Being born as the illegitimate child makes me feel like a loser at all. I didn't want to think about it but I just made myself focus on what should I do to make my father proud and to cover up my life status. Mark hyung is the legal one whatever happens and I will always be a child from my fathers' mistakes. Even though both of my parents are starting to love each other, it still doesn't change the fact that I was born as a mistake.

I tried to be better. I strive hard to make myself feel like I'm a legal child too. I studied every night and day just to surpass whatever Mark hyung has. I know it is wrong to compete with him but it feels so good to beat him in some other way.

I envy his legality. I envy the love that Mark hyung had from Dad even before. Dad always choose Mark hyung first instead of me since Ten is still alive. Even though Dad took the responsibility as my father, I knew in his heart that Mark hyung and Ten will always be his number one priority instead of us.

I love my brother, though. I'm always dreaming on what it feels like to have a brother. I envy those siblings that have close relationship with each other. I always want to get close with Mark hyung, to be his companion, to be his younger brother to lean on. Mark hyung didn't let me do that. Instead, he hated us most especially my Mom.

I hate it when my Mom is disrespected by Mark hyung. I knew my Mom made a terrible mistake at first but he's trying to fix it by taking care of Mark hyung. My Mom was always been treated by Mark hyung as a ghost and I hate it. As much as I love Mark hyung, I hate it when my Mom is getting treated this way. That's why I studied more just to make him realize what he did. He chose this path and I'm joining him.

The class break had ended