Dear Jonghyun,

You're starting to frighten me. I am not afraid of what you'll do to me, or yourself, but of what you'll do to Minho. Jinki told me of your sudden interest in guns, and that worries me dearly. Although he may not let it show, Jinki is also concerned about you. Why else would you buy a gun other than to do away with the one thing standing in the way of your obsession? I beg that you don't do something rash. I wish for anything else than to feel the pain of you being taken away from me like Minho was taken from Kibum, even if that means my own death at your hands for my obstruction. If you died I would at least be able to follow you to the afterlife, but if you're imprisoned then how can I always stay your loyal companion? I suppose I could visit you every day, but to not be able to feel your touch ever again would be agony. It would be the worst kind of torture to have you so close to me, only separated by a few mere inches of glass, yet unable to bond, unable to feel one another's thoughts. Already I am in the dark without your voice, but if your touch no longer guides me then I truly shall become lost.

Although, it seems to me that I am only deluding myself into believing I actually matter. I know that in reality, I stand in the way of your destruction like a fragile glass sculpture. I'm frozen in time, doomed to forever repeat the same scene over and over again. I can be broken with so little as a forceful tap, or a fall from a short height. I am only pretending to be diamond rather than glass to null the inevitable pain of loss, and possibly trick someone into believing I'm strong, even though that's highly unlikely. Maybe one day though I'll sit peacefully upon a shelf, ignored except for the occasional dusting, yet still treasured, because if they were to lose me they would be heartbroken. My one wish is to be that priceless in your eyes, even if I am false. So is spite worth my loss? Without me would you be so heartbroken? Or is it only Kibum's heart that you treasure?

I begin to wonder how you would feel if I was so unattainable as Kibum. The heart often wants what doesn't belong to it. It feels joy in claiming the prizes of others. Perhaps I should test this theory out. Minho was very grabby last time I was in his company. Maybe I should grace him with my presence again now that he is out of jail. Would that make you jealous enough to finally see what you need was right beside you all along? I'm sure once Minho leaves Kibum for me you'll end up with Kibum for a little while, and then you'll see just how wrong he is for you. I can picture how you come running to me soon after with flowers and kisses as you praise me like a god until I finally allow for forgiveness. It's decided then. I'll make plans with Minho tonight, and in a few short weeks I'm sure I'll have you both begging on your knees for my love. I'm tired of being the beggar, so this will work out perfectly. Although not as handsome as you, Minho is pretty handsome still... Maybe we can work out some kind of arrangement? Between the two of you, you'll always win my heart of course, but having both of you could be even more fun.

Sincerely,

Taemin ;)