Dear Kibum,

 It wasn't supposed to be this way. How could this happen? How could they let him go free? I was so careful with every step. There's no way I could've made a mistake. I can not believe this. After two months of stashing away drugs, he's back in your house, putting his moves on MY Kibum. He's tricked you so badly that you even cried tears of happiness when he returned. Oh how foolish you've been to fall under his spell. I wish I knew of a way to free you from it. I guess I am back to brainstorming again, now that my grand plan has failed miserably. How can he just ruin our love just as it was starting to blossom?

Were my actions not drastic enough? Must I go to even more extreme lengths? Must I sacrifice my very soul to Satan for your hand? If I must I would, but not knowing the answer to the question of my life is the most frustrating thing one can experience. I've come pretty close to going mad with desperation already, but after all this I STILL can not call you mine? Life is pretty unfair, but this has broken the scale by so far one can not measure it. What have I done to deserve such eternal torment? Whatever it is, I will gladly pay for my sin with even blood if that's what it takes. Perhaps I really should make use of all the drugs Taemin has procured for me. For my little tale of depression has become a reality.

Still, he comes to me every couple of days with more drugs, even though I've told him that I've given up on . I let him sit in the parlor, and watch as his desperate eyes fill with euphoria slowly as the pupils dilate. I don't know what exactly it is he takes, or what combination of things he takes, but it does make him the happiest I've ever seen him. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen him happy without his drugs. Off them he just seems so apathetic, or it looks like he tries so hard to react that it ends up looking less genuine than he intends. Maybe I should figure out a way to contact his parents or someone close to him. He obviously needs a serious intervention, but of course I can't be the one to do it. I'm far too busy with my plotting the removal of Minho from your life and such.

Would you really be that mad at me if I were to kill him? If I did, would you one day forgive me and get over it? As the flicker of hope grows ever so dim, the thought grows evermore tempting. It gets so hard to resist the urges I have when I see him nowadays. How mad would you truly be if he were gone? If you would get over it some day I feel the risk is worth it, because you're worth everything I have and so much more, which is what I would be giving up if I'm caught. I'll have to think this over more though. I shouldn't be rash when my entire meager, lonely existence without you is on the line. Despite all the obstacles though, I swear to you that one day you'll be mine. We'll be the happiest couple the world has ever seen, and an even happier family.

Love,

Jonghyun