During the months where Jaejoong and I promoted our single together side by side, I was happy. We even won a triple crown. It was amazing. Our single soared to the top of the charts and I got to hang out with him almost every single day. It was like a dream come true. This was what I’ve always wanted.

          In contrast, I hardly heard from the dork. Every once in a while I’d see an article about him but he didn’t text me or anything. I wondered if he was mad at me for even accepting a duet with Jaejoong. But he knew about how I loved Jaejoong so it shouldn’t have been a problem. Plus, he’d done a duet with Yerim. I was as free as a bird to participate in a duet with Jaejoong.

          One night after a performance at Music Core, I finally took notice of Jaejoong’s relationships with other females. They were mostly with Japanese models. As far as I could tell, he hardly talked to other female idols in front of me.

          There was this one girl though, who pissed the out of me. She wasn’t an idol. No, she was a mere stylist. Her name was Shin Eunah, and in addition to being one of the nation’s beloved male idol’s coordi, she was also a university student studying cosmetology. I’d barely paid a speck of attention to her during the first few weeks of my promotions with Jaejoong, until her obvious jealousy towards me was clearly shown during one performance.

          Eunah was the one who arranged the costumes for me and Jaejoong. It was her job and responsibility. But she’d apparently messed up the order and I was given some strange flamingo dress instead. The dress was hideous. The pink feathers and unattractive sequins still haunt me to this day. I guess she’d thought that I was required to wear whatever she gave me. But I didn’t establish my own clothing line for nothing. I refused to wear the dress and found a leftover dress that one of the other girl groups wasn’t planning to wear. It wasn’t the most extravagant dress, but it was definitely better than the flamingo mess.

          Kiko didn’t believe me when I told him that the “accident” was no accident. He just merely shrugged it off. I didn’t dare tell Jaejoong about my suspicions on Eunah’s sabotaging ways towards me. He seemed pleased with the way she made his suits and I just didn’t want to sound like a whiny kid in front of him.

          The dress incident wasn’t the only thing that’d happened. She’d “purposely” spilled coffee on me once while I was rehearsing. My white blouse was stained and I had to work into another one two sizes too small. She’d purposely bump into the makeup artist so that my eyeliner would be smudged. Then I’d get scolded by the staff for taking too long on my makeup. One time my mic hadn’t even been working properly and my voice was missing from the performance for a whole two minutes before the sound people got it back. The costume mishaps were hardly noticed by others. Apparently it happened all the time. But not like this. It was obviously sabotage.

          She also touched Jaejoong quite inappropriately. Since she was a costume director, this also went unnoticed. But since Jaejoong was my one and only, of course I would notice it. She’d squeeze his muscles whenever she could and place her hands on his abs for a long time while “measuring” his waist size. It irked me to see her do such things and not being able to say anything because people would think I’m just “crazy” or “overreacting”. All I could do was stand back and pray that she’d not touch him anywhere else. She could do things to me. But no way would I ever let her do anything harmful to Jaejoong. If this goes on further I’m definitely going to take action.

          Before a performance one night I was walking down the corridor in four inch heels when out of nowhere I felt myself trip and twist my ankle in the process.

          “Oops!” I heard Eunah say. I grimaced, feeling pain surge up through my leg. “Are you okay unnie?”

          I glared at her and struggled to get up but failed as my leg gave way and sank to the ground.

          “Ow…” I clenched my fist, trying not to let the pain flow. “You…tripped me…”

          All Eunah did was smirk.

          “______!” I heard Jaejoong’s voice. “Are you okay?” He touched my leg and winced in pain. “What happened?” Jaejoong asked.

          “I don’t know oppa!” Eunah shrieked. “I just came over to give her the clothes for tonight and she just fell!”

          You tripped me, .

          “This is bad,” Jaejoong said. “_____ are you okay? Can you stand?”

          I tried standing up but collapsed.

          “Ow…” I rubbed my ankle in pain.

          Eunah was just standing there on the side, probably secretly laughing at my pain.

          “I’ll tell the stage coordinators to bring out chairs for the performance,” Jaejoong said. “Eunah, can you please help her over to the steps by the stage and wait with her for our turn?”

          “Jaejoong, no,” I said sharply. I glared at Eunah. “I’m not letting her help me. She’s done enough.”

          Jaejoong looked at me, puzzled. I’m pretty sure a part of him was also wondering why I was being so rude to a stylist. He probably hated me at the moment but I couldn’t help but crack.

          I got up and hopped over to the steps by the stage by myself without any of their help. I sat there on the steps and waited for my turn. Jaejoong came by about 5 minutes later and said, “I told them to bring out chairs for our stage. Your voice is still okay, right?”

          I nodded with a small smile. “Yeah. Thank you oppa.” Jaejoong and I stared at each other, getting lost into each other’s eyes. This seemed to happen a lot. I wonder what they mean.

          For some reason, during the performance today I felt really shaky. The lyrics got to me and as I sang them, I felt my heart start to break.

          I close my eyes for a moment, I still love you so.

I should give up, but I can’t let you go.
You taught me how to love.

Now, how can I forget you?

          I was tired of waiting. I wanted to have him with me. I looked into his big, beautiful brown eyes and sang what was pouring out from my heart. It hurt knowing that I had to restrain myself from loving him because of some fake relationship I had. I don’t think I’ve ever put so much emotion into a song in my entire life. I felt something in my eye and panicked as I realized they were tears.

          “_____...”

          “Is she crying?!”

          I held it in as best as I could until the end of the song. But the lyrics still haunted me greatly. As I stared into Jaejoong eyes, singing the lyrics, I couldn’t help but feel something go off within him too. The way he was looking at me…wasn’t how he usually looks at me. I wonder if he was feeling something too.

          After the performance Jaejoong and I were sitting in our waiting room, not saying anything. The room was awfully quiet. I was wiping my face with a tissue.

          “I never told you,” Jaejoong suddenly said. “But if you hadn’t known before…” He paused and hesitated. “…I was the one who wrote the lyrics to that song.”

          Oh my god. I slowly looked over at him and said, “They’re really beautiful…I almost…” I looked away and wiped my face again. I’m pretty sure he already knew what I was trying to say.

          Jaejoong sighed and I heard him get up from where he was sitting. He took a seat in front of me and we were now facing each other.

          “I wrote it,” Jaejoong said slowly, “…for someone. Someone I really loved.”

          “Who?” I hesitantly asked. He loved someone?

          Jaejoong looked right into my eyes. We stared at each other for a long time. My heart was beating right against my rib cage, threatening to jump out. I felt myself hold my breath, waiting for his response.

          “You,” he finally said.

          My eyes widened. I certainly hadn’t been expecting that. The man I loved most was saying that he loves me. I couldn’t believe it.

          “But it’s too late, isn’t it?” Jaejoong said, looking away. “You’re already with someone else. I’d had my chance but I waited too long.”

          But I’m in love with you.

          “I’m happy for you, though,” Jaejoong continued. “Because you seem pretty happy with him. And if you’re happy, I’m happy.”

          It broke my heart to hear him say this. I didn’t know what to say. The dork’s face flashed throughout my mind. The only person standing in the way of my words was him. That dork. I couldn’t say anything to Jaejoong at this moment without dragging him down along with me. I knew time was ticking and I didn’t want to wait too long in giving Jaejoong a reply.

          Kiko barged into the waiting room.

          “_______,” Kiko said. “We have to leave, now.”

          Saved by Kiko.

          I nodded and looked back at Jaejoong. He was still staring at me with an expression that I couldn’t figure out. It bothered me. I hated leaving him hanging like this but I didn’t know what else to do.

          During the ride to my next venue was when I actually reacted to what Jaejoong told me. I replayed the words he said over and over, wondering if I’d actually heard it right. He said he loved me. He’d actually said it. I wanted to respond to his confession so badly. I wanted to tell him that I loved him too, that we should be together.

          But I couldn’t. I knew I couldn’t. I’d made such a big mistake for even leaving him hanging. I should’ve just downright rejected him but I didn’t have the heart to. I could never reject him. I just couldn’t. What was he thinking now? Did he hate me? It killed me to not know what he was thinking right now. I wanted to text him, but didn’t have the guts to.

          At the end of the day though, I felt really fluttery. Maybe I could ask him to wait for me. My fake relationship with L couldn’t last forever. It might even end in about a month or so. Then we can finally be together. He’d said that he loved me. That was all I needed to hear.

          I love you too, oppa.

          Meanwhile, Myungsoo was fiddling around with his phone, his thumb hovering over the send button.

          “I wonder how she’s doing,” he said to himself.

          “Just text her,” Sungyeol said from the other side of the hotel room. “You’ve been ignoring her for weeks already. Ever since news got out of her single with Jaejoong.”

          “I don’t even think she knows that I’m ignoring her,” Myungsoo said quietly to himself. “She’s probably too busy with Jaejoong to even notice, let alone care.”

          “C’mon Myungsoo she can’t be that cold hearted,” Sungyeol said.

          “No. She certainly can be,” Myungsoo said. “That’s the problem, really. Sometimes I wish that…she can give me the same love that I give her.”

          “She’ll realize it someday, Myungsoo-ah,” Sungyeol said optimistically. “It’ll just take a little time.”

          “It’s almost been a year…and still nothing has changed.” Myungsoo sighed in frustration and ran his fingers through his messy hair. He wanted to cry, knowing that you would never love him back. He wanted to see you; he wanted to talk to you. Ignoring you for the past few weeks has been hell for him. The worst part was that you probably hadn’t even been noticing his absence. He’d once told you that he could never stay mad at you. And it was true. He couldn’t.

          “I bet she’s having a blast with Jaejoong,” he said quietly. “I don’t even like Yerim…”

          “I hate seeing you like this,” Sungyeol said. “Want me to go talk to her?”

          “No,” Myungsoo said. “I guess I just have to…try to get over her, I guess.”

          “That’s going to be pretty hard,” Sungyeol commented. “Close to impossible. Even I know that.”

          “I know,” Myungsoo said. “But it’s worth a try. I can’t keep going on unhappy like this.” He scoffed. “But you know what’s funny? That night, on my birthday, when she was sleeping in my arms, for that one moment it’d felt like she and I were feeling the same way. And I was hopeful. But that other guy…just kind of ruined everything.”

          “He’s your sunbae, Myungsoo-ah,” Sungyeol said.

          “I know but…still.” Myungsoo sighed and closed his eyes. “I can’t help but think that if I ever really do lose her…it’ll all be because of him.”

A/N: "Don't Cry My Lover" aka a DBSK song will serve as the song that you and Jaejoong are singing together LOL as pretend :3 sorry this took so long LOL i honestly didn't know how to write such a crucial scene to the story. anticipate the next chappie guys! :DD