‘Hyuk? Hyukkie…’ Kyuhyun called softly, rubbing his hand at the back of the still crying hard Hyukjae. ‘Hyuk… it’s okay. Everything will be fine.’ Kyuhyun said, his voice soothing, but wasn’t enough to stop the tears from keeping flowing from Hyukjae’s eyes. ‘Come on, Hyuk. Tell me your story.’

Hyukjae quickly shook his head once he heard Kyuhyun’s request. Kyuhyun let out sigh, pushing away Hyukjae who was hugging him so dearly. Kyuhyun put both his hands on Hyukjae’s shoulder, making the latter face him. Hyukjae quickly hide his face by looking down to his laps when their eyes met.

‘Hyukkie, you have to be honest with me.’ Kyuhyun said, his right hand already on Hyukjae’s cheek, caressing it lovingly. Hyukjae leaned more to his right, wanting to feel Kyuhyun more. ‘Be honest, Hyukjae.’ Kyuhyun persuading, but again, Hyukjae shook his head. Kyuhyun stopped his caressing, his right hand trailed down to Hyukjae’s chin instead. He lifted Hyukjae’s chin, making the other had no option but to look up fully at him. Hyukjae’s eyes, Hyukjae’s nose, Hyukjae’s cheeks, Hyukjae’s lips were red because of the crying. Kyuhyun leaned forward, planting a soft kiss to his eyes, and then travelled down to his nose, both of his cheeks and a simple peck on Hyukjae’s lips, the last one.

‘I am afraid…’ Hyukjae spoke, voice was too low. Kyuhyun probably missed it if he wasn’t looking intently at Hyukjae’s lips at the moment. Hyukjae closed his eyes when he felt Kyuhyun’s lips once again lingering on his lips. He sighed when the kiss wasn’t last long like what he wishing at.

‘What are you afraid of Hyukjae?’ Kyuhyun asked, his lips were still on Hyukjae’s one. ‘I am here for you.’ He said, realizing that Hyukjae would never do the talk, no matter how he was persuading the other with his kisses. Maybe I should use other technique. He thought and his left hand was trailing inside Hyukjae’s shirt, wanting to give a security and assurance feeling to the other, that no matter what his story is, he will still stay by his side. 

Hyukjae refused to open his eyes, afraid that Kyuhyun would disappear once he did. No, to lost Kyuhyun once again was the last thing he wanted to happen. He would rather die than living without Kyuhyun by his side once again.

‘Hyuk…’ Kyuhyun whispered to his ear. ‘I am still waiting.’ Hyukjae could felt Kyuhyun’s warm breath on his neck, its tickling him, but he don’t want Kyuhyun to stop. ‘Come on, Hyuk. Speak.’ Kyuhyun said and slowly his hands retreating from the mini pleasure he was giving to the other. Kyuhyun behaved himself in front of the latter, refused to give Hyukjae pleasure anymore. No touching, no kissing anymore.

Hyukjae desperately looking for Kyuhyun; blindly moves his hand to reach Kyuhyun. He was still refused to open his eyes. Kyuhyun intertwined his hand with Hyukjae’s as soon as the latter found his, hoping that it will give a little courage for the other to start. Seem like it could took forever to make Hyukjae’s speak, and Kyuhyun know, if he took a wrong move, he was risking himself to lose Hyukjae once again, this time for forever.

‘I am afraid.’ Hyukjae said, brought Kyuhyun’s hand to his cheek and leaned to it. ‘That you will hate me.’ Slowly, he opened his eyes to met Kyuhyun’s. Kyuhyun was there, sitting in front of him, looking at him intently. Hyukjae couldn’t guess if the other was judging, or he was just simply waiting patiently for him to open up a bit. ‘I am afraid you will hate the monster me.’ Hyukjae said, trying to read Kyuhyun’s expression.

But there was nothing. Nothing was reflecting on Kyuhyun’s face. No disgust, no judging stares. Kyuhyun just sat there, no moving even a muscle, looking at him, waiting for him to continue. And Hyukjae coward because of it, because he know, Kyuhyun don’t want a runaway anymore. He wanted an escape. They needed an escape. And being honest to each other was the only escape they have at this moment. But being honest was the thing Hyukjae had tried to avoid all this time.

For Hyukjae, the feeling was like he was trapping inside a long dark tunnel; dark, soundless, and cold, with no light and no ending.

‘Ever since I was little, all my wishes would be fulfilled. I want expensive toys; my father will buy it for me. I want to eat delicious thing, my mom will cook it for me. I never spent energy, or sweat to get what I wanted by myself.’ Hyukjae said, starting his story with his childhood times. Kyuhyun know better to never interrupt.

‘When I get bad grades at school, father will shove money to fix it.’ He said, laughing at his own life. ‘Then Siwon came into my life. From being the boy next door, I dragged him to my mess. He was a great companion. He does everything for me. Including beating people I simply don’t like.’

Kyuhyun gasped slowly, going unnoticed by Hyukjae. He was surprised of knowing this. He couldn’t believe his Hyukjae; his soft and kind hearted Hyukjae would do this.

‘There were few times where Siwon in and out from jail, all because he was covering my doing. I know he loved me, and I know he would do everything just for me. So I used him. I used him to the extend I broke him, changing the kind hearted man become heartless man.’ Hyukjae stopped and played with his fingers. He continued back with his story when he gained the courage once again.

‘There’s no meaning in my life. I just do what the demon inside me asked me to do. Beating people, robbing into my neighborhood houses, crashing the car parked on the road. I was full of anger at that time, every little thing people do annoyed me, and I makes sure they pay for making me angry.’ Hyukjae let out a snickered, at his own. ‘I was out of control; my parents didn’t know what else they should do to stop me.’

‘One day, they send me to my uncle. It was their last choice. My uncle was a mess, a big mess than me.’ He shivered at his own past. ‘He was a drug addict, he was an abuser. Uncle accepted me with big arms. I thought he liked me. Turned out he couldn’t wait to own me. Ever since I leave with him, I was forced to fulfill his ual desire. I was forced to please him.’ Hyukjae sobbed a little. ‘He taught me everything about , which makes me wanted to throw up more every time he mentioned about it. He never take me, I wonder what makes him wait though.’

Kyuhyun restrained himself from hugging Hyukjae, whispering soothing words to him because he know if he did, Hyukjae would stop.

‘But one day, he was drunk, he was hard. And he saw me sleeping on my bed. After always being beats by him, I prepared myself. There was knife below the pillow I was sleeping at. A weapon for me to defend myself.’ Hyukjae shake, he brought his hand to his ears, as the past was playing right in front of his eyes once again. ‘I was sleeping when I felt something weight on top of me. When I opened my eyes, I was shocked to found uncle on top of me. His breathing stink, his eyes were red and teary. He was high. Without thinking, I reached the knife beneath me, and I slaughtered him.’

‘Hyuk…’ Kyuhyun called, trying to shake off Hyukjae from his past.

‘I was so afraid at that time. Uncle’s blood splattered on me; tainted my pale skin with his red blood. My body was shaking when I saw Uncle shaking on the ground, before him finally stop. I don’t know what should I do, so I called Siwon. Siwon came to me rushing. He too was shocked. He quickly grabbed the knife from me, washing it, trying to clean my fingerprint from it. He then rubbed the knife to Uncle’s hand, making sure that it was dirtied with his own blood. When Siwon felt it was enough, he called police. Siwon do all the talking, telling the police that my uncle was high, and tried to kill me, but instead killed himself.’

‘Siwon bought me to the therapist, trying to heal me. I was okay after three years of recovering, and he bought me away from my hometown. He enrolled me to the same Uni with him. And there, I met you.’ Hyukjae said, finally looking up to Kyuhyun.

Hyukjae’s eyes were teary, stained red, but he have soft smile on his face. ‘After I met you, it felt like I was reborn again. I felt like I was someone else. I wanted to build new future with you. So many thing we have face together, and I was happy at the end I was finally become your life partner. I swore to myself that I would be the best life partner to you. I wanted to forget the past, and live happily with you.’ Hyukjae said happily. ‘I hide my past so that you wouldn’t know. I wanted you to love the new me. I really love you. I really love you with all my heart, Kyuhyun. I have never ever had this kind of feeling towards someone else, even to Siwon who had been loyal to me.’ Hyukjae said. ‘I want you. I want to live with you, happy together with you.’

Hyukjae’s face clouded once again. ‘But then the tests were too strong to us. One after another happened to us, which makes we separated. I was devastated. So, once again, I use Siwon to fulfill all my wishes. Your company board member, Sungmin, everything was Siwon doing under my command. I wanted to punish everyone that makes us separated.’ Hyukjae sobbed once again. 'I do just because I wanted to be with you again. That's all.' 

‘I wanted to hear you tell me that you want me, Kyu. I wanted to hear you tell me you love me once again, Kyu. I just wanted to be with you once again, forever. I love you, Kyu. Only you.’ Hyukjae said and tried to reach for the latter hand.

But Kyuhyun pried his hand away.  

I know you will hate me... 

Enjoy everyone~~