CHAPTER 56

[Sol Han Na’s POV]

I didn’t mean to lie to him.

I didn’t mean to hide the truth.

But every time I tried to speak up, something seemed to block me – to stop me from taking my chance. Like how I tried to tell him the night after their first concert but failed miserably for I cannot bear to ruin his happiness in the middle of their after concert party. I tried once again the night after that but failed again after he passed out on me in exhaustion as we laid side by side on my bed in the middle of the night.

Things became more complicated after that.

They began their tours outside Seoul which made it impossible for them to go home at the dorm. They stayed out in different hotels while Manager Song had to forcibly check me in into a private suite. She believed it’s a lot safer for me to stay there rather than be alone in a huge house where paparazzi and sasaeng fans can easily ambush me.

Being away from Baekhyun made confessing even harder.

The truth, it isn’t something I can easily say and explain through mobile phones or chat. He could just end the call or turn off his phone on me when he gets upset and our conversation would be over. I cannot easily chase after him and approach him compared to when I speak to him in person. So on the fourth and fifth night, I failed again.

“Hanna? Hello? Are you still there?” Baekhyun’s voice sounded through my phone, snapping me out of my reverie. I almost forgot I was talking to him.

“Y-Yes, I’m still here,” I answered, looking out to the floor to ceiling window of the suite overlooking the vast Seoul city lights.

I heard Baekhyun chuckle from the other line.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked softly.

“You,” I answered without hesitance. It was the truth.

I could almost imagine him smiling.

“Me too. You’re all I could think of,” he muttered, making my heart flutter.

I sighed.

“I miss you,” he said. “That was what I was saying a while ago. I miss you. Three days had passed and I still haven’t seen you. I miss you so much, Hanna.”

I bit my lip and stared down at my fingertips.

“What are you talking about?” I replied, trying to sound brave. “This isn’t the first time we haven’t seen each other for a long time. Remember your trips to China and to other countries? Those were quite long, too.”

He groaned.

“I know. But those only took one to two days. I haven’t seen you for three days now. Three days,” he countered stubbornly.

I laughed.

“Sure. I miss you too, actually. It feels lonely being stuck here alone without all you boys teasing me,” I complained, sightseeing again.

“Ah, right. How’s your stay there, anyway? No nightmares bothering you?” he asked, his voice filled with worry.

“There are,” I admitted. “But it’s okay. It’s not that bad. Nothing I can’t handle.”

Baekhyun was silent for a moment.

“I’m sorry. I could at least sing you to sleep every night but I’m too tired to even stay up,” he said sincerely.

“It’s okay, Baek. I understand. You’re tired from your concerts. It’ll be too much for me to even ask you to stay up just to sing to me. Besides, I tried sleeping with the lights on and I realized it somehow eases the nightmares,” I assured him.

He was silent again.

“We’ll be going home soon, Hanna. I’ll make it up to you, I promise,” he muttered, making me smile.

“I’ll be looking forward to it, Mr. Byun,” I replied challengingly.

Baekhyun laughed and there was a long pause between us again.

I decided to take the chance.

“Uhh, Baek?” I began, my voice wavering. “I… I have something to tell you.”

“Sure. What is it?” he asked brightly which made me even more hesitant to speak.

“Well… Uhh… You see… Last week we---“

I was about to deliver the lines I’ve practiced for so many times in front of the mirror when I was interrupted by a loud bang coming from the other line.

“Baek? What was that?” I asked in worry, momentarily forgetting the fact that I was in the middle of a confession.

“Oh. Sh--- Hanna. Wait,” he blurted then came a loud shuffling.

I kept my phone against my ear, trying to listen closely on what’s going on. Baekhyun almost cursed at me. Something must really be up.

“Good news, brother!” Chanyeol’s voice came booming from the speaker.

I frowned.

So that was what he’s so surprised about.

“H-Hey,” I heard Baekhyun mutter nervously. “What is it?”

“We just received the news from Manager Song,” this time it’s Suho talking. “The concert tickets’ been sold out. Again. They’re sold out again!”

Another booming sound echoed through my phone speaker and I realized that the boys were actually cheering – celebrating in delight. I could almost hear Baekhyun hooting. They sounded so happy I suddenly felt small.

Few minutes passed as I listened silently to the boys. I was almost at the point of ending the call when I heard them finally bidding Baekhyun goodbye.

He spoke again the moment I heard the door shut close, “Hey. I’m sorry about that. We were celebrating.”

“Y-Yeah. I heard it. It’s okay,” I answered, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

Not again, I thought. I was about to tell him the truth! Why do this to me again?

“So you heard the news? The concert tickets have been sold out again, Hanna! It’s happened for the fifth time now!” Baekhyun gushed, his happiness and excitement making me flinch.

How can I even bear to confess now? I grimaced inwardly.

“Oh, I can’t believe this is happening. Our fans are really amazing,” he continued.

I sighed and smiled to myself.

Guess it’s just another failure for me, I thought, completely crestfallen.

“What were you saying, though? The thing you’re going to tell me?” he asked and I had to stop myself from groaning in frustration.

“Oh, that? Nothing. It was nothing,” I stammered, trying not to get caught. “I was checking the internet while I was talking to you and I also saw the news. I was about to tell you but the boys beat me so…”

“Ahh. You were about to tell me about the sold out concert?” he repeated in understanding.

“Y-Yeah,” I lied and Baekhyun’s joyful response only made me feel worse.

Maybe tomorrow. I can just tell him tomorrow, I told myself in attempt for comfort. I should’ve just told him the moment we spoke. I shouldn’t have let this conversation go on for so long. I should have told him earlier and not wait until the deadline’s approaching me face to face.

Right, a whole week had already passed and I’m pretty sure that episode’s going to be aired by tomorrow. I have to tell Baekhyun the truth tomorrow morning or never at all. I smacked my head in frustration. I haven’t even told him that Myungsoo and I already got a hold of the new house and had finished transferring our stuffs there. He’ll be so mad at me, I’m sure of it.

Baekhyun and I spoke for a few more minutes before he finally decided to go to bed. I tried to look for another opportunity to confess but he kept on telling me stories about the other concerts that I wasn’t able to look for any loophole. He kept on insisting about how happy and flattered he felt and how blessed he is to have such fans in his life that it made me even more hesitant to speak. Just how can you bear to put down someone who’s literally on cloud nine?

“Just a few more wait, Hanna. We’ll see each other again,” he said before finally ending the call. That night, I tossed and my bed again. I was feeling so stressed and anxious that the nightmares didn’t seem to find any room to mess up with my head as I sleep.

***

“Oh come on Baekhyun why aren’t you answering?” I muttered as I paced back and forth inside my room in exasperation. I woke up early today to prepare for the shoot and began calling him since then. Now I am all prepped up and ready to go but Baekhyun still hasn’t picked up. I’m sure he’s already awake; he can’t possibly be sleeping at this hour or Manager Song’s going to kill him.

The call shifted to voice mail and I pressed the end button forcibly. I dialed his number once again as I continued to pace.

I already had my eyes closed and was biting my lip hard when a knock sounded on the door.

I sighed and ended the call.

I headed towards the door and opened it. As expected, it’s Ms. Kim – ready to fetch me.

“All set?” she asked. I quickly grabbed my bag and left.

“Where are we headed to, Miss?” I asked, my nose still stuck on my phone as I tried to call Baekhyun for the nth time. I was starting to get more anxious. I only have few minutes, probably an