Few minutes have passed but none of them opening their mouth to talk. Both minds were drifting away, too busy and occupied with whatever they were thinking at that moment. It was Kyuhyun who was making the first ice breaking, by letting out a long sigh. Hyukjae flinched at the sound, still playing with his finger, head never looked up.

Kyuhyun let out second sigh, and the only thing Hyukjae could process was the latter wasn’t there in front of him anymore. Kyuhyun had stood up and walked to his kitchen; picking two glasses with one bottle of Hyukjae couldn’t guess out the content because the bottle was dark in colour.

Hyukjae lowered his head quickly when Kyuhyun was sitting back to his former position, only with addition of the glasses and the mystery bottle on the table now. Don’t tell me it’s an alcohol? He should know that I couldn’t handle that drink. Hyukjae thought, mind and body was restless peeking at the mysterious bottle.

Kyuhyun poured down the content from the mysterious bottle to the glasses he bought with him. He handed one to Hyukjae, another one he placed it in front of him.

‘What… what is that?’ Hyukjae asked.

‘It is just a mineral water.’ Kyuhyun answered and he didn’t know how much relief Hyukjae was at the clarification. ‘I thought we need something to loosen up. But then I remember how you are not fond to alcohol.’ Kyuhyun simply answered and Hyukjae nodded in agreement.

Kyuhyun brought the drink to his mouth, sipping it just to wet his lips. ‘So…’ Kyuhyun started, clearing his throat. ‘I think I should do the talk first.’ Kyuhyun said watching Hyukjae tensed up and playing with his fingers. ‘I know we can decide to not talk about this at all, but then I figured up that we both won’t want to be hiding in the dark anymore. To start a new life, I do think we need a fresh start.’ Kyuhyun said, pausing for moments to watched Hyukjae’s reaction. ‘And for a new fresh start, we need to be honest with each other.’ He stopped when he saw Hyukjae’s tensed more. ‘I will start with mine.’ Kyuhyun keep going, because he knew they both need this.

‘I have a brother, namely Heechul. He was Donghae’s lover. I think I have told you about him during our university life, didn’t I?’ He asked to Hyukjae and the latter only nodded as answer. ‘When I was seventeen, I was madly in love with Sungmin.’ He started, with a story that Hyukjae vaguely know. ‘He wasn’t just a crush; he was a lover to me. The one that I wanted to spent the rest of my life with. And of course, my parents didn’t know about this. We are happy couple. We loved each other so much.’ Kyuhyun said, smiling when he remembered the happy moments he has with Sungmin. Hyukjae’s keep his head low, a pang of jealousy slowly makes way to his heart, but he was trying his best to suppress it.  

‘Heechul know about us, and although he didn’t support us hundred percent, he didn’t against our relationship either. Heechul was in neutral side. As long as Sungmin didn’t ruin me or my future, he keeps everything low.’ Kyuhyun said and sipping the drink once again. ‘Heechul had been our messenger, or some sort. He covered me whenever I was out for date with Sungmin.’ Kyuhyun said for a breath when he remembered that he was supposed to breath. ‘Daddy… I don’t know… maybe it was just me… or maybe it was the truth. Daddy wasn’t too pleased with the imperfect me. He always wanted me to do more. To do thing beyond my ability. Good score, good pointer, active in sport. Everything must be perfect to his eyes.’ He said, closing his eyes when flash of memory where Kangin had thrown away his test paper because he got 97 for the score. He shook his head, not wanting to remember that he was forbidden to eat for the night because of it.

‘Heechul was his perfect son.’ Kyuhyun continued back. ‘Everything Heechul did was a huge success. I was overpowered by his shadow, and was forced to be the same as him.’ Kyuhyun said, body shaking at it. ‘Sungmin was my escapade. He shows me light when I was covered with darkness. He gave me hope for my dream. He was there, being Lee Sungmin for me. Be the guy that makes me fall in love to him every day and more.’ He said smiling and Hyukjae had to pinched his hand to control his jealousy inside.

‘But after two years, my nightmare came. Sungmin changed when his family was announced bankrupt from the bank. He became possessive. He became violent. He don’t mind hurting people, as long as his wishes and desires was fulfilled.’ Kyuhyun shivered at the past. It was hard for him to reopen back to wound that never heal in his heart. ‘He’s craving for me. He’s craving for .’ Kyuhyun said and Hyukjae gulped. ‘He wanted me to always have with him. It was hard. I was still in my school age, my school performance dropped abruptly after that because of it. I was lucky that Heechul always covered up for me and he was the one who always attend the teacher parents’ day for me. He knew most of teachers there, so it was possible for him to come on daddy’s behalf.’ 

‘Sungmin become worst, he demands become harder for me to fulfill. It became ridiculous at one point that I couldn’t stand it any longer. He hurt my friends, just because they talked to me.’ Kyuhyun said, voices rose a bit in anger. ‘But I was stupid. I was stupidly in love with him that I do believe that my love with change him back to the lee Sungmin I used to know; to Lee Sungmin I used to love.’ Kyuhyun said lowly, and when Hyukjae lifted up his head to check on the other, he could saw the sadness and regret on Kyuhyun’s face.

‘The leads to something bigger. The after effect finally takes place on Sungmin. He was pregnant.’ Kyuhyun said pausing for himself to breath. ‘He was pregnant because of me. He was carrying my child.’

‘Did you regret it?’ Hyukjae finally asked and Kyuhyun looked at him in confusion. ‘Did you regret that Sungmin was carrying your child?’ Hyukjae asked again properly this time. 

Kyuhyun shook his head. ‘No, I would never ever regret having the child. She was my own flesh and blood. And no matter how complicated I am with Sungmin, I was so happy when she was born.’ Kyuhyun said, happiness was clearly written on his face. ‘The first time I heard her cries, I cried. I was happy, too happy with the fact that I have my own daughter.’ But the happiness on Kyuhyun’s face changed to something clouded. ‘But I was wrong. I miscalculate thing and I wasn’t aware of Sungmin’s psychology condition. He hated the child. He hate her to the extend he keep wanted to kill her. I caught him few times trying to kill my daughter. Few times he tried to end up Ahreum’s life.’ Kyuhyun said, hand clenching in anger. ‘I failed to protect her that Sungmin’s uncle thought that I was incapable and ran away with my daughter. My daughter was taken from me, Hyukjae. My own daughter.’ Kyuhyun screamed, frustrated. ‘And right after that, Heechul sent Sungmin to hospital. I was forced to separate from my own daughter and the mother. Can you imagine how much misery I had to face at that time?’ Kyuhyun asked, angrily.

‘But it was for your own good.’ Hyukjae said, defending Sungmin’s uncle and Heechul’s action.

Kyuhyun banged the table angrily, and shouting to Hyukjae. ‘Try to be me! Try to be in my shoes to lost two important persons in my life in one moment!’ Kyuhyun shouted, and Hyukjae’s lips were sealed. He wasn’t afraid with the now angry Kyuhyun, he just know that he would never understand Kyuhyun’s feeling at that moment that he couldn’t afford to come out with an answer. ‘I begged to them. I begged them to never take away Ahreum from me. I even threatened them I will kill myself if they still did. But does it stop them? No. It didn’t. They still ran away with my baby. My only daughter. I wasn’t joking when I said I will kill myself. I did it. I did it several times. But does it make them return back my daughter to me? No, they didn’t.’ Kyuhyun asked and answered by his own. ‘You know what funnier about this? Heechul sent me to therapist, claiming that I was too depressed. I was Hyukjae. I was because they took my daughter away from me.’ Kyuhyun said and tears started to brimmed on his eyes.

‘Noticing that I couldn’t do anything with that condition, I tried to recover. I proved to them that I was out from depression. I convinced them that I finally accept the fact. I became someone else.’ Kyuhyun paused for moment. ‘I became the perfectionist daddy want me to become. I overpowered Heechul back. But it wasn’t last for long. Heechul sensed it and he was firm with his decision to refer me back to my therapist. We fought inside the car that night. I was pulling the steering; refusing to follow him and that was the biggest mistake I ever made in my life. The car loses control and we jumped down to the cliff. But Heechul unfastened his seatbelt, only to hug me to lessen the impact for my injury. And in return, he died instantly.’ Kyuhyun said, wiping away the tears with his thumb. ‘I thought he hated me. I thought he hate me because I was the imperfect brother. I never told anyone about the fight and since Heechul was on driver’s seat, the police didn’t investigate more and closed the case with carelessness as the cause of the accident.’ Hyukjae hold himself from jumping to Kyuhyun, taking him to his embrace. Hyukjae wanted Kyuhyun to tell him everything, to be honest to him.

‘I killed Heechul.’ Kyuhyun admitted. ‘The guiltiness can’t never being brushed away from me. Everytime I saw Mummy cried because he missed Heechul, or whenever daddy was spacing out staring at our family picture, the pain inside is eating me alive. I wanted to die but I couldn’t. This live… this live was saved by Heechul. I couldn’t simply end it. I don’t own my life anymore. My life is belong to Heechul and to keep living is the only way I could pay him for my sins.’ He said and Hyukjae broke into sobs, shaking his head.

‘That wasn’t Heechul’s intention, Kyu.’ He said in his sobs. ‘Heechul saved you because he loved you so much.’

Kyuhyun closed his eyes; the pain inside his heart was too much for him. ‘I lived my life to the fullest dark, with a thought that Heechul won’t regret saving his brother. I was living in that dark, with all the fake love I gave and was receiving, until you came into my life.’ He said sincerely and Hyukjae looked up to him. ‘You brought back the light to my world. You showed me once again what love is. And because of your present, for the first time in my life, when you accept my love, I was thankful to Heechul. And I was finally understood why Heechul saved my life that day. He saved me because he wanted me to be able to feel love once again.’

‘And after having you, everything that was messed up in my past life started to fall to the right place again. I was finally able to trace back my daughter. I found her again after years of searching. And when that happened, I know you’re my guardian angel. And I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose Ahreum again back. I forced myself to not losing you both and once again, I miscalculate.’ Kyuhyun said and this times Hyukjae’s stomach twisted. He knew what the other was trying to say.

‘I was too eager to have you both in my life, which I move too fast. I lured Ahreum to liking me, not as his father, but as a man. I didn’t explain to her who she was to me, or to you about who she was to me.’ Kyuhyun said, sipping the drink once again. ‘I was too paranoid of losing you both that I end up destroying everything. I destroyed the trust you built to me, and I destroyed her feeling.’ Kyuhyun said regrettably. ‘Ahreum shut herself from me for a moment and I don’t even know why and you started distancing yourself from me. I was so scared at that time, that I forcing myself to choose. I was confident, too over confident that you will remain loyal to me that I choose to chase after Ahreum. I told her who she was to me, and surprisingly, she knew. Later that I learnt that she was starting to felt something was off with our relationship, and out of instinct, she asked her parents the real story. And the true story was what they have been telling her. I don’t mind, because it’s a winning situation to me. That’s mean I could introduce her to you. And our family can be complete.’ Kyuhyun said. While closing his eyes, he continued. ‘And my lacking attention for you was the biggest mistakes I did in my life. I know Siwon had always looking for hole to enter, to break the wall I create for protecting you from him. Siwon wasn’t one to let out chances, and with the information he had about Ahreum, he used it to snatched you away from me. Siwon told you the wrong thing about me and Ahreum, and you slowly entered his trap. I know that night was the day the wall breaks down. And starting from that night, Siwon won. He successfully breaking us apart, letting me see how he was comforting you with , making all trust I have for you gone and thus I agreed with our divorce. Siwon won and I lose. I lost you, and I lost Ahreum once again, forever.’

Once Kyuhyun finished, Hyukjae launched himself at the latter, hugging him while crying. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’ He kept chanting. ‘I should trust you. I should hear your explanation first before I jumped to Siwon for comfort.’ Hyukjae cried, and Kyuhyun just sat there, lifelessly. ‘I’m not an angel, Kyu. I was the devil myself.’ Hyukjae admitted making Kyuhyun deattaching themselves. I was no near different from Sungmin, Kyu. I was evil, more evil than Sungmin and my insecurity always get the best of me. I just don’t want to lose you, that I don’t mind turning myself to a devil.’ Hyukjae admitted but Kyuhyun couldn’t understand single thing. ‘I am a sinner too.’ Was all Hyukjae said to Kyuhyun.           

I'm not sure if you're going to like this,,, because it was too dark in my opinion. 

But let me get it straight, this was all written based on Kyuhyun's opinion, so he didn't understand that the others do it for his own good. Like he said, try to be in his shoes. How would you feel when people took away the person you love from you? That was what I was trying to convey here,,, because I know you all are smart and you will can related this part with the past chapter (the one told by Hankyung and Sungmin's uncle view) which remind me to bang my head on the wall, because I wasn't supposed to reveal everything (I mean the whole thing) at that moment!! *pouts* Hyukjae story will be up at next chapter because this one is too long and I need to really properly potraying Hyukjae's view, so that no one is going to confuse.. and is anyone confused with Kyuhyun's revelation in this chapter? I hope you're not.. 

I wrote this my all my heart **eurgh.. chessy,, I know =_=" ** because I really want a clean close for this and was hoping with my dear life that none of my readers should be confused anymore.. That's why... and as usual... 

Enjoy everyone~~ 

p/s: I was blabbering nonsense too much here.. =_="