For hamstersshi

From Secret Santa

Prompt: "unsaid goodbyes are the most painful ones."

Pairing: Woogyu

A/N: Actually this was insanely late to the party /sorry/ but I completed it amidst my entire writers block. I wish you a happy 2015 and so forth. Hopefully this story is good enough… (I can see you like highschool aus, so I tried my best)

---

 

When there’s Light, there’s Shadow

The possibilities within a square space of one desk are limited only to how much one would want to screw around. High school is a time of questioning, complaining, stress, and pity parties. These adolescents want to break out, be "themselves" in the light they naively think is right. Without the boundaries of adulthood and with the freedom of a child, not yet mature but enough to boldly say philosophies they've constructed on their own. Why, it's an endless battle of who has it worse off and who has the most stress. Workloads double every night they slack and that's the cooler they are.

That is why class at this very moment makes it or breaks it, whether or not he enjoys it. He knows far well that yes, his sole responsibility in life during this age is to go to school. Nothing else. No bills, no life or death insurance, no job. Sure there are students whom have no parents, weak parents, over bearing parents, whatever. Pity party? Pretty much.

Here's the layout.

 "Kim Sunggyu, your answer?"

This students name is as stated, and he's nearly at the end of the first month of his last year in high school. Great, right? Just a handful of months left to go and he'll go off as a student yet again in college. There's nothing really special about him.

"This is a violation of the contract clause?"

"Bingo! But also..."

And the teacher goes on with additive information which he notes halfheartedly. Studying tonight is going to be a pain but he's gotta do it. Ends up not doing it but hey, that's his choice right? The teacher is here for a reason, getting that teaching credential for actually having the want to cultivate students best they can. It's like farming rice. In spring they plant the seeds, tending to them all year till the end and harvest the best and the mediocre. The ones whom have wilted are thrown out into the fertilizer and made anew again, trying next year to nourish yet another batch. Respect teachers, even the ones whom seem a little whack. The only reason they're like that is because they've had students whom disrespected them and therefore made a mindset you're the same. The only way to make them realize they too need to respect you is to respect them first. Kindness is round, believe it.

Sunggyu feels lunch itching onto the clock. It's near as people start to throw their pencils into their bags and zip up stuff. He does the same, trying to be quiet while the teacher tries to squeeze in some last facts about court case analysis techniques. Saved by the bell, it rings obnoxiously and hurts Sunggyu's ears, but he endures through it without blocking the screeching. First year at this school he used to cup his ears to try and protect his hearing but not anymore since his friend made fun of him. Looking like bombs of world war z was happening upon them.

"Hey man, bread?"

This is his friend, Sungjong. He's a three years younger, bustling into Sunggyu's classroom without a care and pulled a chair beside him. He plops a cream bun on his desk and smiles, some fruits milk in his hands.

“No, I’m waiting—“

“Oh right, good luck,” Sungjong smiles with his very charming eyes. He knows well on why Sunggyu is doing how he is since he was just finished with the history session but there’s a thing with him that maybe only Sungjong knows. Perhaps the other, but not leaning on that possibility at all. Hoya, well who knows what his lips will spill out and Dongwoo isn’t a big help with that either. Myungsoo was a little sick due to the weather and Sungyeol is beside him all the way, both finding an excuse to ditch school and being forever romantic on stubbornly staying beside his sweetheart. Bleh.

“You think he’ll get in line first?”

“Doubt it. Probably slept through last period and ran after the lot to buy a couple,” Sungjong snorts, biting his cream bun. “But he’ll come through with at least one, for you that is. He’s like that.”

“He is,” Sunggyu faintly glimmers.

He’s searching through his pockets when a familiar face bustles past the door, inside shoes slipping as he stumbled back. Poking his head in the first thing he does is his trademark grin and face framing motions.

“Heya Sunggyu, Sungjong,” he greets him first obviously, leaning down to leave a light peck to Sunggyu’s cheek as Sungjong grimaced. “Got lunch.”

“You better have, where’s Sunggyu’s change?” Sungjong finishes his cream bun and the senior laughs, ruffling his hair. Always so upfront but still somehow nice about it.

“Yeah I got it,” he says, handing Sunggyu the bag alongside a handful of crumpled bills and different sized coins. “Only water today though, Gyu.”

“It’s fine, Woohyun,” he smiles while hurriedly placing his hankie on the desk; although his sight is only regarding the contents of the bag, giving out a sandwich to each and a small bottled water. It was his turn to buy lunch, and it wasn’t a problem really. “You’re the only stingy one about money.”

Sungjong nods, “True.”

“Am not!” Woohyun, the boy with his hair styled to try hard, grasps his heart and lifts his head dramatically. He’s in the school play, but this is taking it a bit far. “Thou hurtest me, my loveliest! Curse fellow patrons whom dirtied ye’s mind and shower me with a thousand rose petals of undying affection once more!”

“The only thousand you’re getting is the radius that I will submit for a restraint form,” Sungjong speaks, already halfway done with his sandwich. “Never go all drama with me again or I’ll choose to punch you instead.”

“Young Sungjong you don’t understand! The lights, the camera, and action; all on me! It’s thrilling, invigorating, compelling—“

“And noisy,” Sunggyu allows himself to join in on the conversation. “Come now, let’s eat.”

*       *       *

Walking home was always a bit lonely after hugging goodbye to Woohyun and parting ways with Sungjong halfway through. He’s found himself sometimes in the convenience store, buying a small drink to reward himself after another day at school but the thought about it remains on his mind constantly. It’s been hounding his unconscious mind since the clock struck January and he always thought he was prepared, now realizing how utterly not he was.

Sunggyu locks the door, sparsely wondering where his mom went and his sister won’t be back till midnight. It’s strange, when it was time for her to go to college; he’d thought he wouldn’t see her again until holidays or breaks. But she remained at home, housing at the university cost too much. The again she does work part time and has a slight fascination with the new things she can get ahold of now. His sister was growing up, and he was still here.

He bypasses the kitchen with a bitter feeling, wanting the last flan pudding in there but he held himself off to save it for his mom. The backpack is heavy, but he relishes in the relief when finally he slips it off his shoulder and beside his bed. Plopping onto the soft material with a groan as his back stung with tension and knots, steadily relaxing against the mattress.

Thoughts about homework come first, but it flies by with a lingering counter of later. The second thought was continuing fantasies of food, quickly replaced with wonderment of what Woohyun was doing at the moment. Maybe he was being a little clingy, but he hasn’t received a text back yet.

Woohyun was incredibly busy, despite how he puts it off. After school he walks Sunggyu to the gate, proceeding to quickly run back to drama practice. He finishes around sundown, going back home to cook a quick dinner with his brother, and off again for his part time. Somehow during this time he finds some moments to work on whatever hobby he wants, plus his homework. Sunggyu doesn’t want to bother him with petty messages, and he doesn’t dock him at all.

Sunggyu himself, well he participates now and then with community service, helping out the school festival, hangs out with friends there and here; but ultimately steps onto the bus and walks home from the drop off. He says homework is his first priority; it’s unsaid that he stays up on the internet.

There isn’t any use

He sighs, pushing himself off the bed and sits up to pick up a pencil nearby and a spare notebook. Flipping to the next open page, he puts the point on paper but writes nothing. It stays this way for moments, nothing is written. He’s both frustrated at himself and sad that there isn’t anything on his mind.

I don’t need to share

Next thing he does it drop the notebook onto the floor alongside the pencil. Grabbing his phone, he opens it but there aren’t any games on it, only a few social media sites. No updates, no notifications, no texts. He sighs again, closing the phone and throwing it someplace else.

Because there’s nothing to share

Maybe a nap will do, as he lays back down into the covers. Pulling up the blankets and nuzzles his head into some pillows. The clock blared a red 6:45 but he couldn’t care less at the moment. Sleep sounded nice, homework could be done later. There wasn’t any use staying awake on the internet.

I have it easy

*       *       *

“And then there was a firetruck and everything there! Thank goodness the ambulance had a clear way to the hospital.”

Sunggyu nods along Sungjong’s story and Woohyun’s all up for it, his eyes shimmering and asking ‘So what happened after?’ even as Sungjong didn’t know. They bicker about knowing the unknown while Sunggyu mentally checks what he has to do tonight.

“Oh, Gyu,” Woohyun turns to him, sliding his arms around Sunggyu’s waist and pecks him again. He can hear Sungjong groan in the back, rolling his eyes and taking this as his leave. “I’ve got an extra shift at the restaurant today so I can’t come by to give you your midnight kiss.”

“Ah,” Sunggyu grows a little pink hearing how blunt this boy just put their little rendezvous later, some students walking past gave Sunggyu a knowing smirk and he glared back. “That’s fine; don’t tire yourself out too much.”

“You’re not even a bit disappointed?” Woohyun pouted, “No ‘what!’ or ‘how could you take an extra shift, that’s our time!’?”

Sunggyu clears his throat, trying to see the practical way out, “Well there’s no use complaining. You’re needed, I can wait. It’s not that big of a deal, Woohyun.”

“You don’t even call me…”

“Hm?” He can see even as Woohyun was joking earlier, he’s so plainly hurt at Sunggyu’s response that it spins his head. Isn’t it supposed to be Sunggyu who’s disappointed?

“Nothing, walk home safe. Okay?”

“Yeah…” he watches him go, Woohyun briskly walking back to drama practice and he sees him catch up to Sungyeol. Sunggyu, even as there’s no possible way Woohyun could hear him now says to the air, “Sorry…”

*       *       *

“Can you believe it Sungyeol? He wasn’t even the slightest bit sad! He sent me off the work without a second’s notice!”

“Calm yourself, man,” Sungyeol whacks him on the head for clear indication he’s being a stupid. “You’ve got an understanding boyfriend; god, wouldn’t we all want that? No drama, no fights. Consensual agreements on everything, man that’s the life.”

Woohyun frowns, “Yeah, it sounds ideal but it’s extremely boring actually…”

“Wait,” Sungyeol gives him a hard look, “Are you saying that you want drama in your love life?”

“It spices things up!”

“You’re an idiot!”

“But don’t fights bring people closer together?”

“I-I don’t know, god! What am I, the love guru?”

“He doesn’t even call me Hyun anymore, or even texts me during work,” Woohyun pouts, suddenly sullen and goes back to the floor as a seat while the other students fix up the stage. “When did it all change?”

“Since you picked up a part time.”

“But I need to!”

“Well that’s the point; he doesn’t want to bother you.”

“I know it’s the point,” he bites his lip, “But… I feel like I’m the only one who wants this relationship.”

Sungyeol scoots closer, confused, “What do you mean by that?”

“Remember when I asked him out?” Woohyun stirs the recon in Sungyeol’s brain as the other boy nods, “remember what he said?”

“Um…” Sungyeol toggles a little bit, “Wasn’t it ‘Okay, if you want to’?”

“Exactly!”

“Doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t want to.”

“Work with me Sungyeol.”

“I’m trying but you’re just giving me hints.”

Woohyun frowns, “What I’m trying to say is… should I break up with him?”

“What!” Sungyeol stands and a couple students look over, “Are you mad?”

“I just keep thinking about it lately.”

“Don’t you like him?” Sungyeol is half close to punching this idiot. “He definitely likes you.”

“How could you be so sure?” Woohyun stays seated. “This is only highschool. I…I probably couldn’t tell the difference between love and high admiration if I tried.”

“Stop being an idiot,” Sungyeol drops back to the floor. “Just because you guys hit a bump, doesn’t mean you just go and break it apart. Woohyun, try. Just tell him it’s okay to be, you know, the actual boyfriend. Myung tells me Sunggyu’s just a late bloomer.”

“How do I know Sunggyu likes me? What if I was too forward and he felt compelled to go out with me?” Woohyun bites his fingernail, “Maybe—“

“Ugh, stop being stupid I said already,” Sungyeol smacks his head around again, and Woohyun hits him back on the shoulder. “Since when were you the biggest drama queen on the block?”

“Let’s just get back to practice,” Woohyun finally gets back onto his feet. “I’ll call him tonight.”

He ignores Sungyeol’s ‘ooh~’ look.

*       *       *

It’s around noon, lunch actually, and Sunggyu looks out the windows counting the things he’s gotten completed over the weeks. Submitted applications, studied for finals approaching, and got all his senior work finished. Now it was just curriculum and graduation, then he’s out.

Then… I’m…

“Heyo!”

Last night Woohyun had called him. It was a little surprising but he nonetheless was happy. They chatted for a good half hour about things. Woohyun kept telling him that he doesn’t mind being bothered and Sunggyu should shoot a message whenever. He agreed, but fell asleep soon after. When he woke, the phone was off and Woohyun had already gone off to dreamland.

“Today’s lunch special is Egg Sandwich!” Woohyun pops with his hands, with a bottle of water and places it on Sunggyu’s desk. “Here’s your change.”

“Thanks,” Sunggyu gives one to the other, and a short smile. “Where’s Sungjong?”

“Said he had some sort of club meeting,” Woohyun opened the packaging.

“Ah…”

It falls silent from there, Sunggyu watched the other eat for a while until Woohyun looked up at him and asked what he was doing. A smile followed, and he wiped the boy’s mouth with a napkin, “Eat neater,” is all he says before going to his own food.

“Say, Gyu,” Woohyun wraps his trash up. “Can I come over today?”

“Huh?” he’s caught off guard, it seems sudden but a quick to the lips makes him all the more composed. “I-I don’t see why not.”

 

Sunggyu’s room is a mess of papers and clothes, so Woohyun stands by the door while Sunggyu quickly tidies everything with apologetic looks.

“You could sit on the bed for now,” Sunggyu laughs a little, pulling together a bundle of dirty clothes. It’s a lot more than he should have in his room, “I’ll go throw this in the washer,” then he looks to the two garbage bags to the side and picks those up too with a few remaining fingers, “and take these out…”

“Take your time,” Woohyun smiles and he’s left alone in the room. It’s cozy, as expected of any regular highschool boy’s bedroom. The desk is littered with eraser bits, papers, and writing utensils. A small encouragement poster right beside it on the wall and some CDs on the shelf. Books were here and there, mostly beside the bed. There was a poster of a band on the wall; interestingly enough every time Woohyun comes over it’s still hard to believe the sort of music he listens to. The bed is a mess, he found a sock under the blankets and the laptop on the pillow.

“What a messy boyfriend,” he laughs, bored enough to power on the laptop. “No password? Sunggyu, your privacy options…”

He surfs the web for a little, hearing another voice downstairs telling Sunggyu to get some refreshments and clean the dishes. It’s his mom, and gives him about five other chores to do before he comes back to do kissy kissy with Woohyun. The boy in the bedroom laughs, hearing Sunggyu sputter out excuses and how they do not kissy kissy in the bedroom. Mom thinks otherwise.

After watching the third cat video, Woohyun’s bored. He doesn’t have a password… this thought process is spiraling out of control wonder what he does on the internet? Let’s see, oh you sly sly Woohyun.

History page is up in a flash, but it wasn’t what sneaky Woohyun was expecting.

 

[Yesterday – December 17, 2014

2:14am : (Today’s Sanctuary) http://www.alightened-voice.tumblr.com

2:09am : Dealing with Loneliness  www.google.com/search/...

2:01am : Cat poops in toilet! www.youtube.com/HIr793208...

1:30am : Existential Crisis www.wiki.estistencial...

1:03am : Stress Relief www.wiki.stress...

12:38am : Psychological ideology www.google.com/search/...

12:11am : What’s the difference between… www.bing.com/search/what’sthedifferencebetween...

 

The one right before Sunggyu decided to turn this laptop off had a different url than the rest. Restlessly Woohyun did what any other curious cat would do, click it. The others were concerning; now he knew what Sunggyu was thinking in his head all the time. It was given; he was a senior, almost an adult. Going into the real world must be scary.

When the webpage loaded, it was a blog site. But the thing was, in the corner Woohyun didn’t see the regular ‘like’ or ‘reblog’ options. It was edit, delete, or dashboard.

It was Sunggyu’s blog page.

, Woohyun looked to the door. No sign of his boyfriend yet. It’s his personal blog… why didn’t he tell me? There wasn’t many recognitions on the submission, just a two others commenting whatever their thoughts were. I shouldn’t read it, I have no right to.

He reads it.

[December 17, 2014

Alongside having to finally finish submitting everything for my life ahead, I’m a little apprehensive. Everyone goes through this, right? I read about having existential crises and maybe that applies to me too. Thinking about what’s the point about everything gets me low, even my boyfriend is getting afflicted by my behavior.

You know, you go up to do something then all of the sudden the realization hits you that no matter what you do in life, it just doesn’t matter. In the whole scope of the universe, my one existence doesn’t matter. Hits you hard, yeah. I shouldn’t be moping around; I’ve got it real easy. Unlike my boyfriend, he’s daunted by daily tasks and even finds time to scold me for not being a good partner.

I should just ignore everything, huh? I mean, it’s hard to uphold a relationship. He’s so much better, even—no, not even. He is productive by himself. If you subtract me out, his life is pretty much the same. I don’t do anything. Ah, I mean my boyfriend. Sorry, I talk about him a lot huh?

I think it’s hard. To even show my face to him is like letting him down, yet he does it seamlessly. I don’t want to bother him, but I bothered him by not bothering him. This is confusing.]

Woohyun stops there because he hears footsteps coming back up. Quickly memorizing the blog url, he deletes the few history markers that he’s made and closes the laptop, shoving it back under the pillows and Sunggyu steps through the door.

“Here, my mom got us some drinks and stuff,” Sunggyu sets the plate on the desk. “Sorry I took so long.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” Woohyun outstretches his arms, “Come here.”

Sunggyu is a little hesitant, his face beginning to flush red as he steps closer to Woohyun on the bed, eventually them together embracing into a hug.

“You know, you can talk to me about anything, right?” Woohyun tries to come off cool and unknowing, feeling Sunggyu tense a little in his arms. “I don’t mind.”

The older lets out a small hum, but to him it’s much more. Woohyun chuckles, turning them onto the bed and snuggles his chin into Sunggyu’s hair. “You’re the cutest!”

“I’m not cute!” Sunggyu struggles underneath him, and he laughs because that’s the liveliest he’s seen him this week.

He won’t tell him he knows about the blog. And maybe he’ll check back in every now and then. But one thing’s for certain. If Sunggyu thinks about his space being invisible and unneeded, Woohyun will come by and give him the best treatment.

Himself.

“Ow, Gyu that hurts!”

“Serves you right for touching my sides. No kisses!”

“Gyu!”

Actually, it was to drag him out of the shadows to join him in the light.