c/to: monsterLea

 

 

 

 

DARA

 

 

I don’t understand why people say that blue is a calming color. I hate it, especially when it is painted all over my doctor’s walls in different shades as if that would make it more wonderful.

 

I sat in her very comfortable couch inside her office staring at the hateful walls as I wobble my crossed legs waiting for her.

 

When she finally opened the door, my immediate greeting was, “I really hate your walls. Maybe you should put up some wallpaper or change your paint color entirely.”

 

She ignored me as she kept on walking towards her desk and arrange the folders she came in with in the file cabinets. Finally, she took out a pen, notebook and a recorder and finally made way to her seat right across me.

 

Dr. Yoon Minah is a schoolmate from college. She was pursuing an MD while I was just a freshman. She helped me a lot with my school works and after she graduated she pursued a PhD to become a licensed psychiatrist. She’s a great friend but a grumpy shrink.

 

And then she began, “Like I told you a hundred times, what color my office has, is irrelevant to your problem. Your problem, and mine too, is that you can’t just schedule an appointment with me whenever you want to Dara, If you want these nightmares to go away, we have to constantly talk about it like maybe once a week, not once when you just felt like it. I haven’t seen you in months. Well, I did saw you in the news the other day.”

 

I smiled to suppress my annoyance to that bit of information. The news had died down a bit but people can still recognize me. I can’t walk through our neighborhood without a disguise or some sort. It amazes me how a pair of bigass shades can actually deflect people’s attention.

 

“I brought you something,” I said handing her a large paper bag. It contains Big Bang collectibles that I always get for her because she’s a fan and it’s a form of bribe so that she won’t set my on fire for not taking my therapy seriously.

 

“Thanks,” she took the bag and rested it on the floor beside her chair. “Shall we start?” she asked and clicked on the record button on the recorder.

 

“Is there any changes in the dreams?”

 

“Nightmares.” I corrected her. “No, there aren’t. They were the same scene. The same as how I remembered the accident.”

 

“Do you still take the medication I prescribed you months ago?”

 

“Yeah and they didn’t work at all. I stopped taking it after a month like you said.”

 

“They are not working because of your job. It gives you stress.”

 

“No.” I argued. “My job isn’t the problem anymore. I can deal with stress at work. I just really want or need continuous sleep after dealing with said stress. Can’t you write me a stronger prescription?”

 

“No. Because then you’ll die.” She said with a straight face while constantly scribbling notes. “How does this dream end again?”

 

“You know how it always ends.”

 

It’s messy. Wait…

 

“The other day, I didn’t get to finish the scene because Jiyong woke me up and unlike alarm clocks, he didn’t shock me and I woke up not thrashing anything.”

 

Scribble, scribble.

 

“How did you feel afterwards?

 

“Hammered.” That’s the truth. Come on, the party was fun. And then it hit me. “Oh my God, do I need to get drunk every night so that I don’t go crazy when I wake up?”

 

I stared at Minah as she rolls her eyes, “So you got drunk at the party but you still had that dream. If Jiyong didn’t wake you up you’d probably be awake the same way as you always had. Think about it.”

 

Right.

 

“What does it mean?” I asked.

 

“You tell me.”

 

I hate shrinks.

 

“Any advices?” I pressed.

 

“Do you want my advice as a doctor or as your friend?”

 

“Do you see me as your patient or as your friend?”

 

“Don’t go psych on me, you brat.”

 

I chuckled but didn’t say anything until she finally called it, “Okay, you want to know what I think, fine. I say this both as a friend and a doctor. I really worry about you Dara. Your fine as a normal human being should be. Like what I always say to you every time we had our once in a blue moon meeting, let go of that stupid guilt. The accident wasn’t your fault.”

 

“Otherwise, quit your job. The stress from it adds up to your problem which could explain the lack of proper sleep. You’re tired and that’s bad. I don’t think these nightmares were the ones that are keeping you awake. Maybe you just need to wake up because Jiyong wills you to wake up. Since you know, it’s part of your job which you are most devoted to.”

 

…

 

“I don’t understand that last phrase. What kind of shrink are you?”

 

She smiled as a reply.

 

 

***

 

 

Jiyong woke me up halfway through my nightmare only to annoy me. And for the second time, I didn’t react like how I was supposed to. No thrashing, no fast heart rates, no crying.

 

Did I mention I was woken up by the ringtone I personally chose for when Jiyong calls? Yup. It was a whole new level of nightmare the moment I picked it up. And when I fell back to sleep listening to Jiyong sing right up to the moment I felt the sunshine hit my face through an open window, I felt light.

 

Five hours of straight sleep. That’s gotta be a record.

 

After I did my daily rituals to cleansing my outer appearance, I was well on my way to the office to get a head start on planning Jiyong’s upcoming activities and then meet up with YG later this afternoon for my impending punishment.

 

10 minutes in the cab ride, I got an emergency call from the hospital. They do not contact me often except when they see any movement from my brother (fingers, toes or seldom eyes); even then they only notify me through text.

 

My thumb trembled as I tap the answer button.

 

“Hello.” I said carefully.

 

“Dara, your brother just had a seizure.”

 

 

***

 

Sanghyun got a blood clot in his brain that caused the seizure. The doctor said more about his medical conditions but all I really understood was – seizure, bad, operation success, money needed.

 

Maintaining my brother’s medications plus the cost of his hospital stay is very expensive. My insurance plus salary makes up for it. What little that is left from it goes to my savings for when Sanghyun finally wakes up. Operation like that cost a fortune.

 

I was in the middle of considering selling my kidney when I felt someone tapping my back. I looked up and saw that I’m already in YG building and YG himself was beside me.

 

“I said let’s go.” YG said in my face.

 

“How did I get here?”

 

“You flew. Now, come on. This is going to be a long talk especially for someone as stubborn as you.”

 

He practically dragged me towards his office and when we reached it, Gummy and TOP was there.

 

TOP.

 

I can’t believe I momentarily forgot about my money problems just by seeing TOP. I already talked to Bom about the status of their relationship. She said they are a couple and I said fine. TOP is a great guy (as annoying as he is). But I’m sure there is a girl code somewhere that implies best friends should half-hate their best friend’s boyfriend.

 

It was with great pleasure seeing him cower in his chair as I prowled towards him. I yanked his right ear and said, “Bommie is sleek, like a cheetah. She can hide your relationship in another planet if she had to. You, on the other hand, blabbermouth that you are, won’t think twice in saying her name when asked who you’re dating. If you slipped and exposed Bommie to your fans, you don’t want to know what’s going to happen to you.”

 

He rubbed his ears when I let it go. “I get it. You’re going to kill me. Amazon.”

 

“No I won’t.” I snorted. “Bommie will.”

 

He stared at me for a brief second before saying, “I think you two are highly qualified to give basic training in the army. You should consider it as a side job.”

 

“So you’re in a relationship with that girl that was your date at the charity ball. When are you planning on telling me this?” YG voiced out.

 

“Never.” TOP blurted.

 

He immediately said sorry when YG gave him the stink–eye.

 

YG gave up in waiting for a decent answer from TOP and just continued blabbering like an old man. “Wow, you’ve all grown-up. It seemed like only yesterday when you were just discovering os, now you’re talking about committing in a relationship.”

 

“So let’s see,” Gummy said. “In Bigbang, Jiyong got Dara, Seungri has Chaerin and then TOP has Bom. Three down, two to go. Although I had a great feeling that Daesung might be on to Minzy.”

 

“There is seriously something wrong with that list.” I mumbled while they ignored me big time. Jiyong got Dara??

 

After a few moments of giggling (from Gummy and TOP, yes, bad rapper TOP is a closet giggler), fussing (from YG) and eye-rolling (from moi), we finally settled in to talk about serious matters.

 

 “Now, Gummy’s MV.” YG started.

 

“Um, should I leave?” I interrupted.

 

“No, stay. This includes you.”

 

How?

 

“I think you should tell her first.” Gummy voiced out.

 

“I think so too.” TOP seconded before both of them got up of their seat and move out of the table into the couch so that YG and I can have some privacy.

 

YG sighed deeply and gave me a serious look. “How do you feel about actresses?”

 

Um, what?!

 

“Th-they’re great friends, especially the ones under YG, since they’re the only ones that I knew of.” Where is this going?

 

“Interesting. Do you want to be one?”

 

I raised my eyebrows as a reply.

 

“Tell me, how much do you want to be an actress?”

 

What?!

 

I pretended to think really hard before giving my answer. “I wanted to be an actress like I wanted a hole in my throat.”

 

TOP snickered and then said, “Her specialty should be comedy.” So much for privacy.

 

“Dara,” YG ignored TOP’s comment and relaxed in his chair, “For your punishment, I want you to be part of Gummy’s new music video.”

 

“Oh, you mean like one of the staffs. Sure, I can do that. But that’s pretty weak for YG-style punishment.”

 

He smiled knowingly, “I know and that’s not it.”

 

…

 

“You know that TOP is featuring in the song right? Well, he also agreed to act as the male lead for the video and while I was pondering who to hire as the female lead my brain randomly thought, ‘hey, why not Dara? I think she’s an interesting choice.’ And you know what else? My heart agreed. So what do you say?”

 

His words registered slowly in my brain as I was distracted by his hand gestures in every word. It was fun watching him wave his hand out in different ways that he thought would make his litany interesting. It was fun until what he said made my mind explode.

 

“I say,” I began touching my chest. I’m going to do some hand gestures as well. “That you are crazy.” I ended it simply by moving both my index fingers in circular motions on each side of my ear. I hear Gummy giggled while TOP just laughed out loud.

 

“This is your punishment Dara, you can’t say no.” YG argued.

 

“This is excessive and unreasonable. Why me? I don’t act.”

 

“Liar.” TOP called out. “Sweetums told me you minored theater arts in college.”

 

“I remember reading it in your file too.” YG said.

 

“Who the hell is sweetums?” I asked turning my head towards TOP.

 

“Bom. That’s what I call her.”

 

“And she allowed you?”

 

I took his sudden glum as a no and continued talking sense to YG.

 

“Listen...”

 

“You’re going to get paid.” YG said immediately before I can finish my argument.

 

 

This is just unfair. Just when I needed it most, money flew in and is going to smack me in the face in the most uncomfortable way.

 

This is great though. As much as I was willing to give up one of my kidneys for my brother, I think I’ll be needing it in the future for when I most definitely need to work harder for me and Sanghyun. A lost kidney weakens a person’s overall capacity.

 

And I did minor in theater. Psychology and theater is a powerful combination in college. Psych for my brain and theater for my sanity. I was good in both. And acting was rather fun.

 

Pros and cons. If I accept, Not only will I earn money for Sanghyun, I get to be acting too. If I accept, TOP’s fans will bash my head in an alley wall and I’ll probably die.

 

If I don’t accept, it means no money and no acting. I will live normally but when Sanghyun gets another seizure, the doctor is going to only stare at him in pity because his sister hasn’t paid her dues.

 

No freakin’ way.

 

“When will we be shooting?” I said.

 

“Excellent.” YG replied smiling at me like a sinister.

 

Oh no. I just fed YG on his whims. I’m in trouble for the next 20 years of my life.

 

 

 

 

 

a/n:

I know, no Daragon moment in this chappie

but worry not, there'll be lots on the next...

tell me your opinions on this chapter and see u soon..

maybe tomorrow or the next day...

do anticipate

xoxo