Dear Kibum,

You continue to brighten my days with everything you do. Your laugh, your smile, your kindness, and your gentle soul all keep a smile on my face. Anytime I'm around you it's as if happiness is a disease that suddenly I've caught. My heart beats ever faster, and my palms ooze with nerves. Oh how I've caught it bad, especially after last night. I wish I could live in the moments of last night forever. More magic seemed to be in the air that night. It seems even higher powers believe we are destined for each other. Could you feel it too?

 You told me how poorly you felt after a long day at work, and so we went out drinking together. I don't usually drink much, but you insisted on needing a drink, so I went along with it. Just a few drinks in was all it took to let our true feelings for each other show I guess. After dancing around like fools for most of the night in some club, we ended up making out in my car in an empty parking lot the rest of the night. You must have been really drunk, because you wanted to go even further than that, but I didn't want our first time to be like that. It should be the most special with the one you love most in the world. I want to take you on a comfy bed surrounded by roses and candles, not the slightly dusty backseat of my car.

Still, our passionate, although a little drunken and sloppy, kisses were enough to have me floating above the clouds. It was the best night of my life so far, and I still hope there will be many more. No, I don't hope actually, I know. I know there will be more nights and days like that with you, because it's only a matter of time before you come to your senses. I know that one day you will rush over here to be held in my arms for eternity, and I'll never let you go when that joyous day comes.

We spent all night holding each other close as we fell asleep in the backseat of my car, since both of us were far too drunk to drive. Then in the morning when you woke up worried of what Minho thought, I kissed you again soberly as passionately as I had drunkenly the night before. That put your mind at rest for a bit, like love always does, easing the pain away. This morning we stayed cuddling in my car while nursing hangovers, laughing about how dumb we were the night before to think we could drink when we are both lightweights. I wanted to stay there forever with you, but then Minho called, interrupting as he always does. He wanted to know where you'd been, and at that moment my heart sunk as you told him you'd be home soon, because it's still him that gets to go to bed with you every night. It's still him that greets you when you get home from work each day. Still, it's him that you have dinner with every night as you casually chat about your days. It isn't me that can hold hands with you in public and call you my honey or my sweetheart. I won't be the one to meet your parents even though I'd be so nervous as I try desperately to impress them. I am still irrelevant to your life, and that phone call reminded me of that sad fact. Although I am grateful for the wonderful time we have shared together, I grow more and more selfish as I am jealous the longer you two are a couple. I want to have these precious moments with you every day. I want to be the one to hug and kiss you after you've had a bad day at work, and to cook you a meal that'll make you smile again. I want that kind of life for us, the married life for us. I love you more than anything, and the longer this thing with Minho goes on, the more it kills me inside, because I can't stand seeing you with another man.

Love,

Jonghyun