Kisses are not done out of nothing. They are done to express the deepest and most serious feelings. Love. The kiss I gave Kyuhyun, it was out of love. Not for anything else. Not to make anyone jealous or for the sake that Kyuhyun would change his mind and fall in love with me. It was just love. Nothing less.

He sat next to me, using his fingers to write something on the sand. The birds were flying, the salty sea water was crashing against the shore, tourists enjoying their time with friends and family. The sky was blue and the sun’s heat didn’t hurt my skin. The wind blew hard, it was cold. But it felt colder when Donghae wasn’t talking to me.

I cleared my throat, hoping that it would get his attention and it did. Thing is, he kept his eyes on the sand and his attention to me, “You kissed him . . .”

“Ne” I felt guilty and sorry

He sighed and then looked out at the ocean, “Did you like it?”

“Donghae . . .” I reached between us to touch his arm

“Answer me”

“Don’t do this”

“Don’t do what?”

“This. You’re trying to hurt yourself” I pointed out with my voice raising with great irritation. I was having this disgusting feeling that he was trying to make me look like I was this girl who had her head growing.

“I’m trying to ask you a question”

“A question that will offend me”

“And I know your answer will hurt me”

“Then why bother to ask?” I was not just irritated, I was angry

He gritted his teeth and then breathed in. He stood up and then he pulled me away from the hotel. He pulled me towards this area with trees and grass and where there were no people around to see us. It was like this isolated part of the beach. No one was there just trees and grass and this abandoned hut. He took me there and then he turned his back to me.

“Oh great!” I’m now angry, “You bring me here an---“

It wasn’t harsh. It was like how I wished Kyuhyun would kiss me when I kissed him. My eyes were wide open while his were closed and in deep need for reciprocation. I felt this warm feeling in his kiss. I felt like his kiss was something no woman ever had. But me. He hands rested in my waist and he pulled me closer. My eyes involuntarily closed and my arms had a mind of its own, placing itself around his neck. My toes tipped to meet his kiss, pressing me lips harder against his. The kiss wasn’t sloppy. No tongue. No . No lip biting. No lust. There was just one thing that he wanted to tell me with that kiss. He loved me. He loves me. With every second that passed, Donghae and I were lost in a word where I think neither of us have ever been in. A world where it’s just me and him.

When we slowly pulled away, he rested his forehead against mine. He smiled as a tear rolled down his cheek, “Please . . .” he begged, “Look at me . . . see me as me. I can be better”

I cupped his face in my hands, “This isn’t a competition” I said, “And okay . . . I’ll see you, Hae. I’ll look at you and love you as much as you love me”

My words weren’t said because I felt sorry for Donghae. I said these words because right then and there, I realized that I was not only pushing the one man that could possibly love me, but I was also shattering him by showing great affection for another man.

He smiled, “Thank you” he said, “How do you say ‘I love you’ in Tagalog?” he asked me

I smiled as I felt a tear in my eye, “Mahal kita”

“Mahal kita, Max” he said

“Mahal din kita, Donghae” I replied. There was truth in what I said. I love Donghae. Maybe not as much as I love Kyuhyun but I can learn, right? I can learn to love him more than I love Kyuhyun. No one will give up, that’s for sure. Not me, not Donghae. This is a fight we will face together. No matter what, no matter who, we will never give up. My feelings for Donghae will grow.

We held hands as we walked along the shore, watching beach fire dancing. Donghae held my hand tight as if he never wanted to let me go. The fire dance was amazing, fire breathing performers were scary yet, undeniably talented. When the show finished, Donghae and I continued to walk along the shore. We stopped at this so-called Magic House. There was tarot reading, fortune telling and palm reading. Very fake, if you ask me.

Donghae pulled on my hand lightly, “You wanna try it?”

I gave him a look, “Are you serious?”

He shrugged, “It wouldn’t hurt to try, right?”

I sighed and then I nodded. Donghae pulled me into the small hut that looked really old and as if no one was really there. The lights of the hut were dim and there were these ‘gods’ that was carved in wood and they looked freaky. They had one of those Tiki gods. There were fertile gods and love gods. It was so weird.

I swallowed, “Should we be here?” I asked, scared and not comfortable with what I saw seeing. There was this round table in the middle and there were tarot cards on the table but there was no one there.

“Are you scared?” he asking with a mocking tone

I nodded quickly, “I admit I’m scared so let’s go” I pulled his wrist and I was so ing ready to leave when all of a sudden . . .

“Wait!” a voice of an old lady was heard

Donghae and I turned and then we saw a small woman walking towards the table. She has this colorful bandana around her head. Her eyeliner was so thick and her nails were long. She looked at Donghae and me, scrutinizing us. She pulled out a chair and pulled something out from her long dress. She had coat made of what seemed like thin sheets. It was three small beads and then she fixed the tarot cards on the table.

“Leaving so soon?” she asked and extended her hand, “Take a seat” she says

“We don’t have money” I said and then pulled on Donghae’s wrist but he didn’t move from his place. I pulled on his wrist again and said, “Hey”

He looked at me, “Come on!” he pulled me towards the table and I didn’t have a choice but to sit

She looked at me and it was so freaking scary. She needed a serious make over, “Hello, sweet heart” she smiled, a smile that says wickedness.

I swallowed, “Annyeong”

“You’re not Korean” that was something obvious, I mean, I’m not one hundred percent Korean “How’s the weather in the Philippines?”

“Uh . . . hot? And I’m half Korea, ma’am”

She her head to the side, as if not understanding something that she’s reading, “Give me your hand”

I did as I was told and I kept on looking at Donghae but he just flashed me smiles! “So young . . .” she said, “You’ve met the man who will make you happy . . . Max” she said. She had her forefinger on my pal, tracing those lines that ever since I was a little girl, I failed to understand what those were for. She closed her eyes, breathing in deeply and then from black and normal eyes to grey and freaky ones!

OKAY! WEIRDO ALERT! I know this is all magic and but whuut? “Look after yourself, Max. Love doesn’t always last . . . especially if it’s with the wrong person” she whispers. My hand stiffens under her touch, sweating and feeling cold.

Donghae held my other hand, “Can we stop?” he asked in a worried tone

She looked at him, her eye going back to normal, “You . . .” she whispered, “You must learn to fight . . . Don’t be weak and stupid!”

My heart was racing and then she let go of my hand. She stood up and then pulled something out from the cabinets behind us. She pulled out two bracelets and then placed then on the table. One of them was in the color of blue and the other one red.

She closed her eyes and then did some sort of ritual, chanting this spell or whatever and she finished she took the blue one and turned her attention to me, “This is protection” she said and then took my wrist, wearing it around.

She then took the red one and then turned her attention towards Donghae, “Protect this” she said, taking his wrist and wearing it. She took my wrist and held onto Donghae’s, “Hold hands” she commanded and we did.

“There’s so much energy between you two” she smiled at us, “Use it well” 

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