c/to: monsterLea

 

c/to:monsterLea

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JIYONG

 

“Ji,” I heard, and followed Dara’s voice to see her smiling from a two-seater table in a corner of one of her favorite restaurant. I walked towards her, taking off my shades and hat as I went.

 

“Fancy seeing you here,” I said, taking my seat.

 

“You called me to have lunch with you.” She deadpans.

 

Dara and I have been going out for three weeks and just like normal couples we like to go on dates too, as discreet as we can. It was okay before when she was just my manager. Our actions are really casual so having lunch together is no big deal.

 

Now, just being with her constantly like this makes me hate being a celebrity.

 

I can’t even go out and have a nice meal with my girlfriend without expecting people to hound on us if I decided I wanted to kiss her on the spot because I have raging hormones.

 

Also the fact that Dara had fans of her own doesn’t really help much. They all wanted her to marry TOP-hyung or flower boy Jung Il Woo or that bastard Lee Minho. Oh me? They put me on the friend-zone thinking that if Dara and I had a relationship they would’ve known about it years ago because they know us oh so well.

 

Anyway, you’re probably wondering why we’re in a restaurant when I just said that we we’re trying to be discreet with our relationship. Well, we ran out of food in our apartments. Dara’s been busy with all other things that she put grocery shopping on hold. YG cafeteria? Good luck having privacy there. Although they know about our relationship, they’re also more open with their teasing now which annoys the crap out of Dara.

 

So we’re in a restaurant.

 

Staring at her from across the table, I realize that being out in public is totally overrated. I thought for a moment that it might be good being out like a real couple but I think and rolling around the bed all day and night is much better. Way better.

 

Here I go being a ert again.

 

Since we started dating, I can’t seem to control my brain (fine, my !) when I’m around her. I’ve been on a constant state of arousal, it’s crazy. I’ve always needed Dara as a manager. But from the moment she became my girlfriend, I want nothing but kiss her. Give each other lots and lots of long, dreamy, and delicious kisses, which leads to touching and then that leads to , lots and lots of .

 

“Your hair’s wet.” I noticed.

 

She ran her hands through it to straighten it out a little. “That’s what happens when you wash it.”

 

“Was Hwang-ssabu nice today?”

 

“Not at all. I think I’ll really die if he extends my training. By the way, I already ordered your food.”

 

“What?”

 

“Your lunch? Grilled lamb chops, right? And that watermelon smoothie thing?”

 

“Yeah,” I answered. It’s no secret how much Dara know so much about me and I’m working on getting to know a lot more about her. It’s the small things that she does – ordering my favorite food and the type of juice that I like – that surprises me.

 

These things felt big and important somehow. It also made me feel a little bad that she’d been so thoughtful and here I am just thinking about the next time I can get into her pants.

 

“What’s wrong?” she reached for my hand.

 

“Nothing.” I sounded guilty. Because I am. Thinking stuffs like during lunch and all. “Nothing important, I just--,” I closed my eyes to think of an excuse. “I didn’t get to write a single song for Big bang’s comeback. I feel bad.” There. She wouldn’t think of that as an excuse because it’s the whole truth.

 

“Oh. Is YG pressuring you?”

 

“Not really. It’s just me.”

 

“It’s because of me, isn’t it?”

 

“No.” I shook my head.

 

“Yes.” She said. “Instead of writing we…you know,”

 

“I’m not complaining.”

 

“Still--,”

 

“What are you gonna do? Cut me off of because I’m telling you, that’s worse.”

 

“I didn’t mean completely.” She pouted. I want to kiss that little pink mouth senseless.

 

“You need an inspiration.” She said, wiping with napkin and then laying it back on her lap.

 

“You are my inspiration.” I’m so cheesy I’m gonna die.

 

She rolled her eyes. “Why don’t you go out with the boys? Or your other friends? Go on vacation. You have a free weekend somewhere in your calendar, I think.”

 

“That’s a great idea! Why don’t we both take one? Some kind of couple’s retreat or something. Plan that.”

 

“No. You need to go alone or bring some friends.”

 

“What’s the point of a vacation without my girlfriend? Don’t you want to have fun with me?”

 

She pensively looked up the ceiling while I rub one foot on hers under the table, “If being somewhere else meant that you’d be able to write without distraction,” she said. “Instead of you being here with me but your career is on hold as well, I would gladly make that sacrifice.”

 

I wrapped my feet into her lower legs and squeezed, “I can’t decide if you love me,” I said. “or my celebrity status.”

 

“Both.” She said then thought through her choice of words and blushed.

 

I smiled because I tricked her.

 

Yup, I’m canny like that. I tried to make her say she loves me even without really saying it. I’m satisfied with this, for now. But I’m not gonna force her to say anything that she doesn’t wanna say. It’s still all up to her.

 

“I don’t need a vacation.” I said. “But maybe I’ll go out with some friends.”

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Maybe she’s gonna break up with you, dude.” TOP says.

 

I’ve been in my apartment ever since I left the restaurant while Dara has some modeling gig to do.

 

I tried writing new lyrics but all I came up with were crap. I gave up after an hour and called Big Bang so they can hang out with me. Unfortunately, Daesung and Seungri were both in Japan for promotions. Youngbae and TOP-hyung were up for it.

 

We spent most of the afternoon watching mindless TV and we’ve consumed quite a bit of beer. It seemed like there’s nothing important to talk about but after having some alcohol on our system, important issues are being discussed.

 

I told them that although I can tell that Dara is happy being my girlfriend, I can’t help but feel that she gets a little bit tense from time to time.  

 

“How can you say that?” I ask in shock. “Did she say anything to you?”

 

“She might have…”

 

“She did? Wait, ! What did she say? ! She’s been acting really weird ever since we started dating, and I know that she really wasn’t interested in being in a relationship even before but I figured it was all talk. What girl doesn’t want me as a boyfriend? Oh ! Dara isn’t really the relationship type of girl, is she? Oh my God she doesn’t even want me to be her boyfriend.” I ramble rather than having my friends see me cry like a baby because my girlfriend isn’t ready for a relationship.

 

“Oh for Christ’s sake, calm down.” Youngbae said, ever the Christian. “I swear you and Dara are the stupidest people I have ever met. You’ve known each other for years, have been living together for months, and yet you never talk. How is that even possible?”

 

“What are you talking about? We do talk.” I told Youngbae then turned to TOP. “Hyung, what did Dara tell you?”

 

“I’m not telling you.” He replied in a sing-song tone which gave me the urge to hang him upside down and beat the truth out of him.

 

“Jiyong,” Youngbae called out. “I shouldn’t be telling you this because it’s none of my business but we clearly have a situation on our hands here. Dara is a really likeable person but one cannot deny that she’s a bit of a loner. But lately, she’s been opening up more and even agreed to become an artist. Nobody saw that coming, believe me. Don’t go get a bigger head than you already have but I think that it is all because of you. She clearly likes you more than she can show but she’s taking baby steps with this relationship. You should remember that you once hated each other so of course it’s weird to be acting all chummy all of a sudden.”

 

I stare at him as I take it all in, “But I got over our almost three-year feud really quickly.”

 

“That’s because you wanted to bang the out of her as soon as possible and hey it happened.” TOP commented on the side.

 

“ you! I don’t just bang Dara. I make love to her gently and according to how she wants it.” I defended.

 

“Okay,” He said rolling his eyes and rectifying his earlier comment, “That’s because you wanted to make sweet, sweet love to your Goddess Dara and grow a pair of ies yourself.”

 

“Shut up er!” I threw him a couch pillow just as the front door popped open revealing Dara. She looks beautiful…tired but otherwise beautiful.

 

“Hey,” she greeted, coming up to our group. “What are guys’ talking about?”

 

I hate it when we’re talking about a certain person and then that person suddenly appears in front of you. I feel guilty talking about her behind my back. My anxiety must’ve registered in my face because my friends were quick to quip an excuse.

 

“We’re talking about Jesus.” Youngbae said.

 

“We’re talking about how many times I gave Bom an this morning.” TOP states proudly.

 

 

Really?

 

 

“Sorry I asked.” Dara replies, clearly not liking both topics as she breaks a step when she reached the sofa I’m currently sitting and proceeded to the kitchen instead.

 

I swiftly grab her hand, “Just some guy stuff. Come sit with us.”

 

I pulled her and she obliged positioning herself beside me. I gave her a kiss in the cheek as she cuddles closer.

 

“Awww, look at you two love birds, aren’t you cute.” TOP chimed.

 

Dara and I showed how much we appreciate that compliment by giving him the middle finger.

 

 

 

“So, which magazine did you cover for?” Youngbae asked her.

 

“No, I’m not on the cover.” Dara replied. “Just a 10-page spread of me modeling a clothing brand.”

 

“That’s good.”

 

“They made me wear heels all afternoon. My feet hate me now.”

 

I automatically bend down for her feet and settled her where she can rest her back at the arm of the sofa while I started massaging her feet.

 

“I think it’s time for us to leave hyung.” Youngbae offered to TOP.

 

“Okay, but I’m thinking that maybe the four of us can go hang out together, you know, Dara and Jiyong, TOP and Bom.  We totally should go out of country. What do you say? I read somewhere that relationships become stronger when a couple can share inputs with another couple.” TOP suggested.

 

“Maybe the four of us can go on lots of double dates.” Dara said, “and then have a double wedding surrounded by rainbows and unicorns and we can have pink matching dresses as we say the sweetest vows of our lives, and the four of us will live in a castle far, far away, happily ever after.”

 

“Pfft.” TOP answered. “I’m picking out my own dress! Come on, Youngbae, such unromantic people are killing my mood.”

 

After the door closed, I gave her a look. One side of her lips lifted into a smirk.

 

She put her feet down and scooted closer to me. I tugged on her tiny waist so she can sit on my lap.

 

“Have you eaten?” She asked.

 

I looked up the wall clock and saw that it’s already a quarter past seven. “We’ve had beer and some nachos.”

 

“Because in the guy world that is considered as dinner.”

 

“That is correct. How about you? Have you eaten?”

 

She shook her head and I asked, “Are you hungry?”

 

She laughed, “Why, are you gonna offer me beer and nachos?”

 

“I’m gonna give you half a bottle of beer and a fistful of nachos.” I said letting go of my hand and reaching for what I’m offering.

 

She took the beer and started chugging on it.

 

“Do you want some nachos?” I asked to which she nodded. “Come and get it.” I said and held the chip between my teeth.

 

She did get it but instead of chewing, she spit it out and proceeded giving me a kiss worth of all the time she spent away from me.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Waking up startled in the middle of the night, I glance down at Dara whose clutching my shirt tightly.

 

I tried to wake her up like what I usually do but I felt her tears dampening my shirt and she's sobbing heavily in her sleep.

 

She's not shaking or anything so I decided to patiently wait for her to wake up.

 

When she does, she was still holding me, closer this time, like she's afraid I'll go somewhere and leave her alone. As if I'd actually do that!

 

“Um…Dara?” I said quietly and it broke my heart to see her looking up at me all confuse and sad.

 

“I’m sorry.” she gasped and quickly lets go of me.

 

I gave her a smile and wiped her wet cheeks with my thumb. “It’s okay. Did you have a nightmare?” I asked gently.

 

“No.” She quickly said.

 

I nodded in understanding. Giving her a soft kiss on the mouth before tucking her in under my chin.

 

There are so many questions I want to ask her but none of them seem important right now. She needed time, I get it. I’ll give her all the time she needs.

 

She put up with me all these years, it’s only right to give her this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Dara was sitting Indian-style at the foot of our bed when I woke up.

 

“Are you awake?” She immediately asked.

 

“Have you been watching me sleep?”

 

 She rolls her eyes. “Yes, Bella. Are you awake?”

 

“No.”

 

“Well, wake up. I need to tell you something.”

 

If she woke me up like this before when she wasn’t my girlfriend yet, I’d totally ducked down the blanket and pretend that she doesn’t even exist. Now that we’re a couple, I need to wake up, stat, or there will be no morning cookie, if you know what I mean.

 

When I came out of the room, all cleaned up and handsome; Dara is sitting in the couch, biting her lips to oblivion. What kind of creep would I be if I let my girl chew on her lips alone while I just stand here, getting . Of course, I have to help her.

 

I reached out for the back of her neck and held her there before giving her an open-mouthed kiss. She kissed me back which rocked my world but she palmed my chest and gently pushed me away.

 

 “Coffee?” She handed me a cup without even looking at me. I took it.

 

“Um...we need to talk.” She said, sounding unsure.

 

“Okay…”

 

“Jiyong, I need to tell you something really important.”

 

Oh my God. She’s totally gonna break up with me. TOP-hyung was right, he’s the devil’s advocate so I should’ve ing listen to him. Did Dara found someone new? Who is this and what is with him that deterred Dara’s attention from me? Am I not enough? Why am I not enough? Or maybe she’s gonna tell me that she is in fact a lesbian and it’s me who made her realize her preference for the same . Wait, that might be kind of hot. I’m dating a lesbian. ! What if she asks me to have a ?

 

“It’s about my dream last night.”

 

I knew she was going to say that. Of course it's about that. Duh!

 

“You know that I have nightmares right. Well I want to tell you why I have them.”

 

She was quiet for a while and my brain keep churning on ways to keep a straight face. This is a monumental moment for her and I have the feeling that she’s finally gonna tell me about her accident as well as about her brother. I don’t wanna ruin it by suddenly jumping in the couch screaming, ‘I KNEW IT ALL ALONG AND I KEPT IT A SECRET BECAUSE I’M A ING CREEPER!’ She’s going to put me inside a blender.

 

“Dara--,”

 

“I need to tell you,” she said in a rush of breath which made me pull my mouth shut.

 

“Ji, I…I don’t know where to start,” she ran her fingers through her hair and ruffled it. Her nervousness touched me. Pulling her off her seat and making her straddle me in the lap, she froze.

 

“Start from where you want.” The words came out quieter than I intended to be, but she heard me. I felt her relax as I started her hair.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a/n:

Okay, this is supposed to be the chapter where Dara tells him everything

but as I write it...I didn't like it so i decided to cut it up until here and just have Dara's confession next chapter...

I'm sorry that you've been waiting and I posted a very short one...

Please forgive me...

I'll make it up to you next time...

BTW, HI NEW SUBSCRIBERS!!!!!

xoxo