Just once, was that too much to ask for? Just once, Jinyoung wanted to experience being wanted, to be loved as he was. Just once, he wanted to look at that person in the eye and know he was going to be happy for a long time. For once, just once, he wanted to feel careless about the fact that that person might leave him behind. For once, he wanted to love as if it was the last day of his life, and have that person he loved feel the same. 

Jinyoung thought he'd feel that with Mark, his first boyfriend. He thought Mark would look him in the eye always and tell him he was the most beautiful person he had seen in his entire life. Jinyoung was a high school student back then, a sophomore, while Mark was a year older than he was. Jinyoung remembered those eyes which he believed in. Jinyoung remembered Mark's warmth whenever he embraced him. Jinyoung remembered Mark's sweet voice whispering "I love you"s in his ears. Jinyoung remembered how he sent shivers down his spine whenever Mark held his hand. He thought he found true love. 

But with the sweetest memories comes the most bitter memories Jinyoung had experienced. Jinyoung thought Mark was afraid to lose him but when Jinyoung saw Mark kissing a classmate of his, Jinyoung's world crumbled into pieces. He was frozen in his spot as he stared at the spectacle. Mark and this classmate of his didn't notice him, it seemed. Jinyoung just stood there, his tears threatening to fall. After a few seconds, Jinyoung couldn't take it anymore and stepped back before running away from the scene. 

That was Jinyoung's first heartbreak. What he didn't know that it won't be his last. 

What happened with Mark was a large blow for Jinyoung. He was more desperate for someone to love him. He didn't like being replaced by someone else. He didn't like feeling that he was unneeded. That scene haunted him. What was worse was that he remembered how Mark would stare at him. He remembered how he was made into a fool. He was a toy for Mark. Jinyoung never accepted that but he knew it himself. He was just something for Mark to lessen his boredom. 

After Mark, Jinyoung continued to find someone else. He did fall, a few times more. But no one really caught him. And Jinyoung slowly realized how painful love was, how these emotions could control how your life goes. He slowly realized that he won't get the fairy tale ending he always wanted. He realized it was a foolish wish but he hoped for his own fairy tale. He wanted to find someone that'll make his fairy tale into a reality. 

Just once, Jinyoung would wish upon a star, please give me someone who'll love me wholeheartedly. Just once, please give me a chance to look into that someone's eyes and not think of the possible heartbreak that's impending to come. Just once, please give me someone who'll be afraid to lose me just as I will be afraid to lose him. Please give me someone who'll make me feel as if I am important, who'll say the right words to make me feel like I'm not trash. It's so simple, right? So please, hear my prayers. I rarely wish for anything so give me this, just this and I'm going to be okay.