DECEMBER 2015

LUNA'S POV

It's year end so that's mean I need to attend many year end award shows. So I will back to Korea if I have an event to attend but I don't meet any BTS members. It's a relief that they don't have any comeback this year, so they don't need to attend this unless they get the invitation. So far, I don't meet them and that's what I want. My attendence for awards always a secret or I will make last minute decision and my stay in Korea just about two three days so Jimin or any BTS members do not have a chance to meet me.

I'm a freshie so there's many things I need to settle for my studies. YG do not complain anything about that as Hyun Suk uncle, himself that recommend me to pursue my higher study. After conflict that happened, I think it's a good oppurtunity. I can stay in London again as what Jungkook's wish. I don't know wheather I will be back there again or not. Personally, I really want to stay there, I have my career there and so many people that I love but I don't want to meet Jungkook anymore. If I stay there, there's a possibility that I will bump in to him. So I decide to pursue my higher study at one of university in London in fashion and design.

My mommy opens a branch of her boutique in London, so sometimes I will help her in her boutique. I make new design for her boutique. Her boutique here is bigger than Korea so she decides to make it as a main boutique since she also stays here. Our boutique in Korea, she just hires a manager to handle everything there. Before this, I will handle it but since I back here, she needs to hire a new one.

Tomorrow, I will take a flight to China for MAMA. The award show that I said to Jungkook that I want attend but too bad it's just past. I stare at Cream, the teddy bear that Jungkook's give for my birthday.

"Why I brought you here Cream ah? I should just leave you in Korea and bury all the memories I'm with him. " I its fur. I don't know why, when I decided to back to London, I took this thing along. Every night when I want to sleep I will make sure that Cream is beside me. When I open my eyes in the morning, I will find myself cuddling it. The memory that he surprised me for my birthday played in my mind. Too bad, it's just an acting. He's just toying me. The words that he used to tell me never be a reality.

I open a drawer besides my bed and take out a box and open it. I caress the butterfly necklace and my eyes starts watery when I remind that he tells me that I'm his butterfly. I hold the tears.

"Urgh why you make me like this Jungkook ah?! I shouldn't bring all of this here. I should just throw it. I hate you Jeon Jungkook!" I throw the necklace on the floor and punch Cream continously while sobbing. "I'm seriously hate you Jungkook." I yell. I cry until I fell asleep. It's too tired to get rid of the memories and feelings. "I miss you, Kookie." I say it without I notice since I'm in my sleep.

I wake up when it's already 6.15 in the morning. I jump off the bed and take my towel for a bath. My flight is scheduled at 9 am. I enter the bathroom and look myself in the mirror. I'm in a total mess. My eyes puffy and have a little dark circle on it. It seems that I need to wear eye mask. I decide to just wear it in flight. My hair is so messy so I need to wash it this morning. I take a shower and wash my hair. After dry my hair with hair dryer, I find myself an outfit to wear. Hm I decide to just wear a green army tank top with white wrap coat with cascade hood and blue spice high-waist skinny jeans. I just dyed my hair into light brown last week and I just decide to just let flowy on shoulder. Before going out from my room, I don't forget to take my sunglasses, my eyes puffy TT . I just want to go to airport, no need to put make up. Just casual.

I go downstairs to have some breskfast with my brother and my parents. Louis is here for 2 weeks due to some business matters and christmas' holiday.

"When is your flight?" my mommy asks as I sit.

"Supposely 9 but I need to check in at 7.50 so I need to rush." I sip plain water and take the bread with blueberry jam that mommy hands in.

"Good luck, honey." daddy pats my head.

"Thank you, daddy. I need to go now. Bye." my bread is not finished yet but I'm already drink milk and stand up. "I will eat this on the way to there. Bye. Wish me luck. Love ya." I wave them and run towards the door. 

As I'm about to wear my brown boots I remember of something, I run towards dining table again. "Mommy, can you ask the maid to clean my room? It's a bit mess..I don't have enough time to clean that up." I'm panting in front of them.

"Mommy will do it." mommy kisses my cheeks.

"No need. Just ask the maid. You are tired enough mommy."

"Nahh it's okay. It's not always I do that. Plus I'm sure your room not that mess."

"Arasso. Bye again." I kiss daddy, mommy and Louis' cheeks and get in to the car. As I arrive at airport, I wear my mask and sunglasses. My attendance to MAMA is still a secret, so I need to cover up. It's relief there are not so many people here today as today is a weekday. 

As I'm about to check in, someone poke my back. Please not a fan. I turn myself.

"Luna? Is that you?" He looks at me closely.I try to regain myself after I recognise his face.

"Yes. It's me, Mark." I take off my sunglasses. Mark, my ex-boyfriend.

"Wow. Your back is not change a little bit. When I look at it in the first glance, I know its you. No one has that perfect curve as you have." He smirks.

"You just same like before. A total ert with dirty mind." 

"I'm a man after all,babe. Don't be that pissed off. I never do anything on your body and I guess nobody does." that's what good on him. Even he's a gold digger and ert, he never did anything to me.He stil respect my pride. He's a common english guy but he never force me to do that thing with him. I guess that's why he cheats on me last time. He's a man after all that has desire to have some . 

"So who's your girlfriend now?" I cross my arm and smile a lightly.

"Your ex-bestfriend, Nia."

"Ouh I should expect that. A gold digger with a gold digger."

"You are same like before. Straight to the point. A sweet girl with harsh word."

"Ohh well." I chuckle. We stil can hold a peace conversation. He doesn't beg me anymore. I guess it's because of Nia. Maybe he really loves her now. 

"Where are you going?"

"China. Have an event there."

"I guess you are a successful artist now, I heard you are a singer in Korea."

"Yeah. But maybe I will be on hiatus as a singer." 

"Why?" 

"I study here now. I don't know when I will back there again."

"You are still smart like before and a beautiful lady. I just can wish you a success."

"Thank you, Mark. I need to go now. Nice to meet you again and please take care of Nia."

"I will." He hugs me and leaves. 

---

As I arrive  in China, I go straight  to the stadium that where the event will be held. I need to rehearse. It's a long flight as it takes 11 hours to reach China from London. My back is all aching but I still need to rehearse at 10pm. I just eat bread. Maybe after the rehearsal, I will eat then. 

I pass the security at the backstage and go straight to find my manager and staff that will organize me. Then I meet them in one of the room and have some meeting before the rehearsal. As clock shows it's already 10, we go to the stage. Other group still use the stage as I hear some voices command them this and that. I just wait with my team at the backstage. Finally they wrap up their rehearsal and come to the backstage where I am. My heart stop beating after I see him. Ohh ! He still doesn't notice me. Then other members show up and the first one notice me is Hobi oppa. His eyes widen. Why they are here? Why am I so careless? Aigooo.

"Park Luna.!" unfortunately he shouts my name loudly and runs towards me. All of the members shocked , look at me and approach me but Jungkook just walk passing me like I don't even exist. 

"Oppa." I bow to them.

"I thought I won't meet you again Luna ah." Tae oppa hugs me and then other members do so.

"I miss you so much, dongsaeng ah." -Namjoon 

"Mianhe, oppa." 

"You know you shouldn't do that. You are this far, Luna." -Jin

"Mianhe."

"Why are you apologize so much?" -Yoongi

"Mianhe oppa but I need to rehearse first. Bye." I bow and pass them as I pass Jimin he grabs my hand.

"Make sure you meet me after this and don't try to not to attend the event and leave. I know you are capable to do that." Jimin looks straight to my eyes.

"Oooo Chim." I hug him again and go the stage where my team would wait for me. They explain the flow of the event and my perfomance for tomorrow night. I rehearse and do whatever they ask me to. The rehearsal ends at 11.20 pm. As I want to get going, my manager tell me that I have another rehearsal tomorrow morning at 10. I just nod and get in to the car. I want to back to hotel as soon as possible. I'm starving.

I check in the room and have a quick shower. I'm going to eat ramen. I pick my phone and search for Jimin. I change my phone number but all my contact is not deleted yet. After awhile, he pick up.

"Yobosaeyo. Are you searching for Jimin? He's in toilet now." It's Jungkok that pick his phone up. I just stay quiet. My voice can not be out. I miss this voice so much. "Yobosaeyo. Are you still there?" He asks me again after a moment of silent. 

"Who is that maknae  ah " I can hear Jimin's voice. Maybe he's just out from toilet.

"Molla. The person just keep quiet. This." He hands Jimin the phone. 

"Jimin ah." I call him as I sure it's Jimin on the line.

"Ohh Luna." His voice sounds shocked.

"You are not sleeping yet right? Want to accompany me eating? I don't eat dinner yet."

"Yaaa! Why are you not eating yet? Aigoo. I will be there in few minutes. What number is your room?" He scolds me. If it's Jungkook, he also will do so when I'm not eating It reminds me my school days last time. He will came with food when he saw me not going to cafeteria. 

"303" I know all the artists that will attend MAMA tomorrow will stay in the same hotel as me.

"Ooo. Stay there." Jimin hangs up.

ON THE OTHER HAND 

After Jimin hangs up. He wears his hoodie and sweatpants. He glances at Jungkook. He knows that Jungkook heard everything just now. He seems doesn't care anything happen. He's lying on his bed with earphone in his ears.

"I'm going out." Jimin go towards him and unplug his earphone from his ears.

"Em whatever hyung." He takes his earphone from Jimin's hold. Jimin leaves the room and heads to Luna's room in the same level as his but her room is closer to the elevator.

BACK TO LUNA

I cook two cup of ramen and order two bowl of fries from the hotel. The fries just arrive just now but Jimin do not arrive here yet. I turn on the TV and wait for ramen cooked well and Jimin to arrive. After awhile, I hear knocking on the door. I go towards the door and open it.

"Mochi Chimchim."

"Stop calling me that you ugly girl."

"Mochi?" I giggle. I walk to the small table at the corner of room  . 

"Yaaa! You pathetic." He pulls my nose and sit.

"For me?  Chopstick please?" He points at the ramen. I take the chopstick and give him. 

"Itadakimasu." He eats the ramen with happy face.

 "What are you doing here, Chim?" I ask him without looking at his face. Focus on my supper?

"Got invitation to do the special perfomance for the beginning of the event. Plus, Jungkook is the MC." he stares at me.

"Ouh."

"Why you are cold with them just now?"

"I'm not. I just need to rehearse."

"I guess if you know that we will attend the event, you won't attend the event. You try hard to avoid us."

"Aigooo. My face will look puffy again tomorrow." I sip the ramen soup.

"You try to change the topic, Luna."

"Mianhe." I look at him finally.

"You apologize too much."

"Just . . hm forget it." I munch the fries.

"What us for you?"

"Why are you asking that?"

"I'm just curious about what you think of us. You said we are your family but you act like we don't."

"Can you understand my situation, Chim?"

"I know you hurt but things won't be solved if you run from it."

"I need some space."

"By avoiding us?"

"Jiminie ah. I love all of you so much but things go harder for me. I need time to get rid of him."

"Do you love Jungkook for real?" he stares deeply at me.

"If I don't, I won't cry that much last time, Chim."

"You and Chanyeol hyung. How about that?"

"He's my friend. About the scandal, it's nothing. just Chanyeol has some feelings for me."

"He did?" he stops munching the fries.

I nod.

"Your life in London?"

"Nothing special. Just a common one."

"There's onemore thing I want to ask." he just holds the fries on his hand but not eating it.

"What? You know you are like reporter now. Should I call you paparazzi?" I take the fries from his hold.

"Yaaaa! Can I or not?"

"Since when you are asking me when you want to ask me?"

"Just now." he chuckles. "I saw some pictures when you are leaving Korea last time. You are taking a huge teddy bear with you. It's Jungkook's?"

"Yeah. You are finish asking now right, Mr Paparazzi?"

Then we story about many things, laughter fills the room. When it comes to talk to or share anything, Jimin is the best. I just feel so  convenient with him. At 2 o'clock he back to his room. Time sure flies fast. We don't even notice it's already late. After cleaning the table, I go straight to sleep. Tired af.

I wake up at 8 am. I do my shower and morning routine for my skin. Denim jacket, strip jeans and blue roshe run are my choice for the rehearsal. I make my hair in to messy bun. I wear sunglasses because my eyes is puffy. It's all beecause of the ramen last night but I'm still glad that I'm not a kind of person will get swollen faces after eating ramen. It's just my eyes will get puffy. After checking myself in the mirror for the last time, I go out from the room and go straight to the cafe in the hotel for some breakfast. Many artists already there, busying to take their breakfast.

I take croissant, sausages and omelet. My eyes wander around to find empty table with two plate in my hand. Suddenly my eyes catch Yoongi oppa and he waves at me to sit with them. I have no choice since there are no empty seat. I go towards them and sit besides Yoongi oppa with Jungkook in front of me. He totally ignores me.

"Aigooo. Why are you wearing sunglasses? We are inside you know?"  Hobi oppa asks as I sit.

"My eyes puffy. I eat ramen last night. Heee." I take off my sunglasses.

"I'm positive you were eating with Jimin, right? His face all swollen." -Yoongi

I just grin. I can see Jungkook's gazing to Jimin with expressionless face. He just kee quiet. 

"Why are you not putting make up to cover it up?" -Jin

"I don't like it. I rather to be pale."

"You rather to be pale because you still look good with that, isn't it? and I know you are lazy actually." -Jimin

"Shut up you punk."

"Bickering again. Aigoo this two." -Namjoon

"I finished my breakfast. I will go up first." Jungkook stands up and leaves. Maybe he doesn't want to be in one table with me. I sigh.

"When is your rehearsal?" Tae oppa try to distract my attention. 

"10. You?"

"I think we are right after you cause we are at 11.30." -Tae

There are so many things we talk about but they don't even ask about me and Jungkook. I guess they don't want me to feel uncomfortable. When I'm eating with them, I can feel 2 pairs of eyes watching us. It's Yeri and Chanyeol oppa. As I finish my breakfast, I excuse myself cause I need to rehearse. As I want to get in to the car, Chanyeol oppa approach me.

"I told you to tell me when you want to attend, right?" He holds my right hand.

"Mianhe oppa. It's a last minute decision. I should go. Bye." I take off his grip and get in to the car. 

After my rehearsal, I back to hotel to rest. The rehearsal makes my body exhausted. I just sleep for 2 hours and wake up to wash myself. At 4 o'clock, my stylist and manager come to my room to get myself ready for the event. She puts some make up on my face and make my curly hair in to a straight one. At 5.15, I finish myself with a pink floral sleveles knee length dress and a light blue blazer. It's a cold night. 

The red carpet will be start on 6. After getting ready, I take off to the stadium. I pass the red carpet and see many fans. I feel happy after meeting them. They shower me with love. When it comes to my perfomance for the event, they show me full support. I feel glad and happy. I'm not regretting to debut. It's all worth it. I win one award for a new artist. After the wrap for the event all BTS members come to congratulate me except Jungkook. Then EXO members also congratulating me personally. After the interview, I go back to hotel and slam myself right away on bed. 

As I slowly drift to a deep sleep, someone knock the door. I lazily wake up and open the door.

"Already sleeping?" Jimin still in his grey tuxedo. He must just arrived. 

I just nod and head to my bed and lay on the bed again. I'm too tired to answer him. 

"I just want to take my earphone that I accidentally droped here last night." 

I just give a sign with my hand that I give permission to find his earphone. He searches and finds it on the chair that he sat last night. Then he comes to my bed. 

"Are you going to sleep like that? With make up still on your face. Please change and clean your make up now, Park Luna!" 

"You are too loud Chim. I will change and clean this up tomorrow . I'm so sleepy and tired right now." I mumble in my sleep. 

"Yaa! At least clean your face. The make up will damage your skin." 

"Too tired to care about that." I still close my eyes.

"Where is your make up removal? I will do it for you then." he asks me.

I point on the dressing tables and he goes to take it. I sit up with my eyes still shut. He carefully clean my make up.

"Open you eyes for a sec. I want to clean the eye liner." He commands me.

I open it lazily. As he cleans the eye liner, someone passing my door room. Jungkook walks passing my room and looks at us. My eyes widen after seeing the open door  and Jungkook that stares at us. Then he continues to walk again like nothing that he sees. I'm not giving any impact on him anymore. 

"He always treats me like I don't even exist. " I stare at the floor. 

"Why don't you try talk to him?"

"Talk? Nothing we need to talk about. I'm just his toy. I don't want to hurt again," 

"Don't talk about this anymore. Come let's finish this and go to sleep." He continues to clean it and I just let him be. After finishing it, he leaves my room and I just continue my sleep. I'm tired physically and mentally.

I wake up early as I have an early flight. I will go back to London again. I pack up all my stuff and leave the hotel. I don't tell any Bangtan members again. I'm sure they will find me this morning but I have no courage to say good bye again. I will just have my breakfast at airport while waiting for my flight. While waiting, I go to  7 Eleven to buy something that I can eat for breakfast. There I buy bread, mimeral water and ice cream. I'm sorry I can't help myself when I see ice cream. I will eat it regardless of cold weather. 

I sit on the chair at waiting area and eat my ice cream. Suddenly someone flick my forehead.  

"You try to leave without saying anything to us  again, huh?" Yoongi oppa puts both of his hands on his waist. 

"Appo, oppa." I rub my forehead with my left palm. All BTS members in front of me including Jungkook but he just looks away. Ignoring everything.

"You are eating ice cream in this cold weather? And it's morning. You want to catch a cold?" -Jin 

"Chill oppa." I grin.

"Want some." Jimin takes my wrist that hold the ice cream to his face and the ice cream. 

"Yaish this two. No wonder we call both of you twins. You teori are the same, a sweet outside, stubborn inside. Aigoo." Jin starts nagging. 

"Chill hyung." Jimim sits besides me. "Is it cookies and cream?"

"Oooo . . y-ess." I suddenly stutter. I glance to Jungkook but he avoids my gaze.

"When is your flight?" -Hobi

"Now." I stqnd up and grin.

"Now? I thought we can have some more chats." -Tae oppa.

"Mianhe oppa. I need to leave." 

"London?" -Tae 

I nod. 

"Ahhh Luna." Tae oppa pouts. 

"Finish this, Chim." I give him my ice cream and he takes it. "I will miss you oppa. If we meet again, let's do silly things together again. Ooo Taelien?" I hug him. 

"Okay." He hugs me back. Then I hug all of the members until just Jimin and Jungkook. I go towards Jimin. He already finish with the ice cream.

"Is this a good bye, Luna?" 

"We don't know when the last good bye is, Chiminie. But I think it's more proper to say it earlier."

"Why you are talking like that? You will come back to Korea."

"I can't promise anything, Chim. Good bye." I hug him. 

"I think it's better you don't come to Korea again," Jungkook suddenly says it and walks away. 

"Yaishh. I don't know what had get in to that little brat. Please just ignore him." -Namjoon.

I smile lightly and bid them good bye. As I walk away, my tears that I hold drop. Jungkook's words is like a blade that scratch my heart. 

---

I arrive at home when the clock shows 12 in the night. My house already dark. I climb the stairs and go straight to my room. I put all my stuff on the floor behinf the dressing table. I straightly head to my bed to sleep but suddenly I stop my step before climbing my bed. I stare at Cream on the bed. It must mommy that put it here again. I look at the table lamp. There is my necklace that Jungkook's gave me.

I go towards the table lamp and take the necklace and wear it. Then, I climb on my bed and cuddle Cream. I close my eyes to sleep. I want to cry and shout to let go all the pain but I'm too tired to do so. Jungkook's words really hurts me but I don't know why I still can't get rid all of this stuff. What is that mean? When I can forget all of this? The feelings, the memories?