To help myself recover fully, I came back to work earlier.

I didn't ask Kai if I could, I just did. I was thinking, he'll ask me if he sees me dressed early in the morning, but he didn't even look at me. He left, just like that.

With no car to drive, I took a cab to work.

It wasn't too long when they welcomed me back, and now here they are welcoming me back, again.

I was quite surprised, because my desk was filled with heart shaped cookies, flowers, and get well soon cards from my clients and work colleagues.

When I read every card and fixed everything, I discovered a series of heart shaped post its on my desk.

I read it, and realized, the message was repeating, "I'm really sorry."

I noticed the dates. He's been sticking these on my desk since I was gone.

I looked over on Sehun's area and caught him looking at me. He immediately turned his head, like he wasn't looking at me few seconds ago.

On our lunch, I came to Sehun and asked if we could eat together. He was hesitant, but we went out.

While we were walking the streets, I broke the silence. "I discovered the post its."

"I'm really sorry."

"Stop saying sorry, Sehun. It's not your fault."

"I was driving. It wouldn't happen if I've been more careful. Aren't you mad at me?"

"What good would it be if I'll be mad at you? It won't change anything. And you're really not to blame. Stop blaming yourself."

"But I can't do anything to help you, noona. The only thing I can do is to say sorry."

I don't like seeing him like this. On the streets, I pulled him to a hug, acting like his older sister, I brushed his hair.

"It's alright, Sehun-ah. Noona's alright."

I got off from work early, to cook dinner.

At seven in the evening, dinner was already cooked, and the table is set.

Kai must be on his way home now, I should just wait a little bit. I sat on the couch and watched tv.

I already finished an episode of tonight's drama, but Kai is still not home.

I took my phone and called him, but it was turned off. I sighed, and continued watching.

When nothing seems to entertain me, I shuffled through the rack of discs, and randomly played one.

The video started, and it showed me, cooking.

"Jagi!" That's Kai's voice.

"Stop filming me!" I said.

"Why? It's cute! We have to show our kid this! Say hi!" Kai was talking but it's only me on the screen.

Watching us, I smiled. I remember this day. He also killed a spider that time.

I was laughing the whole time I was watching. We were so happy back then. He treated me well, back then.

While I was laughing, I didn't notice there were already tears rolling down my face.

How did we come to this?

I ask myself over and over again.

I spent a few more hours, watching more home videos by Kai. I didn't know we had a lot of videos. How did Kai manage to collect it?

I paused the video where Kai and I were walking to park.

Looking at the digital clock that showed 12:11, I stood up and went to the kitchen, I grabbed a bottle of tea then checked the casserrole. The food's cold, I should re-heat it when Kai comes.

I went back to the living room and played the video.

"I want marshmallow to be that cute!" He said, pointing to a chubby kid.

Kai wanted a child so much, that's why he's so mad.

I leaned on the couch, drinking my tea while keeping my swollen eyes on the screen.

Feeling cold, I woke up. I was surprised to see it was 3:30 am already. I stood up quickly, and passed by the kitchen.

The table is how I left it. Has he not come home yet? I took my phone and called him while walking down the hallway and into our room. And found him there, sleeping with his shoes on.

I put down my phone and carefully took off his shoes. I also put the blanket on him, and he groaned, making me smell alcohol. He was drunk.

Another first. He hasn't gone drinking without asking me. And now he's doing it, even turning off his phone.

"Jagi, I'm sorry." I whispered before laying next to him. "I'm really sorry.. I, I miss you."

I turned, my back facing him.

"Where'd you go last night? I was waiting for you." I said as soon as Kai walked out to the living room, rubbing his eyes.

"Your phone was off. Why didn't you tell me you're going out?"

"Why can't I drink freely with my buddies? When you go around hugging other men on the streets?"

And another world war started there.

He was there, and he saw me hug Sehun. It was nothing for me, but it meant something to Kai. I added salt to my wounds.

"The boy has been blaming himself, and saying sorry, everyday. As an oder sister, I should atleast help him!"

"Why woud you help him? He was to blame! Let him! His sorry won't even do anything!"

"What the heck is wrong with you?!"

"YOU ARE!" He raised his voice, pissed. "Everything's wrong!" He turned and walked to our room.

"Ya! Kai! I'm still talking to you!" I followed his steps, and found him there sitting on the bed.

"Jagiya, let's talk, without screaming, can't we?" I said, my voice soft.

"I don't want to talk about it." He took his phone.

"We need to, jagi."

"I said I don't want to." He laid and hid under the blankets.

I stood there for a moment. Hesitating if I should keep talking or just shut up.

"Did you eat last night? I'll prepare breakfast, so go out and eat."

I went to the kitchen, and reheated last night's soup. I set the table once again, and waited for him.

It has been fifteen minutes and he hasn't come out. So I went to him, who was leaning on the headboard, with his earphones on.

I poked him and say, "Eat breakfast, it's not good skipping it." He just stared at me.

"Alright, you don't have to talk to me. Just eat, atleast."

I left him there, not expecting he'll follow me to the dining room.

I was kind of relieved when he sat, and picked up his spoon. I ate quietly, keeping my eyes on my own food.

The silence was broken by the loud clack of the spoon. My eyes immediately went to him.

"You call this food?"

"Kai."

"How many months are we living together? Yet you can't even cook properly."

I'm not crying this time. I'm not.

"I'm sorry if I can't."

I took his bowl and mine and poured the soup in the sink. "Don't eat."

I took all the utensils and threw it in the sink.

I locked myself in the washroom and took a bath.

I've got a lot of flaws. I can't cook, I have trouble with household chores, and there are tons of things I cannot do. But he knew it and accepted it. Whenever I fail, he'll always smile and say 'You can do better next time'.  He always helped me. He even  ate my horrible cooking and pretended like it was the most delicious food he'd ever tasted. But with one blow, he changed. Did we hurry too much? Was it a mistake marrying my bestfriend? Or, were we stuck in the past? We were blinded by our young love. We didn't think, nor asked ourselves if we really really love each other. Sure, I loved him, he loved me, but that was when we were sixteen. When I came back and married him, I was thinking I love him, BUT was my heart feeling it?

Suddenly, a word came to mind.

Divorce.

No. It couldn't be the answer to all of this, right?

Just so you guys know, we're nearing the end.

Thank you sweeties!

xoxo,

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