c/to: monsterLea

 

 

I KNOW I'M NOT BEING ACTIVE AND I'M SORRY!!!!!!

 

 

--- BEGIN READING HERE---

 

DARA POV

 

When I turned sixteen, my mom treated me to a spa-day. We had massage, mani-ped, and a facial. It would've been awesome if only I wasn't also dumped on that very morning. Thru text, no less.

 

I went thru the drill. Showed my mother my happy face, enjoyed every bit of the pampering I got but inside, I was the exact opposite. My very first heartbreak came from a sixteen year old boy with dimpled cheeks and smiling eyes. The first hour was nasty. A bolt of shock that got through my entire system before it lead me to confusion and self-pity. No matter how many times I thought about it - it felt the same. It was a perfect combination of torture and dread.

 

And that's exactly how I feel right now.

 

See me there? That girl posing for the camera, feeling beautiful. That's me, in another one of YG's exploitation of my, according to those who matters, beautiful face.

 

The truth is I'm dying inside.

 

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, I should've let Jiyong explained first before I have given him the silent treatment, don’t you. After all, he have been nothing but understanding to me and to my emo past.

 

But guess what, I wasn't in love with my past. If anything, I wish to have forgotten it ever happened.  On the other hand, according to Jiyong himself and to the accounts of our entire YG family, Jiyong was deeply, madly, stupidly in love with his past. Who was I to interfere now? They should just start getting their wedding preparations ready.

 

I try to have a calm mind and think the situation through but Jesus Christ, it's infuriating. Think about all those chances he has to tell me. She's just my manager, Dara. Yeah right! Well then, if that's the case, Choi Seunghyun is my best friend,

 

I'm a jealous freak, I know. I should be better than this but I can't. The situation makes me so angry.

 

Even more so now that I met her. Jina.

 

She was running errands like how a manager should be and I accidentally bumped into her. I stared at her in shock while she was apologizing. She was saying a whole lot of other stuffs but nothing really registered in my brain. Probably because it's too busy devising plans on how to kill her and making it look like an accident. She talked for a solid five minutes and I just stared at her. She left me there with a worried gaze.

 

I know. Now she thinks I'm mental.

 

If I'm going to speak objectively though, I'd describe Jina as a nice girl.

 

She's pretty and smart. Demure and soft-spoken. Active and obedient. She's my complete opposite which makes me question Jiyong's type. I mean Jina seems to be type of person that gets along well with everybody. She's friendly in a non-annoying way, given the fact that she still doesn't know that her ex is currently in a "it’s complicated" relationship with the girl she replaced.

 

Whenever chance allows it, you know like taking the line in YG cafeteria for example, she talks to me like were bffs. Of course I still just stare at her with bloody murder in mind but she doesn't need to know that. My point is, why did she and Jiyong ever broke up in the first place? And why would Jiyong claim to be in love with someone like me?

 

Jina is like a Disney princess and I'm like girls gone wild. On crack.

 

The difference is super depressing.

 

Anyway, thinking about the reason of their break-up dissipates my self -confidence so I try not to dwell on it a lot. I want to think of the now and what maybe the future hold for me and Jiyong? Maybe I did overreacted but it’s done now. I can't take back my not-talking-to-Jiyong-until-he-figure-this--out policy.

 

But that doesn't mean I can't spy on him.

 

Contrary to what everyone might be thinking. I do care. I might not be talking to Jiyong but I still wanna know what he's been up to, stalker that I am. And I mean that in a non-creepy way. I've got eyes and ears and quite crazily all five senses surrounding Jiyong. They're all in human form and I call them stylists/make-up artists/drivers/friends. And they are all singing the same song. Jiyong is miserable.

 

Which makes me feel a little bit better about mentally killing his ex.

 

The fact that he didn't tell me about her the first chance he got is what's making me all riled up. I don't know how he can make up for that.

 

Someone open the door to my standby room just as I was focusing my anger on trying to zip up my dress from the back. I looked at him thru the mirror and immediately turned my focus on my dress again.

 

"What do you want, Jiyong?" I asked.

 

"I need to talk to you."

 

I don't look his way. "I'm working. I don't have time for you."

 

He stepped closer and zipped my back for me. "Make time."

 

I turned to him with my fiercest glare. "Not in this lifetime."

 

I turned to leave but not fast enough to miss his panic-stricken face. "Dara, please wait---". He stepped forward blocking my path. "I know I ed up. Big time. Not telling you about Jina was stupid and cruel. I'm sorry. More sorry than you could ever understand. But...you can't actually let this little thing ruin what we have."

 

I stiffen. Little? "Why didn't you tell me about her that first time we fought after I came back?"

 

"I--,". He blew out a breath.  "I got scared, okay. Is that what you wanted me to say? Big man that I am, I'm scared of my own crazy girlfriend. Do you want me to call for a press conference announcing that I'm whipped as hell and that I'm in a relationship with an amazon? Is that what you wanted to hear, Dara?"

 

"Why are you even making this about you?" I shouted before composing myself to continue, "You know, Ji, I'm not a hypocrite. I know I had things hidden from you but so far, I believed I had said everything. I know you loved me, but this...I trusted you and I thought..." My voice break as tears started to come out from my eyes. "...I thought you're gonna at least make it worth it."

 

He stepped closer and just for now I let him. "I am. This is…we are--" He stuttered before cupping my face and smoothing my cheeks with his thumb. My eyes closed at the contact and I feel like I should pull away or I'll crumble to pieces. So I did.

 

But he grab my arm.

 

"Let me go, Ji."

 

"I can't. I don't want to."

 

“Was that harsh?”

 

Bom nodded her head once in agreement.

 

“I think so too.” I sighed in shame.

 

I spent the entire afternoon playing hooky with Bom. I badly needed a friend. But Bommie is not helping one bit.

 

“I know, we have our own version of ‘bros-before-hoes’ code,” she started, after quietly listening to my frustrations earlier. “But I’m actually with Jiyong on this one, Dar. Can’t you just give him another chance?”

 

“Am I the only one who’s angry with the fact that he lied?” I asked, confuse as to why nobodies taking my side.

 

“That’s the reality of life, sweetie. They lie without ever thinking of the huge consequence that’ll cause. That’s just how it works on the men’s world.”

 

“I seriously can’t believe that you’re taking his side on this.”

 

“I’m not taking sides. Jiyong was just really scared of how you might react when you learn about Jina. And he’s not wrong. I mean, look at you. You don’t even know the whole story and yet you’re getting angry with him. And that’s just not you. You’re always a reasonable person.”

 

I lifted my feet on the couch and wrapped my arms around them. She has a point.

 

“Why is she even back?” I blurted out.

 

“There it is.” Bom said.

 

I looked at her with a questioning gaze. “What?” I asked.

 

She looked at me with a knowing smile while wiggling her eyebrows up and down.

 

“Seriously, what is it?” I asked again.

 

Again with that look.

 

“Park Bom!!!”

 

“There’s your reason for acting that way.” She finally said.

 

“I don’t follow.”

 

“You’re worried.”

 

“’bout what?”

 

“About Jiyong and Jina working together.”

 

“Can we go back to the reason where he lied? Because I don’t understand this conversation anymore?”

 

“You’re scared that Jiyong would wave.”

 

I gulped. Trying to sink it all in.

 

“You said it yourself before,” she continued. “Jina is Jiyong’s first love. And he loved her so much, he broke himself when she left. Now that she’s back, who’s to say Jiyong’s feelings for her won’t be back as well?”

 

It’s like I was stabbed with a dagger. Only instead of blood, tears ran out my eyes. “Bommie…”

 

“Oh , Dara. I didn’t mean for you to cry.” She said and hurried to my side. The more she consoles me, the more painful it feels.

 

She’s totally right.

 

 

JIYONG POV

 

 

 

 “How was it?” TOP asked, shoving one cup of coffee on my face.

 

“How was what?” I breathed out.

 

“People talk, Ji. I know that you went to see Dara today. So how was it?” He leaned in sounding hopeful. He’s about to get really disappoint. “Did you two exchange words? A fist-fight? Angry-?”

 

“I can’t believe how much Bom puts up with you?”

 

“I don’t have an ex-lover working for me, that’s all.”

 

Ouch. That burns.

 

“Hyung…” I whined. I think my life right now that Dara and I aren’t talking just consists of me whining and writing depressing songs that makes listeners want to kill themselves.

 

“Don’t whine to me. I’m gonna drown you in your own fcking tears.”

 

“I don’t know what to do anymore. Dara won’t ever want to talk to me. I think she might break it off with me in a matter of days. I can feel it.”

 

“You’re being overly dramatic. She just needed space. Give it to her.”

 

“How much space does she need? I practically don’t see her anymore.”

 

“It’s not just you. I mean if I was Dara, I would totally walk the other way when I see Bom and her ex-boyfriend working together. Not because I’m avoiding conflict but because I don’t like prison food. Dara’s the type to kill when she sees something she doesn’t like. And she definitely doesn’t want to go to jail.” He explained.

 

“What do you want me to do, then? Fire, Jina.?” I retorted. “Only YG-hyung does the firing around here. And like the sadist that he is, I think he’s actually enjoying watching me be miserable like this.”

 

“I couldn’t agree more.” He said, quietly thinking. “Why don’t you make her quit?”

 

“I can’t do that.”

 

“Why not?” He said sounding guarded. “Don’t tell me you still have feelings for her, I’m gonna kill you with--,” He said looking around for a weapon and picked up a handful of music sheets. “…this!”

 

“I’m so scared.”

 

“You should be, punk!” He said throwing the papers in my face. “If this goes on, you might actually lose Dara.”

 

God, damn it. I’m always saying it lightly but it doesn’t mean I like other people saying it in my face. I mean I don’t even want to think about the future without her in it. “Hyung, You really think I’d let that happen?” I said smugly. “Who do you think you’re talking to? I am Kwon freaking Jiyong”

 

“Not around Dara, you’re not”

 

“Hyung~”

 

“Look, I understand that this Jina situation is awkward. But I suggest that you fix her up first before going to Dara. Didn't you say that you feel like she still has feelings for you? What's up with that?"

 

"I don't know. I just feel like she's emitting this aura like she wants to get back together or something." I explained.

 

"Aren't you just being a douche?"

 

"No. I mean, she's nicer than before and she touches me a lot. It's almost like she's flirting with me using tender care and innocent touches."

 

"Do you like it?"

 

"Of course not! It's disturbing. And nothing like the way Dara touches me which makes me feel and--,"

 

"Ew."

 

"Oh, so it's okay that you tell us your capades but I can't even tell you mine."

 

He grinned before saying: "Yes."

 

Unbelievable.

 

“So, what do I do now?” I asked. So far, what I've done is have Jina stay away from Dara and make myself miserable.

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

After my talk with TOP-hyung, I did a little writing but figured how useless I am without an inspiration so I headed back home. When the elevator opens up for the first floor I saw Dara’s back as she was also leaving the building. See how much we think alike. She’s headed home too.

 

“How was your day, babe?” I asked, giving her a peck on the lips and placing one arm around her shoulder as we walk side by side.

 

If I can’t be dramatic, I could be cocky.

 

She halted and maneuvered around to take my arm of her shoulder and stood with a little distance with her arms folded on her chest. “It was busy. I’d really just wanna go home now, please.”

 

“Oh gosh, me too. I just want to go home and rest on that love bed that I share with you. Let’s go. I’ll drive.”

 

“What are you doing?” she asked, stopping me from holding her hand.

 

“I’m leading us to my car.” I said, innocently. “So we can go home, together.”

 

“You’re insane.”

 

“What? I just want to drive us home to safety. What’s wrong with that?”

 

“We are fighting.”

 

“That’s what couples do.” I said as a matter-of-factly. Oh my God. Why didn’t I think of this strategy before? She’s totally digging me right now.

 

“You’re insane.” She said. Again. See.

 

“You already said that.” I told her, blocking her path as she attempted to walk away.

 

“And I’m gonna keep on repeating it until you realize that it’s true. Move out of the way.” She retaliated by pushing me away but I was fast enough to balance myself and finally grabbed her hand.

 

Just then I saw Jina burst thru the door. Jina haven’t really changed over the years. She’s still pretty and kind and still way too mature. The thing about Jina is she was my first love. We’re of the same age but she acts like she’s 38 years old protective mother. She worries about a lot of things even when we we’re still dating and she still does now that we’re not. And I admit that I’m quite a handful of a person. That’s why we clicked. But I guess she never stood a chance to my level of maturity, or lack thereof.

 

“Hey, you guys.” She greeted, clearly taking note of our hands before directing her eyes on me.

 

"Hey, you!" Dara greets in a suddenly nervous tone. I saw Jina's eyes flash on Dara as she struggles to unclasp our hands. I pitied her and let her hand go. Of course, this way it's easier to put my arm on her shoulder.

 

She gave me a quick glare and then pinch my side. What's her problem now? This is me, saying to Jina that: I have a girlfriend so please back-off. She should realize that I'm not trying to hide anything. Or anyone.

 

"Hey, Jiyong." Jina greeted me. I nodded my reply.

 

"My photoshoot was done a while ago and after I finished talking to YG sajangnim about my next projects, I worked out a little and was just on my home when Jiyong here, offered me a ride. Are you going home too? Do you need a ride?" Dara explained.

 

Aaaaaaaannd I don't understand why she's reiterating her day to Jina. And why is she acting so nervous? I looked at Jina and saw that despite working whole day running errands for me that I don't even needed done, she seriously looks stunning and glowing even. My girlfriend, on the other hand, is still wearing her work out clothes. She didn't even shower. But my God! Her vanilla scented sweat is turning me the on.

 

"I see. It slipped my mind that you used to be her manager. That must be why you two are close." Jina answered, pretty sure of herself.

 

"Yes.That's it. That explanation is correct." Dara exclaimed.

 

"Well, is there an explanation why he Jiyong wanted me to buy particular antiquities?" She asked before turning to me. "I'm sorry, Ji. I've searched the whole day when finally at this one store, they told me that this can only be found on certain provinces in Korea. I would have to ask someone else to buy it because you have that signing for a commercial tomorrow."

 

"Actually, I'd prefer if you would personally --- Auurgh!" I stopped mid-sentence because Dara jabbed my side with her elbow.

 

"Why don't you let me worry about that?" Dara interjected while I'm in pain. "I know people from different provinces of Korea. I'm sure they'll have what Jiyong needed delivered immediately."

 

"Oh no. I don't want to imposed or--"

 

"But I insist. I'd be glad to do it. Why don't you go home now? I'm sure you're tired."

 

"Thank you. You're super nice."

 

Dara smiled. "Be careful on your way home. See you tomorrow."

 

"See you. Bye, Ji." Jina said before turning her back.

 

As soon as she was out of earshot, I said: "You know people from provinces here in Korea? Really? Care to introduce them to me? You really are worthy to be YG actress. You got her all convinced."

 

She kicked me in the leg to answer.

 

"Ouch! What the heck? Is it not enough that you've already causing my heart pain? Now you want to inflict physical damage too?"

 

"You deserve that. What are you thinking asking her to run meaningless errands. That poor girl."

 

I straightened myself in guilt. "But I did that for you."

 

"What?"

 

"I thought that if you don't see her that much, it would lessen your anger towards me."

 

She thought of this briefly before saying, "Come to think of it, I didn't see her yesterday too. Where'd she go?"

 

"I told her to buy a "phleghenterb."

 

"What is that?"

 

"I made up that word. That thing doesn't exist."

 

"That is seriously so mean. What's wrong with you?"

 

"Dara!" Jina called out from the entrance. "I forgot to tell you. Your date tomorrow will be at this Italian place at Hongdae. He will be wearing a checkered polo under a leather jacket."

 

I heard myself took a sharp intake of breath before Jina’s footsteps running away in haste. Did she say date?

 

"Y-you have a date?"

 

I can practically taste her panic. How can I not when it spread all over reception the moment Jina came back from her little field trip.

 

So this is why she acted so weird in front of my ex. Because apparently they're bffs now, setting each other up on blind dates. Oh wait, I shouldn't jump into conclusions. This is exactly why we fought in the first place. Her, jumping into conclusions. So I'm gonna ask again.

 

"Dara, answer me. Are you going on a date with another man?"

 

God forbid, if she say yes? There will be riot in Hongdae. And I am so gonna be there. In the front line.

 

 

 

 

 

SARANGHAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can anyone donate me posters? I'll credit you.

xoxo