For Kyashiikun
Infinite Secret Santa 2014
“What are you doing up there?” a voice called from downstairs.
“I’m just going to finish cleaning up the attic before heading down!” I called.
There was a pause before his reply, “Alright then, take your time.”
Humming to myself quietly, I started sorting through the many cardboard boxes laying on the ground in multiple stacks, unconsciously scratching at the faded scars on my wrist. After a while, I was already starting to feel drowsy and decided to just look through one more box before finishing up. I look around for something interesting and stumbled upon a particularly strange box. It was a fancy wooden box, decorated with ornate gold swirls, complete with a tarnished lock. After shifting around the box I found it in, I found a small key that seemed to match the metal of the box.
Opening the box, I coughed as a huge puff of dust rose from inside. However, inside, there was just a small piece of folded paper. I could tell it was really old. The edges were yellow and fraying. Several parts looked like it was about to rip.
Carefully, I took it out and unfolded it slowly. On it was written, in hastily scrawled, messy letters:
Hey um… I seriously have no idea why I’m even writing this, I’ll probably stumble upon this sometime in the future and laugh at myself for even thinking it would work. So… basically you told me to write a letter reminding you to go back to the past and help me? I don’t even think you were real, whatever. Err… you also told me that apparently, after you finish reading this you will be automatically transported back to the past? And umm… something about once I recognize you, you’ll disappear? And mirrors? I have no idea… whatever…
-
L. Kim
As soon as I finished reading those words, the world started blurring around me.
Oh, so this is how it happened.
---------------
The second I arrived, I heard a slapping sound.
“You idiot! You promised! You promised this would never happen again!”
I cautiously peered around the wall. Two people were standing across from each other and the older was glaring angrily at the younger who just looked back at him with lifeless eyes.
The man threw a paper filled with red marks at the boy before punching him in the face. The boy didn’t even try to defend himself as he fell harshly on the ground.
“If this continues, I will disown you,” the man hissed at him before turning and leaving.
As soon as he left, I rushed over, intending to help him up, only for my hands to pass right through him. I stared at my hands in shock.
WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING.
I didn’t have time to ponder that when the boy stirred slowly. I was about to run and hide when the boy stared straight at me. My heartbeat skyrocketed; I was so afraid of being caught. However, I realized that he was looking through me.
Am i invisible?
I watched as he slowly got up and limped to what seemed to be his room, stumbling along the way. He left the door open so I carefully tiptoed into the room after him.
The boy reached for his phone and quickly dialed a number. After a few rings, the person picked up.
“Hello? Myungsoo? What is it?”
The boy seemed to calm down slightly just from hearing the other person’s voice.
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? You said your dad wouldn’t be too happy about your math test score…”
“H-he was okay with it…”
Psh, yeah right. If violence and threatening to disown counts as “okay.”
“You don’t sound alright though… do you need me to come over?”
Myungsoo’s eyes widened.
“N-no! I’ll be fine!”
“... Alright then. But you better call me if you have problems. No secrets right? Since we’re best friends?”
At this, Myungsoo gave a small smile. However, I could see the pain and longing reflected in his eyes.
“...yeah… best friends.”
“Bye then! See you tomorrow at school!”
“Bye Sungyeol.”
Myungsoo sighed and put his phone on his nightstand before flopping down on his bed. He was just about to close his eyes when I spoke up.
“You’re not going to treat your wounds?”
Myungsoo jumped up in surprise, his hair sticking up in weird places as he whipped his head around trying to find where the source of my voice was.
“Over here!” I called waving my arm slightly.
No reaction.
Whoops. Forgot he can’t see me.
“Nevermind. Umm… I really think you should treat your wounds though.”
“Who are you?! Are you a ghost?!” he yelled, his eyes wide in fear.
“I don’t think I am? Anyway, calm down dude. I’m not going to hurt you,” I said exasperatingly.
Myungsoo shook his head and muttered to himself, “It must be my imagination. I should probably just go to sleep.”
I sigh and try to settle down as well. But for some reason, I just couldn’t, so I decided to patch up some of the scratches and bruises on his face. Then, I just sat there waiting for the sun to rise. At some point, I must have dozed off because by the time I opened my eyes, Myungsoo’s bed was empty.
Rubbing at my eyes lethargically, I heard sounds of rushing water from the bathroom and slowly wandered in. Myungsoo was brushing his teeth when I entered and flinched when he saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
Wait a second. See me? I thought I was invisible…
Then, suddenly remembering the message in the letter, I yelped and went flat on the floor. After just laying there for a few seconds, I slowly turned my head back to look at Myungsoo.
He was looking around, as if trying to search for me. It was only then when I realized that maybe I was only visible in mirrors.
Well, that explains the mirror part in the letter.
“Hey, where did you go? I was just going to say that you look a little like SM Rookies Taeyong…” he trailed off when I popped back up beside him.
“Oh, so you’re not going to say I’m a ghost now?” I asked with a roll of my eyes.
“Well… I mean… Oh whatever,” Myungsoo shook his head and turned away with a huff.
I rolled my eyes again and sat down on his bed to wait. After a few minutes, Myungsoo came out and reached in his closet to put on a boring black uniform. Striding quickly to the kitchen, he grabbed a piece of toast and headed out, his backpack slung over his shoulders.
As he opened the door, I asked indignantly, “No breakfast for me?”
Myungsoo rolled his eyes as he walked over to the fence in front of his house and sat on it.
“You’re a ghost. You don’t need food.”
I pouted even though I knew he couldn’t see it and just waited with him. After just standing there in the morning sun for awhile, I asked, “What are we waiting for?”
Myungsoo blushed a little for no reason before answering, “Sungyeol is supposed to pick me up and walk with me to school.””
I glanced at his watch.
“More like was supposed to because you are currently already late for school.”
Myungsoo’s eyes widened in panic and he started sprinting towards what I assumed to be the direction of his school, leaving me behind.
“Hey! Wait for me!”
---------------
It was 8:10 am by the time we arrived at his school. Myungsoo frantically ran through the halls to reach his class and burst into the classroom as the teacher was finishing up homeroom.
The teacher glanced up at the clock and then back at Myungsoo.
“Well it’s nice to see that you felt nice enough to join us Mr. Kim. Would you like to take a seat?”
Even though his greeting was worded politely, I could feel the thinly veiled mockery behind his words.
Myungsoo gritted his teeth and walked to the back. He plopped down in a seat in the back of the room next to a person I could only assume was this Sungyeol. Myungsoo propped his head up on his desk as Sungyeol patted his back comfortingly.
It was an hour before the morning break came and Sungyeol and Myungsoo went up to the roof.
As soon as they got there, Myungsoo started glaring at Sungyeol.
“Why didn’t you come this morning?” he asked.
Sungyeol pouted and gazed at Myungsoo with adorable shiny puppy eyes, “I’m sorry Soo, but something important came up.”
Myungsoo’s gaze immediately softened.
“Oh really? And what is more important than me?” he teased.
Sungyeol grinned happily before answering, “Krystal said yes!”
“What?!” Myungsoo asked, confused.
“I confessed to her and she said yes! But then she wanted me to walk her to school and I just couldn’t refuse her. You know how much I like her Soo…” Sungyeol just kept rambling on and on and was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice Myungsoo’s expression fall.
“Oh… I’m so happy for you!” Myungsoo exclaimed with a big fake smile plastered on his face.
Sungyeol, completely oblivious to his supposed best friend’s disappointment, continued to praise this Krystal and talk about how wonderful and nice she is. The bell rang, signalling the end of break time and everyone headed to their next class.
The rest of the day was rather uneventful, in my opinion. However, one thing I picked up just from listening to conversations around me was that Sungyeol and Krystal were both popular and were apparently a “dream” couple. And that Myungsoo was considered something like a delinquent of sorts. Which I think is absolutely ridiculous. That bumbling, socially inept fool? no way. But I do kind of understand them. With his bruised and scratched face and showing up late to school, what else would they assume? That his own father was abusing him and his crush abandoned him for his girlfriend? Psh, no way.
As soon as the last period ended, Myungsoo headed over to Sungyeol’s classroom to walk home with him only to be met with a, “I’m sorry, Soo, Krystal wants to walk home with me. Maybe tomorrow?”
Myungsoo only just smiled and replied with a, “It’s okay,” and watched sadly as the couple walked away happily.
“You like him don’t you?”
Myungsoo jumped at my voice. He glared in the direction he thought I was in.
“What are you talking about?! I’m not g-gay!”
I smirked at that, “I never said anything about you being gay. I just mentioned that you like him.”
He gave a resigned sigh and looked back in the direction where Sungyeol and Krystal had disappeared.
“Even if I do like him, he’ll never notice me,” he said, uncharacteristically depressed.
“You know, you could always try getting a makeover. I know a few good places around here if you want,” I said hesitantly.
Myungsoo didn’t say anything.
-----------------------
A few days passed and I could tell that Myungsoo was slowly getting more and more depressed. I have tried to convince him over and over again that he should be more bold and confess. Every single time, he refused. However, today was different.
Myungsoo had been waiting for Sungyeol to come up to the roof for break but five minutes in and Sungyeol still hadn’t shown up. So, Myungsoo went up to the roof by himself and stumbled upon -you guessed it- Sungyeol and Krystal making out. Needless to say, Myungsoo only got more depressed than ever until I knocked some sense into him.
“You think moping around like this will help you?”
He just gazed back at me wordlessly.
I chuckled humorlessly.
“I get it now. Why he doesn’t like you. If you’re just sulking around every day no wonder…”
I could finally see a flicker of emotion in his eyes. Anger. Annoyance.
“In fact, you’re so dense and oblivious to everything that you don’t even try to improve yourself! Just depending on other people isn’t going to cut it! You have to actually go and be aggressive. Take charge of your own life.”
At that, Myungsoo sighed.
“Where was that place you talked about?”
I mentally gave myself a pat on the back.
-------------------
We were already standing in front of the salon by the time he decided he didn’t want to do this.
I sighed exasperatingly.
“Seriously? I thought we had already gone through this. Just go in and say a friend named L told me about you and just go with the flow.”
I guess at that point the shop owner (who I secretly know) noticed Myungsoo awkwardly pacing in front of his salon and welcomed him in.
“Welcome to Woohyun’s Salon!”
Myungsoo glance at where he thought I was standing before saying hesitantly, “A friend named L told me about you?”
A look of recognition dawned in Woohyun’s eyes.
“Ah…” he said slowly nodding, “Well, come in then.”
As soon as Myungsoo went in, he was whisked passed many stations where he could see many people getting their hair and makeup done.
He was ushered into a small room and Woohyun shut the door carefully behind him.
Woohyun settled down on a chair behind the desk in the room and motioned to the chair in front of him, “Sit down.”
Myungsoo sat down.
“So I’m assuming you completely serious about this makeover thing because I know that the person who told you this doesn’t give out that secret easily,” Woohyun said, his eyes narrowed at Myungsoo, “So, tell me why.”
Myungsoo raised an eyebrow in confusion, “Why?”
“Yes, why. Why exactly do you want this makeover.”
So, Myungsoo started at the beginning. He told Woohyun about his crush on Sungyeol and the whole Krystal situation and how he wanted Sungyeol to view him not as a friend but as a potential lover. Woohyun nodded.
“You know, I was once in a situation similar to yours. I had crush on this beautiful person, named Sunggyu…” he trailed off, “But of course now I have achieved what I wanted and that was also thanks to a makeover. I think I know what you want, but are you prepared to make a major change?”
Myungsoo nodded hesitantly.
“Alright then, let’s get started.”
----------------
Woohyun started with hacking all of Myungsoo’s disgusting hair off.
“All this needs to go,” Woohyun muttered gesturing to the frizzball that was Myungsoo’s hair.
Before Myungsoo could open his mouth to protest, his hair was already cut.
Woohyun stood back and admired his handiwork. He then sighed and ran a hand through Myungsoo’s hair.
“Have you ever used anything on your hair?”
“You mean like bleach or hair dye?” Myungsoo asked hesitantly, “then no.”
Woohyun rushed around the room, muttering something like “jesus christ, I’m going to need an entire bottle of conditioner to fix that mess.”
After successfully dealing with Myungsoo’s hair, Woohyun started bleaching his hair. Myungsoo could only sit petrified in his chair. I couldn’t help but laugh at his expression. You would think Woohyun wanted to shave off his eyebrows or something.
When Woohyun was finally finished, Myungsoo stared at the mirror for 10 minutes. Literally.
Just then, the door opened with a bang and someone waltzed in.
“Ooh~ who’s this hottie?” that someone crooned.
Woohyun sighed, “Sungjong, stop bothering my customer.”
However, Myungsoo could only stare at Sungjong.
“I’m… hot?”
“Of course you are hottie~”
“Go away Sungjong.”
Sungjong pouted, “I just came in cuz Sunggyu told me you had a special customer that you needed help giving the full package. I suppose I’m doing his makeup and clothes?”
Woohyun nodded.
“I guess I’ll just leave it to you then?”
“Of course!” Sungjong saluted mockingly at Woohyun.
The next 2 hours were a blur, with Sungjong doing his makeup and pushing different sets of clothes at him.
After the whole package was done, Myungsoo was ushered politely (more like shoved roughly) through the front door with a menacing message.
“You better show up in those clothes in school and don’t you dare wash off your makeup.”
---------------
However the next day, Myungsoo was still hesitant in wearing his clothes. He kept standing in front of the mirror and fidgeting with the silver zipper on his leather jacket and turning about. (think black last romeo outfit)
“Do you really want him to notice you?” I sighed.
He nodded resolutely.
“Then wear it.”
Myungsoo went to school without a word.
When we got there, all the kids were pointing. I could hear them whispering.
“Oh my god! I knew he was a delinquent!”
“But he’s really hot…”
“I know right? I never realized he was so good looking…”
At that, I could see Myungsoo smirking a little which only made the girls squeal more. When he finally made it to homeroom, a small crowd was gathered behind him. Myungsoo walked to the front of the room and turned to face the class with a smirk.
“How do you do?”
All the girls went crazy. But I could tell he really wanted to see what Sungyeol thought of him. Said person was sitting at the back of the room with Krystal in his lap. It was only when Myungsoo cleared his throat when Sungyeol noticed his presence.
Sungyeol’s face was suddenly filled with a myriad of expressions. Surprise, confusion, anger, and was that… jealousy? But it was all gone before I could pay attention.
Sungyeol suddenly burst out laughing.
“Seriously, Myungsoo! You didn’t actually think you would actually look better with blonde hair? You look absolutely hideous!”
Krystal stared at Sungyeol in surprise but also started laughing hesitantly.
“And what’s up with those clothes?! Finally decided to go wild?”
I could hear a few giggles from the crowd outside.
“Blonde hair? Seriously? You should have gone for pink instead. It matches your gayness more.”
I could only watch as Myungsoo’s face morphed from confused to crestfallen then mortification. I could see tears start forming in his eyes as he turned and ran out of the classroom, pushing past the restless crowd gathered out in the hallway.
-----------------
You would think that would be the end of his troubles but oh no. Definitely not.
Myungsoo tried entering the house as quietly as he could but his father was already awake. And not happy (complete understatement) that he was ditching school.
Advancing towards the crying boy, he hissed, “Why are you here and not at school?”
Myungsoo started bowing profusely, tears still streaming down his face.
“I’m sorry, sir, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, sir…” he mumbled over and over again.
“I asked you why you are here! Answer me!” his father yelled, his eyes boring straight at Myungsoo’s.
Myungsoo, who couldn’t exactly say he was humiliated in front of his whole class, could only stand there, shivering and staring back at his father’s unmerciful gaze.
“And stop crying! You are a man! Only gays like your uncle cry!”
Myungsoo tried to not show any reaction but I noticed him stiffen. His father noticed as well.
“What?! So you’re gay?!” his father exclaimed, crossing his arms and letting out a huff of contempt, “I should have known. Explains how you’ve been acting lately.”
He broke out into hysterical laughter, “Ha! I should have known!”
When Myungsoo still stood there, his father turned and glared at him, “Well, pack up.”
Myungsoo could only stare back at him, his mouth hanging open.
“I said pack up!” his father hissed as he stalked towards Myungsoo, Myungsoo noticeably flinching away, “I’m being kind giving you until tonight to leave, you disgusting ! Now get out of my sight!”
Myungsoo scrambled to get his backpack and sprinted to his room, collapsing on his bed as soon as he got there. I wanted to comfort him as he lay crumpled on the bed, sobbing uncontrollably, but what could I do? I couldn’t give him a hug and I don’t think love advice would be a good idea right now.
I hesitantly approached him.
“Are you alright?”
He ignored me which I completely expected but then he suddenly got up and headed for the bathroom. This usually shouldn’t alarm me but I saw the lifeless look in his eyes and I knew he was going to do something I would never let anyone do. Because I understand the pain and regret that comes with it.
I moved to stop him but he shut the bathroom door before I could get there. I pounded on the door.
“Myungsoo! Don’t do it!” I yelled desperately.
I heard sounds of shuffling and cabinets opening before, “I don’t care anymore.”
“No!” I screamed, scratching at the door relentlessly, “You can’t!”
I stopped for a second and heard… silence.
“No…” I whispered, “no…”
There were tears streaming down my face. I don’t even understand why I was crying for someone I knew for less than a week but for some reason, the tears just kept coming. I thought all was hopeless, but just then, Sungyeol burst in. I could tell he had run the whole way here by the way his hair stuck up and the large breaths he was taking.
He seemed to sense something was off by the way the bathroom door was locked and how silent it was.
“Myungsoo…?” Sungyeol asked hesitantly.
He slowly wandered to in front of the bathroom door. Knocking sharply on the wood, he put his ear to the door, “Myungsoo?”
Both of us heard a quiet groan from inside. Sungyeol started tugging at the knob of the door in an effort to open the door. Growling in frustration, he decided to just kick the door down.
As soon as the door was out of the way, Sungyeol rushed to Myungsoo’s side. He was lying on the cold tiled floor, a razor in one hand and blood gushing out of the other. In that instant, all I could see was red. Red, red, red, blinding my vision as my gaze could only focus on the blood seeping out of the multiple cuts on Myungsoo’s wrist. Too much red, too much blood was leaking away as Sungyeol frantically tried to staunch the wound with the shirt of his school uniform. After, trying for a few seconds with no results, Sungyeol desperately searched through the cabinets and managed to find cloth bandages. Quickly rolling it tightly around Myungsoo’s arm, he managed to stop the bleeding for now. Carefully carrying Myungsoo, Sungyeol gently laid him down on the bed and sat on the edge.
He put his head in his hands and whispered, “What have I done?”
I could see the guilt in his eyes as he glanced back at Myungsoo and walked slowly to the bathroom. It was almost an hour before I went to check on him.
Seeing that he was really distressed (complete understatement), about the whole issue, I decided to talk with him. I sat down carefully on the ground so he couldn’t see me in the mirror.
“So, tell me why did you do that?”
Sungyeol flinched and looked around, “Who is that?”
I sighed, “You could say I’m sort of your mind’s voice.”
“Oh… I suppose I think I’m crazy to believe you but I guess I do need someone to talk to…”
“So talk. Why did you mock Myungsoo? And in front of the whole grade?”
Sungyeol groaned and put his head in his hands.
“I suppose I’m a bit messed up in the head. I thought getting a girlfriend would make Myungsoo jealous and like me just a little bit. You know, just some sort of reaction. But, I just had to go and it up. People have always told me I’m good at acting but I didn’t think he would actually believe me. Myungsoo knows me better than anyone. I thought he would kno-”
“And how would he know,” I interrupted, “It’s not like you told him you are gay or anything. And all that stuff in front of the classroom was completely unneeded.”
Sungyeol sighed again.
“I don’t know. As soon as I saw him… I just went crazy I guess. I thought, no, I knew, that everyone was going to pounce on him, so I just wanted to discourage them?” he groaned and slapped his face back into his hands, “I’m such a ing idiot.”
“So you like him?” I asked calmly.
“Yes, I do.”
At that, I stood up from my uncomfortable position on the floor. Sungyeol jumped at my reflection in the mirror. I stared intensely right into his eyes through the mirror, my arms crossed in front of me.
“Then tell him. Stop making him suffer like this and tell him your true feelings. I will never forgive you if this happens ever again,” I said, turning to leave, “Oh, and a tip, invite him to stay at your place today.”
Just then Myungsoo staggered in, staring surprisedly at Sungyeol.
“Y-you like me?” he stuttered.
I looked at him in shock.
“Dude, now is not the time for you to be thinking about that. Get back into bed,” I said and gestured in the direction of his room, knowing he could see me in the mirror.
Suddenly, Myungsoo gasped and narrowed his eyes at me.
“Wait a second…” he stepped towards me, “You look kind of familiar…”
He tilted his head to one side, thinking.
“You look like… me?”
As soon as the words left his mouth, the world started blurring around me. I panicked and grabbed his shoulder. I would wonder later how I did that.
“I know this is going to sound ridiculous but you have to write a letter to yourself, okay? You have to say that I’m going to the past to help you and that if you recognize me, I’ll disappear. And also mirrors-”
My vision went black.
--------------
I blearily opened my eyes when someone shook my shoulder.
“You said you were finishing up but it’s been almost an hour so I came up to check on you and what do I find? You napping!” he scoffed.
“But,” he looked at me curiously, “Did you have a good dream, Myungie? You were smiling.”
I smiled back at him and gave him a peck on the lips, fidgeting the ring on my finger.
“Yes. Yes, I did, Sungyeol.”
---------------------
“I think you should go blonde again.”
“Oh really? I don’t think you liked it so much.”
“I was just jealous okay? Please Myungie~...”
“I’ll think about it.”
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