c/to: monsterLea

                                                                                         c/to: monsterLea

 

 

 

 

 

JIYONG

 

 

“This is---,” Teddy paused as I curled up in the sofa, “by far---,” he continued. I was listening but my eyes were fixed on my cellphone as I go through Dara’s selcas. “the saddest, most-depressing song I have ever listened to.”

 

“But it’s beautiful. Wow.” Youngbae chimed in. “Are you sure you want this for Big Bang? You can save this for your next solo album, we wouldn’t mind.”

 

Dara left for France yesterday afternoon and last night all I could do was toss and turn. A feeling surrounded me with more intensity than expected. Loneliness. The bed was empty and cold.

 

Until I couldn’t take it anymore I wrote a song about me missing Dara and now I’m out of energy. I can’t believe I was even able to wake up this morning. Big Bang needs to re-group for our next album.

 

“Oh for the love of God, get a grip man.” TOP barged in and immediately took the seat beside me. “It hadn’t been a day since Dara left.”

 

“It feels like a century had passed to me.” I managed to say.

 

“I feel like smacking you right now.”

 

“Just leave him alone.” Teddy said. “He’ll get over it somehow.”

 

See, that’s the problem. I don’t think I will.

 

 

***

 

 

The morning before Dara’s flight, she managed to straighten my schedule and arrange my traveling bags in case I needed extra clothes when doing guestings. She also set me up with groceries in the house and emergency phone numbers (including that of a lawyer that would bail me out in case I get myself arrested. Seriously!)

 

Now, as I’m walking through the hall on my way to YG’s office, I contemplated on my plans for the next days without Dara to fool around with and on hours that I don’t have work to distract me. I could go out with some friends, re-arrange my house, catch a chupacabra, slit my wrist. The possibilities are endless. YG was at his desk, facing the wall behind it when I arrived in his office.

 

“You wanted to see me?”

 

“Hello,” he greeted, spinning around in his chair and sounding diabolical like the devil that he is. “How was your day?” He had the ‘I know it’s bad but I wanna torture you’ look all over his face so I answered by narrowing my eyes at him.

 

“Okay, cranky. I’ll stop.” He leaned back his chair. “I assume Dara had already told you about why you’re here, so what do you think of these two.” He handed me two folders.

 

“Dara didn’t tell me anything. She wants you to tell me instead.”

“Damn, that brat! I knew she’d turn her back on me with this.” He hissed, mostly to himself.

 

“Whatever it is, it’s a no.”

 

“You haven’t even heard it yet.”

 

“If both you and Dara had difficulties telling me then I’m sure I don’t want to hear it so, no.” I started standing up.

 

“Well, I’m still going to tell you so sit down and listen.”

 

Okay.

 

“Inside the folders are names and qualifications of possible personal assistants. Of course, HR can just pick one for you but I assume you’d want to be more involved with this because after all, he or she will be by your side from then on.”

 

I was stunned in silence. Come on, who wouldn’t.

 

“Is this another drama of firing Dara? Because I’m telling you, these kinds of jokes get old, hyung.” I told him.

 

“Unfortunately Jiyong, this is not a joke.” He said with a sad smile.

 

NO.

 

“What the is this ?! I don’t want another manager. Dara is doing great all this time and now you want to replace her? What’s the matter with you?” I yelled at him. I can’t help it. There’s a lot of unexpected anger that boils within me whenever we talk about this.

 

“Settle down, will you? We’re choosing Dara’s replacement and you’re acting like we are dethroning the queen.” YG also started to raise his voice.

 

“That is exactly how I feel. Why are you so hell-bent in taking away my queen?”

 

“She’s still going to be your queen as long as you wanted to. I’m talking about your manager Jiyong. She can’t be both at the same time.”

 

“Guess what? That’s exactly what she’s doing right now and she’s doing ing great. So leave us alone.”

 

He took a deep breath before answering me in a calm voice. “She needed to be replaced Jiyong. I’ve got a lot of plans for Dara and your schedule is hindering it.”

 

“Why is it suddenly my fault?”

 

“She puts you first before herself. She turns down a lot of offers because she’s considering your schedule. If you just know how many writers and directors wanted Dara to act for them it’ll blow your mind but she’s says no to each and everyone because you have a photo shoot somewhere, a t.v. appearance over there, a performance abroad. It’s sad that she can’t do her own thing because of you.”

 

“Is that true? Why would she do that?” I asked because it’s just unbelievable for Dara to do such thing.

 

“Beats me. She said she’d talk to you about it.”

 

I nodded my head.

 

“You two are seriously wasting my time but whatever, I guess that’s fine. Now go talk to her.” He waived his hand out as if shooing me away would dismiss my life’s complication.

 

 

***

 

 

Night seemed to come quicker than I ever noticed before and I found myself curled up in the bed surrounded by Dara’s dirty laundry while thinking about what YG had said earlier.

 

I tried calling her earlier but she wasn’t answering. I guess she’s still busy.

 

Why wouldn’t she say anything about her turning down offers? If I knew about it then…

 

I wouldn’t really know what to do, would I?

 

It’s just easier with Dara being my manager. I can’t remember a day that I’ve spent without her motherhen-ing the crap out of my career. It is because of her that everything about me is so organized.

 

But for her to cast-off her own career for me was pretty stupid. Romantic but stupid.

 

It is with this thought that my phone started ringing. Of course, it chose to hide itself this time. I swam through Dara’s laundry on top of my bed and fish out the ringing piece of . “Hi baby.” I greeted.

 

“Hi love. How was your day?” A deep voice that is clearly not Dara answered from the other line.

 

“Seung-rat, you brat. Why are you calling me? Never mind. I’ll hang-up. Don’t call again. I’m keeping my line free for Dara.” I hang up quickly.

 

Seconds after a text came.

From: Seungri

Message: So noona hadn’t called you yet, you loser. I’m sure she’s enjoying the company of a French man right now. She has no time for you.

 

Before I could reply my phone ring again. This time I know it was Dara who’s calling because it’s an international number.

 

“Hi baby,” I greeted.

 

“Jiyong, hi. How are you?” The sound of her voice melts me.

 

“Not fine. I miss you.” I said.

 

She laughed, “I miss you too. How was your album meeting?”

 

“Not important. Baby, why didn’t you tell me you’ve been rejecting offers?”

 

She paused for a long time before answering, “I’m your manager.”

 

“Really? That’s what that pause is for? You should be able to come up with a better answer than that, D.” I didn’t mean to raise my voice it just came out that way.

 

“Are you angry-why are you angry?” She asked, clipping her tone.

 

“I’m sorry. It’s just that you’re being stupid.”

 

“Excuse you?”

 

“How can you just throw opportunities like its nothing? You should’ve told me so we can talk about it.”

 

“I wasn’t really thinking of anything but you Jiyong. What would you do without me?”

 

“You make me look like the worst boyfriend ever. It’s like you’re saying that I’m too dependent on you that it’s hindering your own career advancement.”

 

“Is that what you’re worried about? Your image as my boyfriend? Don’t worry Jiyong, nobody really knows that we’re together except of course YG family and guess what they all think that about you already.”

 

I gasped at what she said. Is she kidding me?

 

“I-I’m sorry, Ji. I d-didn’t mean it like that.” she said after a few breaths on her own. “I mean they think that you are dependent on me but that’s just because it’s what is supposed to be. They don’t think that you’re a hindrance to my career.”

 

“But you do.”

 

“What?”

 

“You think I’m hindering you.”

 

“No, of course not. It’s---,”

 

“You know what, forget it. It’s getting late here and I’m tired. Let’s just talk another time.”

 

I heard her sigh, “Okay. Don’t forget that charity event you promised Sean-oppa with tomorrow. You have to be in the orphanage by seven am.”

 

“Yeah. Bye, Dara.”

 

I hang up before she can say anything more that would crush me.

 

this. I think I’m gonna cry.

 

 

***

 

 

I found myself dysfunctional the next day. Not even the smiles of little children from the orphanage can lift up my spirit. And when I return to the YG building, YG himself gave me a surprise.

 

"Jiyong,” He greeted and shove a girl towards me. “That’s Soo Lin. She’s your new manager. Have fun.”

 

Can I take a moment to look for my surprise face?

 

“Hello, my name is Soo Lin. I’m happy to be of service, Mr. Kwon.” My new manager greeted.

 

Shoot me now.

 

I give her a polite smile and proceeded to enter the recording studio where four rowdy boys suddenly flinched and assumed behave position when I glance at them one by one.

 

“Mr. Kwon, I have your bag right here. YG-sajangnim told me to bring it for you from your locker.” Soo Lin voiced out.

 

I stopped myself from throwing her a death glare. I don’t know why (well, actually I do) but this whole ed-up situation is making my mood go insanely foul and if Soo Lin doesn’t stop talking to me, she’d be an innocent victim to my rudeness.

 

“Mr. Kwon, I’m a big fan. I feel so honored. Never in my dreams had I envisioned to be in your recording studio. This makes me really hap---,”

 

“Seungri,” I gestured for Seungri to come to my side. I put my arm around his shoulder and led us forward with our back to Soo Lin. “I’m going to kill her. Please take her away before I actually kill her.” I whispered.

 

Within a blink of an eye, Soo Lin was gone out of the studio.

 

“You should be nice to her, you know. Soo Lin, I mean. You can’t stop YG from replacing Dara. You might as well get along with a new one.” TOP commented, eyes on the newspaper he’s been holding.

 

“You knew about this?” I asked.

 

“Of course I know. What do you think of me? By the way, I told everyone in this room all about it too.”

 

“I’m sorry Dara-noona isn’t your manager anymore, hyung.” Daesung said.

 

“Me too, hyung.” Seungri wailed coming back from sending Seohyun away. “Let me give you a hug.”

 

“Get off of me.”

 

“I’m sorry too, I guess.” Youngbae said as I try to get out of Seungri’s tentacles. “But you should’ve seen this coming, Ji. I mean come on.”

 

I was still on the process of getting away from Seungri when I answered Youngbae. “I know. I just didn’t think it would be this early. I’m not ready. Will you get off me?” I yelled at Seungri and when he didn’t make any move to do so, I just let him. The little .

 

“Anyway, man, what’s up with you and Dara fighting last night.” TOP asked.

 

“How come you know everything? Why is it that he knows everything?” I asked no one in particular. TOP just gave me a creepy smile, like he’s telling me: do you really wanna know? Well, I don’t so I continued, “It was stupid. I was confronting her about her turning down offers and then the conversation got out of hand and we said things we didn’t mean and I feel really bad right now.”

 

“There, there…” Seungri patted my head.

 

“Do you actually mean that you haven’t talk to her again yet?”

 

“Well, I’m a guy.”

 

There was an unnerving silence before Youngbae commented, “And that explains everything, how?”

 

“Oh come on. I have pride and it’s technically her fault for not saying anything to me. I just pointed that out to her and then she goes crazy.”

 

“Dara is crazy? Who’s about to combust from having too many feelings suppressed in a bottle right now? And who’s taking it all out on an innocent bystander who’s just doing her job as a newly hired manager?” TOP asked.

 

They all pointed their fingers at me. Except for Seungri, who opted to squeeze my .

 

 

***

 

 

“Soo Lin, can I have some water?” I asked, politely as I went on about my day. Big Bang has a mini-show at some University in Anyang.

 

Soo Lin who wouldn’t keep quiet about how excited she is to be backstage with Big Bang handed me a mineral water.

 

“We drink vitamin water, Soo Lin.” I told her.

 

“Oh, I’m sorry. But they ran out.”

 

Say what?

 

“So I’m just supposed to drink that because it is all there is?”

 

She nodded.

 

“I don’t drink mineral water.” I firmly told her. I was aware that the room stood quiet except for the sound of the bottled water hitting the floor. “Go buy me vitamin water.”

 

She was Speedy Gonzales gone. I hope she never comes back. Mwahahaha.

 

“Remember how you use to treat Dara-noona like that?” Daesung asked. “Be careful, hyung. You might end up falling in love with that girl Soo Lin.”

 

I snapped my head to his direction and threw him the hand towel I was holding. “What’s the matter with you? I have a girlfriend.”

 

“A girlfriend you’re not speaking with.” Someone whispered. Who said that?

 

“Stop being an Jiyong and just talk to Dara, will you?” TOP-hyung commented. “Don’t terrorize everyone else just because you and you’re girlfriend decided to act like kids.”

 

Umm. No.

 

4^th day

 

Soo Lin quit. I felt a little bad because I think I scarred her for life but I can’t help it. My mood is just not right and she’s always on the way.

 

But worry no more because YG-hyung got a replacement quicker than quick sand.

 

Yay!

 

It’s a guy this time. He’s name is Hyun Shik and I hate him.

 

He’s alright I guess. He’s gutsy and keeps his distance. He started his job right away at the day of a photoshoot. He was doing well until he slipped and threw a cup of steaming hot coffee on me. I sent him home with a blazing glare. He never came back.

 

I suddenly remember when Dara threw a cup of coffee on me before. It wasn’t because she tripped or something. She brought that cup especially so she can empty it on top of my head because I was being mean to her. Those were the times.

 

6^th day

 

Of course, I got myself a new manager.

 

I think YG got an army especially for my disposal.

 

Why can’t he get it? I understand that I needed a new manager but not right now when he knew that Dara and I aren’t talking. He should know that I am extra-violently angry because my girlfriend wouldn’t call and my ego is currently wrapped in thorns.

 

My new manager (another guy whose name I didn’t bother knowing), made the mistake of saying that he is most excited to meet Dara Park. He’s a big fan and he thinks he’s in love with her.

 

What a cutie.

 

He was a goner before he even started. How dare he declare his love for my girlfriend in front of me?

 

7^th day

 

I’m too busy today. I’ve got a lot of moping around to do.

 

Seriously, I think it was for the greater good that our Japan show was cancelled. I’m already bothering Korea with my rudeness as it is. I can already imagine creating havoc in another country because of my mood swings.

 

Nobody would even talk to me. They all think that I should self-soothe or something. Whatever that means.

 

Le sigh. I really miss Dara. I missed bossing her around and I really missed her bossing me around in return. Why can’t she just call me and say sorry and then I’ll say sorry and then we’re all gonna be alright.

 

I heard my phone rang in the other room and was half expecting it to be Dara calling but I didn’t set my hopes that high. Knowing her, she wouldn’t call me unless she’s dying and is about to say her last words. And I bet her last words would be: you, Kwon Jiyong. Rot in hell you egomaniac son of a .

 

But lo and behold, it was an international number. I almost peed my pants just trying to calm myself before pressing the answer button. “Yeah?” I answered coolly but really, inside, I’m burning.

 

“Hey.” She answered. Her voice was coarse and she sounded sick but I knew it was Dara. My heart suddenly died. How long has she been sick?

 

“Calm down, I’m not sick.” She said. Did I just voice that one out loud? Eek. “Just feeling a little out of the weather.”

 

Liar.

 

“Wait there, alright. I’ll book a flight and be ther--,”

 

“I said calm down. My work here was done a little ahead of schedule but they wanted me to rest before taking a flight back home so I’m resting. You don’t have to come over. I’ll be home soon.”

 

Shucks. I should be worrying but I can’t help but feel giddy whenever she says home. Everybody knows home means with me, right? RIGHT? Alright. Just so we’re clear.

 

She sighed gently on the other line and oh , damn. Yes, I suddenly sported a semi. This is shooting me up straight to hell. How can I be and frustrated while she’s sick?

 

Oh yeah that’s right. I haven’t gotten laid in seven days. You probably figured out by now why I’m constantly chewing every new manager’s head’s off. All work and no play made Jiyong a very cranky boy. Well, at this point, Jiyong is practically a monster. Seven days of not even jerking-off. I think the build-up of affected my brains.

 

Dara’s coarse voice interrupted me from touching myself. Gosh, what am I doing?

 

“I heard you’ve been refusing managers.” She said.

 

“I’m not refusing them. They’re all pathetically stupid. They don’t even compare to what you do.”

 

“You’re not giving them a chance Jiyong.”

 

“I never gave you a chance and yet you got through me.”

 

She paused, “Fair point but still--”

 

“I don’t get it D.” I started. “Why wouldn’t you tell me about your job offers?”

 

There was another pause from her side before she cleared . “I’m not really sure why, Ji. It just doesn’t feel right at that time, leaving you. Being your manager was my very first job and I felt accomplished that I was doing it right. I was afraid to take the risk and fail by trying.”

 

“What made you change your mind about going to France?” I asked, slowly absorbing her reasons.

 

“Its YG-sajangnim.” She said. Why am I not surprise? “He told me about needing to grow and spreading my wings and all that and I realize that he was right. All this time I just wanted to work for my brother’s sake and he’s not even awake yet. Thinking about it, it’s like I was in a coma too. Just stuck in one situation and not moving forward. I don’t want to neglect my brother but unlike him I actually have a choice and I know that he’d be happy for me. So I came here in France. And I really enjoyed it, Ji. I wish you were here with me.”

 

I smiled. My Dara is growing up. “I’m glad that you’re enjoying yourself, babe, but what am I supposed to do without you.”

 

“I’ll always be right by you, even if not physically, I’ll be there emotionally, mentally, even spiritually, if you’d like to count that.” She explained with a chuckle.

 

“It’s not gonna be the same.”

 

“So, you want me to quit acting?”

 

“Oh come on, you know I just want you to say soothing words to me. Just keep your sweet-talking coming already. I don’t always hear you say stuffs like that.”

 

“Are you saying I’m not sweet?” she ask, voice all rough.

 

“No. you’re plenty sweet. Just not all the time. That’s why I’m basking in with the moment so please do continue.”

 

She chuckled on the other line, “I think you got all the sweetness covered so I’m leaving that as your forte.”

 

I laughed with her.

 

“Ji,” she called out. “Promise me you’d be nice to the next manager that YG will give you.”

 

I rolled my eyes, “Fine.”

 

“Promise?” she said clearing .

 

“Hey, you sounded really bad. Are you sure you’re alright? Let’s just talk some other time. You need to rest.”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just want to hear your voice some more.”

 

Aww…isn’t she adorable?

 

“Do you want me to sing for you?” I asked. Because nothing is sweeter than serenading your girlfriend via phone patch. I’m so sweet my own teeth will fall off.

 

“Yes please.”

 

“You’re blushing right now, aren’t you?”

 

“You just ruined the moment jerk.”

 

I started singing ‘two steps behind by Def Leppard ‘, as she listens intently. There’s nothing in this world I want as of this moment but this serenity between the two of us. I realized that I wouldn’t be the man that I am now without Dara the manager. But even without her, I know in myself that I’ll always strive to be the man that deserves to be called Dara Park’s boyfriend.

 

And that is enough security.

 

Day 9

 

Tomorrow, Dara will be back.

 

I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it. (I bet you sang that part out)

 

We’ve patch things up. Obviously.

 

I don’t care if she’s not my manager anymore. Come to think about it, she can instead work on being a full-time girlfriend. So, I’m not really sure what was I complaining about ever since the beginning of this chapter.

 

Oh, well.

 

I’m on my way to YG’s office where I’m pretty sure he’ll be introducing a new manager for me.

 

Don’t worry. I’ll be nice.

 

As soon as I opened the door, I was welcomed by the shock face of YG-hyung (believe me when I say that he looked ridiculous).

 

“Jiyong,” he said tensely. “Greet your new manager.”

 

I turned my head to my new manager’s direction. There was a bolt of pang in my heart as I greet her familiar face.

 

“Jina…” I muttered.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

a/n:

I’m sorry because I haven’t given you guys’ updates in ages.

Like seriously, from the bottom of my heart and through my liver, I’m sorry.

I haven’t exactly been inspired lately.

I’m experiencing Daragon drought.

Anyway, I hope this update can make-up for lost times..

I love you guys. Keep the daragon spirit raging.

~~Come back home, baby, come back home, yeah! (LSS!!!oh yeah song of the century!)