"LOVE IS NOT A CHORE OR A ROUTINE. IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU SCHEDULED IN YOUR CALENDAR. LOVE TAKES COMPROMISE FROM BOTH PEOPLE, BUT IT SHOULD NEVER COMPROMISE YOUR HAPPINESS."

DONGHAE POV

My eyes can't separate from its eye flat even when morning sunlight starts peeking through the mid open curtain. I rolled to my side, pulling Hyukjae closer to my chest in an attempt to shield him from direct sunlight.  I’m not really a morning person, unless my schedule forced me to be, I tend to stay in bed until late afternoon or until my stomach calls for food. But now with Hyukjae in my arms I realized that being a morning person isn’t bad after all.

For over an hour I just laid quietly with my arms securely wrapped around the dancer’s waist. I listened to the younger’s sleepy breaths and died a little inside every time he nestled closer to me in his sleep. I slept with Rachel many times before but I never felt this way with her. Right this moment, when Hyukjae’s body is close to mine, the consequences didn’t seem so grave. My mind and body both betrayed my sense of right and wrong.

‘ARE YOU HAPPY?’

I am. After what Rachel did to me this is actually the first time I felt so alive and happy.

‘THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS USELESS THINKING EARLY IN THE MORNING?’

So not useless,

‘YOU NEED TO FORGET THE PAST, DONGHAE. CAN’T YOU SEE ITS RESTRAINING YOU TO BE HAPPY WITH HYUKJAE.’

I can’t help it. Mama left me to be free from papa. Rachel left with no words and the next thing I knew she’s getting married with another man. All the complication that comes with being gay scares me but the thing I’m scared the most is to be left again. I’m afraid I will not be able to find the courage to pick all the pieces and start again. It’s just so painful and lonely. I can’t…

My reverie was interrupted by the rustling sound of the sheets. Shifting my eyes to the younger, I learned that he’s already awake and actually looking worriedly at me.

I reach my idle hand to gently caress his face.

“Good morning,”

We stared back at each other for God knows how long until he found his voice, “Morning,”

I smiled at him, moving my hand to trace his lips with my fingers.

“How was your sleep?”

“Good… so good. Yours?” he told me, my fingers still on his lips.

“Better,” I answered.

He pulled my hand back to his mouth and kissed it, “I don’t want you to think negative things when we’re together. I want our moments to be all happy.”

My eyes shifted away from him to look up the ceiling. My emotions are too strong right now and I’m afraid I’ll lose it when I look into the most expressive eyes I ever saw – second to mine of course.

“I can’t help it, Hyuk. When I’m so close to you like this I can’t think straight. I want to be with you but I’m afraid of the consequences. I don’t want to lose you but I’m afraid you’ll left me when I become so dependent to you. My own mother left me. My fiancé cancelled our engagement without saying anything. I don’t want to be alone again.”

He scooted closer to me as he entwined our fingers and placed it on top of my chest.

“I’m also afraid, Hae. I don’t want to ruin your career. Believe me I don’t want that to happen but I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be happy with you. I’m not a strong person but for you I will try to be one but you know I can’t handle everything myself. You need to help me if you really want to keep this relationship, or whatever you call this kind of arrangement. As long as you want me with you, I will not go anywhere.”

It wasn’t an assurance or anything close to that but somehow I understand where he’s coming from. If I want to be in a long term relationship with this man I should respect his fears and insecurities. Whether he stays with me or not, it all depends on me and my decisions. It will not be hearts and flowers all the time but one thing is for sure, having Hyukjae in my life is worth it.

I looked down on him and I once again melted when our eyes meet.

“Thank you for understanding, Hyuk. You don’t know how badly I needed that.”

He squeezed my hand assuredly, “anything for you.”

We stayed like that for another half an hour before I decided to sit up to freshen up. I offered my hand to him but he declined. He went under the sheets again and I have no choice but to let him be. I guess my bed is too comfortable that he find it hard to leave.

“I never thought you’re a lazy , Hyuk.” I joked before closing the door of the bathroom.

Once I’m done, I emerged from the bathroom with new set of clothes for Hyuk but to my surprise he’s not in bed anymore. The curtains were drawn properly and the bed was neatly arranged as if no one slept the night before. My clothes that were haphazardly thrown to the couch some nights ago were gone. I bet he discarded it already in the laundry room or somewhere else other than my room. I admire his work for the last time before going out of the room. I headed down the stairs, onto the hallway leading to the kitchen.

“Hyuk?” I asked, walking further inside.

“I’m here,” I answered as he peeked out his head from the fridge.

I stagger my way to him and immediately wrapped my arms around his waist.

“I thought you left already.” I turn him around and pinned him in the now closed metal door of the refrigerator.

He didn’t meet my eyes though. He purposely averted his eyes with obvious blush on his face.

“Hey, look at me.” I whispered on his ear and with the use of my pointing finger, I tilted his chin up for our eyes to finally meet.

“What are you making? Can I offer any help?” I asked.

“Western breakfast,” he idly put both of his hands on my waist, stabilizing himself. “Is it okay if you make our morning coffee?” 

Without any inhibitions whatsoever, I leaned forward and pecked his lips.

“If you want I can check on the food as you change. I already prepared new clothes for you.”

He scrunched up his nose, smelling himself.