'Kyu... Kyuhyun...' I fastened my steps as soon as I heard his voice calling my name. I could heard he was panting at every time his voice called out my name, but I ignored. 'Kyu... Kyuhyun... Cho Kyuhyun... Wait up.' He still desperately called for me. My heart wanted so badly to stopped and turned and face him and hugged him, but my mind keep reminds me about my promise to loved Donghae only. I hardened my heart and listen to my brain. My steps get quickened and I just hoped that I will reach my class as soon as I can and ignore him. In a blink of eyes, I'm now inside my class. 

Ignoring the whispers coming from my right and left, I reached out for my seat, sit down and take out my book. He was now standing in front of my desk, wanting desperately for me to look at him even just for a second. 

'Kyuhyun, did I do something wrong?' His voice was melodic, begging and almost crying. I was about to admitted defeat that I have to pinched my hand under my desk to keep my rationale of ignoring him. 'Kyu...' His touch on me was like an electic shock, that I have to bite my lips to keep sober. I still concentrate on reading my book and ignoring his plead, when I heard our professor comes in and asked something to him. I couldn't comprehend what is he and my professor is talking about, because I was to busy to stopped myself from jumping my life to him. I could felt he was staring at me sadly, and with low voice, he muttered 'I'm sorry' and left. A drop of water fall down to my hand which was clutching to my book like my life was depended on it. I'm such a loser to make someone as beautiful as him cried. 

Hyukjae stopped chasing after me after three days. He had been so active called me, chasing me, pleading to me to tell him what is the reason behind me avoiding him. But what should I gave my answer to him? I myself didn't know what and why I felt this necessary to avoid him, to not getting involve with him anymore after my last episode of sulking to Donghae. 

'Is there anything wrong?' I could heard Donghae asking me, while his hand caressed softly my hair like a mother. I shook my head and concentrate to my game on the monitor. 'You seem quite nowadays. And you don't talk about anything now.' 

'I'm not a talkactive person, unlike you.' I said simply and I could heard Donghae let out a sigh. 

'You're not, Kyu. But that doesn't make you a silent person like this. You used to tell me about what happened to your day before. But now, everything seems distance.' Donghae said patiently, making me furious. 

'I did talked. I did talked about my day, I did talked about my stupid professor who was expecting so much for me. I did talked about how annoyed I am when people whispering thing I don't know what the hell they are whispering about and all I know they were pointing something about me.' I yelled to Donghae, slamming my joystick hard to floor and stood up, walking to my bedroom. 'I need a sleep.' I announced after my outburst, more or less of making Donghae letting himself out from my apartment.  I just did not talked about Hyukjae. I just did not talked about how much I missed him now. 

I laid down on my bed, taking my hugging pillow and buried my face to it, trying to block all those annoying voice who had mocked me, telling me that I'm a coward who ran away from my nightmare. 'Go away.' I yelled on my pillow, praying for the voice stopped disturbing me, but nothing work. I felt one side of my bed dipped down, indicating someone was sitting at it. My hugging pillow was slowly being pulled away from my grip and my eyes flattered open.

'But you did not talked about Hyukjae.' Donghae said, hugged my hugging pillow. 'I know you wanted so badly to talk about Hyukjae. You always talked about him to me, every minutes when you have the chance to.' Donghae said softly.

I shook my head, disagreed with him. 'I did not talked about Hyukjae.' Why I have to talked about Hyukjae when I was with Donghae?

'You did.' Donghae said, helping me to change my position from lying to sitting. 'You always did. Hyukjae was so cute today. He's wearing duck printed T-shirt. Hyukjae ate the cake I bought for him today. Hyukjae accompanied me to buy those revision book. Hyukjae this... Hyukjae that...' Donghae said and I shook my head, denying that I have told him about what did I do with Hyukjae every day.

'I did not. You must be daydreaming.' I denied.

'Stop denying it. We both know you know its true. And you did know that I'm happy as long as you're happy.' Donghae said.

'I love you. I don't love Hyukjae.' I confessed, desperately wanted Donghae to understand that thing.

'You loved me. But now you love Hyukjae. You have fallen to him.' Donghae said and when I wanted to shook my head disagree, Donghae held my face in one place. 'Don't deny, Kyu. I know you love him. You know you love him.' Donghae said, and I could feel tears on my face.

'I only learnt to love you. I don't know how to love other.' I confessed, admittly what had been scaring me so much about getting to another steps with Hyukjae. 'You won't hurt me. I know you won't. I know you even since we were small. But I don't know Hyukjae. I don't know how he will accept all my weakness, all my childishness. I'm afraid he will left me as soon as I opened my heart for him. I don't want to be heartbroken. I know how does it feel when you're being disappointed by someone. I don't want to be put into that nightmare anymore. I've enough with one when you accepted to be Heechul's boyfriend. I don't want to have the needed to die but I couldn't.' I said and Donghae quickly hugged me, letting me cried on his embrace.

'Hush, Kyuhyun. Hyukjae won't do that. He will love you equally as you love him. I'm sorry that I and Heechul had make you suffered a lot back then, but now I just want the best for you. And if Hyukjae is the best for you, I'll support you both.' Donghae said.

'Hyukjae will left me as soon as he know the real me. I am vulnerable, I need people to decide thing for me, I couldn't take care of myself. He will left me, Donghae. He will. No one wanted to be with someone helpless like me.' I muttered in Donghae's embrace. 'I don't even know what I want with my life. I'm just helpless, and I cannot be repaired anymore.'

'You're not a toy, yet a machine. Making mistake is fine as long as you learnt something from it. If you afraid that much, tried to change yourself to a better Cho Kyuhyun. The Cho Kyuhyun I know now is lacking everywhere, as he admitted, but admitting your own weakness is the braviest thing one had done for themselves.' Donghae said, releasing the hug and looked at me smiling. 'You're no longer the small boy me and Heechul used to protect. You're now a big boy who can make decision by yourself, Kyuhyun. You just don't see it with your eyes.' Donghae paused to wiped away my tears. 'But I do. I watched you grown up here. Look at this apartment. If you're still the old you, I need to clean it every times I stepped inside. But now you had learnt to do it by yourself. You will learnt how to love other slowly, Kyuhyun. All you need is a little courage and support. And you know I'll always support you.' Donghae said.

'You're not mummy.' I snorted weakly at him, still feeling sting on my eyes.

'Well, Auntie Leeteuk did asked me to looked after you. So, I appointed myself to be your second mummy. Furthermore, if Heechul is not dead, I'm indeed your brother in law.' Donghae joked and successfully makes me laugh. I smiled a bit at his talked and Donghae carressed my hair softly. 'Go and talk with Hyukjae. Stop avoiding him, okay?' He asked and I nodded, restraining the urge to called Hyukjae right at this moment. Donghae had give me a little piece of his thought, and I was encouraged by it. I just hoped that Hyukjae won't hate me for ignoring him all this while.

A little bit short, I guess. I didn't compared, but I can feel it. After all, my feeling for this story is slowly crawling back to me. I couldn't simply write without my muse. I will not like it, and you will end up hate it. So let's baby steps and bear with me for a while, will you?  

Anyhow, enjoy this update everyone. Appreciate if you can comments although I rarely (99%) did not reply, I still read it and over the moon for it.