"BEAUTY IS ABOUT BEING COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN. IT'S ABOUT KNOWING AND ACCEPTING WHO YOU ARE." -ELLEN DEGENERES

HYUKJAE POV

“Sungmin-ah, what do I do? I can’t face Donghae today.”

Saturday finally came and I get to see my best friend who is also busy with the expansion of his café. We are lazily lounging in the living room with chips, chocolates, and sodas while watching a random music program. I already told him about my abrupt confession and as my best bud and someone who had been in a same relationship, he knew I didn’t handle the situation all too well.

“Will you shut it, Hyuk? You already confessed and now you’re telling me you can’t stand to face him? Are you hearing yourself? Because you sound stupid to me.”

I reached for the remote and muted the television.

“Stop calling me stupid, will you? I already heard enough. And I’m sorry if I’m not the smart friend you expected me to be.” I didn’t hide the hurt I felt because of him calling me stupid for almost 10th time since he came here.

“Are you seriously sulking on me right now, Lee Hyukjae?” he asked amusedly.

A pout slowly crept across my face and I’m sure I can’t hide it from my observant friend.

“Just a little,” I answered.

He put down the bowl of chips he’s holding and turn to face me completely.

“All I’m saying is that you rushed everything and it might cause him to somehow feel uncomfortable around you. Say if you’re the one on his shoes what will be your initial reaction? I’ll bet my life you will freak out if not faint on the spot.”

Come to think of it Sungmin do have a point there. It’s so selfish of me to think that I’m the victim here.

I scrunched up my nose, sighing.

“He assured me he doesn’t hate me though. Should I be happy about that, Minnie-ah?”

Sungmin looked at me with understanding and nodded, “at this point you should be happy with every possible response you will get from him.”

“And why is that?”

“That means he’s still comfortable around you and he don’t see you as a poisonous monster that will turn him gay.”

“I’m sure Donghae doesn’t think of us like that. His brother is… oh never mind. He’s not like your father end of conversation.”

Being Sungmin’s best friend for almost ten years now I know how difficult for him to be gay. His father is part of the Korean Navy while his mother is currently the Operations Manager of Seoul Bank. Mr. and Mrs. Lee were the nicest couple I know, second to my parents of course, but when Sungmin told them about his real gender preference, his father kicked him out of the house immediately. He cut all his credit and debit cards leaving my friend homeless and broke. He struggled a lot, and I mean a lot, that soon paid off as his mother took him back before his father died due to kidney complications.

Sungmin’s expression softens upon hearing what I said. Mr. Lee might be harsh on him but Sungmin looked up to him a lot. He respected and loved his father so much that hating him doesn’t look appealing at all.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to open the wounds.” I reached for his hand, squeezing it lightly.

“I know you do,” he smiled and resumes, “so what will you do later?”

“I’ll act according to what I’m supposed to act for the sake of the team. It’s not healthy to be awkward with Donghae.”

We resume watching the said music show and forgot that there are still a lot of things we haven’t said to each other, specifically me. I haven’t said anything about Ryeowook and Kyuhyun being almost lovers and the secret surrounding Donghae and his family. Come to think of it it’s better for Sungmin to not know a single thing. Its not that I don’t trust him, I just wanted to spare him a heartache because even if he doesn’t speak about his feelings for his ex, I feel that he’s still in love with him. I don’t have the heart to slap on his face that Kyuhyun already found someone else and sad to say that someone is also close to me and to the man I love. 

-----*****-----

It’s already past one in the afternoon when Sungmin left our place after having lunch together. As much as I wanted him to stay longer, I can’t because I needed to be in CJE for rehearsals. Walking back to my room after a warm bath, I picked out one of my favorite sweat pants, two shirts and pants, just in case I sweat a lot after practice, and put it on. I grabbed my duffle bag and throw my spare clothes inside.

As I’m fixing my hair in front of the mirror, my phone that’s resting on top of my side table went off. I decided to ignore the call but the caller is damn persistent! I reached for it and answered without bothering to check the name flashing on the screen.

“Hello?”

“Hyukjae its Donghae. Are you on your way to CJE?”

It took me another second to comprehend that I’m really talking to Donghae, the love of my life.

“A-ah yeah, I’m getting ready to leave. Waeyo?”

“I’m thinking if you want me to pick you up?”

Maybe it’s the way Donghae said it that I feel myself blushed. Yeah I’m so gay like this thank you very much.

“N-no hyung I think it’s not a good idea. What will the others think when we go there together? I can go there myself so do you. P-please… I-I don’t want to—”

“Burden me. I know that already and honestly I don’t think there’s something wrong about us getting along. You’re part of my team. It’s natural to be spotted together unless you are not comfortable with me anymore. Is that your reason, Hyuk? Tell me.”

Why is it everybody outs