Jimin held his breath before holding his neck. He tightened his grip around it, letting himself be limited to the air he inhaled before doing the act. After a few seconds, after his face paled around three shades, he loosened his grip and chased after the oxygen in the air. He gently brushed one of his hands on his neck and felt the heat his palms left there. He turned to the mirror and was relieved there were no red marks on his neck.

Jimin always found himself doing this; suffocating himself. It was either strangling himself or letting himself drown in a bath tub. But Jimin knew he was a coward; he was too afraid to kill himself. He was afraid of death even though he knew it was better than living in the hell of a world like the one he’s in.

Jimin was an idol. He was part of a group known internationally. He was famous. People praised him. Girls fainted whenever they saw him. He lived the life everyone dreamt of having every once in a while and yet, Jimin himself was growing tired of this stupid business he entered.

Jimin was a human first before being an idol. He had feelings. He cared what people say about him. And he cared a bit too much. Anxiety chewed him alive and there he was, being suffocated by the pressure everyone’s giving him. People tell him he should have abs. People tell him he should train more in his singing because he sounded like a dying squirrel.

And slowly, he fell into this addiction. He would wrap a belt around his neck. He would hold his breath underwater until his lungs give in. He would suffocate himself by using his own pillow, stopping only because he went unconscious. He would cry himself to sleep. He would hiccup every time he cried too much and Taehyung would always try to cheer him up. The other members didn’t know how.

Jimin slowly stood up and pushed his hair back using his hand. He kept whispering encouraging words to himself even though he knew each one of those words were petty lies he wanted to believe in. But he earnestly wanted to believe in them. He wanted to believe everything was going to be fine. He wanted to believe in himself; he wanted to believe those negative words didn’t have any effect on him.

But he knew he’ll fail, because he always did. 

A/N

I KNOW I WENT BACK TO SAD STUFF AGAIN and like I shouldn't write about Jimin like this but meh I needed to release this idea