c/to: monsterLea

 

 

 

 

 

 

Songs:

Hot and Cold by Katy Perry

Mad by Ne-yo

 

 

 

 

JIYONG

 

 

“Dara is being a .” I ranted.

 

 

“No offense meant buddy, but it’s not my fault that doesn’t have brakes on it. Who knew she thought lasciviously of me? No one. And it would’ve remained that way if she didn’t have such a big mouth.”

 

“Of all people that she blurted it out to, she blurted it out to me. The star of her lascivious thoughts. Of course, I’ll about it. What did she expect? I’ll keep quiet and pretend she didn’t say anything that gave me an instant hard-on.”

 

“Can you imagine my frustrations whenever she moans delightfully every night? And now that I know that I’m the reason for that…”

 

“Well, what can I say? I’m a god.”

 

“Anyway, I don’t appreciate her ignoring me. As a matter of fact I don’t like it at all. Where did she sleep last night? She didn’t come home. Did she sleep here with you?”

 

 

 

...

“I always tell Dara this and now I’m telling you too, stop dumping your problems to the patient. He’s technically in a coma but he’s not exactly brain dead. There is a possibility that he is absorbing all of what you’re saying. Do you want him to be all negative when he eventually wakes up? You ought to give him happy news not depressing ones.” Nurse Han announced after she opened the door to the room and saw me talking to the sleeping Sanghyun.

 

 

 

I have been ranting to Sanghyun about how his sister is treating me. She had been avoiding me like I carry the plague. Last night, we didn’t sleep together (I meant beside each other). She didn’t even come home. This morning, I knew she had recording with Teddy so I went there and found out that she locked the door from the inside so nobody (meaning me) can disturb them. I sat outside and came lunch time, she slipped a note under the door that says:

 

Meeting with Xin at 1 p.m. to discuss stage outfits. All you need is at my locker at the office. Have a nice day.

 

Can you believe her?

 

She might as well say: Jiyong, go away!

 

After meeting up with Xin, I proceeded to the hospital to do my secret meetings with Sanghyun and I guess this is just how my day would eventually end.

 

 

“Sorry, I was just cranky from not being able to sleep properly.” I apologized to both Nurse Han and Sanghyun.

 

 

I left the hospital before dinner and I was still alone and haven’t made up with Dara yet. I kept thinking about how last night was the worst night of sleep I ever had. I spent the entire night tossing and turning and alert to any movement on the other side of the wall. NADA. Now it looked like I’m in for a repeat performance.

 

Damn Dara for ruining my sleep. It never felt so good cuddling a woman before. It’s awkward when they get clingy and hugged you tightly but with Dara it was just right. She can hug me and squeeze me and even spank me for all I care. I wouldn’t be surprise if I find myself in a fellowship meeting and starts talking about my addiction to Dara’s body.

 

I understand that she is still ashamed of my discovery but does she have to torture me like this. I even stole her pillow for hopes that maybe her lingering scent would be enough.

 

It’s just not enough.

 

***

 

 

 

I got through another day of her avoiding me. It’s a miracle that I haven’t snapped yet but then I saw her on the glass door of the recording studio today and she’s sporting panda eyes. I guess I’m not the only one having trouble sleeping. Serves her right.

 

I busy myself by writing more songs and even cleaning the house thinking by the time I hit the bed I’d be too exhausted to do anything but sleep.

 

Yes, this plan is failing miserably.

 

At this point, I’m willing to beg for her to just come to me and say sorry. I’ll forgive her. I didn’t mind being the object of her fantasies anyway. It’s cool. Totally understandable. She’s only human after all, weak when it comes to my godliness.

 

I felt the bed dip behind me before a tiny arm curled around my waist using my body as leverage to get closer. Dara’s scent enveloped me as gently as her body did and in a matter of minutes, we were fast asleep.

 

***

 

 

 

I woke up to the sunlight streaming to the window into my room with Dara’s back to my front. You must be wondering how we got into this position when just last night it was the other way around.

 

This is because Dara kept on tugging my shirt last night while sleep-talking. Yes, I’m again but I was able to change our position before she can pull down my boxers as well. With me spooning her, I can control her movement from behind (that sounded off but you get my drift).

 

Now, you all must know what happens to boys in the morning, right? I’m so hard. But like usual, I didn’t make any move on her. It’s just a normal reaction of a healthy male to being pressed against a female. I sensed that Dara has gotten used to it already because she hadn’t commented or acted on it as of late.

 

It was until I felt Dara drawing circles in the back of my hand that was clutching her waist that I realized she’s already awake. And judging from her already wide-eyes, she’s been awake (and had been thinking) for a while.

 

 

Oh my goodness!!! This is it.

 

I can feel a confession of undying love coming out of her. I mean she does fantasize about me so that means attraction right?

 

Ottokae!!

 

How should I react? Dara’s a girl but I never saw her as someone I can be in a relationship with. I don’t even know if I like her like that. It’d be awkward if I reject her. So I guess I sho—

 

“I need to use the bathroom.” She asked.

 

“Huh?!”

 

“Jiyong, let go. I need to pee.” She tapped my hand.

 

I immediately let her go and watch her disappear in my bathroom.

 

 

Well, that woke me up.

 

What the fck was that about?

 

 

How could I even think of the possibility of me and Dara? I’m crazy. I didn’t get enough sleep. I lacked caffeine. Fck! What number comes after potato?

 

 

“I’m gonna cook breakfast. Get out when you’re ready.” Dara said softly as she stepped out of the bathroom ten minutes later.

 

I nodded woodenly and walked past her to the bathroom where I considered either hanging myself using the shower curtain or just bashed my head in the toilet.

 

I need to get this together.

 

 

 

Calm yourself, Kwon Jiyong. That’s just Dara for goodness sakes. She’s a dork and you do not like her as she does not like you. You just care for her because it’s time to return all the favor that she did for you. Don’t mistake that as a grand gesture of falling in love. That’s not going to happen.

 

Yes. This is nothing. I have my emotions under control.

 

I proceeded to take a shower and as I was drying off, I spotted her little glasses folded on my sink counter. I smiled and couldn’t help but think that it belonged there.

 

No. You are not living in a domestic bliss. Snap out of it.

 

This has got to stop or I really am gonna go crazy.

 

 

When we were having breakfast she started talking again.

 

“Listen Ji, about—,”

 

“No, Dara.” I cut her off. “I don’t want to talk about your carnal thoughts of me. It’s okay. You can fantasize all you want. I don’t care. Just don’t talk to me about it. ”

 

Mean?

 

“Oh, okay.” She replied and her expression turned sour.

 

I don’t know what’s happening but I suddenly can’t stop my mouth from spouting nonsense.

 

 

“Actually, whatever your issues are don’t include me. I’m tired of this bull of you using my body to escape your nightmares. I can’t be available whenever you can’t sleep Dara so you might want to see a doctor to fix you. Please stop using me. It’s not fun and I don’t want to do it anymore.”

 

I saw a flash of hurt on her face and I want to punch myself.

 

“Right. Sure. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” She said with a poker face before standing up. “R-remember about the party…tonight…for…this designer.” She stuttered while walking back away from the table. “I forgot the name…I’ll call-no, I’ll text you his or her name. Be there…since you’re invited, okay bye.” She bumped her back into the door and it didn’t escape my eyes how she wiped a tear before opening the door and hurriedly got out.

 

I rubbed my face with my palm and sighed. I’m such a !

 

***

 

 

DARA

 

I feel so stupid.

 

Why the hell am I crying? I don’t cry. What the hell am I crying for?

 

Piece of Kwon Jiyong.

 

“That’s a lot of tears, Dara. Are you sure you don’t want vodka as replenishment?” Bom asked beside me.

 

I replied with a hiccup and a controlled sob, “No. I’ll do that later.” I held a dress in front of me and silently asked for Bommie’s opinion. She shook her head so I put it back on the rack.

 

“You know, I think Jiyong got issues. Did you ask him what’s wrong?”

 

“No, I was too busy stopping my tears to ask him anything. And you’re supposed to be comforting me, why are you siding with him.”

 

“I’m not. I just didn’t think Jiyong is the type to say things like that.”

 

Pfft. I wanna laugh.

 

“He’s been like that even before. I don’t know why he’s being nice lately but he probably knocked his head on something and realized that he really hates me that’s why he’s back to his mean old self.”

 

“I doubt that. How about this one?” I look at the little black dress that she’s holding and told myself: Fck you Kwon Jiyong!, before I nodded in agreement to my best friend’s choice of dress for the party tonight.

 

***

 

 

 

 

JIYONG

 

 

I feel really horrible I should just jump in front of a moving car.

 

The look on her face when she was trying to get away from me feels like I just got a fist shove down my throat and followed a trail to my heart only to squeeze it like a mother.

 

What’s wrong with me?

 

Why would I say something like that?

 

 

Oh yeah, I remember now. Because I’m an !

 

 

My head is far above the cloud that I didn’t realize how peculiar my relationship with Dara has become. We went from fighting every chance we get to sleeping beside each other. The level of intimacy we have is suddenly a little frightening for me. I mean, I don’t want to impose on anything since my feelings for Dara is still unconfirmed and very much confusing, but the last time I opened up my heart to a girl, she ruined me. I don’t want to get hurt again so I avoid getting close to any girl as much as possible.

 

That’s why I don’t understand what happened between me and Dara. How did I end up genuinely caring so much for her?

 

Truthfully, I’m afraid that Dara had slowly becoming my world and for some reason, I’m fine with it. Hence, making me scared less.

 

Henceforth, my impulsive display of insolent behavior this morning.

 

“Jiyong, I know you thrive to be the leading fashion icon but there are limits to what you should wear. You can’t pair up a purple jeans and neon suit, that’s an insult to us stylists. I’m literally calling the fashion police.”

 

Xin told me while going through another rack of clothes.

 

“I don’t really feel like going. Can I not go?” I said pertaining to the party that I’m supposed to go to later. An international designer is coming to town and we got invites to his shindig. Usually, I’ll be all over it but with my situation with Dara, I feel like…actually, me feel stoopeed.

 

“C’mon man, we’ve been looking forward to meeting this guy. You can’t bail now.”

 

With an innocent doe-like expression I tried, “I’m” I coughed. “Sick.”

 

“Nice try, punk-. Go change to these and meet me in the lobby in an hour.” He said handing me some clothes before leaving.

 

On our way to the party, my thoughts were filled with how badly I messed up this time. Is Dara okay? I swear I saw her wipe a tear. Will she hate me? Coz I pretty much hate myself. Why do I care anyway? I thought I’m supposed to be avoiding her. Why do I need to avoid her?

 

Le sigh! I guess it all goes down to how I really feel about Dara. How do I feel about her?

 

***

 

When we arrived at the party, I was totally blank.

 

My sanity had curled up like a fetus in one corner of my brain and refuses to get up. It hates me now too for too much usage.

 

I was knocked back to the real world with a candid punch in the gut.

 

I grabbed the shoulder of the perpetrator to maintain my balance while trying not to die.

 

“Get up, you sissy. It wasn’t that strong a punch.” Judging from the voice, it was TOP that spoke.

 

Despite the pain, I tried straightening up, “What the fck was that for?!”

 

He guided me to a VIP room. The party had started two hours ago and some people are starting to get wasted.

 

He gave me a drink and after I took a sip he started, “I don’t know what you did but I didn’t get my afternoon fix of from Bom because she was busy comforting her best friend. I hated you right then and there. What the fck did you do this time?”

 

I furrowed my eyebrows as I absorb what he said, “You punched me because you didn’t get off this afternoon. My apologies, hyung. Gross, by the way. Why do you need to have all the time? That’s not healthy anymore.”

 

“Don’t be a hater because you’re not getting any even with your constant flirting with Dara. Now talk, you can tell big daddy the problem.”

 

Big daddy?

 

“We just fought. We always fight. What’s the big news?” I said. As much as I want to pour my heart out to TOP I think I really shouldn’t. Not only will we tarnish our reputation by acting like total gossip girls but that would also mean that I’ll be talking about Dara’s secret which I kept dearly in my heart.

 

Not gonna happen.

 

“What was the fight about?”

 

“Let it go, hyung. It’s really nothing.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

I rolled my eyes.

 

 

 

“Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.”

 

“Okay, enough. Geez, no wonder Dara hates you so much. You’re trying to beat her at being a world-class nagger.”

 

 

 

No. I didn’t tell him about Dara’s secret. I made sure to lock that thought. Instead, like word vomit, I kept blurting out about how I feel about Dara. From how I find it amazing that she can juggle being a part-time actress and full-time baby sitter to me. How annoying she is when she speaks her mind about my mistakes but always find a way to rectify me in her own little way. And lately, about how I feel really protective of her I’m going bat- crazy. Even my jealous streaks against her leading men that always spark fights between the two of us even though I know I’m being irrational and had no right.

 

By the time I’m almost done, the tables are filled with bottles and glasses of different alcoholic drinks.

 

 

“I want her hands always touching me. It’s such a casual thing for her to do but to me it’s ecstatic electricity that warms me all over. Feel my chest, hyung. Even talking about it makes me excited it’s pounding excessively.”

 

 

“No. Your s are just starting to grow. You’re hitting puberty Jiyong. Congratulations.”

 

 

I know he’s mocking me but I can’t stop. I’m drunk, es! Leave me be.

 

 

“Last time, I caught her freshly out of shower and my first instinct was to hide. I watch her apply lotion in her legs, hyung. I don’t even know the point of this story or why I’m sharing this to you but please don’t tell anyone. Pretty please.”

 

“Don’t worry I won’t. I’ll just text it to half the people in my phonebook.”

 

 

“Hyung, come with me. I’m gonna go pee and then puke or whichever comes out first.”

 

“Ew. Go by yourself.”

 

It’s a wonder how I reached the bathroom without puking on anyone I passed by. But I felt lighter and therefore sober after vomiting. I made sure I look presentable before heading out the men’s room. Despite my constant breakdown, I still have an image to uphold.

 

 

No. I’m still drunk.

 

 

That or I’m imagining Dara by the bar being flocked by men.

 

 

I reached the VIP room and immediately told TOP, “Hyung, I need to get home. I’m too drunk.”

 

“No you’re not. All we’ve been drinking are cherry cokes.”

 

I glanced at the glasses piled at our table. So that’s why it tasted unusually sweet.

 

“Then why did I just puke my guts out.” I continued.

 

“Have you eaten anything the whole day?” TOP asked checking the bottles.

 

“Just a quarter of a breakfast.” It’s true. I didn’t have any right to eat anything that Dara prepared after what I did to her.

 

“Well, these bottles had 10% alcohol content. We drank all ten so that means we consumed 100% of alcohol. Look at that, we are drunk.” He said with a smile.

 

That is indeed a very logical explanation.

 

“Can you also explain why I’m feeling heady that I imagined seeing Dara downstairs at the bar?”

 

“Oh, that’s probably really her. We came in together a few minutes before you did. She got invited too.”

 

 

“WHAT?!” I bellowed. “And you tell me this just now. What’s wrong with you?” I hurriedly got hold of the room’s door but before I can open it, TOP stopped me by my shoulders and turn me to face him.

 

“Before you go, let me just give my two cents. Jiyong, you’re confuse, I get it. Dara would be the first girl that you felt deeply connected with ever since you-know-who. Sorry for bringing her up but I just got to say that even before when you thought you were in love with Jinah I never saw you looking so alive than when you are fighting with Dara. It’s pretty fcking obvious what’s the deal is between you two. You’re both just too dense to figure it out by yourselves. Whatever man, I’m sick of seeing you play push and pull. So, you love her. Embrace it. Love it. Feel it.” He ended his speech with a hug to himself.

 

“I do not love her. You’re drunk and…crazy to begin with. Get away from me.” I said trying to shove him away but I feel like eating my own words right now.

 

“You’re crazy! You just told me you want her hands all over you. If that’s not love I don’t know what is.

 

“I did not say that...”

 

“Did to. Don’t argue, just know Jiyong that you don’t have to worry about anything. Dara is a great girl. Angsty, yes but overall great. She got my approval. You guys have my support.”

 

“Thanks, hyung. Coz I really don’t know what I’d do without your blessing.” I forced sarcasm into my words while rolling my eyes.

 

He clicked his tongue and gave me a wink before letting me out of the door.

 

Now I don’t know what TOP is talking about but I’ve got one mission. To ask for Dara’s forgiveness. I will NOT be sleeping alone tonight.

 

***

 

 

 

I spotted Dara sitting alone on a table, bobbing her head to the blaring music while watching people dance like maniacs. I also spotted three guys from loserville eyeing her. I sauntered past them and sat down the empty seat beside Dara and glared at the guys who then looked immediately away. Total losers.

 

In my opinion, if a man doesn’t have the balls to make an immediate move on a woman he desires he didn’t deserve her. Not that I desire Dara. These are just facts. I think.

 

“That seat is taken.” Dara said when she noticed me. I can feel the sting from her words. She is so angry.

 

Without hesitation, I replied, “Yeah. Taken by me, obviously.”

 

She took a breath to calm herself, “If you don’t go, I will.”

 

“We both know you won’t do that. You’re wearing heels, aren’t you? And they are killing you.”

 

I bit back a smile when she grunted. I am so right.

 

“Can we go somewhere private?” I said not bothering to lower my voice since the loud music can tone it down for me.

 

She did not answer.

 

“I’ll carry you princess-style.”

 

She smiled and waved her hand to someone she knew.

 

“Dara, I’m drunk. I need a ride home.”

 

“I’m gonna start a fight if you keep on ignoring me.”

 

“I’m gonna get in the middle of the dancefloor.”

 

 

 

I should’ve known that Dara is made of steel and threats like these do not faze her.

 

 

 

“Stop being a and talk to me already.” I hear my voice loud and clear. Wait…

 

I realize that the music had temporarily stopped for what I guess is an announcement. People are looking at our direction as I turn my head to Dara and saw her looking at me with the meanest glare she can ever master.

 

I flinched when she suddenly stood up and said: Follow me in the scariest tone I can ever imagine.

 

I can feel my soul starting to detach himself from my body.

 

***

 

 

 

This is just classic. We’re in a parking lot. Lots of things happen in a parking lot. I feel like we’re in some bad 90s movie and she’s gonna break up with me. In a freaking parking lot.

 

I’m on the verge of hyperventilation. Should I say something? Sorry? Do something? Kneel to the ground? Worship her?

 

Worship her? Where did that came from?

 

Without the blinding lights of the bar earlier, I can see her clearly now.

 

“Are you seriously wearing that the whole time?” I gestured my hand over her figure that is wrapped in a little black dress. “Do you have issues with wearing pants when attending a party? That’s not even a dress. That’s a piece of cloth. You might as well go .”

 

My hand flew into my forehead after her handbag hit me in the face.

 

“Aw.” I groaned.

 

“You psychotic, son of a . You think you have the right to pick on my clothes when you heartlessly kicked me out of your house this morning and even called me a earlier.” She stated.

 

“Aurgh!! I really wanna beat you till your black and blue all over right now, if only you do not have shows coming up.”

 

Is it wrong that I find her consideration of my face over her anger sweet?

 

“Stupid, annoying, egotistical jerk! I may have been using you to have a goodnight sleep but you must remember that you wanted it as well. Tell me, for the last two nights before last night, did you sleep well by yourself?”

 

Is that a trick question?

 

“Not that you really care but FYI, I am seeing a doctor. For three years now. I’m not stupid. I know I needed fixing. So you’re not having fun helping me? You think it’s fun talking to psychologists then? They make me relive all of what happened Jiyong. It’s scary as hell and I always end up like an empty shell. I hate it”

 

I didn’t speak and just listened to her. I know she just have to let it all out. At this point, she have calmed down.

 

“I felt really grateful when we started our unusual arrangement of sleeping beside each other. For some strange reasons, you make all of my nightmares go away. I’m just sorry that I have inconvenienced you. I didn’t know that I had posed such a burden to your lifestyle. Sorry, Ji. It’ll not happen again. I have lived three years of being sleep-deprived. I can do it again. So let’s just call it quits and…it was good while it lasts.”

 

“Oh c’mon.” I replied when she started walking away. “Pull the stick out of your and lighten up already.”

 

Her steps halted and immediately turned around. She put her hands on her hips and gave me her best I’m-gonna--you-up-look.

 

I thought I’d woo her by being my adorable self but clearly she doesn’t need this right now.

 

 “Sorry.” So I said. And I mean it.

 

“For calling me a or for saying I have a stick up my ?”

 

“Neither…well, t-those too. But more of this morning.”

 

She sighed deeply. “Don’t feel sorry for this morning, Jiyong. You were right. I was totally out of line for thinking that everything’s okay. I’ve been thinking about it and it’s truly an unconventional sleeping arrangement between two people who aren’t even a couple. If you know what I mean.”

 

 

“Please don’t break up with me.” I blurted because it suits the setting.

 

“What?”

 

I slowly walked towards her and reached for her, pulling her closer and spreading my hands at the lower part of her back. She winced when I squeezed but didn’t move away instead, she let me pull her even closer, “Jiyong,” she whispered my name with gentleness.

 

I shrugged and leaned my forehead into her shoulders, “I wasn’t sure what we are doing Dara and it bothered me that it all seemed natural to you while I keep on thinking about weird thoughts about you and me.”

 

She the back of my neck and with voice filled with ridicule, she said, “Weird thoughts?”

 

 

“It’s not erted. I’m not like you.” I tugged a few strands of her hair down.

 

“What is it then?”

 

I pulled back to look at her face. God, she’s beautiful. She had on very minimal make-up but she still glows. She cups my neck and smiles waiting for me to answer. The tender look she had on her eyes when she looks at me made me realize for the first time what was happening to me: I’m falling in love.

 

“Forgive me.” I simply said.

 

“Tsk. I should’ve known you’d be like this. I guess I got used to your sweetness lately that I forgot how rude you really.” She said with a smile.

 

“So do you forgive me?”

 

She rolled her eyes before dragging me. “Let’s go home.”

 

 

She said home. Giddeh!!

 

***

 

 

My mind is on overdrive.

 

Like seriously, I don’t even know what to think first let alone do first.

 

I do know ‘who’ I wanna do.

 

Stop it brain! Not right now.

 

Okay first, I’m falling in love with Dara. Or is it I’m in love with Dara. Whatever, it’s on that context.

 

This isn’t a revelation seeing as how I still adore her even after she unleashes her grumpy self of which I’m always the target. That, and realizing the fact that the stake I’m claiming on her ever since I don’t know when had been quite alarming.

 

Second, we’re at her house and she’s in her bed waiting for me who had been inside this bathroom for God knows how long psyching myself into not throwing up due to nervousness.

 

 

 

“Jiyong, they’re showing a coverage of the party earlier now on T.V. come see it.” Dara called from the outside.

 

“I’ll be right out.” I replied. Please help me!

 

Grabbing the door knob, I ran my other hand on my damp hair and opened. I had to do a double take when I saw her on her side of the bed applying lotion on her legs while her eyes are focused on the T.V.

 

God, are you punishing me for being a bad boy?

 

She shifted her gaze on me and I stood still, gauging her reaction. She gave me a half-smile and patted the empty-side of the bed.

 

After lying down, I looked over and watch her face (okay fine, I watch her apply lotion on her flawless, white legs). I also noticed the small amount of clothing she was wearing. Shorts and tank-top that barely covered her. Before my mind ran off to some forbidden place, I rolled over, willing myself not to get a hard on.

 

Hearing her turn off the T.V. and bedside lights and finally shifting into a lying down position, I did the first thing I could think of. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep.

 

“Ah, Jiyong,” She whispered hesitantly. “Is it alright for me to hug you? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

 

Could I be more juvenile? I’m acting like a ten year old boy who avoids his crush because he thinks girls can give him cooties. What the fck! I should know better.

 

I turn around and simultaneously pulled her closer and placed an arm under her head. She had one hand pressed against my chest and the other automatically wrapped around me.

 

We stayed like this for a while until I broke the silence by asking her something that has been bothering me for quite a while and since she brought up about her seeing a doctor, I now really want to know everything.

 

“Are you ever gonna tell me about your accident?” I asked playing with the tendrils of her hair.

 

She pulled out of our hug to look at my face. “How did you know I had an accident? I remember only telling you about something bad that happened to me.”

 

Crap. I slipped. Nurse Han was the one who told me that there was an accident.

 

“I just assumed.” I told her and quickly put her head under my chin so that she wouldn’t see my nervous face.

 

“So, what happened?”

 

“There was an accident.”

 

…

 

“Is there a continuation to that like a sequel or a prequel perhaps?”

 

I felt her fisted a handful of my shirt so I squeezed her closer. “Maybe next time then.” I said. She nodded.

 

“You do know I’d be killing myself in anticipation for this right?” I asked after a while.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well, you’ve been really secretive so I’m assuming it’ll be something good with big productions and stuffs. Like abduction by aliens or a zombie attack.” I joked.

 

She chuckled this time. “Prepare yourself for disappointment. It’s not even close to what you are thinking. Stop watching sci-fi stuffs. It’s crazy.” And ended her words with a yawn.

 

Part of me wanted her to fell asleep already so that I can watch her more and another part wanted her to keep awake so that I can talk to her about feelings.

 

I sounded like such a girl, right there.

 

I don’t think I can get through the night without reassurance that she had the least bit of feelings for me too. Even the slightest bit will do.

 

“Dara, do you like me?” I boldly asked.

 

In her sleeping state she answered, “Sometimes.”

 

“Can you elaborate?”

 

“When you’re not being mean you’re like my best pal.”

 

God, I haven’t even started and I’m already friend-zoned.

 

“I’m your hottest pal, right?”

 

Pause…

 

“Well, there’s Youngbae.” She said.

 

I will fcking uglify Youngbae

 

“But you don’t fantasize about him, right?”

 

She was quiet for a few long, painful seconds.

 

“Point taken. Can we sleep?”

 

“No. Say it first. I want you to say it.”

 

“What do you want me to say?” She’s clearly annoyed.

 

“That you like me.”

 

She pulled her head from my chin once again and stared at me with wide eyes. “What?”

 

“Nothing.” I retracted. I’m such a coward.

 

“Why do you want me to say I like you?”

 

“I didn’t say that.”

 

“Did to.”

 

“Did not.”

 

She gave me a look that made me quickly back down. “Don’t you? Like me, I mean.”

 

Not even a little.

 

She tucked her head under my chin once again and didn’t say anything.

 

“I do like you.” She murmured in my shirt.

 

“Will that like border beyond friendship?” I pushed hoping I wouldn’t be too obvious.

 

“Okay now you really have to explain. What the hell is wrong with you and don’t you dare say nothing or even lie about it because I will know. You think you know everything about me? Well, newsflash mister. I know you just as much.”

 

She said and I notice how she had a fascinated smile on her face as she looked at me. I also didn’t miss how she draws imaginary doodles in my back as she spoke.

 

I gulped as she waited to hear my answer.

 

I can’t confess now. She’ll freak out and reject me. And I’m not ready yet Goddamnit!

 

I don’t even know what’ll make me sadder in the event that I confess. Her rejection or her laughing at me because she thinks I’m joking.

 

It’s all too far-fetched.

 

“Ihaveacrushonyou.” I blurted out and it sounded like ‘half a cushion new’.

 

She stared blankly at me.

 

Half a cushion new, half a cushion new. You heard half a cushion new.

 

She smiles teasingly. “Aww. So you really do like older women?”

 

Crap. She heard it right.

 

“So…what is your response to what you thought you heard?”

 

“What did you think I heard?”

 

“Dara, I’m dying of embarrassment here. Will you just answer?”

 

“At least you can say you died in the arms of your crush.”

 

“Still not the answer I’m looking for.”

 

“Okay fine, me too.”

 

“Really?” I sound so ecstatic it’s almost breathy.

 

“Sure. I am after all awesome. I had a crush on myself ever since I can remember.”

 

Aurgh!!! Imagine if I told her I love her.

 

“I take it back. I do not have a crush on you. I said half a cushion new. You clearly misheard me. Get away. No cuddling tonight.”

 

She started laughing. “Half a…cushion…new??? What…the…fck?!”

 

“I hate you.”

 

She held me closer after she caught up with her breathing and said, “Maybe…”

 

“That doesn’t really tell me anything Dara. I’m pouring my heart out here and you tell me ‘maybe’?”

 

“If you know me that much you’d know what ‘maybe’ means.”

 

“I don’t even know who you are anymore.” I kid.

 

She laughed like I’m clueless. “Well, I’m hugging you aren’t I?”

 

With that, I understood.

 

And I was assured.

 

Like me, Dara is more of explaining how she feels with actions.

 

I don’t know how I could ever forget this. This is very specifically Dara-like gesture.

 

I’ve decided. From here on out, there’ll be more doing and less saying on my side.

 

Well, unless she wanted me to say it. I’d be more than willing to comply.

 

“Can we sleep now?” she asked.

 

“Okay, so you can show me how much you like me on your dreams. Oh wait, I should take my shirt off first. That way, it’ll be easier and faster for you.” I replied while pulling my shirt up.”

 

“I hate you.”

 

“Should I take off my boxers too?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a/n:

1st - from here on out, Yanggaeng will be called Xin because apparently that's his name now...

2nd - Jiyong is falling in love

3rd - Do you think Dara is too?

4th - I love y'all

5th - I'm going on vacation

6th - xoxo