I was to depart at 6 o’clock in the evening the next day which I did. I had to go in and talk to the University and sign a letter of departure stating the family emergency. It was a very short notice but thankfully it wasn’t a hard process, plus they were really nice about it. As for the art project I did earlier, I just turned in the one project I did. I still got credit for the class. Hyo Joo and Jae In threw a very little good-bye party for me. We just went to Hyun’s Café and chilled there. I apologized which they did forgive me. They tried to avoid talking about James and my grandma. Instead we just talked about random things that was unrelated to those two subjects. Hyo Joo dropped me off at noon and that was when I started packing, getting my things ready. The whole entire family droped me off at the airport. The departure was actually harder then I really thought I was going to be. The Kim’s have been just great.

            “We’re really going to miss you.” Grandma Kim said.

            “Me too.” I said hugging her. “Take care of yourself okay.”

            “If you ever come back to Seoul, don’t be a stranger.” Mrs. Kim said

            “I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you guys.” I said, hugging her.

            Mr. Kim set his hand on my shoulder. “Take care of yourself.”

            I nodded then went over to Joo Chan who has been quiet this whole entire time. I smiled up at him. “I’ll never forget the first time I met you.” He laughed when I said this.

            “It was very interesting.” He added.

            “Thanks for acting like my older brother. Thanks for putting up with driving me places and explaining things I didn’t understand.”

            He smiled and nodded. “You’re welcome.”

            I took the initiative and hugged him. “Komo-o…oppa.”

            He blushed when I said this. His parents laughed. Grandma Kim had a very suspicious gleam in her eyes. I bowed to them thanking them for their gratitude and headed towards the terminal. I handed the lady my plane ticket and boarded the plane. I looked outside the window, looking down at what was Seoul as it got smaller and smaller. Soon the land became just the ocean. I will be back…someday.

            I had to force my legs to get out of the plane, through the terminal, and walk over to my parents. Annie was there besides them. She smiled at me and I smiled back but that soon turned into tears. I ran over to them and they held me in their arms as I cried.

            “Omma” I cried. “I di-didn’t e-even.”

            My dad patted my shoulders. “She went happily Lillian.”

            Annie hugged me and cried with me too. “Yah, if you don’t stop crying, your eyes are going to be puffy.” she laughed.

            “I missed you too.” I replied.

            “Let’s go home. You probably need your rest.” my mom said.

            We went to grab my luggage and things I brought back and headed towards the car.

            The smell of home was very comforting except for the fact that grandma wasn’t there to greet me with her cheerful face. Annie drove us the other day and would be with me for support. She’s such an awesome friend. Annie, my mom, and I prepared a small little lunch for us. After cleaning up I excused myself and went into grandma’s room.

            I sat by the side of grandma’s bed just absorbing the room, looking at the little trinkets of things I’m made her through out the year; the picture frame that I made out of macaroni in 1^st grade, the knitted scarf I made her in high school, the tea cup I made her on the pottery wheel just this year. I looked at her bed which I slept in many times when I had bad dreams or came back from school. I looked on the ground and saw the slippers that I bought her for the cold winters. I turned to look at the night stand and the picture frame I bought her was where I left it. I had a friend take a picture of the both of us and framed it in the frame. They both smiled at me, eyes gleaming with happiness. It was just last year that we took the picture. Right next to the picture frame was her pair of glasses. They were the same old pair of glasses I’ve been telling her to get rid of. She’s had these since forever and it went through a lot. I broke them a couple of times in my adolescent years. I laughed thinking about. I reached out to grab it but accidentally knocked it over. It slipped underneath the lamp table. I had to lie down on my belly to grab it. I slipped my hand into the crack and try to feel for it. I was patting around when I felt what seemed like a crumpled piece of paper. I pulled it out and at first was going to throw it away when something caught my eyes. It was the first two words-My Dearest Sung Mi- It was in Grandma’s handwriting.

            I wasn’t sure if I should open it but it did. The paper crunched as I opened it to reveal it’s content. The paper made a crinkly noise as I flattened it down on my lap. Slowly I read what it said. It was from Grandma.

My Sweet Sung Mi,

            When you get this letter it will probably too late. As always, I love you so so much….knowing you, I know that you will have many regret but I want to tell you that you have mead me the happiest grandma. Don’t you for a second blame yourself or have any guilt because you shouldn’t. All the things that we as a family and we have done have made me so so happy. You’ve made me so proud and I love you. Know that you will always be my precious pumpkin, who can be so stubborn, not matter what others tell you. I know that growing up kids have always said mean negative things and those dreams you’ve always had…I’ve always told you not to think about them, but they were for a reason. I’ve always wanted to tell you and now that I’m getting older, I can’t go without telling my precious pumpkin. I breaks my heart every time I think of you finding out the truth…it’s really hard for me to even write this out. I knew that you parents were going to tell you someday but I fear it’s going to be too late by then…growing up, the reason why those kids always made fun of you…of us not being your ‘real’ family…it’s because it’s the truth. You were adopted. I hope that you will be able to forgive us for not telling you. What ever it is you chose to do with what I tell you, just remember that we all love you, your parents love you dearly, my child. I love you. You will go so far my beautiful precious pumpkin. I know that you will be able to find that special man that you always told me you wanted to find. The one that will make you laugh out loud obnoxiously in public and love you for it. The one that would make you cry not tears of sadness but of joy. The one that will bring you many joy and happiness as you have brought me.

With many love,

Grandma

            How was anyone suppose to react to that? I just sat there shocked. So many emotion rushed through me; anger, pain, confusion, sadness. I felt numb. I felt as though the world has stopped and time just froze. This can’t be true right? Right? I refused to cry but they came. I chest, it hurt so much. It was just too much; too many things happening at once. The world was really caving in. I broke down in her room on the floor. The tears fell down from my face and onto the cold wood floor.

            “Grandma-ah” I cried. So much pain. I just couldn’t take it. It’s too much. “Why? Why?” I screamed.

            My parents along with Annie barged into the room and hurried over to me.

            “Lillian” my mom said shocked to find me there bawling, crying like I’ve never cried before.

            “Umma-ah wae?” I managed to say. “Why?”

            “dae?” she asked. She looked down at my hand and took the letter from my hand. I saw her slowly reading it. When it got to the part, she put her hands over . “ Andwea…Andwea.” was what she said and started crying herself. “You’re my Lillian, you’re mine.”

            “Is it true?” I asked

            My mom nodded her head trying not to cry. “I wanted a daughter so bad.”

            “Why not tell me when I was younger?”

            She shook her head. “We just thought that it would be fine….we..Mianhe.”

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Hope the update didn't take too long...it's been hard since AFF has been down a lot...comment much appreciated =)

     -Aaliya, smile always =)