Dear Jonghyun,

What has become of you? Finally you speak to me, but only to tell me of how dead you feel inside. Who is it that tears your heart so? Who is it that hurts you my love? Oh my poor sweet Jonghyun... You beg me to drown your sorrows in drugs, but already you're so addicted to the drug that is love. At first you treasured it, and thought it such a miraculous thing, come to save you from all your misfortunes, but quickly that love escapes you. Then you can't help but chase after it. I see you already going through the motions of withdrawal. Your eyes fade into nothingness, your body grows ever weaker with desperation, and you constantly try to fill the void within yourself with any other addiction to stop the pain from consuming you. I have heard you scream late at night that you need it. How can I watch you like this and not give you what you beg for? I can't watch. I can't listen. I can't keep you in such torment.

So, I'll do just as you say. You'll get a little baggie of delusions to indulge yourself with each week, but not an ounce more. I can't watch you go through such torture, but I can't heal it by torturing you in another way like pinching you to stop the bruises from hurting. Hopefully soon you'll be healed and have a clear enough head to see that your love with whoever it is you write to is only a mere obsession. It isn't love at all, what you share. Love is not so cruel. Love is not so selective. Love is kind and passionate.

Love is the feeling of no regrets. Love is the shamelessness of being your most inner self with another. Love is the embrace of the warmth that caring comfort brings. It is what keeps one whole through strife. It is boundless, with the potential to touch the hearts of every creature ever crafted by the holy father. Love is the secret which mankind spends eternity in attempt to discover, but can only be discovered as we look back in reflections of passing.

That is how I know what love is, and that is how I know I love you. I know it because I have long since been passed. When I gazed into the honest mirror I saw the truths never to be told to the living. One day I'll tell you of them, but hopefully not soon. I wish you to live long Jonghyun. Live as I never could. Live happily, and bring about the goodness that I see still buried so deep within the dead orphan's eyes. Ressurect the dreams that have long been forgotten. Keep them well and happy as you do those roses. Perhaps you've already done that. If the roses represent your dream, then I say nurture and treasure them always. Few things in the world are so precious, and all are fleeting.

Do not let a raincloud damper your days when you've got endless blue skies ahead of you. If only you were smart enough to step out from under the little cloud's wrath. Fear not, because you'll see one day that behind the clouds shines the sun, bringing forth rays of potential for dreamers and doers alike. Press on as I never could. Be the me I never could've been, because it's too late for me. Yet you still have a long ways to go. Breathe while you're alive and sleep when you're dead. 

Sincerely,

Taemin ;)