Because I’m Stupid

I was at the office again and it all seems normal. “Annyeong haseyo oppas~” I greeted them and they greeted back with a little coldness. I thought it was normal because it has always been like this, but today was different.

“Oppa, how’s your day?” I asked Junhyung, trying to break the ice.  “We're fine. It seems quiet since you’re not here anymore, but we’re okay.” He said. I lowered my head. They felt lonely? “Oppa, it’s not like I’ve been gone for a month. Do you feel lonely?” I asked them. They remained quiet.

 “Can you look at me and listen to me?” I said and the 5 boys looked at me. “I’m sorry if you think I’ve been ignoring you, but I’m not.” I told them and they sighed. “We’re sorry. We’re just afraid.” Hyunseung said and I just raised an eyebrow. “Since you’re with Leeteuk now, you might not spend much time with us now.” He continued. “What? You’re my family. You’re my oppas. I can’t replace you. You’ll always have a place in my heart as my family.” I told them. “Where’s Doojoon oppa by the way?” I asked them and they just looked at each other.

{Doojoon’s POV}

I’m overworking myself like before. When I get too stressed with my personal life, I drown myself with work. While making myself busy, there was a knock. “Oppa,” her voice called out. I’ll just try not to act hurt to her, even if it really does.

“Come in,” I said and watched her as she sit down. And I noticed right away that cute couple ring shining from her finger. I know she didn’t choose it. I’ll guess Leeteuk did. “Oppa, are you okay?” she asked me as I still pretended to be busy, but I really am.  I just nodded. “Are you sure?” she asked again and I just nodded.

“So, are we doing anything? I miss fighting again. The practices are always the same.” She complained as she looked through the papers. I snatched them away from her and put it in some folder.

She then was trying to look at some papers and I got pissed. “YAH! If you’re just here to disturb, I suggest you just leave!” I yelled at her. She was shocked, even I was and she just bowed and left the room.

I slammed my hand and head on the table. I just yelled at her. I never did that to anyone. And I did it, and it just had to be her. “Hyung,” I heard Dongwoon knocked. “What?!” I asked. “We heard you yell at Minyoung. Why?” he asked and sat at the chair in front of me. “I was out of control,” I said. “Are you hurt and jealous?”

I clenched my fists, trying to hide my real pain, my true feelings, that yes, I am hurt. I should’ve been with her like how Leeteuk was and not just watching her from afar. Now, I lost my chance to have her. “Hyung, it’s not easy if you’re going to just hold your feelings. You have me to tell what you feel.” Dongwoon said. I sighed in defeat and sat down.

“I was so stupid to just watch her go. I loved her, and I still do. I was a coward. I always had left her chocolates everyday because I know it would cheer her up. I would always look at her from afar and saw how happy her eyes are when she’s with Leeteuk.” I sighed again and closed my eyes. “Hyung, it’s okay. I’ll just leave now. If you don’t want to tell me more, it’s okay.” Dongwoon said and left.

I looked at Minyoung again who was looking at her phone with that genuine smile filled with love, the smile that I have longed to own. Her lips, those lips I had wished to touch mine but never had, were curled to the side. It hurts more as I recall that day when she was under the rain. I was holding the umbrella already, ready to run to you, ready to cover you and hold you in my arms. But he came faster and was already beside you. And what hurts the most was that kiss you gave him. I went home that day drenched in rain, hiding the tears mixed with rain on my face that day.

He kissed Taeyeon and yet you still forgave him. I hate that I was always just behind while Leeteuk was always the one in front. You don’t know how I feel do you? I was also supposed to ask you at the Valentines Ball, but I was late. I was sure of my feelings for you even if you can’t return it.

But do those things matter now? Maybe. Seeing you happy with some guy who isn’t me is killing me, but seeing you smile is my consolation already. I’ll just keep to myself the words I was ready to tell you any moment.

“I love you,” I whispered as I watch her look at me and waved at me. I bowed and returned to my desk. My heart hurts at the thought that she belongs to someone else, and of all people, it has to be Leeteuk. I’ll just try to drown myself with work and forget that I’m hurt. I took out our picture, the one we took when we went out for my birthday. “I love you Minyoung. So much that it hurts that I can’t tell you how I feel.” I the picture as a tear fell from my face. 
{End of POV}

*I'll also be out the whole weekend. I'll be on a short vacation trip with my family and my dad's friends. Don't forget to leave a comment.

@Blueangel, are you sure that was just a joke? I freaked out about that.

Speaking of Heechul, have you guys read the news where he said he's planning to get married when he's 33-35. And he doesn't mind mrriage. I also read he can date someone younger than him up to 20 years. I'm from a different race and is 11 years younger than him. I so want to meet him, and I want to be that one, even if we all know it's impossible. :))*