Jessica's POV:)

It's been 2 months since my breakup with Jonghyun and things were never the same anymore, I felt like I was in a coma of depression my whole life. I haven't showed up for school for so long because I was afraid that the bullying was gonna get worst if I show my face there again. Yoona offer to take a couple of days off of school to stay with me, but I refused. She shouldn't put her education on hold because of me, I'm not that special to be having a good of a friend as she is, she deserves someone better than to have me as a friend.

Look at me, I'm a ! I'm an ugly, fat, dirty, pathetic, lying, disgusting . I don't even deserve to be in a relationship with anybody, especially with Jonghyun, people were right I don't deserve him. I stayed in my room the entire time starring into outerspace, feeling hurt, guilty and alone.  I just can't get Jonghyun out of my mind, I cry everynight as the memories of our first fight came back, haunting me where ever go. I brought mine legs close to my chest and began to sob, I grabbed my song book that was lying near by and started writing things down, I've been using my song book as a diary for quite sometime now, mostly some of them were about Jonghyun. I reread all the things I felt about Jonghyun back when we use to be together. For once some of these secrets made me smile, but that smile went away as I turned the next page that I regret doing for so long because of that Jonghyun left me.

I sat on my bed and clunged my diary close to me chest as I closed my eyes letting tears slide down my cheeks. I felt dirty, Onew  made me feel so dirty, he touched me with his filthy hands and now, and now I feel disgusting. I let him touch me and I didn't do anything to stop him from making me dirty. I think too much crying had warned out my enerygy as I felt my eyes starting to get heavy as I layed my body on the bed and drifted off to long deep sleep.

Jessica's Dream:)

"Ha ha ha ha" I heard laughter coming from somewhere, I felt sonething hard and cokd was under me as I woke up. I looked all around me and everything was pitch black. I stood up from where I layed and walked straight forward.

"Ha ha ha ha" I heard that laughter again and started following the direction of where was it coming from. I ran straight ahead until I saw what look like a person was standing there doing nothing. "Ummm hello?" I said as my voice echoed, I waited for a responce but everything was dead silent.

I try to get closer to them until I felt what seemed like glass and right infront of me was a girl hanging her down shirtless. I looked closely at her body and saw both her arms covered with scars. I raise my fist and tapped on the glass, I looked across and saw her doing it too. I put my hand down and saw her mimioing my move. It's not a glass wall, it's a mirror and the girl standing here is me. She lifted her head up and I felt my whole was paralyzed when I saw my reflection didn't have a face. 

I feel back and landed on the floor as the mirror broke into million piece and was scattered all over the floor just like my heart. Then I heard voices coming from out of nowhere. I shield my ears with my own hands as the voices started getting louder and louder by the minute.

"We don't want you here"

"Your a "

"I want to you anytime"

"We don't need I like you

"Onew touched you and now your dirty"

"Stop it"

"You hurt Jonghyun"

"Cut yourself like the nobody you are"

I heard Jonghyun's voice. "We are over", "I don't need you anymore","please stop it" I cried "I don't love you anymore", "stop" I said. "I HATE YOU"

(Dream over)

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhh" I woke up and felt my whole was drenched in cold sweat and tears. I can't keep this up anymore I just can't. I've been having the same dream over and over again. But this time it was worse then the last time. I started clawing at my arm, reopening my scar that I made last time, the day that Jonghyun left me because I'm a . I grabbed picked at a few of my scabs on my arm making them bleed. It’s not enough I need more I need more than just a few drops.I got off my bed and started looking for something, anything sharp.

I walked over to my secret hiding place and pulled out a box that had pictures of me and my parents inside and opened it. I took out razor blade that I found weeks ago laying somewhere in the kitchen . It used to be a box cutter but I took it apart for just the razor blade. I held my wrist out in front of me and held the razor to on my skin. I slid the blade slowly across my wrist and drops of blood pourd down my arm. Quickly the emotions from inside me left, each time I cut my wrist I can't feel the pain I have on the inside. I wanted it all to leave, I grabbed the razor and slit my wrist more and more until there was no more skin to cut.

"Jessica, Jessica are you ok?" Yoona said. I didn't even hear her walk by my room. I quickly grabbed some tissues and started dabbing my wrist, cleaning all the blood away. I put the razor back in the box and put it back in it's place. I walked toward the door and opened it to let her inside. "Omo Jessica are you ok, I heard you scream!" she said, "I'm I just had a bad dream is all, no need to worry" I said sitting on my bed craining the blanket over my body. Noway am I going to let Yoona see my scars. "Jessica you can't keep living like this forever, you need to tell us the truth so that we can help you, it's hurts me seeing you like this, please" she said wrapping me in her arms. "I can't Yoona, I just can't tell you" I cried, "Why not?" she said "Because he's going to hurt me worst" I cried.