"WHEN YOU FINALLY ACCEPT THAT IT'S OK NOT TO HAVE ANSWERS AND IT'S OK NOT TO BE PERFECT, YOU REALIZE THAT FEELING CONFUSED IS A NORMAL PART OF WHAT IT IS TO BE A HUMAN BEING." -WINONA RYDER

DONGHAE POV

When I detached my lips from Hyuk’s forehead and he opens his eyes – in which I didn’t know he actually closed by the way – we fell into a dreadful silence. Not that I’m expecting him to say he liked it, I just thought he will get angry and slap the out of me for invading his personal space. I let another minute passed before forcing myself to speak.

“How are you feeling?” I asked feeling stupefied with my own question.

“You mean how I feel about you kissing me?” he answered with new found confidence although he can’t look directly into my eyes.

“Pabo! I’m asking if you’re like fine to go back and get the meeting started. Let me tell you I haven’t had a descent sleep for weeks now and the earlier we finish the brain storming the better. So what’s your answer?”

With that being said, he quickly reached a hand and placed on top of my forehead, feeling for any signs of fever or that’s what I think?

“What do you think you’re doing touching me like that?” I reprimanded him, swatting his hand away.

“I just wanted to make sure you don’t have fever because I usually suffered one when I’m lacking sleep. And can you please stop acting as if I have done something to you that you don’t like? Let me remind you, you kissed me first.” He deadpanned.

I mentally face palmed when I heard him say it casually. I mean my mind did summersault upon realizing how taboo my action was and yet there he is saying it as if it’s the most natural thing to do between two adult males. Like hell I had a beautiful girlfriend and constantly surrounded with gorgeous female idols and actresses and yet this man is giving me a hard time.

“Stop saying that okay? I’m not going to tolerate your bragging that I kissed you. It’s not appropriate for my image.”

I abruptly pulled myself up, ready to head for the door when I felt two arms rounded my waist tightly. I looked over my shoulder just to find Hyuk pressed against my back like a koala. I never thought back hug could be this meaningful even if the other one is of the same . Wookie never did such act with me even my closest friends, Leeteuk hyung and Kyuhyun. Did I turn gay with a simple kiss and a back hug? I don’t think so.

I’m ready to detach his arms away from me when I met resistance.

“Don’t… please… let’s stay this way for a while.” He begged.

“Hyuk, I’m…”

“I know… but please grant me this wish and I promise I will do everything you want.”

My rational mind is happy that I made that “straight” thought across but then again I can’t help but feel sorry for this man hugging me. The last thing I want is to hurt him in any way possible but can I really submit myself to do that? The simple fact that I’m straight hurts him. I maybe arrogant at times but I still have my sensitivity well intact.

And so I allowed him to do what he wants, thinking that a hug will do no harm to both parties. I stood there awkwardly while waiting for Hyukjae to completely let go. there’s so much thought running inside my mind but I cannot bring myself to thoroughly analyze everything because I’m afraid I’ll go insane. I only know one thing right now and that is I enjoy the warmth Hyukjae’s embrace is giving me.

Hyukjae finally loosened his arms around me and I can’t help but feel the emptiness it brings.

“Hyung, can I be honest with you?” he unsurely asked that made me turn around almost instantly.

“S-sure,”

He reached for my hands and enclosed them with his own as he stares into my eyes as if gauging the amount of trust I have for him.

“I never wanted to tell you this because I’m afraid it will taint our working relationship but hyung I can’t hide it anymore. Please don’t hate me,”

“Spill it already.” I encouraged him.

His hold on me tightens as he utter, “I-I’m gay hyung and I… I like you… a lot.”

Oh! Exactly what I thought of him. But what’s with the sudden confession? He didn’t plan to tell me his secret just because I comforted him moments ago, right? I mean confessions should be at least planned and not just a simple slipped of the mouth, or that’s just my assumption?

Maybe it’s my lack of response that Hyukjae slowly retracted his hands and never met my eyes again.

‘COME ON DONGHAE DO SOMETHING. YOU KNOW YOU DON’T HATE GAYS.’

Even with the obvious truth my mind told me, I can’t find myself to act on it. I just stood on my place and let Hyukjae leave the room without doing or saying anything.

-----*****-----

Thankfully the meeting went well with Hyukjae and Chan Young in the same room and after two hours the team agreed to begin the rehearsals and preparations tomorrow afternoon. As much as I wanted to talk to the younger, he stormed out of the conference room immediately after he said his goodbye. I didn’t dwell on it as tiredness starts to consume all the logic I have in mind. Leeteuk hyung and I stepped into the elevator in complete silence. At this point my manager knew better not to speak with me and I can’t be more thankful for that side of hi