Inspired by: Block B's "Toy"

Wonwoo hated it. He hated how much she smiled even though he was betraying her. Sure, he never confessed his sins but she knew. She knew all this. Wonwoo felt like she knew it. She stopped consulting him about her parents. She stopped sharing her deepest feelings. The only reason behind it could be that she knew he was basically bullying her behind her back. She knew he was faking a smile and was only forcing himself to socialize with their other "friends". And yet, why did she never confront him about it? Why was she still cracking jokes? Why was she still approaching him with that bright smile on her face? Why was she blessing him with the sunshine he didn't deserve? 

Wonwoo accepted the fact he didn't like sunlight. It was too bright for someone as dark as him. Aside from that, he felt like he didn't deserve it. He felt guilty with every kindness she showed him. She looked sincere every time she tells him she was worried. And he hated it. Wonwoo hated her. Why did she keep pretending everything was alright? 

It's a given. Aside from that, people would say I don't deserve to cry. A lot of people have it way worse than me. I'm glad you let me cry in front of you tho, Wonwoo. You're like a diary but I don't write on you. Hmm... I guess a stuffed toy but you're not that cute. Just kidding! You're my own stuffed toy so never leave me, okay?

Wonwoo felt a pang in his heart. He wasn't sure why. He played with feelings a lot and never sided with anyone. He was the type to switch sides when his side was losing. Call him a coward but that was how he protected himself from the cruel world. He pulled the trigger and pushed the gun to whoever was beside him. He was a foul one, a person who should be avoided at all costs. He trusted people easily but he also betrayed them a bit quicker. 

"Wonwoo?" Wonwoo moved his head and found himself eye-to-eye with his nightmare. She smiled when she met his eyes. There was a sparkle in her eyes, like the usual. There was a slight jump to her step as she approached him. She sat beside him and peeked at the book he was reading. "I was looking for you everywhere, you know. Every time I try to find you, you're with your friends."

"Isn't this deal of ours more of online? Why do you want me this time?" Wonwoo lowered his voice. 

"Yeah, but it applies in real life too," she giggled, as if she never had a problem in the world. Wonwoo envied how tough she was. "But usually, there are topics I can't discuss with you so it rarely happens. And I get embarrassed when someone's obviously listening to me! Oh right, a group I liked had a comeback and it was so amazingly--"

"Shut up," Wonwoo snapped. "You do know I don't care about the music you listen to. Those groups are so overrated."

"You don't know half of the music I listen to, Wonwoo. What's up with you? A little more hotheaded than usual?" She tilted her head. Wonwoo sighed, avoiding her eyes. They were so full of innocence that Wonwoo wanted to puke. 

"You," Wonwoo answered. "You're the wrong one here. You know everything right? Why don't you act like the victim and run to your friends? Why don't you tattletale and let them exclude me? Stop putting up this pure facade. You told me the truth about you. Why still pretend? Do you think I'm stupid?"

Her eyes widened. She was in shock. She didn't expect he'll vocalize his thoughts so soon. But her gaze soon softened. She held his hand before pulling him. 

"Come on. I have a place I want you to see," she said as she dragged him along. They passed by the other departments. They passed by a lot of students. But nothing mattered to Wonwoo except the fact he was staring at her figure from behind. Everything else was a blur. He regretted saying those words. He didn't mean to let them slip. He just needed to accept whatever she threw at him. He could handle her insults. It would be easy. He could handle her tears. He was used to seeing them. 

They finally ended up by the library of their university. It was quite large and known throughout their country. She dragged him, passing most of the bookcases and finally opened a wooden door. She gestured him to keep it a secret and dragged him into it. She closed the door behind them. The room was small but it was big enough to store piles of books. 

"This is my safe place," she whispered, loud enough for him to hear. "I love this place. I love reading books. They drag me into a place where I feel like I could continue to watch on. I never liked being the center of attention. Well, sometimes I did but most times, I don't. Their stares suffocate me. I feel pressured."

"Answer the questions I asked," Wonwoo narrowed his eyes at her, completely ignoring the vast amount of books around him. "Why keep an act? Why not cut off the ties?"

"I'm pretty foolish and stupid," she reasoned. "And I don't like chaos. Not that much. Well, if it didn't concern me, may the chaos start but if it does, I'd rather not have it. And I like you, Wonwoo, a little bit more than you think. Sure, I don't trust you as much as I did back then. But I showed you a side of mine that I hated and you didn't leave. You might've did that to, you know, gain information about me so they could hit me under the belt. But I didn't care because I was desperate for someone who could listen. I'm sure you hate me, along with your other friends. I'm sure all of your smiles for me are fake. And I don't care because the person you see in front of you now is fake too."

Wonwoo noticed tears forming in her eyes. He knew she was fake. She was fake to her friends too. None of the others knew the whole story why she acted like how she was. She avoided voicing out her opinions, for the sake of peace. She tried acting blind so the relationships she treasured would never get lost. But she knew in her heart it was all a fantasy she set up for herself. She played make-believe because she couldn't handle reality. She couldn't handle it because she knew no one was going to stay with her until the end. 

"Don't worry. I won't... I won't kill myself because of what I know. You call me a lot of names too, right? You know a lot about me and tell them my weakpoints but I'm fine. Just please, don't hurt my friends. Tell that to your clique, okay?"

"Why act like a martyr? Do you think you'll be awarded because of your heroic deeds? No one will save you."

"I know. I used to hope it would be you. But it's okay if I succumb in this darkness."

"Me?"

"It was a gut feeling. Don't think too much of it. When you called me your friend, it made me happy. People think friendships happen in a snap but for me, I'll only be sure of it when someone else tells me. I felt secure for once. So when I figured out you were just there to hurt me, to use me, I was hurt. But I didn't cry. No, you weren't worth the tears. No one knew how important you were to me already. I asked you to stay and you said you would. And you did. It was just that you stayed for your own benefit. It's fine though. It's dandy," she trembled," I'm used to this, to betrayal. I had a best friend once, she destroyed my high school life. I shouldn't be shocked this would happen to me in college. But you know, though my heart's broken, I shouldn't cry in front of the others. I'm not worthy to deserve their worry. I'm just someone new to them."

"Not all of my words were fake," Wonwoo interferred," I truly believe you're like the sun. But you shine too bright. And I told you to never think lowly of yourself. I envy you for being frank to people. I envy how strong you could be. I'm on the brink of killing myself and you still enjoy eating waffles. I'm so weak compared to you."

"You're not weak. You know how to avoid danger. You're smart, unlike me, Wonwoo," she finally smiled. "And I envy you more than you think I do. I think I've said all I needed to say."

She held on the knob, looking down with a sad smile on her face.

"I hope you continue being my stuffed toy, though. Even if you use these against me, I don't really care anymore. It's funny, really. You're the stuffed toy but I'm the person being played with."

A/N

Okay, I know horrible but this has a backstory and this should be a bit longer but I needed to let everything out hahahaha I figured this would be the best way to release these stupid feelings I have hahahaha