I was sitting in the living from with the Kim family. Joo Chan sat in the sofa next to me. Mr. and Mrs. Kim sat across from me. Grandma Kim was next to me. It was really quiet. No one said anything after they told me the news. I could feel them looking at me with concern. Lee Teuk and Kang In just dropped me off. Luckily they didn’t come inside because it would’ve been even worst. I excused myself from the room. I wanted to be alone. I climbed up the stairs like a zombie, trying to make sense of it all. Each step was so hard to take. My heart, it was hurting so bad. It wasn’t the same feeling as yesterdays. It was worst. I opened the door to my room and was going to close it when I saw Grandma Kim. I let her come inside. She went to sit on the bed. I sat on the ground next to her legs. I wasn’t going to look at her. I knew that if I did I would cry. It was quiet for a while. I couldn’t say anything.

            “Lillian-ah.” Grandma Kim finally said.

When she said that all of my emotion finally flooded out. “I-I don’t wan- want..” Tears flooded my eyes. “I did-didn’t e-even get the c-chance to talk to her.”

            “It’s okay sweety.” she said, taking me into her arms. “Cry as much as you want.”

            I cried into her laps, heart wrenching cries. I wrapped my arms around her waist and just cried and cried. My heart ached so much no words could explain it.

            “Are you leaving tomorrow then?” she asked me.

I looked up at her and nodded. “They already booked a ticket for me. I want to help them with the funeral preparation.”

            “Did you brush your hair this morning?” she asked changing the subject.

I stood up and looked in the mirror and gave a weak laughed. “I guess I didn’t.”

            “May I?” She asked. I handed her the brush. I sat down in the chair and she started brushing my hair. I tried not to remember but all the memories came flooding back. Tears started falling down my cheeks blurring my vision. Grandma Kim didn’t say anything. She just continued brushing my hair.

            “Sorry.” I apologized. “When I was younger she always brushed my hair before I went to school. My parents were away at work.”

            She just nodded and smiled. She brushed the end of my hair and put it up into a pony tail. That was how I always did my hair. “There,” she said.

            I smiled at her. “Thanks.”

            “I’ll leave you alone. If you need anything, you know where to find me.” she said before slipping out of the room.

            I just sat there in the chair absorbing the silence. I looked over to the lamp stand and just stared at the box. It was the tea set I bought for my grandma just the other day. Who am I suppose to give it to now? I tried so hard to stay positive but I failed. The tears just wouldn’t go away. I sat there, hugging my legs, for what seemed like an hour and just cried. I knew that my grandma wouldn’t want me to cry but I just couldn’t help it. When I was finally drained out from all the crying I decided to wash up and go downstairs. I expected to see Mr. and Mrs. Kim there in the living room watching the news but it was only Joo Chan. He heard me come in because he tuned and smiled at me. I smiled back and went to sit next to him. We didn’t say anything. He looked like he wanted to say something but didn’t.

            “Sorry about last night.” I finally said. “I didn’t meant to scare anyone.”

            “Hyo Joo and Jae In left early this morning.”

            “Oh gosh.” I said covering my face. “I don’t know what I was thinking last night.”

            “They weren’t mad at you. Just worried.”

            “I still feel bad though.”

            “Are you free today?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yep. I have nothing planned.