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Sunggyu was never one to forget something. He remembered the weirdest things into the tiniest detail. But one day, everything changed. He lost his memory, he moved away from the place he used to know and he started a new life. He wasn’t the same anymore and he knew this and that was why he went on a mission. He was in search for his missing pieces.

It was hard. He didn’t know where to start, there were many places he could look after, trying to find any traces of what he left long ago.

And so he gave the first place that came to mind a try. He didn’t have anything to loose anyway.

 

 

 

Sunggyu might have been shy about living in a new town and working with strangers but he needed to sort out his mind. He was missing something, maybe someone, and his parents weren’t much of a help either.

“I don’t know, Gyu-ah. We didn’t have the time to keep in contact, we were too busy with the hospital and work and you.”

He remembered their sad faces and he couldn’t be mad at his parents for wanting only the best for him. So he just nodded at that time and let it slip because no one was perfect.

He tried to reach his old best friend, too, but that was no use as well. The number he dialed didn’t exist anymore, they probably had already moved to America (this was what his parents have told him, that his best friend’s dream was to be a dancer in the USA).

He hadn’t the slightest clue as to what mess he was throwing himself into. But he would’ve done it any time again because he wanted to get his memory back, even though this could mean he might’ve gone through pain.

 

 

Sunggyu sat there, all alone, on a starless night. However, he didn’t know why he felt like he wasn’t all alone, even though there wasn’t anyone with him. He looked up, the moon shining down on him, making him blink for a few times because a picture blinded him for a few seconds.

He tried to recall it over and over again but it didn’t work and so he gave up (just for the time being) and went home, not even afraid of thieves or other bad people.

He thought he should’ve stayed by his parents, he had a feeling something was bound to happen and he didn’t like unexpected things to pop up when he was unprepared. It made him feel too vunerable, like back then.

 

 

“Hyung, hyung, hyung, hyung!”

The hyung was trying to remove those strong arms from him because it was suffocating.

“You don’t know how much I missed youuuuuuuuuuu!”

Sunggyu blanked out for a few minutes.

“I told you we should’ve gone somewhere else!” The elder pouted and turned away from the boy beside him.

“It’s okay, we’re still together and I’m happy.”

“Yah!”

“I love you, Gyu.”

He started to hyperventilate. His heartbeat doubled, if not tripled, and he felt dizzy.

“Hyung!”

The last thing he knew was how that voice sounded and how much it melted his heart. Everything after that vanished in the black.

 

 

Sunggyu woke up a few hours later (he saw the clock on his desk) and he honestly just wanted to get back to sleep again (he didn’t question how they got to his apartment, he still was affected from fainting not too long ago). He thought he might’ve dreamt about that voice again and it made his stomach do flips.

“Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…”

With windened eyes he looked right into his lost friend’s eyes and after a few seconds he laughed along. ‘Maybe a Dongwoo a day keeps the doctor away?’ he thought amused.

“You should’ve seen your face right now. Your eyes turned into heart and you’re blushing like a high school girl!”

He didn’t know he was doing this but it was okay. Up until now it was the only time something like this happened. “Dongwoo…” he suddenly said and he surprised himsel by speaking up, “Why are you here?”

It sounded like he didn’t want to have him here but Dongwoo was smart enough to know this. “I came back after three years of training my off in America because I missed Korea and my Sunggyu hyung too much!” the younger male cheered and his bright smile warmed up his heart (though not as much as that voice. But that was something the elder didn’t notice yet).

 

 

It happened that Dongwoo moved in with him, he had a spare room anyway, and their lost frienship was alive again. It was almost as if they were never seperated at all.

Sunggyu regained some of his memories about his friend dancing along with another guy (Dongwoo told him it was probably Howon, better known as Hoya since he became a famous dancer), of Sunggyu getting daily hugs of him, even kisses (and that was something he found really weird because what friends were they?), of the both of them dancing (or at least trying to because Sunggyu wasn’t the best out there even if he tried hard) and many other he could’t remember the details of.

It was good, though. He felt as if the missing pieces in his head finally are patching themselves together and it just was good to know more about his past and himself.

 

 

One day, he was out grocerie shopping, he came across someone, probabbly younger than him, and the said guy saw him, windened his eyes and dashed off to the opposite way he was going to. Sunggyu thought it was strange, why would the boy run away from him anyway? He thought he didn’t look that bad, maybe like someone in his fourties (blame the surgeries) but what was wrong with that?

He tried to figure out why the guy reacted like this and came to the conclusion he might’ve had a story with him he didn’t discover yet. So, with that in mind, he always went grocerie shopping at the same time he did on that day and took the same way and bought the same things. Maybe fate would’ve been nice to him.

‘Fate…’

He blanks out for a second.

“It’s my fate to be with you.”

His heart ached and he cringed and started coughing. And even though he was in pain, he felt his heart missing a few beats by the word being said by that voice.

 

 

Dongwoo invited him to some party where he’d get to meet Hoya and Myungsoo (he thought the name was familiar), a famous photographer, whose photobook was a bestseller. At first he didn’t get why a dancer and a photographer would be attending the same party but later it dawned onto him because that Myungsoo guy took pictures of that Hoya guy. (And, even if it was emberrassing to say, he gaped at the beautiful pictures.)

What he didn’t think would happen were memories to flood back and make his vision blurr. Frotunately, he was sitting on a random spot on that large couch and it got unnoticed.

“Dongwoo hyung, don’t break it, it was expensive!” he heard Myungsoo whine and he looked like a child back then.

“I won’t drop it, promise!”

He couldn’t help but laugh at his best friend and his sparkling eyes, fascinated by that camera.

“Hyung, make sure to take pictures of me while you’re at it!”

Hoya smirked at the lens and posed almost like a pro that Myungsoo started laughing uncontrollably at the faces the boy did.

“Dino hyung, take a picture of us, too!”

An arm slang around his shoulders and he felt his heartbeat doubling and his cheeks reddening.

“But it needs to look perfect for my Gyu.”

Sunggyu almost died there, not being able to breath while hyperventilating (again) wasn’t the best thing to happen to him. Tears made their way to his eyes and he didn’t know a voice could hurt him like this. It hurt so bad he wanted to be laying in his bed with some blankets over his body and fall into a deep slumber.

With the excuse “I’m sory, Dong. I’m not feeling well, I’m leaving first.” he got out of the sticky air and loud music (though, he noticed the latter just when he exited the party), breathed in a few times to regain his posture and took the way he came from to get to his comforting bed.

 

 

He didn’t want to stand up the next day, he felt way too weak and exhausted. Dongwoo tried to get him to eat at least a bit but Sunggyu couldn’t and that’s where the younger understood and left him alone.

A few hours later, after waking up from a dream he couldn’t remember, he felt so dirty and disgusting that he stood up and took a shower, put on some random clothes and exited his shared apartment to get to the grocerie store and buy what he usually bought there.

His stomach made weird sounds and made him feel more unwell and that was the cue that something was bound to happen (again). He looked at his surroundings but nothing caught his sight and, after he paid, he just exited the store and went home again. He didn’t have the power to deal with his stomach doing stupid things.

“Uhm… Excuse me?”

Sunggyu looked up, head tilting towards the voice that got to his ears and wondered where he saw that guy in front of him. “You…” he mumbled, upon realizing it was that kid that ran away from him.

“I-I’m sorry to-too interrupt you but…how’s life, hyung?”

A pang and his heart cleanched. He squeezed the spot above his heart because it was almost unbearable.

“O-oh god… Aren’t you feeling well?”

The panic was shown with the clumsy ways of helping him to not tumble down.

“Do you want to go to the hospital?”

The elder shook his head.

“Hyung, look what hyungnim got me!!”

Sunggyu laughed at the way the kid was sparkling with happiness just because he got him a necklace.

“Waaaahhhhh, it’s shining so bright, thank you so much hyungggggggggg!”

“You’re welcome!” he replied.

“And what is with me?”

He sees a pout and gets weak. “What do you want?”

“You!”

He cried at that, seeing the boy still had his necklace. “You still…” he sniffed and pointed at the thing around his neck.

“Of course, it’s one of my most precious treasures!”

He smiles back at that cheerful smile.

“But hyung…”

“Hmm?” He rubbed his eyes to dry his tears and looked up.

“Why didn’t you contact me… I mean, after that accident…”

He felt more than bad. He left back a little kid he cared about all alone.

“I’m sorry, me and my parents moved to some quieter place to make my recovery easier.”

“Ah, I see…”

That’s where they stopped talking and bid each other good bye and Sunggyu regretted not asking for his name. But Dongwoo would’ve probably known the guy’s name, after all he was friends with him and his best friend knew almost everything about him.

 

 

It turned out that the guy was the brother of a very close friend he couldn’t remember yet. And like the understanding kid Boohyun (the dongsaeng’s name) was he didn’t push him because that’d have caused something worse than the pain Sunggyu always felt when it came to his lost memories.

He had a great time with the boy (even though the male was only a few years younger than him he just couldn’t get the image of the boy as a kid out of his mind). They got along really well, they had the same interest in many things and he was happy he had moved into this town to find him (and all his memories).

 

 

Sometimes, he woke up, sweating like crazy and his heart beating in an irregular pace. He didn’t know what he dreamt about but he had so much fear and he couldn’t calm down for at least a few hours.

To be honest, it was bothersome. He got so worked up over a dream he couldn’t remember so many times and it just annoyed him to no end. Why couldn’t his brain work properly when it came to this?

 

 

Howon (he couldn’t stop himself from calling him by his real name and since the younger didn’t mind he didn’t stop) confessed to him he liked Dongwoo ever since the elder got close to him (and, just to clarify it, that was about at least ten years ago). Sunggyu thought he (kind of) expected that because the way the male always glanced at his best friend and how he brightened up whenever the elder showed up to visit him, yeah, it was (kind of) obvious. But what he didn’t expect at all was what the younger said next.

“He doesn’t like me the way I like him.”

The ‘grandpa’ raised his eyebrows. “Why do you think so?”

Now it was Howon who raised his eyebrows, confused. “Are you being serious?” But then he seemed to remember the elder lost his memory. “It’s just a feeling.” he answered instead of what he planned to tell him.

That was where they dropped the topic. But Sunggyu made I clear to help him whenever he needed help to pursue his best friend or just needed a shoulder to lean on.

 

 

It was an ordinary day, a Thursday, on which Sunggyu got lost and found himself on a place far away from the busy city. It seemed familiar but he didn’t know why.

He went further and further, the curiosity got the best out of him, and then he found something that caused him a bad headache.

“I’m sorry, I will never do things you don’t like again.”

Sunggyu wasn’t fully convinced but he got weak (he always would). “Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

Soft lips were pressed against his and he felt as if he was on cloud nine.

“We’ll be together forever, pinky promise!”

A cheeky smile and a peck later, they were just laying under the dark night’s sky and its beautiful stars.

He kneeled in front of the stone.

“Because I love you so much I want you to marry me.”

Sunggyu laughed, he thought it was just a joke to mess up with him. “Don’t be ridiculous.” But he saw the determination in those eyes and he gulped. “…really?” It was a mere whisper but his opponent understood it.

“I got you, us, a ring as well.” And there was a box, hiding two simple silver rings (but they still were beautiful). “I’m really being serious about this. I want everyone to know you belong to me and no one else!”

He loved it, more than anything. “Yes!”

Tears of anger and sadness ran down his face.

Sunggyu hadn’t much time left. And that was were everything started or ended. He panted and had a hard time to walk.

“Wait just a little bit more, we will be there soon.”

Calling a cap wasn’t as easy as he thought, so he got carried in strong arms. But they weren’t fast enough because the next thing he knew was a loud noise, those arms leaving his body and a warm fluid touching his body.

That was all he remembered.

“Woohyun…” he choked out.

How could he? He forgot the one that meant the world to him. How could that have happened? How could his brain be so selfish to bury those memories in the dark places of his memory?

He felt more than bad, worse, maybe like the worst human alive? But it didn’t matter because he remembered and he remembered the pain and the hole in his heart and it hurt so much he collapsed.

 

 

Sunggyu woke up in the hospital. The familiar sound of his heart rate made him calm down.

“Hey…”

He recognized Dongwoo’s voice and it somehow made him drown in nostalgia. Back then, when he was in the hospital, his best friend always occupied the stool beside his bed, every single time. And someday it had changed. And he hated the emotion in his friend’s eyes when he knew he wasn’t the one beside him anymore.

“Hyung?”

“Hm?”

They were in the backyard of their school and enjoyed their meal.

“I need to tell you something.”

It was rare that the both of them were alone because Woohyun and Hoya (sometimes along with Myungsoo) joined them.

“What is it?” Sunggyu mumbled, his mouth stuffed with his sandwich.

“Uhm…” He saw the struggles but he hadn’t any time to convince his best friend that everything was okay. “I love you.”

“Wha…?” Out of pure shock he let his sandwich fall onto the ground and he almost choked on the chewed food in his mouth. “What did you say?”

“I love you, Sunggyu hyung.”

‘He’s serious.’ he thought.

“I didn’t know why I always was so cheery when it came to you…” he paused and finally looked up into his eyes, “And that’s when I realized I liked you more than a friend should like their best friend.”

“Dongwoo…”

“I know you love Woohyun, everyone can see it. It’s just… I wanted you to know this, to get this out of my system because I know there won’t be time for this in the future.”

Sunggyu didn’t know what to do. He was at a loss of words and he felt like a bad friend.

“Don’t think much about it, I won’t cross the line, you probably noticed that already.”

And it was true. The daily kisses and too tight hugs were rare, if not didn’t exist anymore.

“Just don’t stop seeing me as your best friend, the one and only sunshine ball Jang Dongwoo that you can run to whenever you don’t feel well or you want to talk about things. I’ll be there no matter what.”

The elder was touched. How did he deserve someone as angelic as Dongwoo? But he was sure he’d thank god for giving him such a great best friend. “Thank you.” he said and added, “One day, someone will love you more than you love me now. You deserve it out of us two the most.”

They never talked about that matter ever again but they remained the best of friends because finding such a friend in a lifetime was almost impossible.

“I’m sorry.”

Dongwoo just smiled, knowing very well what he was referring to. “Don’t worry, I’m okay.”

Sunggyu didn’t think so but he also didn’t want the younger to feel uncomfortable around him.

“Did you regain all of your memories?”

He nodded, his voice suddenly trapped in his throat.

“That’s a relief. Here.”

A recorder was thrown onto him and just because he was so damn lucky he caught it just in time. “What…?”

“Just listen to it, ’kay?”

The elder didn’t want to see that pained smile anymore, so he nodded and Dongwoo left the room.

The sudden silence bothered him. He wasn’t used to it, there always was at least one person with him (except when he was laying exhausted on his bed and drifted off to dreamland) that kept him from thinking about all the What if’s he couldn’t help but ask himself every time he had the chance to.

‘Woohyun…’

He didn’t want to think about all the time he couldn’t remember him. His aching heart always made it hard to breath and, he didn’t know why but he had a feeling the cassette involved Woohyun and his voice (oh, how he loved his voice) because that boy always would sing and Sunggyu never had something against it.

With trembling hands he managed to press play.

“Erm… Uhm…”

There were a few rustling sounds.

“Hey, beautiful…”

Hot tears were already making it hard to see. He really missed his voice.

“You probably know that… I-I won’t ma-make it…”

A few coughs had been added onto the rustling sounds.

“I didn’t think that,”

More coughs.

“That this’d be the end.”

He heard a chuckle. And a sigh.

“You probably know that I love you, don’t you?”

The voice had managed a soft laugh and Sunggyu smiled.

“I wanted to help you. B-but the-they said I couldn’t… I re-really wanted to. Bu-but those doctors…”

It was clear how frustrated the boy had been.

“Donating you my heart so you’d feel how much I love you… Tha-that was my wish, somehow…”

“Woohyun… You…” he whispered, the room filled with silent sobs.

“You’ll probably sc-scold me for this but I-I’m not allowed, I can’t. I feel so useless.”

More rustling sounds.

“I know you’ll make it. I just know.”

Coughs.

“You made it so far e-even though they to-told you you won’t have mu-much time left. Stupid doctors.”

“Wo-woohyun…” he hic-cupped.

“Cry as much as you wa-want, because I’ll be sure to d-dry your tears. E-even though I wo-won’t-”

He had been coughing too much and Sunggyu felt as if Woohyun had coughed blood as well.

“I will remain wi-with you. I-in your heart. Be-because I love you.”

He was trembling so much and his tears wouldn’t stop.

“Baby, my love, beautiful… Don’t thi-think Dongwoo hyung’s se-selfish. I to-told him to confess.”

“W-woohyun… Woohyun…”

“I saw i-it in his eyes, ho-how much he loves you. And I to-took you away.”

“Do-don’t…”

“I fe-felt bad. That’s wh-why I ga-gave him time wi-with you alone. He ne-needed it, ju-just like you.”

Sunggyu would never know why Woohyun had been so understanding to everything and everyone.

“I wa-was jealous, but i-in order to ha-have all of you thi-this was a ri-risk I needed to ta-take.”

Rustling sounds.

“I’m ha-happy you sti-still chose me. Really. M-my heart almost bu-burst out of my ribcage.”

He was tremblinbg so much he was unable to let out a short chuckle because Woohyun was so greasy.

“I left a le-letter for you and D-dongwoo hyung. Please, don’t ha-hate me for le-leaving you today. B-but I’m sure you wo-won’t be a-alone.”

Woohyun had been right. He was never alone.

“But do-don’t forget tha-that I ever cro-crossed paths with you.”

Only then, Sunggyu noticed the younger’s voice was trembling. He must’ve been crying as well.

“I love you. T-till infinity. And beyond. Gyu, I re-really love you. W-we will meet again.”

It ended there.

“I love you too…” he cried out, wanting to listen to his singing a bit more. But he knew, playing the tape again and again, his heart wouldn’t take it. “I miss you…”

He sniffed and tried hard to suppress his sobs to get a hold of a letter that was attached onto the backside of the recorder. And Sunggyu cried a lot louder upon seeing the neatly written words.

 

Baby My Love Beautiful – I love you
Just by looking at you, just by thinking of you, my heart races
 

Even in this moment when I’m looking at you, if I close my eyes, I miss you
Will you be able to understand my heart? Just like that shy day
You probably hated me sometimes, did you push me away sometimes?
But still, I’ll sing my heart to you, who stayed by my side
 

Baby My Love Beautiful – I love you
Even if I close my eyes, at thoughts of you, my heart pounds and trembles
Baby My Love Beautiful – I love you
I’ll promise you that I’ll be with only you forever, oh loving U
 

Do you remember the day we locked eyes?
I’ll sing my heart as I slowly go to you

 

Baby My Love Beautiful – I love you
Even if I close my eyes, at thoughts of you, my heart pounds and trembles
Baby My Love Beautiful – I love you
I’ll promise you that I’ll be with only you forever
 

Even in the moment of pain during our goodbye
Let’s never forget the memories we had together
I’ll take a step to you with my heart, I’ll protect you

 

Baby My Love Beautiful – I love you
Even if I close my eyes, at thoughts of you, my heart pounds and trembles
Baby My Love Beautiful – I love you
I’ll promise you that I’ll be with only you forever, oh loving U

Infinite - Beautiful

 

 

 

 

 

He didn’t know what happened. He thought there was a loud noise ringing in his ears and other loud voices around him, saying things he didn’t understand. But then he opened his eyes and was welcomed with a bright light that didn’t hurt his eyes as much he thought it would.

“Hey, beautilful.”

A hand took softly his own and pulled him on his feet.

“I told you to cry but not that much.”

Sunggyu was in a daze but I hit him when he heard that chuckle, that voice. “W-woo-”

“Look, you left Dongwoo behind. He knew it’ll happen, however it still hurts him.”

He felt bad.

“But it’s a good thing Howon’s there. He’ll fix it.”

He was embraced in strong arms and he wanted to cry but he couldn’t. He hadn’t the energy to.

“I told you we’ll meet again.”

This time Sunggyu chuckled along. “I love you.” he blurted out but it was the right thing to say.

“I love you, too, beautiful.”