33 - Say it again
Yours, mine, ours
c/to: monsterLea
c/to: monsterLea
DARA
“Dara, Dara, honey?”
I opened my eyes and there they are, my mother and father. My dad is tall, lean and had graying hair starting at his temples. Many people said Sanghyun and I looked a lot like him but our eyes mirrored that of our mother. She had brown eyes and dark hair framing her lovely round face.
They both looked at me affectionately. Their faces filled with kindness and love. For me.
“Mom? Dad?” I cried as they pull me into their arms. Resting my head against my father’s chest, my mother ran her hand soothingly through my hair.
“It’s okay, honey, we love you.” Dad’s warm lips pressed to the top of my head.
I looked at them, transferring my gaze to both their eyes in confusion.
“We love you, honey.” My mom repeated. “You and your brother both.”
“Please don’t leave.”
“Mom! Dad!”
They were gone.
Waking up with a shudder, this was not the usual nightmares. This was different. Entirely different.
“Um…Dara?” Jiyong’s quiet voice made my damp eyes look at him.
I didn’t realize I was clutching on his shirt tightly.
“I’m sorry.” Gasping the words out quickly, I let go of him.
He half-smiled as he wiped my cheeks with his thumb. “It’s okay.”
“Did you have a nightmare?” He asked gently.
“No.”
He nodded, gave me a soft kiss on the mouth and tucked me in under his chin.
I was waiting for questions to begin, but they never came. Instead, his comforting voice filled the quiet room into a lullaby while his hand ran soothingly through my hair. Just like how mom did it.
With his song uplifting my nerves, I tried to make sense of how I was feeling after the new dream. I felt my parent’s love envelop me. So as Jiyong’s. With these feelings, I fell back to sleep.
***
Waking up the next morning was something entirely new.
I lied awake with a half- Jiyong wrapped around me. I took a deep breath as I contemplate the emotions bursting inside me. Happiness because of Mom and Dad showing up in my dreams to tell me they loved me. It felt so real. Confusion as to how could’ve that happened. Anxiety because even if Jiyong hasn’t asked anything, he deserved to know everything. These secrets have been long overdue. Frightened for he might hate me. And ty, because holy , the morning wood he’s sporting right now makes me unleash my inner hooker.
I lifted his arm off me and quietly slid off the bed and ran to the bathroom like a freakin’ ninja. I doused myself with extra cold shower and although it didn’t take off all the tension I am having. It still felt nice.
I made some coffee and went back to the room and waited for Jiyong to wake up.
By the time he woke up, I think I’d memorize every lines and curves of each and every one of his upper body tattoos.
“Are you awake?” I asked when he started squinting his eyes.
“Have you been watching me sleep?” He asked groggily but sounded rather proud of himself which made me roll my eyes. This ert!
“Yes, Bella. Are you awake?”
“No.”
“Well, wake up. I need to tell you something.”
While he showered, there was nothing to do, except think. My mind was lost in that particular night, until his lips was on mine. The moment we kiss, I buried into his scent. I only allowed it for a few seconds though, because the matters are pressing.
“Coffee?” I handed him a cup.
“Um...we need to talk.” I said although I think I already told him that. I’m just not sure.
“Okay…”
“Jiyong, I need to tell you something really important.” I paused and prepared myself. “It’s about my dream last night.”
I took another pause as I gauge his reaction. So far so good.
“You know that I have nightmares right. Well I want to tell you why I have them.”
“Dara--,”
“I need to tell you,” I said in a rush of breath. I don’t want him to tell me that it’s okay not to tell him. I can’t let him stop me.
“Ji, I…I don’t know where to start,” I ruffled my hair in frustration. Why is this so hard?
Suddenly he pulled me to straddle in his lap. “Start from where you want.” He said, gently running his hands through my hair like he did last night. I felt an instant reprieve.
“Erm…” I started. “I was around 21 when my…when they were…when they died.”
“Your parents,” he stated as fact, not question. I nodded anyhow.
“I—I…I was,” I took a breath.
“You think you were the cause.” Again a fact, not a question. I nodded to confirm.
“I was in college and--,” Inhaling deeply, I blew out a large nervous breath. “Everything was college-perfect, I get good grades, I have a cute boyfriend, I get wasted before and after exams, and my parents were cool--most of the time. It just took one night of stupidity to ruin it all.”
===Sometime in 2010===
“Hey faker, I’m on my way to the party.” I greeted my best friend Bom from the other line as I swerve my car into the freeway.
“I’m not faking. I really am sick! My temperature is at 40 degrees, I might as well be dying as we speak.” She spat back. She really doesn’t sound good.
I listened to her release a series of cough before I talked again. “Alright, princess, I’m calling to let you know that a friend of a friend of ours told me that the guy you’ve been drooling for from the Engineering department, Lee Sangmin, asked if you would be coming to the party. It just that I have to tell him how you got stupidly sick.”
“I hate you so much, right now.” She whined. Bom and I are best friends and have been party buddies ever since. A senior in the psychology department had landed some part-time job under a doctor he’d been admiring so he’s throwing this big party. Normally, I wouldn’t go without Bommie but midterm exams are on the way and I wanted to let loose before I face those dreaded exam papers. “How did you make Auntie and Uncle let you out anyway, I thought they didn’t want you going out until midterm ended.
“They didn’t. I sneaked out. Shh!” I replied.
“You bad girl!”
“Don’t worry; I’ll give Sangmin your number and talk to him about you.” I replied.
“Yeeshh! Thanks for being bad.”
Eh, crazy sick lady.
We hang up just in time I arrive at the club where the party is being held. I parked a few cars away from the entrance and was on my way inside when my boyfriend, Kim Ji Soo, ambushed me with his tongue. I pushed him away because he’s obviously already drunk and I wouldn’t know what he’d do if I let him be. I don’t know why I didn’t break up with him within two seconds of our relationship. The guy is obviously a pig.
“What’s the matter Dara?” he asked, slurring.
“You have to ask? You didn’t even consider picking me up.”
“I’m sorry but the party started early.”
“Uh-huh!” I deadpan. “Whatever, I’m gonna go find my friends.”
I walked away from him with the conviction that by the end of the night, I’d be single again.
I found some girls I know at a table on the second floor. We did some shots and after a few rounds, I dragged them to the dance floor. Within seconds I felt boneless and mindless. My youthfulness will always linger to this point where I’m enjoying all of my twenty-two years of life, under the strobe lights being wild and silly and free.
A smile spread across my face, my arms stretched up to the ceiling. I feel the hem of my dress inching up my thighs but I didn’t care. I then notice that my group is already surrounded by a group of college guys wearing tight clothes and are grinding suggestively at each and every one of us. Gross! Looking at the bar, I saw my soon to be ex-boyfriend glaring intently in my direction. I don’t need this right now!
My stomach dropped. “I need to hit the ladies’,” I told my friends.
I wormed my way through the circle of boys, off the dance floor, and into the ladies’ room. Of course he followed me.
He barged inside the stall I’m in and started kissing me like he owns me. I’m already a little buzzed myself so stopping him was futile. Still, I tried pushing him.
“Do you have smoke?” I asked just to get away from him.
He stepped away and reached for his back pocket for a stick. “Is this pot?” I asked even though I completely knew what it is.
“It’s not like it’s your first time.” He lighted it for me and after a few draft, I felt more buzzed.
“Can you go out please, I needed to pee.” I told him, dropping the of the cigarette into the bowl.
“Come on, I have seen you before, you don’t have to be shy now.” He said cupping a feel of my .
“You’re gross! Get out!” I argued pushing him out.
He got out laughing. Pig!
When I was done doing my business, I went back to the bar to get a lighter drink this time. Water, perhaps. I was surprise to see Ji Soo waiting for me with a ladies’ drink in hand.
“I’m sorry. I went overboard.” He said, giving me a kiss on the cheek and putting his arms around me.
By the time I finish the drink, I paused. Blinked and got numb in the body and dizzy in the head. I dropped the glass on the floor and try to take a good look at Ji Soo. I’m seeing doubles. “What did you put in my drink?”
I hear him in slow motion, “It’s been a long time since we had . I just gave you something so that you can relax and come home with me later.”
“Get away from me!” I think I screamed. But I’m not sure as my vision blur. I tried to walk away but he scooped me up by the waist and carry me to I have no idea where.
I felt the cold, hard wall where Ji Soo slammed me and began pulling my dress off. A breeze of air passed through me and suddenly, he was across me getting beat up. My knees weaken and I started sliding down the ground as I hear Ji Soo’s grunts and pained voice.
I out for I think a few minutes before someone shook me awake, “Miss, are you alright?”
My initial reaction was of course to yell but he calmed me down immediately with a slap on the face.
“I’m sorry. I needed to do that.” He apologized.
“W-who are you? Where am I?” I asked though I can’t see him properly.
“I’m a bouncer in this club. You’re in the back alley. I’ve went here to have a break and I saw him attacking you.” He explained.
Son of a Kim Ji Soo !
“What do you want to do, miss? Shall we take him to the police?” He asked me like I was four.
“He can go to hell. I just want to go home.”
“I understand. Taxis doesn’t really go around this neighborhood so do you have a friend who can drive you?”
Just my ing luck!
“Can you please just take me to my car? I can call someone from there.”
“Okay, let’s go.” He helped me up after calling someone to take Ji Soo away. I thanked him for saving my life and he made sure I was safe inside my car before he goes back to work.
I tried shifting to get comfortable behind the steering wheel but I was suddenly seeing doubles at the same time the whole world spun around right before my eyes. I closed my eyes and squeeze in the hopes that it’ll stop but all it did was make my body tremble.
I didn’t realize that I fell asleep until the sound of my phone ringing spiked my ears giving me a jolt which then made me dizzy. I tried reaching for it in the passenger seat and barely touch the screen when the sound of my brother’s voice filled in the car.
I listened as hard as I can but at my current state he’s unintelligible and only making my head ache terrible.
“Sanghyun-ah…” I called even though I’m aware that my phone is not anywhere near my head. “Can you pick me up?”
I don’t remember anything else after that until the sound of someone tapping my car window had me opening my door.
It’s my Dad.
My first thought was: ! I’m screwed.
And then I realize: I already am.
The door opened and I was suddenly swept in an embrace. I was too stunned to comment and too high to move. I just cried.
I half-slept and half-cried on the way back home. I can feel Sanghyun’s protective arms wrapped around me. Mom was sobbing in the front seat while Dad drove. In my smashed blankness, I can tell Dad gritting his anger in by clutching the steering wheel tightly and cursing expletives which only made Mom cried more. Sanghyun did his best by humming tunes in my ear, whispering to me how everything is going to be alright with a sad, desolated voice.
I did this to them.
The members of my family are good people and because of me they became like this.
Sad and angry at the same time.
I hate this. I hated me because I did this.
I should’ve not sneaked out. This wouldn’t have happened.
I should apologize.
“I’m---,”
That’s all I managed to voice out.
Next thing I knew, Sanghyun’s body was pressed against my back as we cramped together in the car’s ceiling. I removed his hands covering my forehead as I try to disentangle us. He was breathing heavily. And I can’t move far enough to check on him.
I called out for our parents but all I see are their heads near each other in a pool of blood. I was horrified.
In that moment, I wished I was doped again. That way, I wouldn’t remember seeing blood, glass shards, my parent’s unmoving heads, and my baby brother struggling for life.
The image burned in the back of my eyes and I am helpless until I out.
===PRESENT TIME===
I pressed up against Jiyong, shamefully using his shirt to wipe the tears that continually stream in my face, but more so that he can’t easily go away. I held on.
“When I woke up three days after they explained to me everything that had happened, m-my Dad avoided a cargo truck that was on our highway lane and he swerved into a low cliff. Our car rolled 360 degrees and stopped upside down on the bottom. My parents died and Sanghyun got into a coma due to a blood clot in his brain.”
“For days, I didn’t get out of my ward. I didn’t let doctors and nurses or anyone in without causing a scene. I didn’t even check on my brother. I felt so guilty. I wanted to just die. Then came in the nightmares, they reminded me of what I have done. I killed my parents and every time I closed my eyes those images haunted me. So, I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat and I just sulked in my bed. Most times I took my IV out so that I won’t have sustenance. It came to a point where I just wanted my misery to end.”
“I broke the mirror in my bathroom and slit my wrist. It didn’t cut deep enough before Bommie came in my rescue. She said the accident was an unfortunate episode and that it wasn’t my fault. I hated her for that. She doesn’t understand how much the guilt eats through me.”
“We got into a huge fight before she dragged me to where my brother is. He just got out of ICU that morning, and when I saw him for the first time after the accident I just broke. His head was wrapped in a bandage, there were cuts on his face, and he was fractured all over. He was just seventeen and already he was breathing through a tube.”
Sagging against Jiyong’s body, I closed my eyes and cried more. I kept my head pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped around my upper and lower back. He held me tighter than I could ever remember being held.
We were still for a moment, before Jiyong readjusted me so he can look at me. He cupped my face and wiped my tears with his thumbs.
“Are you alright?” He whispered.
“I don’t know,”
“What happened next? How did you transformed from an emo kid to a from hell.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. I kissed his collar bone as a thank you for making the situation lighter.
“It was the moment when I really took notice about the machines whirring around Sanghyun that I become conscious of three things. One, with or without nightmares, I would still be carrying the guilt behind my back. Two, I was scared Sanghyun was gonna leave me as well; and three, I didn’t want to ever be sulking in my room while my brother fights for his life.”
“So I got on with my life, even went back to school but it was a bad choice. Bom’s family have been really helpful but I’m not gonna let them pay for my college tuition. Whatever that is left on my parent’s savings as well as the little trust fund I inherited goes into treating Sanghyun. Life was getting really hard especially for someone like me who never experience working even part-time. That’s when I met YG-sajangnim.”
Relinquishing my cuddle moment with him, I sat straight (still straddling him) and looked into his eyes. “That’s it. Story of my life.”
I did it. I told him. All I could think now is how he would take this all in. I knew he would hate me. Indirectly, I’ve killed my own parents and sent my brother into coma. I feel disgusted myself.
“I have one question…” He told me.
I nodded to tell him to go ahead.
He palmed my back and pushed me closer to him before he lets go. I heard his knuckles crack behind me before he asks, “Where is Kim Ji Soo?”
At first I was nervous because I thought he was gonna ask something brutal like: ‘What were you thinking going to a party without your parent’s permission?’ but this was unexpected.
“Prison. Bommie took care of it.” I simply said.
“I think I should visit him, don’t you think?”
My heart pinched. Why would he care about some good-for-nothing spoiled kid that drugged me years ago? Surely my inadequacy when it comes to making the right decisions for myself in college which led to my parents’ death is far worse from what Ji Soo did. And yet, something in his expression told me that he did care. That if it was humanly possible to go back in time, he would’ve taken the drink from Ji Soo’s hand and threw it at his face then continued impaling him to death.
This is why I love him. God help me, I love him so much.
“I don’t want you to associate with him---,”
“I just want him to meet my fist of fury, Dara.” He interrupted. “How dare he do that to you? I’m gonna ing kill him! And you should be angry with him. If anything, he’s at fault for what happened to you.”
“He didn’t put my family into that car, Ji.”
“And you think you did?!”
“I did!”
“They fetch you because someone drugged you.”
“I wouldn’t be drugged if I wasn’t there in the first place.”
I started to move off his lap but he caught me in place. “That is some bull reasoning and you know it. It’s not your fault. If you’re going to blame someone, blame Ji Soo because he did something unforgivable to you the same night your world got ed up.”
I hate to say but if you put it that way, it might actually save me all those years of wallowing by myself.
“But it’s not really his fault, is it?” I voiced out.
“Why are you defending that ? Are you still hang-up with him?” He questioned, judgingly.
“What, no! Why are we even talking about him? He’s nothing. See, he’s not even worthy to hold a grudge against. Let’s just stop fighting about him. It’s weird.”
He took a breath, “Okay,”
“Okay.”
We were quiet again.
The first step was done. Now I want to move to the second and just get it over with.
“Do you want to meet my brother?”
He flinched and gulped simultaneously. “Er…” He said, freezing in his place.
“It’s okay if you don’t feel comfortable. I mean, I understand this is a lot to take in. I just thought you might want to meet him since he’s my brother. Anyway, he’s in a coma so if you’re don’t want to meet him, he can’t force you.” I know I’m just rambling right now but seeing him baulk at the mention my brother kind of made me nervous. What does the flinching means? Is he going to break up with me because I had a comatose brother? That’s just wrong.
“I-I do want to meet him, babe” He redeemed himself. “Shall we go now?”
He stood up, carrying me with him before he gently let me stand on the floor. He was suddenly so frantic he didn’t realize that he took another shower. I didn’t know what the matter with him is but I just found myself talking him out of wearing a suit. He argues that since it’s their official formal meeting, he needed to be presentable.
“You’re meeting my comatose brother not the President of freaking Korea. Come on!”
He finally settled down with a casual jeans and t-shirt get up but while on the way (get this, he offered to drive), he was perspiring beads of sweat and to think that the air-conditioning unit was turned full.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” I asked him. I had it in my head that this is probably all too much for him to handle in one day. Meeting my brother might be a bad idea.
“Yeah!” He answered quickly.
As we rode up the elevator of the hospital going up the eighth floor, I realize something.
Due to so much thinking, I forgot to mention which hospital Sanghyun is confined. How is it that he knows exactly where we are supposed to go?
Wait a minute…Does he…?
I purposely drag on my feet so that he’ll lead the way instead. I can hear his brain booting up like crazy so even if zombie attacked commence right at this very moment, he probably would never notice.
When we reached my brother’s door, he stopped. Tightening his hold on our intertwined fingers, he blows out a breath.
“Sanghyun got transferred in a different room.” I joked, testing out the waters.
“What?” He sharply turned at me. “How come I didn’t get notified?”
“Why would they notify you?”
“Because I told them so.”
“Did you?”
“Yup!” He answered nonchalantly popping his ‘p’. “Where is he roomed now?”
“Jiyong, are you hearing yourself right now?” I can’t take it anymore.
He stood there. Silent. And with widened eyes, he realized what just happened and then panic registered all over his face.
“!” – was all he managed to say as blood drained from his face.
“How long have you known?” I asked, tone a little bit higher.
It took him a while to answer. “Remember that time when we thought you got food poisoning…I kind of wandered off and met your brother.”
I did a mental count on the dates, about three months. “That long? You’ve known about my brother for that long and you didn’t tell me?”
“Well you didn’t tell me so…”
“What the hell, Kwon Jiyong?!”
“Oh-kay.”He said each syllable carefully. “There is no need to raise our voice here. I’m sure your brother wouldn’t like that.”
I thought about that for a moment and dragged him to the little chapel located on the same floor.
“I’m serious Jiyong. This is a private matter. How can you not tell me that you knew about Sanghyun all along?”
“I’m sorry.” He tugged my hand forward to capture me into a hug. I had no choice but to comply. I badly needed his explanation. “I just didn’t know how to tell you. Ever since you invited me to meet your brother, I’ve been thinking different ways to tell you on how I knew about him already. It’s all stupid ideas that would end up with me groveling in my knees. It’s not pretty. I’m still pre-occupied with thinking I didn’t realize we’re already here and I was even the one to have led the way.”
“How much have you known?” I whispered. “I mean, did someone tell you? Everything?”
“I didn’t know anything of what you’ve said earlier. I only know about Sanghyun’s existence. Nurse Han wouldn’t divulge on anything else.”
“Still, you could’ve informed me. I was racking my brains all this time to come out with this secret and you’ve known part of it all along. If you have told me then it would’ve eased out some of my tensions.” I notice my voice is much gentler now.
“Forgive me.” He urged.
“I wasn’t really angry in the first place.” I told him. “Just shocked.”
“Will it help ease you up a little bit if I tell you how Sanghyun and I are very close now?” For the second time today, I let him drag me towards my brother’s room. This time I need not observe him sweat up in frustration but rather enjoy him talk naturally about my remaining blood relative. “So you don’t have to be nervous about him not liking me. We’ve already bonded a lot these past few months behind your back.”
“Who said I was nervous about that? I was actually hoping he’d pull out a shotgun on you.” I humored him. “Tsk. Here I thought at least one Park can be immune by your devilish charms. Apparently, all of us have fallen into the dark side.”
“Well, it wasn’t easy getting him to warm up with me.” He opened the door and we are greeted by the familiar whirring of machines. “I had to take him strip clubbing thrice, got him a all those times too, and even smoke pot with him in a suspicious downtown neighborhood.”
I started laughing at that ridiculous joke but halted when Nurse Han came out of the room’s private bathroom with a basin of water in her hands and a look of contempt on her face.
“For your sake, I hope that’s not true.” She told Jiyong then turn around like we didn’t even matter. “I’ve been waiting for the day that this boy will be up and about but if those were the things that he’d be living for, I’d rather have him stay here.”
“We we’re just joking around, Nurse Han. I wouldn’t do that to my girlfriend’s little brother.” Jiyong defended and in an attempt to redeem himself he continued, “I was actually planning on enrolling him to a French class when he wakes up so he can learn how to speak the language and then maybe eventually volunteer ourselves in a center for homeless people to try and make them feel special--,”
I elbowed Jiyong to cut him off or else he’d be spouting endless nonsense on how a nice person he really is. “Is there new developments on Sanghyun? Is he still moving fingers?”
She smiled widely, “Just this morning, his eyes moved Dara. He didn’t open it but there was definitely movement there.”
“Really? Is that good? That’s good, right. I wish I was here.”
“Don’t beat yourself up, dear. I’m sure Sanghyun understands that you can’t be with him 24/7, especially now that you and this young lad,” he gestures towards Jiyong “had officially started dating. How did this happen when a couple of weeks ago your boyfriend over there was just telling on you on your own brother, like a little girl.”
I laugh, surprisingly not because of the good nurse but because of the light feeling I'm having just by the knowledge of Jiyong visiting my brother in my stead.
“Hey…” Jiyong said, insulted.
Nurse Han turned to face Jiyong and sighed. “Fine, ‘you ranted like a man in love’. I leave you two kids here while I attend to other patients.”
That’s all she said as she walked over the door and leave.
“In my defense, I was really worried that you didn’t come home for two days that time. For all I know, you are hanging out in one of the neighborhood’s chimney – scared to death because I wasn’t at your side.” He pouted.
“I get it, sweetheart.” I told him with a laugh before something caught my eye and I just knew from that very moment that there could be no one else but him who would think about this.
“Aww…you really gave me a tomato.” I said sounding nostalgic.
He got what I mean and looked over the plant as well, “I told you I would. Actually, that was my biggest hint so that you’ll know I was here.”
I backed-up from trying to cry as confusion came to me. “How is that a hint? For all I know Youngbae was the one who left that here”
“Have Youngbae told you that he would plant a tomato for you? Have anyone did? No. I’m the only one who knew that that plant would actually make you happy. Were you happy when you first saw it?”
Anyone would think that I should know by now how his mind works. Wrong. Until now Jiyong still gives total mind-ing explanations. But I have to say I was crept out at first that some stranger claiming to be Sanghyun’s friend gave him a plant. But as the plant grew and some nurse pointed it out as a tomato, it did make me smile.
“How could I not be happy? It’s a tomato.”
“Please tell Seungri that. He was bugging me that you’re just gonna hate me more if I give this to you.”
While he attends to the tomato by the window, let me explain.
When I was just starting as Jiyong’s manager, some fans thought it was funny to throw tomatoes at me in public. I was still really bummed out about my parents’ death and my brother being in the hospital. Jiyong was also proving to be really difficult for me to handle so I was angry all the time and the only one who made it his life time goal to make me smile was Seungri. He was successful but fans didn’t like that.
You know how much I hated TOP from the very beginning right. I still can’t explain why but that day, he was extra hateful. He was wearing this ridiculously printed with flowers trench coat that was clearly fitted for a woman but he claims that it was made just for him and was prancing around it on everybody’s faces.
That was the day of his doom. People were clearly throwing tomatoes at me but not all of them had good aim. I know it’s mean but the look on TOP’s face as tomatoes landed on his precious coat just had me laughing like a maniac inside. I wanted to shake everybody’s tomato-grimed hands but I held it in because our surrounding was a riot.
When security led us to a private walkway, that’s when I started laughing and pointing at TOP who was still very horrified that someone would do that to his coat. Poor coat but what a day.
“Of all plants, why a tomato anyway?” I asked him after reminiscing. “Is it because of that day?
“Yes.” He answered directly before pulling at my belt loops to turn me to him and rested his hands just above my . “I hated you because you’re so good at handling me. You didn’t even try to make me like you by smiling more or talking to me more. But that day, I saw you laugh and I thought it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Did you fall in love with me that day?" I said snaking my hands into his nape and played with his hair.
“No.” He scoffed. “I hated you more because you laughed with everyone else but kept on scowling at me. Why would you do that when clearly I was the one you were supposed to get along with?”
"Because you think you’re the greatest person the world has come to know and you don’t let me forget it.”
“That’s true. I also think I’m adorable.”
“Of course you do. Why wouldn’t you?”
He smiled and it made my knees weak.
“So, Mr. Kwon, how freaked out are you right now by my dark past.”
“Mr. Kwon?” He smirked. “Is this like some role-play thing? I’m the boss and you’re the secretary. It’s a shame you’re not wearing a bun today but the glasses totally worked.”
I laughed and patted his cheek with a smile. He’s being a smart- but I know he just doesn’t want to answer my question which only makes me feel more nervous about how he’s handling this.
“Or you can be the boss and I can be the assistant that needs punishing.”
I covered his mouth with my hand before he can say more. God! The thoughts his having in front of my baby brother…
“It’s okay if you’re freaked out. This is a lot to take in. But I will completely understand if you turn around right now and run far, far away.” I said sheepishly.
“Why would you assume that I would run away from you?” He finally said while I’m still covering his mouth.
“Because I’m twisted and until now I can’t stop blaming myself for what happened. I’d probably never stop blaming myself.”
He took a deep breath and reached up to pull my hand away from his mouth and resting it on top of his chest. “Let me just start off by saying I really, really at showing how much I love you because if you think that I would run away after you’ve told me everything about you, it tells me that you don’t trust me enough to support you in this.”
He squeezed my hand on his chest and leaned down to give me a chaste kiss.
“I love you.” He said. “I love you because you’re amazing. Even before when I haven’t known about Sanghyun yet, I already thought you were amazing. I love that you’re smart and loyal and beautiful but don’t make a big deal out of it. I love that you’re fearless and bold and strong – but I also love that you’re occasionally not because then, I could be strong for you. Like when you have nightmares or when YG gives you ultimatum at work or like right now. If you keep blaming yourself for what happened, then I’ll blame Kim Jisoo or the truck driver or the low cliff or everyone else that you don’t want to blame because you’re selfless.”
I closed my eyes and felt tears catch on my cheeks. He didn’t waste a time to wipe it off using his thumbs.
“You didn’t ran away from me when I was giving you a hard time so don’t ever think that I’d run away from you just because you’ve opened up to me. Dara…” He kissed my mouth. “Look at me.”
I did.
“I love you.” He said.
I took a painful breath and reached up to cup his face. “I love you,” I said. “Jiyong.”
His face broke open into a smile before he kissed me.
He pulled away seconds later…
“Say it again.”
***
He made me repeat it over and over again.
To which I gladly complied.
a/n:
so sorry to have you guys waiting for so long...
I've been really busy...
hope u like this chap.
and beware of typos if there are any...
give love in the box below..
xoxo
Comments