"Nobody understands, or had it been

Nobody understood why things had been the way they had.

They just knew that it was, but whom did they ask,

God? A saint? no no one but themselves

wondering why it had happened or why it would never go

Consuming them with every ounce of guilt, insanity, and anger.

They ask what person has the right, but in my case it's just life

causing my pain and suffering"

                                                                Arianna M. Lozada-Pierce

(Jessica POV)

It's been three weeks now since I return home from the hospital. I still haven't returned to school after being ambushed by the entire student body. I just feel like there's no place in this world for me to live in anymore, I'm a prisoner in my own life. I pressed my wrist against my chest, carfully not to rub it so hard against the fabric because of the new scars I made this morning. This time I was being extra careful with hiding my scars, Yoona's been checking on me multiples of times for the past few weeks and I was getting sick of it.

I know she's worried about me, but I just need my personal space, I don't want her to keep checking up on me every single time just because of my ed up self. I crawled out of bed and sat on the window seat, starring up at the blue sky. Hmmm I wonder what my parents think of me now, please your a failure as a daughter, there's no way in hell they still love after what you did shut up! The only reason they die is because it was your fault, shut up, they don't want a like you as their daughter, they dont love you. Please stop it, I covered my ears and begged for the voices to go away.

No one likes you, ...

Saying that they love you, is all a lie....

Stop it..

No one cares about you anymore because your a ....

Stop it..

THEY ALL HATE YOU!

"STOP IT!" I screamed out. I got up from the window seat and grabbed my razor from my bed. Knock, knock. I heard knocking from my door just as Yoona was about to come in. I threw my razor under my bed and picked up all the napkins covered in blood from my scars and threw them in the trash can near the dresser. "Jessica you ok I heard you scream" she said putting her hands on my face. "I'm sorry, I fell asleep and had a nightmare" I said pulling her hand away from my face.

"Ok this has gone long enough, you really need to go outside"

"You can't keep locking youself up in your room the whole time, come on Sunny decided to have a get together at her house why don't you come with me"

"Yoona I'm not in the mood to go to a party, why don't you go instead"

"Oh no, I think you stayed in here long enough, we are going to that get together whether you like it or not now come on" Yoona said pulling me up to my feet and leading me down the stairs. I sat still on the couch starring into space while she threw my sweater at me and led me outside. As soon as I stepped outside the house, a rush of cold wind blew right through me as if it's saying that I should've stay inside. Yoona pushed me in the car and drove off to Sunny's house.

(Sunny's POV)

"Where are they?" I said. I spent my whole time planning this get together party for Jessica, to cheer her up after she her stay at the hospital and they'er still not here. Sure I know Jessica isn't quite stabled to go out yet, but I just felt like she needed some cheering up. And no one knows better than to cure sad smiles like I do! I check my watch again and looked out the window, but there was no sign of Yoona's car.

"Calm down well ya?" Sooyoung said.

"I can't calmed down, this is suppose to be for Jessica and she's still not here"

"It's Jessica, she still feels depress about this whole thing so we shouldn't push it to far on her you know" Taeyeon said. "Yeah I guess your right". I heard a knock at the door as I made my way to open the door, Yoona and Jessica were here finally.

(Jessica's POV)

I walked through the door and saw everybody's eyes looking at me. I hid behind Yoona and held on to her arm for support, I wasn't use to leaving my room, infact I hardly don't leave my room at all. I saw everybody's faces lift up as we made our way to the living room where the rest of our friends were at, munching on all the snacks that were left on the table. Yoona sat me down  on the couch as she made her way to the snack table. I kept on pulling my sleeves down, afraid that my scars were showing out to the entire world.

I looked around the room and spotted a dark figure standing in the corner watching me. It didn't take me a second to realise that the dark figure was Jonghyun, he stood there with a blank expression on his face. Even from far away I can tell he was still feeling a sign of pain and regret, our eyes met for a spilt second until I pulled away from our gaze and hanged my head down.

Alot of things were going through my head that I didn't have the courage to look at him, even if he did apologise, I don't have the strength to be around him or anybody else in this room anymore. Hours passed, Sunny brought out a couple of board games and drinks for the rest of us to enjoy ourselves. Yuri was kind enough to offer me to join them in their little game, but I refused. I didn't want to spoil their fun so I just layed back and watched them play games n drink together. Well don't they look happy, they're all having so much fun without you. Why couldn't you just kill yourself already and things will seem much better for them. "Shut up" I whispered quietly to myself, I don't want the others to think I'm crazy talking to myself. Admit it Jessica, they are better off without you. "Shut up" I wrapped my hands around my head, I felt some touch me and saw Jonghyun standing over me.

"Sica can we talk for a second please?" he said starring down at me.

" I'm sorry Jonghyun, ut I need to be alone right now" I said making my way to the bathroom until I felt him pulling my sleeve down.

"Jessica wait" he grabbed my wrist and I felt pain shooting through as he wrapped his fingers ontop of my scars. I try to pull away from his grip, until I heard the fabric from my sleeve ripped. I looked at my arm and saw that my skin covered with scars. I looked up and saw Jonghyun's face in shock and sad at the same time. Then everybody's eyes were on me looking from my face to my scarred wrist.

"J-Jessica w-what happen, did you do all these" Jonghyun said pulling my wrist closer to him. I let the warm tears roll down as I pulled my wrist away from his grip and ran as fast as my legs would take me to my house and upstairs to my room. I tried my best to calm my breathing but to no avail.

Why is this happening to me?