since Sunggyu has rejected you the first time. And it’s been weeks since Sunggyu said he wouldn’t fall in love with you and he still hasn’t said ‘yes’, has he?”

“You were eavesdropping?” Woohyun was close to giving Sungjong a punch to his face, but held his urges back—hands white and dull nails breaking into skin. The blood was starting to rush to his head

and his vision was starting to blur, but he continued to seethe through his teeth.

Sungjong noticed how Woohyun’s face was absolutely red and how his body was shaking violently. He opened his eyes widely and gawked as Woohyun began to hyperventilate.

“Hyung!” He quickly got up from his spot and held the elder’s arms tightly and lightly rocked him. “Calm, down! You know that your blood sugar has been high lately and you’re exhausted from filming! Don’t overwork your body!”

Woohyun’s head fell limply and his body crashed against Sungjong’s. The younger began to panic. Woohyun had passed out and they were the only two in the dorm at the moment. First thing’s first, lay him down, Sungjong instructed himself. He reached his hand to feel Woohyun’s forehead; he felt awfully warm. He quickly ran over to the bathroom area and wet a small washcloth to place on the burning forehead.

Sungjong sighed as he sat in silence. He had thought about calling one of the managers over—or even Sunggyu from upstairs—but he decided against it. He still wanted to talk to Woohyun and didn’t want anyone interfering. The realization of his mutual feelings for the leader was one thing, but the possible rift in Infinite was an entirely different thing. He couldn’t let some stupid love triangle ruin their friendship.

Take aim, pull the trigger, and face your cowardly self. Break apart this paradoxical world.

Woohyun groaned when he felt the ache at the side of his head. He opened his eyes, sat up from his position, and realized that he was lying on the living room couch. How long had he been out? From the corner of his eye, he saw Sungjong cooking—which was extremely rare—in the kitchen. He continued staring for a few minutes until Sungjong turned around with a plate of fried rice in his hands.

“Oh, hyung,” Sungjong spoke nonchalantly. “You’re up. I made you some food.”

He stayed silent as the younger handed the plate to him. He accepted reluctantly and glanced at the maknae before picking up the spoon to try a bite of the cooking. It was a bit salty, but it was good.

“Look, Woohyun-hyung,” Sungjong started as he sat on the floor besides Woohyun’s legs. “I don’t think we should be fighting over Sunggyu-hyung like this. It’s ruining our friendship.”

The clanking sound of the metal spoon meeting against the porcelain plate caused the younger to flinch. Woohyun thought to himself for a bit before answering, “you’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking earlier.”

“Do you feel desperate?”

“Desperate?” Woohyun questioned aloud. “Maybe a bit. It’s just… been so long since I’ve started feeling this way for Sunggyu.” He exhaled softly and then continued, “wouldn’t you?”

Sungjong brought his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and leaned his head against them. “I think Sunggyu would.” He brought his head back up to meet Woohyun’s eyes. “I mean, I’ve been thinking for a while now and I never noticed how Sunggyu had been trying to get closer to me each year. I’m stupid for not noticing.”

Woohyun lightly whacked the side of Sungjong’s head and then proceeded to mess up his hair purposely, “yeah you are stupid. He told me he’s only just realized he liked you a few months ago, but he feels like he’s liked you since before.”

“Woohyun-hyung,” the boy slapped Woohyun’s hands away from his head. “I think—no, I know I like Sunggyu.” His eyes bore into Woohyun’s earnestly, searching for any sign of resentment in his eyes. There were none, but there was slight discomfort.

“I know you do.” The elder briskly got up and made his way to the kitchen. “Go talk to Sunggyu. I think it’s time for me to move on, anyways.”

A smile spread against the thin lips. “Thanks, hyung.”

Woohyun only shook his head and grinned. Since when did I become so nice and noble?

Shoot, shoot, shoot. It’s time to start believing in tomorrow in this paradoxical world.

On a Sunday evening, Sungjong thought it was a good day to finally speak to Sunggyu directly. He’s noticed how down Sunggyu had been feeling when Woohyun seemed to relent on his usual touchiness. He only hoped that the leader was just feeling lonely for momentarily losing his best friend and nothing else.

He pressed on the dorm’s doorbell and waited for someone to answer. When the door opened, he greeted Hoya briefly and walked straight to Sunggyu’s room where the door was slightly open. He knocked on the door to catch his hyung’s attention and smiled when Sunggyu faced him.

“Oh, Jongie,” Sunggyu mirrored the smile and placed his phone onto the nearby dresser. “What are you doing here?”

“I want to talk to you for a bit,” he gulped, “if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah, come in.” Receiving the invitation, he closed the door gently behind him before sitting on the bed where Sunggyu was. “What is it?”

“Are you sad that Woohyun hasn’t been touching you lately?”

Sunggyu’s eyes widened immediately, light blush littering his cheeks at the choice of words. “W-What are you talking about?”

The younger chuckled at the way he responded and decided to just get straight to the point. He breathed in to steel his shaking heart, “I like you, too, Sunggyu.”

“Hey, it’s ‘hyung’ to you!” he playfully pushed at the side of Sungjong’s head. Sungjong laughed a bit at the reaction and burst into more silent laughter when he saw Sunggyu’s crescent eyes and wide smile.

“So what do you say?” he spoke after calming down.

“What do you want me to say? You were the one who rejected me in the first place.”

“Do you still like me?” Sungjong wrapped his arms around Sunggyu’s torso, placing his head into the crook of the other’s neck, and inhaled the elder’s scent. The light scent of vanilla body wash relaxed and calmed him. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize that I like you too.”

“Sungjong-ah,” Sunggyu’s voice sounded a little sad and a little too calm for his liking. “Woohyun’s alrea—“

“Woohyun told me to talk to you,” he interrupted. “He said it was time for him to move on.” Sungjong placed more of his weight onto Sunggyu and toppled the elder flat against the bed. He rested his head on Sunggyu’s chest, listening to the quickening heartbeat and feeling the soothing movements with each breath Sunggyu took.

“Did he?” His voice became softer now. “He wasn’t hurt by it, was he?”

“I don’t think so. He looks like he’s dropped some weight off of his shoulders, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” Sunggyu exhaled breathlessly against Sungjong’s dark-brown hair. He wrapped his arms lightly around the boy atop of him. “Yeah, he does.”

Sungjong lifted his head to stare deeply into Sunggyu’s eyes that seemed to shine brightly.

“Kim Sunggyu,” he half-whispered. “Will you go out with me?”

Against the broken glass, the stars have shone and the world was born anew. Towards the paradoxical world, the sounds of the flashing bullet rings against a new beginning.

“So, are you two dating now?” Myungsoo curiously asked. Sunggyu was lying on Sungjong’s lap while

they were waiting for their turn to perform. The other three members were getting their makeup done in one of the backrooms.

Sungjong only smiled in reply as he Sunggyu’s hair softly. It was a good thing the stylists didn’t really do anything with Sunggyu’s hair otherwise he’d get an earful for messing it up.

“Just leave the two to themselves,” Sungyeol chimed. “There are some cute girls in the audience, wanna see?” Myungsoo complied by nodding and followed Sungyeol to the side of the stage.

“Sungjong-ah,” Sunggyu opened his eyes and grinned, pointing at his lips.

The younger wanted to coo at how cute his leader was being, but instead leaned down to place a sweet kiss just as Sunggyu had asked. There was a time when his mind went blank around Sunggyu and he didn’t like the feeling, but this kind of blankness left him in euphoria as he thought only of his beloved.

A/N: I actually wanted to something a little more metaphorical to go with the lyrics, but somehow it turned out like this? I also had an idea (and different pairings) for both prompts but decided to write the less angsty one. Anyways, it’s not exactly how I envisioned the fic to turn out, but I hope you enjoy it!