Dear Kibum,

I just can't bear to hide the way I feel anymore. All year round I sit in this lonely hellhole of a house watching and waiting. In the springtime I watch as you tend to the little garden out front that you cherish so much. I overheard you talking to one of the neighbors, Jinki I believe his name was, about how it was your grandmother's garden. I find it just the sweetest the way you honor her. Your compassion calls to me. It draws me in, and I've become so trapped in the soft warmth you exude. 

In the summertime, as the days grow hotter, I watch you sit out on the porch in those skimpy short jean shorts that hug your body in the most pleasing ways while you sip iced tea almost as sweet as you. Even more I long for you, now for your body as well as your love. Every day that flies by feels like eternity as it stands between you and I like the street dividing our houses onto two different sides.

In the fall is when I smile most of all. The colors of the leaves change and fall down to the earth as you once did when you fell from the heavens above. I watch as you rake up all the leaves on the lawn just to jump into the big pile and roll around with your dog. I smile, because you smile. Your smile is the sunshine beaming through the windows into my powerless house. It's what keeps me warm and feeling good all season. 

In winter, I grow most bitter, because I see two lonely souls every Christmas. I watch them both sit in front of a tacky tree, sipping hot chocolate as they gaze out longily through the window into the distance. Those souls are us. You may have your dog, but every time I look into those saddened eyes through the glass I can tell that you long for more. Your natural caring nature surely must long for a family to spend Christmas with, kids to spoil with presents, a husband to spoil you. If you ever looked back at me through the glass I'm sure that you would catch the same glint of longing in my eyes too. Only, I don't want just any husband to have a family with. I want you, Kibum.

I can never find the right words to explain to you on the spot. I always get choked up, and talk about stupid things such as sports or the weather with you. Only when I'm away from you is my head on right again. I always think of the most perfect things to say to you when away, but even if I tried to bring a script with me to read off of I would probably choke up too. Besides, you'd probably think someone else wrote for me if I did that. So, I thought this would be the best way to tell you, since all I have is your name and address.

I just want you to know that I'd care for you like no other if you were mine. I would work my off to provide for you if you have expensive tastes. I would take you out every night on a date more romantic than the last. I would help make any dream you have a reality. I would do it because I love you so dearly. Your existence is the one thing in this world that keeps me sane, even though being without you drives me crazy sometimes. You've impacted my life so much deeper than you know. All I ask is that you give me a chance to show just how well I'll treat you. I know it'll take a little time for this letter to reach you, and some time for you to decide, so how about next Saturday we go out? I'll meet you in the park with the swan statues. I don't know when is good for you, so I'll be there all day whenever you're ready.

Love,

Jonghyun